What the world...

It is too late.

IN the past, i would make excuses - it is late, i am not feeling well, im tired, im not up to it, i can't do it, its boring, etc. but in the now, this bright thing called the 'present', you hope that you are striving to be the best you can be that someday you'll be the best human being there is, some kind of human being that your parents would be so proud of, some kind of human being that you see the up in heavens smile and you smile to yourself, that slow cheeky spread of the lips. invicibility is but a step away.

Tired. so tired. When all becomes a word 'tired' - you know that, i know that. But what matters is what this excuses hides. Does it conceal the truth? Does it? that without this, without your pieces of paper, your achievements, that you would be nothing? that you've wondered far too long, sooner or later... it all fades away.

Who are you, who am i? Identity? that you have to be someone, somthing tangible, populous, definable, describable to the world? Es the lawyer, Obama the president, Beckham the sportsplayer? the longer you view yourself this way, the longer you beleive in the lies, the identity that the world defines you, and yes you and I.

I am who I am. I am GOD's child. The tired-ness, the excuses, the world are but nothing. There, you and i, a smile is just a step away.

Ah, find me Lord.

All UPDATES in ONE =)

Four words to describe me at the moment: - BOREDOM IS KILLING ME!

I never wake up having nothing to do. This was what i wished for last whole year when i practically did not have time for anything and how i wish that time would just stop for me. The thoughts of being so free was one of my first desire then. BUT man, its not THAT nice after all. Boredom is seriously killing me now. It can be nice for the first few weeks but not for a MONTH.

Well, so updating my 'long lost blog' came to my mind. LOL. I am currently waiting for my visa to be approved so i can't do anything much. Until my visa gets approved, i can't really apply for jobs, i can't travel and etc.

The last summer holiday....

The first half of my summer holiday was in Wellington. Both me and nicole took up a course in Victoria University of Wellington just so we can graduate faster. Also, it was a good chance for us to explore the windy and hilly Wellington. AND YES, it was really windy and hilly. Can't use a better word to describe Wellington. =) But as i sit down and flash back my memories of Wellington, it was quite fun. I like how everything is connected together in town. Our law school is like right in town. I remember how when both me and nicole finished our lecture for the day, we would just walk down Lambton Quay and all the way to cuba street and of course, i did lots of shopping there AGAIN! >< color="#ffcc66" size="4">The second half of summer....

I was back in Malaysia for the next half of summer. From NZ, i flew directly to Singapore then to Penang to meet my pastor and the group from my church who were all on a mission trip. The trip lasted about two weeks. IT was a fun trip apart from my encounter with that dodgy looking man who stole my cellphone and Edwin's camera which was in my bag. This man actually went to the back stage, he came in without me realising and stole everything from my bag. grrr.... BUT after i pray and all my friends prayed for me too, we managed to find that man in the man's toilet. To summarise, the police came and caught him. I had to follow the police to the police station to make a report and all that. BUT yea, GOD is marvellous. HE is always there whenever u need HIM. Im thankful always and always.

The last part of summer, which was the most exciting part...

YES! Back to Kuching, my beloved hometown. Well, this trip back to Kuching is the best trip ever for me. IN January, i went to Taiwan with my Pastor and the three - Jaydon, Jonas and KH. Oh, Kenny came with us too =). IT was a fun trip because it was purely a holiday for us. This trip is a gift from my pastor to me and i love it because it is the first time the four of us, (PK - also known as Pastor's kid) me, J, J and Kh go on a trip away from Malaysia to some place that we all liked and enjoyed ourselves very much. We stayed together at "tan lang hua's house". It is a four storey house with like three animals also living inside the house. LOL. There were three bedrooms in the second floor and those rooms were ours throughout the trip to Taiwan. All i can say about the trip to Taiwan is, I really enjoyed the trip because it is a trip with all my bestest friends and i love Taiwan. I like the night markets especially and also the food in Taiwan. If you love eating, Taiwan is the place. (P/s: I love the smelly tofu so much ( i shall not describe how i managed to eat it the first time..LOL).

