Some of my favorite "Erik" moments. :-)

Learning and Growing

Here is a video of Ginny singing Frere Jacques:

She LOVES to sing--it is her favorite part of nursery, and she spends half the day singing. She can sing the ABCs from start to finish, and some of her other favorites are Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree, Once There Was a Snowman, Rockabye Baby, Ring Around the Rosies, Itsy-Bitsy Spider, and many others. I love listening to her sing all day long!

Besides singing, she loves to count and can count to 10 by herself. She can also identify a square, circle, triangle, star, and heart, and she is getting better at her colors. She can consistently point out blue and green, and is working on the others. It is amazing how fast she picks up on things and I am having a lot of fun helping her learn new things. :)

Ezra is such a happy little boy! He has been sick with fever and croup for the past week, but in the midst of his coughing and wheezing, he still smiles every time someone looks at him. He loves to smile and coo, and is such a social baby. He rolls over really well onto his back now, and is working hard to get onto his belly. I don't think it will be long before he masters it!

We had a busy week last week full of mice, earthquake, hurricane, and croup. . . None of them turned out to be as terrible as feared (although the earthquake scared me half to death!), and I am hoping this week is a LOT less eventful, and that both kids can get completely recovered (Ginny had croup the week before Ezra and still has an occasional, lingering cough).

Enjoy these pictures of my growing little boy! (Look mom--his Easter outfit fits him perfectly! Just in time for the end of summer!)

You don't want to miss this!

I love this video of Ginny! She was in a rare performing mood yesterday, and I got some great videos--enjoy this one!

What a Pandemic Looks Like

I have been debating for a while about writing some of my thoughts down concerning this virus. For the last few weeks, I've been getting texts and calls from people checking up on us, because they know we live in New York City, and they are wondering how things are going here. I appreciate that a lot, and this is a chance for me to respond to all the inquiries and share some of what we are experiencing.

I live in Jackson Heights, Queens. To the north of us is East Elmhurst. To the east is Corona, and South of us is Elmhurst. If you've heard or read anything about "the hardest hit area in America," you'll recognize these names. The news has been calling us the "epicenter of the epicenter."

This is my neighborhood, my community, and a portion of my ward. The rest of my ward is also hard-hit. The whole of Queens--the whole of New York City--has been hard hit. But my neighborhood has been especially affected. A very large number of people are out of work. They are out of food. They are sick.

Some of them don't have to go to the hospital, but wait it out at home. (I have friends who have had it and recovered quickly, but I have several friends and acquaintances, otherwise healthy individuals, that are going on 5 to 6 weeks of fever and chest pain.) Some of them end up in overcrowded hospitals, alone. No one is allowed to be there with them. No visitors. This disease is terrible for those hit hard by it. I know that some people who get it just get mild symptoms, but for those that get hit hard, it is a long and miserable fight. Please take it seriously, because it is not "just like the flu" or "just like a cold" for a lot of people.

If you don't know anyone who has had it, and you want to know what it is like for those that are hit hard by it, there are plenty of articles about it that describe the experience in detail. Just google it. And if you want to know what the hospitals were like here during the apex of the virus in April, google Elmhurst Hospital Center and coronavirus. You'll find articles like these:

https://www.baltimoresun.com/coronavirus/ct-nw-nyt-tragedy-new-york-virus-epicenter-20200410-mktotr4gd5ftzmklhhc4iq4eem-story.html

I would share the NY Times articles, but if you don't have a subscription, you can't access them. Let's just say that Elmhurst Hospital, just a mile or so from my apartment, was among the hardest hit.

We have had people sick with Covid19 in our building. We've had people in our co-op who have passed away from it. It isn't unusual for us to go outside and see ambulances parked near our building, or near other buildings, and just wonder who else is sick. A member of our ward, a friend of ours, passed away in his home, alone. The sadness of that, when I think about it, makes me physically sick to my stomach. It's just so devastating to think about what he might have gone through by himself. We've lost other members of our stake, as well, and we have many vulnerable members in our ward that we worry about, and pray for, every single day. We hope that they will not get sick, because it probably won't go well for them if they do. Some of them are in nursing homes. Some are fighting off other diseases--heart disease, kidney failure, cancer, autoimmune diseases--this virus could be catastrophic for them. I am among those in our ward with an autoimmune disease, and I treat it with immunosuppressants. Although I am in otherwise good health, and I'm hopeful I'd get through if I contract the virus, I still live with this worry.

Apart from the sickness, there are other worries. Many businesses around us have closed down. We don't know how many of them will be able to reopen. Our neighborhood might look very different when all of this is over, and it makes me very sad to think about.

