dear caleb

Caleb with his Uncle Evan who baptized him!

my sweet boy!  it was such a joy to watch you this weekend enter the waters of baptism with so much excitement and come out with a beautiful smile spread across your face!  you were surrounded by people who love you including your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. i was so grateful for their presence and the love that was there!

you truly are an amazing young man.  you are my first born son and i look at you in awe of the person you are becoming...the priesthood man that you are preparing to be.  you are diligent and serious about being a good big brother.  you are a great example to your siblings.  they look up to you and will look to you for strength their whole lives and i am so confident that they will find it in you.

you have been such a blessing to me.  you have comforted me and blessed me with physical help often.  i can always count on you to help clean and and get the job done.  i feel your protectiveness of me and your desire for me to be happy.  i love that you give me "tips" on how to find a husband and have suggested your technology teacher because he tells such great riddles!  you are unselfish and i love that about you.

stay good, my son.  don't let the world take that from you.  you are going to be so brilliant and do such amazing things in this world.  remember to be who you are and don't apologize for it.  spread your goodness everywhere you go! you are kind.  never stop being kind.  people are drawn to you because they can trust you to be kind and gentle with them.

i love you! thank you for coming to this family.  i know that it is not a perfect family and there is much being asked of you right now.  there are parts of your childhood that hurt and i wish that i could offer you something different...something more perfect.  however, i do know that heavenly father has trusted you to be here.  he and i have faith in you and you will overcome unfavorable circumstances and lead the way back to Him.  as the caleb of the bible that you were named for, you are strong and brave and have the courage to look beyond the obvious realities of the world and receive your inheritance.

i am proud of you, my son!

mom.

Cousins: Sander and Caleb sharing their baptism day

fhe

tonight's family home evening was reminiscent of life in general right now.  getting everyone to come together took some coercion and maybe a couple of threats.  the prayer was sincere from adam but quite irreverent and joshua's idea of sitting "still" and mine are not quite the same.  the songs started out roughly as we had to practice a musical number for caleb's upcoming baptism.  starting with just me and maryn singing and others around and pouting, slowly, they all came together and by the end were all singing beautifully with adam playing a duet with me on the piano that needs a little work.  the lesson, again rocky.  maryn had prepared it and tried her best to keep it together with uncooperative "helpers", one sulker who sat with his back to us, and one who was supposed to be holding up the appropriate pictures but instead as jumping over and on the pictures.  we made it though to game time.  as we played "wolfie, wolfie, what's the time?"  my frustrations melted aways as we ran amuck all over the house with shrieks and giggles.  in this moment, i felt such love for each of these little rats and so grateful to be their momma.  life is not perfect but it offers perfect moments that make all others worth it.  i am truly a wealthy and blessed woman.

8:12pm

We are winding down for the evening.  I sit here listening to Caleb doing legos in his room and belting "Let it Go" mostly on key...but my favourite part would have to be the whistling section he has added.  I can also hear Maryn and Adam rinsing off in the shower and giggling after hot tubbing tonight for our FHE activity.

The end of the day is always exhausting and I get to a point where I just NEED everybody to be in bed and have a chance to "clock out".  Of course, then my homework will commence but at least it will be quiet.

It's been a great day.  After a CR-azy weekend, I have let the dust settle today. I've enjoyed time playing the piano and singing, cooking and doing dishes, reading scripture and listening to talks and playing with my boys.  Josh, Adam and I spent an hour or so out on the trampoline this afternoon enjoying the warmth.  We practiced lots of tricks like star jumps, rollie-pollies, pikes, splits, and chased each other around and around.  I enjoyed listening to Adam  chatter and Josh bowling me over with hugs and kisses.  We finished up with ninja moves and airplanes.  I needed it today....as selfish as that is.  I need to take more time to play.

My days start around 6:30 am with piano lessons and doesn't end until late with homework.  Most days, I go to bed with an untidy house and exhausted but usually knowing that I did all I could that day.  It's okay.  I know this is a season.  It is hard and stress is abundant and rest seems to allude me more than I would like.