A week after the Taiwan trip, we went to Indonesia on another mission trip again. I was one of the dancer. Although it was quite a tiring trip but it was a really good trip. All the dancers stayed together and we basically go crazy every night before we sleep. HAHA. Memories....

The most exciting part of my trip home this time was after the Indonesia trip, where i started working at a law firm and was asked by my Pastor to lead the whole youth group until i come back to NZ. It wasn't an easy task but with GOD, all things are possible. I believe working at this law firm was a blessing from GOD because i really really enjoyed my time there and my colleaues and bosses were all very very nice. I am so thankful indeed. So, leading the youth while working wasnt a problem for me. The most challenging part was on how to build up the atmosphere in the youth meetings. You know, sometimes we can easily get tired of what GOD is doing among us or maybe not tired, but you just get so used to it that it no longer is something so fresh that we appreciate and is afraid to lose it. And sometimes, we don't even realise it ourselves! I really prayed a lot during this trip back and GOD has anointed me a lot with leading these youths. TO summarise, I am very very touched to see how all the youths are standing on their feet again, all on fire for GOD and people, all ready to take up their weapons and carry on the match. I hope this fire will stay on forever and ever.

Also, i would like to thank all the youth leaders for what they have done for me before i leave for NZ. The videos, the bouquet of flowers, the card... it was just so lovely and with pastor hugging me on stage, singing "thank you".... I just could not control my tears. Thank you people. I really appreciate it very, very much. Words can't really describe how i feel here ay... but yea, thank you all for everything. =)

Oh dear...this is really an essay. HAHA. BUT yea, ALL updates in ONE.


Remember...

Life is too short to hate or dislike. Life is however not too short for you to appreciate and love when you know how to use it well. =)

There is always hope in this world, hope from above. All you need is a simple trust and faith.

Hah! Just thought i share this picture with my friends coz i like it =) I like the underlying meaning of the picture.

Since it's holiday, i have been taking my sweet time to do everything i planned to do. I woke up quite late yersterday and went to McDonald for lunch and also for our cell group social. After McDonald, they decided to go for movie, i think they watched "Ocean thirteen". I did not join them in the movie and went shopping alone. Later in the afternoon, i went around driving alone. Did lots of thinking and just enjoying being by myself and having my own space. And of course, not to forget, having some time with my Best Friend in heaven, My Father =).

A quote i'd like to share: ~

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

Do you think this is true? Well, it speaks out my heart. Sometimes, you meet so many people in your life, but only "that special" one makes your heart smiles. And if you ask yourself why? Why is it that "one" that made u smile? I don't know, there is just no exact answer.

It can't be explain. =)

I am who i am =)

My 21st Birthday party!!! The theme was "Polka Dots" OR "Pink". Obviously, i wore polka dots. Thats me in my outfit =)

Pictures without my face? Only backs? Haha...surprised?!! I know many of you are...Anyway, in my last blog, i promised to upload some of my 21st party birthday pictures and i havent done it. Im so sorry, put all the blame to my law exam, precisely - Intellectual Property Law EXAM!!! But sounds interesting aye? yea, it is, but definitely a hard part to prove. It covers things like copyright, trademarks, passing off in business and character merchandising (protects images, etc, mostly claimed by celebrities). Alright, enough of law!!! ( Just trying to show that i studied ok!!! )

Alright, about my 21st party at Chateau Drive...

It was a blast! Awesome! Much much more unexpected things. Well, thanks to nicole, shing, eva, chu may, etc...many. I was so touched that night. Well, my theme was polka dot OR pink. Haha, and guys were preferred to come in pink and many of them did! U guys are awesome! Oh, that is why i wore polka dots dress (as u can see above). That was what i wore for my party. Ok, what happened during the night... Of course, there was videos. Videos from my friends from home, it was a surprise clip for me (love u guys alot) and not to forget, friends from here (NZ) also. It was very touching, i could hardly hold my tears already. And after that, it was time for food. Guess What??!!! i ordered 300 bucks worth of food that night! yes, i spent alot for my 21st birthday party but its all worth it to see everyone really enjoy themselves that night.