At the beginning of this mess, as the stores began limiting the numbers of people who can go in at a time, the grocery store lines extended around the blocks. More recently though, those lines have all but disappeared. Now, it's the lines for the food banks that have exploded. Every day I take a morning walk through my neighborhood, and I see people lined up hours early for the food banks. Here is a visual example, if that helps:






Yesterday, as I took the kids out for a walk, we passed a line that was probably half a mile long. One of our state senators was hosting a produce giveaway that was going to start at 4 o'clock. It was just past noon, and the line was already that long. Many people have been out of work for weeks now, and it is starting to feel desperate.

Our stake runs a Bishop's Storehouse every two weeks. A month ago, we had the biggest number of orders in the history of our stake. The need in our community is high.

The schools give away grab and go bags for anyone who needs them. Those lines have gotten long. There are several food banks in our neighborhood alone--generally on different days of the week. So almost every day I go out, I see long lines of people, trying to feed their families. They are out of work. Many of them are probably undocumented immigrants, and they did not receive any help from the stimulus bills. Even those that did receive help, probably didn't get nearly what they need. Rents in NYC are high. 1200 dollars of stimulus money for an adult might not even cover a month's rent--let alone have any left over for food or other necessities. I feel so helpless and frustrated when I see what this virus has done to my neighborhood. (And to be honest, I feel a lot of anger right now towards government officials who are openly scornful of the problem and completely unwilling to help in any way.)

Erik and I have been doing our best to support our community and our stake. I hesitate to write this, because I do not want it to come off as bragging, but just to illustrate that even though we are committed to donating and helping where we can, I still feel like we are not doing nearly enough to address the need. I cannot, personally, feed all of these people, but I want to. So, if you feel like your community is doing okay, and you have a little extra you wouldn't mind sending to my neighbors, here is a good place to donate:

https://secure.cityharvest.org/site/Donation2?df_id=1680&mfc_pref=T&1680.donation=form1


Apart from the sickness, and the deaths, life is very different here now. Everyone is required to wear a mask. (I fully support this, and just wish that EVERY person in my neighborhood was actually doing it. One of my new pet peeves right now is when I see someone coming down the sidewalk, not covering their face. Or with their mask below their nose or chin. I am trying to learn patience, and remind myself not to judge, but there is no way to stay 6 feet away from every single person in NYC without EVER going out, so I get frustrated. Because I am not perfect, yet. Working on it.)

We could just stay home all day, every day. But just for context, we live in an apartment. It's not a tiny apartment. We are actually really lucky. We have three bedrooms and two bathrooms. We are spacious. And yet, with the kids home from school all day, and Erik home from work--it is feeling smaller every day. So, for our mental and physical health, we have been trying to take the kids out at least once a day. We carefully put our masks on before we leave the apartment, and they remain on until we are home, when we carefully remove them by their straps, before washing our hands. I have been making a lot of masks just for our family, because they are cloth masks and we are really supposed to wash them after every use. I don't have enough made yet for that, but I am still working on it. (We have a large shared laundry room in our building, and I only do laundry once every two weeks. That is nothing new for us, but it's extra helpful now when we are trying to cut down on the amount of time we spend in shared community spaces.)

Some of the masks we've made. I really need to get some pictures of the boys, as well!

Ginny's mask design. She loves this one!

When we go out, we can't go to our neighborhood parks anymore. The mayor closed them all down. (I will spare you most of my thoughts on this, but I am pretty annoyed that the mayor closed not just the playgrounds (which I get), but also the ball walls, and the field, and even took away the basketball hoops. I know why he did. I am still not happy about it.) So we usually take the kids out on scooters or bikes. This has the added benefit of keeping their hands occupied, so they aren't touching or climbing on every fence or railing or street sign or mailbox that we pass. We try to stick to areas that are less crowded, but this is NYC. There is nowhere we can go to avoid all human contact. We cannot even stay 6 feet apart from most people we pass. But we are doing our best.

I am trying to be extra careful and follow all of the tips we've been given for limiting our exposure. We avoided going into any stores for most of April. I have since started going shopping again, when needed. But I try to make sure I am in and out as quickly as possible, and I try to touch as few surfaces as possible, and avoid as many people as possible. I usually shop in the morning, for this purpose, but grocery stores in NYC are small, and have tiny aisles, so there is really no way to avoid everyone. Again, I just have to do my best.