With all that, I am seeing blessings everyday.  Whether it is accomplishing more laundry than I planned, or having the kids help out without complaining (every once in a while), or having to get up in the night  with Adam less, they are blessings and they seem to come when I need them. For that I am grateful.

dear baby adam

busy doing your "work" and munching on carrots...

firstly, i would like to apologize to you, my son, for not recording your life in a more consistent way.  these months have been hard but there have been so many moments that have just wanted to bottle you up and save you forever just how you are and not let you grow a minute more!  you are such a joy in our family!

you love to run!  it is your favorite thing.  you run back and forth over and over again diving onto pillows or just rolling all over the ground. most of the time you are shouting, "fathter, fathter, fathter!!!" as you go.  you swing your arms all over the place and sometimes i think that you are going to wipe out with every step you take but you very rarely do.

you love to copy your brothers and play "ninja-ninjago" as you like to call it.  you punch and kick and do all kinds of moves while yelling "ninja - GOOOOO!!!"  it's one of the funniest things!

i love that you are in the phase where a kiss from me can make any hurt "all better" and you often come to me to kiss things better.

you are a big tease and love to say naughty words....especially "th-tupid head!" which you love to come and whisper in my ear.  you love to purposely point to the wrong animals in the animal book and get a naughty little look on your faces and you giggle to yourself.  the other day you were sitting in the cart at target and you purposely reached out and knocked a bag of sugar off the shelf.  when i looked up at you, you did your trademark little grin and said, "oooopth....th...th...th.." as you chuckled to yourself.  such a naughty rat!

but you are also a very easy going baby.  you are mostly very reasonable and just want to be a part of everything that is going on.  you are a dream nap-taker and i love that.  you are happy to go along running all the errands and taking your brothers and sister all over the countryside!

you have a beautiful, happy personality that people are drawn to.  you make people laugh and smile everywhere we go and talk to anyone in the shops and tell them that things are "awe-thome" and "cwa-thy".  you are a delight!  you have lots of friends who love you at church and piano lessons and sams club.

you still absolutely adore your grandpa and he can do no wrong in your eyes! he is a safe place for you where you feel such love and you thrive there. you give your grandpa such loves and love to put your arms around him and pat or rub his back.  it is truly a beautiful relationship!

baby, you make my days so happy and lovely.  i don't want you to grow and get bigger but i'm sure as you do, i will watch in awe of your special personality and the light and love and peace you bring to this world.  i love being your mommy! (who you sometimes like to call "jeeeneeeene")

homesickness

life right now is chugging away and we are well.  we are trying to find our footing and our way in unchartered territory but that's okay.  this week is a doozy.  it has some big decision making as well as my first days of school in quite a while and that is both exciting and petrifying.  i received my big fat biology textbook in the mail today which makes it all a little more real.  yikes!  i'll be dusting off this old brain and firing her up again....hopefully without too many sputters:)

the children seem to be doing well.  they are resilient but certainly not unaffected by their circumstances.  i believe that they are surrounded by angels that are there because they are loved and because i and so many others pray for them constantly.  while they occasionally show symptoms of stress, we are making our way and trying our best and relying on our heavenly father each and every day.

i know that angels are real.  that may sound strange because i have never seen one although i have believed in them all my life.  i have, however, learned to recognize the feel of their ministering hands in my life.  i feel their protection, i feel their love, and mostly, i feel their ministering when i am close to exhaustion and emotional and feel like i can't go on.  i have felt hands lifting me and my strength being restored and renewed. i have felt my mind being enlightened with understanding, knowledge, or pure truth.  angels are proof of god's love in my life.

angels remind me that these struggles along the way are not my home and that they are part of the journey to my real home.

halloween ninjas

we had a lot of fun for halloween this year.  we did our usual pumpkin carving and homemade donuts and cider.  we also did a the trunk or treat at the church which is always my favorite halloween activity.  these pictures are preceding that.  then of course, we went trick-or-treating on halloween night.  we just went from our house to my parents.  they kids got plenty of candy...especially from grandma who pretty much emptied her entire bowl into their bags.  adam had an unfair advantage while trick-or-treating of being exceptionally cute especially when he said "tankyooooo" and scored a bunch of extra candy from people.  after arriving home, the kids loved answering the door for other trick-or-treaters.  before long, our bowl was out of candy...and so all by themselves, the kids starting handing out candy from their own bags.  i may not have told them that i had 3 more bags sitting up in my cupboard;) but they didn't miss any of the candy they gave away and still managed to get full-on halloween candy stomach aches!

x-country

**we are resuming the regular line of our blog here.  trying to play a little catchup after several months of chaos.

i do want to recognize maryn and caleb for their x-country season this fall. to be honest, i was surprised when maryn came to me one day at the beginning of the school year asking if she could join the cross country club at school.  while quite athletic, she is not very competitive (like me) and so i was excited that she wanted to try this out.  i like individual sports myself because i like to improve myself without the pressure to not let the team down.  i asked caleb if he was interested and immediately jumped on board.

they both seemed to enjoy the season. they had several friends there too and a few little races.  we really laughed because they both had some pride about running the long distances.  both ran in 1 mile and 1.5 mile races.  i was so proud of them for trying so hard.  such precious kids.

Caleb in the middle

Maryn right in the middle