im finally back after the MYEs!
everything online feels so distant now. oh! ):
truth is, i didnt do well for MYEs. or at least, not as to my expectations. well... i felt like i was really prepared for the exam. but still... perhaps this is what you call helpless. yea.. i really feel helpless now. ive never been in such a state, where im even ashamed to bring my results for DSA. i'll be really thankful if they decide to accept me in the end. chances are low though.
today im really thankful to many teachers that took so much trouble just to settle my CCA thingy! it really makes me feel like. the teachers and us are walking hand in hand together! sounds mushy.. but ya. that's what i genuinely feel inside.
a few days ago, i had funny and random thoughts. i just didnt know what to do with my life. what i wanted, what i should be doing. i totally had no clue to it. it's not like i have now, but still, i guess im not that emotional asa compared to the other day.
life is so confusing. at times, you can be so high up in the heavens. the next moment, you could be dropping down all the way to hell without even realising it yourself. the only conclusion i have for today is that, i have wasted far too much time. it's not too late to catch up, but i must defintely start now. i really do hope i'll make it in time for olevels!

jiayous eunice. you can do it.

today, to me, was the big truth day. in many affairs. i have seen the light. somehow.
i should thank the big rain and the black sky. enlightened me. today, was a slack day. but, it was a mentally exhuasting for me. i ran 10000km, cycled 100000km and swam 1000000km in my mind. just so much has happened today, and i guess, it could be hard for someone weak in mental stamina to take. the 3 hours in the counselling room was rather tiring. seeing people talk about people, seeing how the word friendship actually means nothing to the world. i've never been an follower of the "friendship is crap" group. friendship means something to me. i dont really know how to say it in words. but, every inter-person relationship matters to me, in some way or another. some people say walking in the rain makes you think alot. and yes, while i was walking in the rain today, i did think,alot. if the world truly needs love, and compassion, why does the word friendship mean nothing, since it's just a combination of the 2? strange, i would say. if there was love, how long could it possibly last? if there was a specific deadline to everything, how far could relations be maintained for? all these indefinite answers, always seem to trample over my nerves. but sometimes, it may sound contradictory to say, but if you knew when everything was going to end, you would probably not start it. when that happens, we'll just be losing the chance to even discover, what could possibly be.

the rain went pitter patter,
and all i knew was that the road ahead will be long and cold.

today, was a emotional day..
today was official stepdown day. witnessing something that is this emotional doesnt really suit me. but.. through it all.. it is shocking to see that deep down in everybody's heart is a silent voice shouting PASSION and LOVE for eds. eugene did show me. what it truly meant. to have so much passion. and love for something you enjoy. he was on the verge of tears. but still, the tears didnt seem to cease the fire, the passion, the love he has. so much for contributing all his "life" and heart into eds. today was his last day, and i guess i could see the reluctance, and unwillingness he was willing to step out of drama studio. he was one of those, who left such great impressions on me. i've been in eds for only a bit more than a year.. but. the spirit has influenced me. (i guess) at least i'll rush to save drama studio if it was on fire.
through this one year plus plus. everything that i've been through. with eds. will be etched in my mind. not long, but enough to last a lifetime.

today, was the first day of my life i guess i truely reflected on stuff. deep down.
wearing a bigger badge has started to become a burden. to me. to those around me. today, a few teachers enlightened me. about many things. and i learnt, WEARING a badge is not a great thing. it is ACTING the badge that's great. i admit. courage i lack. justice i lack. the badge might not be as deserving as it seems after all. through my entire chung cheng life, students' council has grown to be part of me. some how. engulfed me from head to toe. it's my passion, and my love, just like how drama is to eugene. through it all, i have protected my badge with everything i could. i protected it, from being hurt in any way. i vividly remember, 2 years ago. when the senior gave the badge to me. "RESPONSIBILTY, INTEGRITY, SACRIFICES, ALWAYS BE HONOURABLE AND ALWAYS HAVE COURAGE. YOU CARRY ALL OF US WITH YOU ON YOUR CHEST" at that tiime, i guess i didnt understand what it was about. how difficult could it be? to be honourable and impartial? naive thoughts of a lower sec. now, as EXCO. as SL. as SENIOR. as MENTOR. i fully understand what it means. all these while, it was difficult. to make a choice. difficult to choose what is right than what is popular. till this day, i'm still churning it's deep meaning. the meaning of sacrifice, and honour.

today, i also realised one thing. regardless of how ugly carebears are, they represent lots of love, and will be appreciated.

a start of another week. (which actually cuts the time to olevels by another week)
oh wells. the time bomb is still active. talks by vjc and nyjc are catalyst! at least they made me ffeel like i am so going to work hard so i wont end up in a..........***** JC.
this year seems so..liefe determining. some people say yes. some people say no. why cant i be like those breadtalk boss.or some creative boss? someone that does really do well in school but turns out... RICH? i guess you always have to walk the tough way through. to totally feel accomplished about achieving something. but it's somewhat..sad to say, that i've never really really really really REALLY done anything great.(or at least not great enough) to feel accomplished. maybe i could get L1R5=6!! MAYBE.
one day i'll be successful. to me, what really matters isnt what's going to appear on the certificate i guess. okay. maybe only to a small extent. but what matters is that i guess im able to stand up and say, i have achieved being a person of high moral values, probably slightly higher than a average person? that's all that matters to me. people with results too good often have thier heads stuck in the clouds. i cant even reach the clouds. but at least im as tall as the trees! one day i'll be there.