Besides video, there was also time for speeches, people giving speeches about me. The most unexpected part which made me cry out was, as shing was giving a speech for me...suddenly, a few people were carrying out trays of cups written on it Esther's 21st birthday with some drinks in it. Everyone was given the cup to like..erm, i don't know how to phrase it...if u noe wad is "toast". Anyway, it was led by Wilson. When everyone screamed so loudly and at the end of it, i couldnt control myself anymore and just cried. Because, immediately after that, someone played the piano and everyone sang Happy Birthday to me and a cake came out in the dark. I was really soooo touched and grateful to have such nice bunch of friends here. Really something i cannot buy but given by GOD. It's a gift. Well, i also receive lots of presents that night. Lots and lots and i had to open one by one as u can see in the picture above! Haha...i love presents =) Who doesn't? haha...

I finished exam yersterday which means that i am now stress-free and am on my holiday. Been busy studying for the past few weeks. Now, im waiting eagerly for my best friend to come from Melbourne. Besides that, nothing much is planned. Tonight i went to YA and we watched a movie entitled " The Legend of 1900". I highly recommend this movie, though its quite sad. But hey, its meaningful. The underlying meaning of the story is really meaningful. I won't tell you what the story is about here so you can watch it. But what i like about this movie is the emphasis of being an ordinary man, be happy with yourself. Just live a simple and meaningful life. Enjoy your everyday, be grateful with all that you have.

I am who i am. I am a child of GOD. I am God's wonderful creation and i am unique. I am just an ordinary girl, but im special - because that is what GOD says. I don't have to do anymore to gain GOD's love, Jesus loves me for who i am. =)

Quote to share:~

"Be grateful with what you have and everyone is special!"

My 21st Birthday!

It was my birthday on monday and it was great! (although i spent half of my day rushing to finish my essay due by 4pm). Thanks to everyone for the birthday greetings and texts and all. It was wonderful and lovely.

First of all, i'm extremely grateful to my friends in Kuching who did that birthday video for me. I seriously felt so loved and special. You all are such wonderful people with an indescribable love and heart. When i watch the video, i couldnt explain how i feel. My tears just flow and i could feel my heart melt. I was so touched. The funny thing was, i watched it in uni while i was rushing to finish my essay. It was already about 3pm and i had to hand in my essay by 4pm. I was so stress at the time and i watched the video. haha..it definitely help ease my stress and burden. And i was like crying when i was watching it, kinda embarrasing but who cares! Im proud of my friends in kuching! All of u rock! I really really don't know how to express my gratitude towards all of u. I am just so touched and happy. Words seriously can't describe how much i appreciate and miss all of u!

Specially thanks to my dad, mum, brothers, Koko Gtlim, chiew ling, ah hen, alvin, ah joo, jonas, kung hui, ronald, edwin, kenny, zi xing, kar yee, jane, chuin chuin, pei yun, some of the adults and etc. From the bottom of my heart, i love u all! This is really something that i can never buy but it is a gift from GOD!

Well, i managed to hand in my essay by 4pm...lucky me. haha. At first, i hesitate to go home because since its my birthday, i really don't feel like spending my time just at home (after wasting more than half of my day doing my essay). But i went home in the end because i have no idea where to go. haha. Just as i walked into my room, i was shocked! I basically just stand there, stunned and surprised! There was this big bouquet of roses and lilies on my table! WOW! The first question that came into my mind was, WHO GAVE ME THAT?!! haha... and my flatmate told me that, it was a delivery from the florist.