When I get home from my errands, or just from my daily walk, I have been wiping down all of our high-touch surfaces. I am careful about touching packaging. We wash our hands after touching the mail or anything else that comes in from outside. I don't know how risky those types of things really are, but there's no point in taking chances. So we are erring on the side of caution.

We are a little lonely. Our ward is very spread out, so we haven't seen any members of our ward--even at a distance--in weeks. We keep in touch by phone and email, and we have started having Zoom Sunday Schools, so that has helped us feel not as cut off. But we don't even see our neighbors really. Everyone is being careful to follow the guidelines, so we are all keeping to ourselves. Saying hi if we pass someone in the lobby, but mostly we are in our apartments, waiting this out as individual families. I am especially thankful right now for all of the technology that keeps us connected by video chat, phone calls, emails, etc. Those things are so helpful right now. I know that's true in many places now--not just for us.

Likewise, I feel like I don't need to write much about "virtual learning" as they are calling it, because everyone across the country is experiencing this together. It has gone okay for us, but I know that's because we are lucky to have good wifi (mostly), and access to adequate numbers of computers. Ginny and Ezra miss school (Isaac has never loved school and is ecstatic to be doing school from home), but they have adjusted well to the new routine. Some days are better than others, but I think they would all agree that finishing schoolwork by lunchtime, and then getting to play Minecraft for most of the afternoon has been a real perk! We are grateful for their cousins, who link up to play with them from across the country.

I have quite a bit of mom guilt over the vast amounts of screen time they are getting, but without a backyard, or even a playground to go to, I have decided to let it go for now. I am really hoping schools will be able to open in the fall, though! And I am very grateful for the kids' jiu jitsu school, which has been doing online Zoom classes three times a week. It's definitely not as good as in-person, but it does get the kids off the screens and off their bottoms for an hour a few times a week.

So those are some of my thoughts about all of this. We are grateful to be doing okay. Erik still has a job and is able to work from home. The kids are managing school well. I am not going completely crazy (most days). We are healthy, so far, and incredibly grateful for that. I know I have just expressed a lot of negative emotions--sadness, worry, grief, and anxiety. It is hard to see what is happening all around us, and I just wanted to share some of what we are experiencing. But there are good emotions, too, and there are some parts of this that I have liked. (Mostly Erik having so many fewer meetings on Sunday so we actually see him most of the day!) There are also a lot of people banding together in the community to take care of each other. There is a lot of goodness there, and I am grateful for the selflessness that I see among my neighbors.

Please do help out if you feel you can. There is real and desperate need here, and not much hope of reopening soon. The governor has stated that parts of upstate New York will start to reopen in a week or so, but he has also said that downstate New York is not out of the woods, and will not be reopening soon. So we have a ways to go and a lot of work to do. I do have faith that we will get through it, and I have faith that God is with us through all of this. And I am trying to trust Him, and be less afraid.

My Moms

I've been feeling very sentimental this week as Mother's Day approaches, so I decided to write down a few of the thoughts and memories that have been on my mind this week. This is going to be a rambling post filled with memories in no particular order. These are just some thoughts I want to share about the different mothers and grandmothers in my life.

My Grandma Smith came to my every soccer game, my every band concert, my every birthday. She was there for every major life event that I can remember until she died when I was a junior in high school. She cooked for all of us every birthday dinner, and we took over the house for Christmas where we would snack on crackers and a cheese ball, and Easter when she would feed us egg salad sandwiches. She slept on the floor with us at our New Year's sleepovers at the Garden Center. And I can still see her, sitting at her kitchen table with her adding machine, punching in numbers and counting out the bills and writing the checks. Sometimes she would let us count the bills again, to double check. It felt like a privilege to be allowed to help with the deposit. I remember when I was little she would give us big cans to take outside and collect horse chestnuts in, which somehow seemed fun at the time. And lunch at her house meant a peanut butter and honey sandwich, with potato chips and strawberry milk. She's been gone for almost half my life now, but I still have dreams where I am at her house with my cousins, and I wake up missing her.

My Grandma Call spent countless hours and so much energy teaching me to play the piano. I was a poor student, and never really applied myself, but I can play a little, and I enjoy it now. When I sit down at the piano, I often think of her and all of the lessons she taught me. Especially now that Ginny wants to learn, and I find myself sharing a little bit of the things she taught me. When I was 12, she sewed a dress for me to wear for my history fair project on the pioneers. She made one for Jen and Karen, too, and we all got matching bonnets. Before I got married, she took me to JoAnn's to pick out fabric for a quilt, and then made me a beautiful quilt for my wedding. She even let me help quilt it, which is my one and only experience with quilting that way. I still have the jewelry box she gave me that she filled with dollar coins. And I am so sad that I lost the apron she gave me when I moved off to college. Erik would be shocked to learn that I actually wore an apron back in those days, largely because I felt so loved when I wore it because she gave it to me. I miss decorating cookies at her house for Halloween, and breakfast Christmas morning. I miss so many things about her.