some things.. often make me think. alot.
today, there was PE. i used to hate PE, until i realised it was the only period we could have fun together. strange isnt it, 16 year old sec 4s, yearning for a 1 hour break of pure fun. what made me feel really bad about today was that i couldnt do PE. people never understand what it feels like, until you are really part of it. the feeling was depressing, bitter, and...alone. somehow. everyone was within my sight. i could see them. and i could hear them. but i felt, like i was, a totally piece of substance, outside their world. strange. deep inside, i silently wished that i can do PE quickly, and run around like i used to without feeling anything. i am willing to run more 2.4!
perhaps, this is called appreciating what you had until you lost it. yea, i dreaded 2.4. and PE. but now... couldnt say the same.
perhaps, today didnt go as well. maybe, not as well as i wanted it to.
appreciation. a big word. but..when will i be able to appreciate things,when it is within my reach?

today was the run for cancer. thingy.
i tumpang huimin's daddy's car to the place. and realise i live so near to eastcoast.
but why dont i experience land breeze uh.
didnt think i would have as many thought about today as im having now.but,ya. today, we started walking walking walking. and then we started running. hmm.. huiru and yvon were running. imagine yvon. running! *claps* hmm. and then i saw super lot of scenes around. which kind of made me feel.. if you came here for a run, might as well run. there was this super small girl that was running can. even a small girl was running. got super lot of people have cancer running in front. if you were walking.... urm. i dont know la. other people with many other disadvantages were running.. and ya. they didnt even stop.. I might have taken a super long time. but i at least i tried my best to run as fast as i could.! and then when i was reaching saw zhangyang. he came to pei me run. he ran for 10 km then 5km leh. O.o wow. hmm.. throughout the whole run.. was thinking loads. didnt stop throughout the race. maybe next time 2.4 i should try that uh. it was this strong feeling deep inside that told me to keep running. hmm. after i reached the finishing line. there was this sudden, gush of excitement and.. sense of achievement. i came this far. although it was EUGENE that was waiting for me at the end point.. but haha. >.<
after the run..we went for heath check. hmm. my BMI is only 15.8. at riskof nutritional defiency diseases. oh no. i dont want have bloated stomach like africa people!
after the run went home with Jiarong. went to the beach there walk walk. hmm. abit sad abit disappointed de. so wrong person. we become couple le la. super lot of people on the way thought he's my boyfriend can. i was.. super..ya. sad. we walked at least 10000000km uh! so far. hmm. and then some SAJC people ask them join thier handicap activity. hmm. then we went to ask for directions. then they gave the =.=" face. hmm. super funny.
to jiarong: next time you act like you dont know me ma. so diu lian leh you! haiyo.
this photo look super weird!! like wedding photo! eeyer.hmm. not the right person. but ya.

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SATURDAY:
orchestra day! claire FINALLY came. hmm. i was sittingwith her can. so many MALU things happened. haiyo and then we put the camera on the music stand try to camwhore. cello section is damn slack anyway.(: taught claire how i cheat my way past when i never practise. just p;ay the long long note. hmm. there was no shuai guy that came. psst psst. claire say she no mood le can!haiyo. must concentrate ma.
ps: claire! next time we spam the last note again. super super loud!

sometimes, people always make me wonder. whats the big deal in putting up a mask and saying no when you actually mean you do. sometimes, these people just make me feel, the world is such a......place. i just cant find a word to descirbe this weird phenomenon. some things just dont last forever. they often say friendship is the ship that goes a long way down the sea. but. hey look. lets just face it. friendship is just a little less than mere betrayal and...oh wells. sometimes, when i look at you. you just make me realise this so much more. why go through all this gaga play show. yep. tell the whole wide world. you got my taps running. if that's what you really want to see.

i thought i was the one only that mattered.
perhaps, i was too foolish.
perhaps, i wasnt even there before.
perhaps, it was just my wishful thinking.
i thought too much.

hmm. Orchestra yesterday was so screwed. rongda and i finally got a chance to sit 2nd desk!! but it was...haha. you dont want to hear.

today, is finally friday! one week passed. again. tsks. hmm. today got super lot of pictures to post!hmm. we did this in the middke of Miss Wan's lesson. (: whoops.
yesterday we had fun at pinch of salt! (:

today, was the extreme. it was super happy. seeing people that i havent seen in such a long time. people. that i missed. hmm. today, yvon was super super nice. and she suddenly treated daryl. ivan. and rong da. and me to ice cream! THANK YOU YVON!
and then.. after we went home was the most extreme! i mean EXTREME. it was raining heavily! and i didnt have an umbrella.
i was drenched. AND. i didnt have the key. so i sat outside the door. wet. and cold. till..i started to realise. eskimos are such strong people. hmm. and i sat, and i sat, IN THE COLD,WET FOR 3 HOURS. 3 HOURS never seemed that long. hmm. today,......

today, didnt go as what i thought it would be. it was somewhat..of the opposite i guess. oh wells. it really wasnt a good day. but at least i saw this super cool thingy. it's some bird's nest thingy. trust me. to take this picture, i risked my dear life and climbed a tree to take this picture can! (the previous sentence was fake.)
too bad there were no birds inside. i would have poked it with my super pokey finger.(:

as i sit in silence and ponder.
i wonder....

BLOG REVIVED!
after super lot of consideration.
everything starts, anew. so, i decided to delete away all the old post.
i feel so strange towards this blogger thing now.
rawr.