As i open up the card, it reads : " To a lovely girl named Esther SIm. Happy 21st Birthday! Love, Pastor Lim GT"

Whooooo, i was sooooooooo happy! haha....thanks dear Gtlim. U're awesome. U're the best to me in my life! He actually ordered the flower from the florist to be sent to me! What a surprise! =)

At night, a few of my friends went with me to New Yorkers Steak House. I was expecting a free meal for my birthday. BUT BUT BUT, they changed their system and so, my meal wasnt free in the end. BUt again, i didnt pay a single cent too! haha...because one of my friend offered to pay mine. Thanks WIlliam =) The meal was nice and great, definitely worth the price and worth saving up my money to go again! Trust me!

Hmm, i got to end here....lots more to say but i have lots to do today. I'm having my real big party tomoro night. It's gonna be great! By the way, my theme is: Pink or polkadots and the "men" are preferred to come in pink! This is going to be so funny! Im looking forward to it and wil definitely post up the pictures after the party. SO wait wait wait...i will tell u all more about it!

Sweet! I will end here and again, do take care of urself, appreciate ur everyday, appreciate everyone in ur life, show ur love to them before it is too late.

DOn't ever give yourself a chance to say " I regret" =)

Its not just a dream!

Hah! IM back to updating my blog again. No particular reasons why im away from my blog for so long....just BUSY and LAZY!!! haha....

After three weeks of studying on and on again, i FINALLY finish my exams BUT it made no difference. I have a 3000 words essay due in like one weeks time! Hai~~ and it is due on my birthday! Yes, my birthday is coming soon, its my 21st... hmm, this year is my favourite year JUST because its the year 2007, and i love 7! hehe, im planning to throw a big big party for my 21st and make it something happening, but duno if it will turn out the way i dream of or not...so you people, i mean, whoever i have invited and will invite, please please please play a role in making my birthday party nite a "BIG" thing..hehe..will u? im sure u can...i know this sounds crazy but hey, let it stay in my memory forever, MY 2007 BIRTHDAY!!! hehe =)

hai~~ sometimes i dream of being little again, where u can just be beside "papa" and "mama"...dont you? haha... i guess the BIG difference is that, when you are young, you're always under shelter and that u DON'T need to make decisions. This is what i hate. I hate making decisions because im just super indecisive. I cant make up my mind! Yes or no, to go or not to go, buy or not to buy, to think or not to think, to eat or not to eat... the list goes on... hehe. Recently, i have been thinking alot, alot about my future, time towards graduating is not long and what do i want to do when i graduate...etc.

You know, i guess everyone has their own dreams in life. Some people say, when u dare to pursue for your dream, u will achieve it. Well, how true is this? I have always have my plans, my dreams, something that i really, really want to achieve in life. But sometimes, things around you just pull you back and caused you to lost track, lost focus and your dreams seem to stay further and further away from you. Life is short! And if i dont at least, make a "try", i will never know what the result may be. I have decided once again, despite all the issues around me, I will not let go of the opportunities i have, and try to achieve it! Will, u my dear friends support me?

haha...i will let u all know when i achieve it one day ok??? =P

hah...this year has been better for me. Im not feeling as homesick as before. Perhaps, this means that i have already moved on....hehe. AND recently, i really really really wan to go taiwan! Erm, not going to mention my reasons here but hey.... anyone wants to with me? Taipei??? let me noe!!!!

Alrite, i will stop here....will update when im free again. Keep safe and healthy always =)

Quote to share:
"Dare to Dream" =)

Hah! Where is blogspot.com? I guess i have almost forgotten this site!

Well, i have been sooooo busy and enjoying my days back here. Sometime, i really hope that i can turn the clock around all the time and set my own time...

Life is always full of ups and down...although things did not go extremely perfectly well back here BUT i still enjoy myself very much. Whenever the thought of going back to NZ comes in my mind, i feel very sad. It doesnt mean that NZ is not good...i miss my friends there and lotsa wonderful things there but i suppose, my heart is really "STUCK" here. This is the place where i want to be...

But, im still looking ahead to what is going to happen in this new year. This year is a very special year to me....erm...why? Ppl who are close to me will know why =P So yea, am also looking forward to what is coming ahead, GOD is the provider and HE will provide! Amen!