I obviously have fewer memories of Grandma Keeley, but I am so grateful for the ones I have. Before Erik and I started dating, when we were hanging out as friends, Erik took me and a couple of other friends to her house to wait for the Hyrum fireworks. I remember she gave us all a can of Sprite, and sat and talked to us. And after Erik and I started dating, she welcomed me to her house every Sunday for dinner, and treated me like I was one of the family. When I think of Grandma Keeley, I think of Christ-like love. I feel it every time I am near her.

I never met Erik's Grandma Lindstrom, but I think she has blessed my life, too. I absolutely believe that she is aware of my family and a part of our lives. And I am grateful to her for the wonderful family she raised, who have welcomed me and Erik and our kids into their family traditions here in New York. Erik has a letter he received from her before his mission, and it is a treasure. How grateful I am for her influence.

My mother-in-law is such a blessing in my life, and I am incredibly grateful for her. The first time I met her was so awkward. I think that was mostly Erik's fault for not warning his family he was bringing me over to Grandma Keeley's. We played games (Rumikub), I think, and got to know each other a little. I told her I liked to read, and she asked me what authors I liked. When I said Robin McKinley, she said "Oh, well if you like Robin McKinley you must be okay." She and I share a love of reading, and I get some great book recommendations from her. So do my kids. A while back she sent Ginny a book called The Extra-Ordinary Princess, and when Ginny finished reading it, she gave it to me and said "Mom, you have to read this. It's the best book I've ever read!"

Even though New York City is not her favorite place to be, and even though we can't offer her great accommodations in our apartment, Lisa still comes and visits us, and stays with us during times we need help.  And she is so helpful!!! I was so grateful for the couple of weeks she spent with us after each of my babies was born, and especially after Isaac was born. I felt like I was treading water, barely staying afloat, after Isaac was born, so having her come out after my mom went home made a huge difference during that time of adjustment.

One huge, important lesson that Lisa taught me: just because I am a stay-at-home mom doesn't mean I have to be everyone else's babysitter. This may seem like a very selfish story, but there was a time in my life when even though I was feeling overwhelmed by my own kids, I felt like I was constantly being asked to watch other people's kids, too. I always felt like I had to say yes, even though it made me miserable. I just knew I would be a bad person if I said no. And then one day, Lisa told me that she chose not to babysit when her kids were young. And somehow that felt like a burden lifted to me. Lisa is such a good, faithful, righteous woman, and I realized that if she could be that woman and not babysit, maybe I could still be a good person even if I said no. I felt both wonder and relief in that moment. And that experience also taught me that I could let go of other things in my life without the burden of guilt. And I am so grateful for that.

She is such a fun grandma. My kids love spending time with her, and going on dates with her, and playing games with her. And as a mom, I have always felt supported by her. She has always treated me like I am doing a good job as a mom, even when I don't feel like I am. I am grateful for her, and I know she is an incredible mom because of the really good man she raised Erik to be.

The earliest memories I have of my mom all seem to involve doctors and needles. I remember being so scared to get blood tests, but my mom would let me sit on her lap, and then I was okay. I could hold still while my mom was holding me. I sat on my mom's lap for blood tests until I was too big for both of us to sit in that chair. I don't know how many hours my mom must have spent sitting in waiting rooms and doctor's offices and driving me to and from my doctor's appointments. She drove me to all of my appointments until I got married. (I was 23, but I hated to drive, so my mom took me even then!) I am so grateful to her for being there to make decisions about my health that I was too little to make. I know that making decisions about medicines and treatments wasn't always easy, but thanks to her, I got the help I needed.

I also remember my mom being there for me any time I needed her. As a little girl, that meant she was always at my soccer games, and school presentations, and dance recitals. She read to us from the scriptures every day, and a chapter or two from a novel every night. She still does that with my kids when we visit for the summer, and they love it! She taught us to work hard (which could not have been an easy or enjoyable thing to do), and she taught us the Gospel of Jesus Christ both by word, and by example. She is always busy helping others. She fills her life with service to her family and to her community, and blesses all of us with her love and her strength and her energy.

