A List

What have I been up to, you ask?

(Because I know you have missed me soooo much, internet.)

Well. Let's see, this week:

- I quit my job. As in, I don't work any more. At all. I have had 1 client for the past year. And recently took on another client in November. And while I love my job and love my kiddos even more I kept getting this punch in the gut every time I had to go to work. I interpreted this punching as, "It's time to stay home." There are lists of lists of skills and lessons that I have learned from my job. Hours and hours of fascinating human behavior to be analyzed. And more over, success and fulfillment. I will miss my clients and their families. I am attached to their future. To the possibilities. To the hope. It was hard for me to finalize a date and actually get up the gumption to verbalize, "I quit." But the confirmation I have felt by staying home this past week has made all my nervousness worth it. My kids (and husband) needed more access to me. And there is no greater job than that.

- We cut Pars hair. His long, girly, curly (ok, wavy) locks chopped. He is a boy now. And can see all the trouble he is getting into. He is a force of wind and can get into anything faster than you can blink. He understands every single thing you say to him. And can only grunt in response. I keep trying to get those words out, but he just signs or pretends to sign rather than use his voice. He has teasing mastered and gets the biggest kick out of barely touching someone or trying to sneak snacks from someone else's cup. He is persistent. He will grab my hand, hold it tight, and lead me directly to what he wants, summing up all his wishes with a deep and loud grunt. He has a soft heart and leads with his head when he gives hugs. I don't want him to grow up anymore.

- Estela is finding herself. My little shadow who would rather stand back and watch has now become comfortable in the spot light. She is venturing out. I love watching her play, negotiate, tell jokes, explain stories and most of all share her accomplishments. I am so proud of her.
-Anders is wild. He climbs every tree, rock, fence or wall infront of him. He is constantly surrounding himself with friends and things to do. He has a busy mind. And a busy body.
-Ady giggles. All the time. She loves to make us laugh and as a result makes herself laugh even harder. And then we are all laughing at each other laughing.

And there is my update.
That I wrote two months ago.

Merry Christmas

This, my friends, is a Christmas card.

A completed one.

That has yet to make it to print.

So, I am putting it on this blog.

And wishing you a Merry Christmas.

Hoping that someday, I will get my act together.

And actually MAIL cards.

It's the thought that counts.

Right?

Happiest Place On Earth

Did I mention we went to Disneyland? 

(A huge thanks to Jeremy and Kelley!)

Did I tell you it was awesome?

(It was awesome!)

Did you know it was more exhausting than a marathon?

(It is. Trust me.)

Did you know I would do it again in a heart beat?

(Half a heart beat.)

This has been a vacation we've been dreaming about for...who knows how long?! So, Jeremy and Kelley left us a message saying they had extra tickets we couldn't say no. The kids were in heaven. Pars was such a good little traveler. Adysen was addicted to Splash Mountain. Anders loved California Screamin' once he got over his nerves and got on the ride. Estela was in a princess coma. And Cam and I were sweating for three days straight. It was worth every drop. We were there from open until close, two days in a row. Whew. I need a nap just writing that. My kids are still talking about it.

Miles

This is me. In that picture right there. In case you were wondering.
This is me, right after I ran 26.2 miles.
Yes. I ran a marathon. And then sat down. And had my picture taken.

The summer of 2012 with forever belong to running.
When asked, "What did you do this summer?" My response is easy. "I ran."
It was kind of a lurking cloud, shadowing over me everyday, reminding me of what is to come at 6 am the next morning. Some days I cursed the threat and somedays I relished in the shade.

I started training for this marathon in February. Or I should say, I started to take running more seriously in February. After having Pars that previous October my body was ready for some seriousness. Or something. So, I started at mile one. After eating lots of chocolate and carrying around a baby in my belly my body was revolting. And getting my miles up took more effort than I planned. But we got there. And by we I mean my sister in law, Lysa, pushed me there.

There were moments running during this summer that I will hold so close to me it's almost feels like a betrayal to share. Moments of frustration turned to courage. Fear turned to strength. Despair turned to hope. In many ways this marathon trained my mind rather than my body. It gave me quiet moments to feel. To think. To stomp. To rage. To ask forgiveness. To behold the beauty of early morning sunrises. To focus. During these runs I found parts of myself. I let my mind wander to discover I would continually return to the same thoughts or themes and dig deeper.

One tender moment was during a long run (20 miles!). Lysa was a couple miles ahead of me. My mind was giving way, letting in negativity. Giving me all the reasons why I should quit. "Just sit down." I said. I kept plugging away somehow. With all the effort I could muster. And I looked up to see a beacon, Lysa, at the top of the hill, waiting for me. "Just get to Lysa." I huffed. When I reached her my emotions gave way and I blurted, "I just can't do this." And then the tears of frustration showed up. Angry hot tears that stung when mixed with the salt on my face. Lysa gave me a quick hug, took hold of my fear and told me I could do it. She talked me through the last two miles and we finished that long run together.

Race day came quickly. I was a jumble of nerves. Excitement mixed with dread. Doubt combined with Katie Perry. (The song "Hot and Cold" was written specifically for my marathon, did you know that?) I kept telling myself to not worry about a time or a pace, but to just finish. No. Not only to just finish. But to happily finish. To enjoy this moment. I had taken the time all summer to prepare. To condition my body and battle my mind that I didn't want to regret not inhaling it all in.

And so I ran. With Lysa next to me every step of the way. We talked about everything and nothing. We laughed as the cows ran next to us. We gawked at the beauty of the rolling hills and the quiet dirt roads. I pulled up Lysa when she fell. We cursed the pebbles in our shoes and divits in the roads. I blasted Nelly Furtado's Forca, and P. Diddy's Coming Home. We took gu's and gatorades. My mind wandered. I searched for Cam. I thought of my kids. We took it a mile at a time. And when that got hard we took it ten minutes at a time. I saw mile marker 25 and let the tears fill up for a minute. We said silent prayers for Lysa's knee to hold up for a little bit longer because, dang it!, we were finishing this race together. We rounded the corner to the finish line and I pulled out my ear buds. I told Lysa I loved her. And then I saw Cam. Standing by the finish line, playing photographer, and I smiled. A big goofy ear to ear grin. Because, well, I ran a marathon!

Can't. Stop. Laughing.

                   

A gold mine.

This is a gold mine of giggles.

Probably mostly for me. Because. Well. They are my kids.

I love how Anders is biting his nails. Worry melting off his face.

I love how Ady tries to raise her arms. For a few seconds.

I love hearing Cam's giggle.

I love that they both give the thumbs up and want to go again.

Neigh

I make a good horse face, don't ya think?

Pass me some oats and an apple.

Mission Accomplished

Ummmmm.

It's 6:30.

On a Sunday night.

And everyone is sleeping.

I win!