Jesus is and will always be the best! =)

Updates!

First and foremost.....hah! Sorry to all my fancy fans...=P...for not updating my blog lately. Been really busy with church and all that.

OK, wana update myself here!
I have been quite devastated by one one thing recently. But i suppose its a good one, haha, its something i need to be aware of and learn!

NEXT! >>> This is what everyone tells me when they see me (since they have not seen me for about a year, so i got to trust them). "FAT!" NOw, everyone i see in church or anywhere, will look at me with a really really weird look and then when i ask them, they will say "hey, wow, u put on lotsa weight! Your face looks rounder!"

Ahhhh...BUT guess what! Of coz i feel sad when i hear this BUT guess what im sad about?! Im sad coz i cant continue being ME! "THE EXTREME FOOD LOVER" =P I wasnt sad coz of my looks or wad, but my first concern was "OH no, my parents are going to control my eating and sad!" BUT of coz i do care for my looks! Tell me who dont!

SO what do i do now??? PLaying loud music at home everyday and dance! Been sweating like mad and i dont believe this wont help me! Just blink ur eyes and hey fans, u will see me back to normal again! hahha =P Oh yea, and both me and kar yee were joking that we would give our free fats to Jane!

Alrite, besides all the fat fat issue...I have been trying to catch up with all my friends back here... And yea, was at kar yee's office the whole afternoon yersterday. We really had a good good talk but last nite, poor vin, the beloved husband was all jealous! Haha =P Hey, 7200 seconds man!

Christmas is coming up! I cant wait for the evangelistic meeting we do every year! TO see souls save is my greatest reward for christmas!

Thats all for now...oh yea, my New Zealand holiday pictures will be posted up soon. Very soon. So be patient with me =)

Ahhhhhhh....

Im so tired BUT happy! Hahahahahaha...can u imagine my laughter?

Nothing much to say here, im just happy! Thank Jesus! =)

Time flies...

Its coming to the end of the year again....

Exams finishd, i have been enjoying myself to the fullest these days...Been going out day and night...hah! And tomoro, mum and pastor and the people from my hometown will be coming...cant wait to see them!

Remember the person i talked about in my last last blog? Hah...i dont noe what should i say but i really thank GOD for letting me meet such a person and this person have been very special to me. Sounds like a sudden appeared angel? haha :) Thanks for being such a nice person...thats for u if u read this :)

FREE!!!!!!!

Freedom! :)

One more week to go and i will...

~ be free!
~ able to play drum
~ play piano all day
~ see my mum
~ see my pastor and the group
~ shop day and night
~ bake bake bake **brownies**
~ etc etc.........

Three more weeks to go and i will...

~ be home!
~ can play my beloved piano at home
~ sing and sing and sing with the band
~ eat and eat ...all my lovely home food
~ supper supper ...chit chatting nites
~ dance dance dance
~ spend time with my family ( i miss u all)
~ lots more!

I cant wait!

But everyday, i will...

~ spend time with HIM in my heart....:)

If it is yours, it will always be yours. No one can take it away from you.

If it is not yours, it will never be.

I know!

I know who you are!

Yes! I remember! yoohoo....so happy!

Isnt it nice when you remember someone and remember exactly who they are? haha:P

Random :)

From the first day i saw you, i knew you were different. Something in you attracts my attention. Then i never see you again. Time flies and i seem to have forgotten about you.

One day, in the midst of my study, you came into my mind again and i was just thinking, " ah, it's weird when u wan to see someone, you just wont see that someone." Just as i decided to take a break from my studies, and as i looked up, ahhhhh, i saw you again! I thought i was dreaming but it was really you!!! My heart beat so fast BUT BUT BUT, i managed to get myself back to study again. haha :)

After that day, i keep seeing u again and again. Everytime i see you, i feel different. I dont know what but its just different. And whenever i noticed that you were also looking at me, my heart beat so fast again. Aaarrrggghhh! Do u even realize it? Can you feel my heart beat? hai~

I really dont know what this is about.