When I was a teenager, I spent many nights perched on the edge of her bed, telling her about whatever evening activity or date I had just gotten home from. She listened for as long as I needed to talk. She always listened when I needed to talk, whatever time of day it was. Though one time when I was being loquacious, she did say "Stop Talking! I'm out of Aspirin." She got that phrase off a key chain on my sister's backpack. And maybe I should have been offended by it, but I wasn't, because I knew that even though she teased me about how long I had been talking, talking, talking, she would still always listen to me for as long as I needed to talk. She still does. And I need to talk often!

When I was a senior in high school, I had to interview my mom for one of my classes. I don't remember what class, and I don't remember what the interview questions were, but I remember that at one point during the interview my mom told me that she was proud of the woman I had grown to be, and that she had confidence that I was prepared to move off to college and make good decisions as an adult. It meant a lot to me that she said that. When I went to college, I felt an awful lot like a little girl pretending to be a grown-up, but my mom's words helped me feel confident that I could navigate the challenges ahead of me. She still helps me feel confident, as I navigate the challenges of motherhood.

One of the most important things my mom has taught me: "Someone else's bad planning, does not, for me, a crisis make." I may have gotten the phrasing wrong. But this goes back to my story about learning to say no. Just as Lisa's story helped me with the babysitting situation, my mom also taught me that it's okay to say no. Both Lisa and my mom are women who constantly serve others, but I've learned that both of them no how to say no when they need to.

When I was sick while pregnant with Ginny, my mom came for a couple of weeks to help out. She would sit with me for hours and force me to eat oatmeal and jell-o and other things I couldn't prepare for myself without being sick. Before she came I was sick, and depressed, and scared, and lonely. But once she was there, everything was better. I knew I could get through it.

After Ginny was born, and we brought her home from the hospital, I put her in her bassinet, and looked at her, and panicked! I didn't have a clue what to do with her! (At least, that's what it felt like.) But I knew my mom would be there the next day, to stay with us for three weeks, and that thought got me through the panic. Because I knew that once my mom was there, everything would be okay. And that has always been true for me.

I love and miss and am grateful for my moms.

Ezra's 8th Birthday!

It's so hard to believe that Ezra recently turned eight. He is getting so big and learning so much. He is very excited for his baptism which is coming up next month. We're very happy Uncle Mark decided to get married soon after his birthday so we could come to Utah to do his baptism! He had a very fun birthday, and even got the day off because school was out for spring break. We went and played at the park in the morning so he could try out his new skateboard, and had lunch at McDonald's, went to jiu jitsu in the afternoon, and had a dinner of Mac n Cheese and apple pie with ice cream!

Hot Tamales from Isaac!

A book from Dad!

He's excited to get a gift from his Aunts Loralee, Joy and Susan!

They gave him his very own bluetooth headphones!

Lucky Charms from G and G L

And some Sour Patch Kids--one of his favorites!

He's been wanting some Gorilla Snot Gel for a while, and has already  made very good use of it. :)

More treats!

And some money!

A pencil holder. . . 

And new pencils for his comic book drawings!

He even got a Book of Mormon inspired comic book! Thanks Grandma and Grandpa Lindstrom!

He got a skateboard from me and Erik.

Trying out his gel!

And his skateboard!

Gift cards from G and G Call! He used the Target card to buy a new nerf gun, a nerf target, some nerf ammo, and a fitbit knock-off.

Apple pie and ice cream! He has never really been a fan of cake, so it's always fun to see what he'll pick for his birthday dessert!

Some of his favorite things to do at this age are ride his bike (and his new skateboard), draw comics and read comic books, do his hair in spikes and faux-hawks, shoot his nerf guns, and play minecraft. We are so glad to have this wild, talkative, smart, creative and fun boy in our family! 

Some Random Catch Up

Ezra picked donuts for Family Night Treat one week, so I decided we would attempt some homemade donuts. Despite the dough not rising very well, they actually turned out pretty well. They tasted yummy!

Ginny wanted to learn to crochet, and has since crocheted a few pot holders. She is a quick learner!

For Easter, we made some spring-themed cupcakes to share with Brad and Rachel and their girls. It is always fun to go visit them in New Jersey!

Monday morning we went with Rachel and the girls to Duke Farms to enjoy the spring flowers. Here is Ezra sharing his dandelions with Katie!

Ginny and Ezra learned about the history of New York this year, and gave performances based on what they learned. Ezra was learning about the Dutch settlers.

Ginny learned about the Native American tribes who were already living here when the settlers arrived.

And Isaac's class gave a performance celebrating America and it's diversity. They all three did a great job in their presentations!