transitions

As you get older, you start to realize how important it is to weed things out and centre in the things which are valuable to you. Your future plans, your friends, how you spend your money (perhaps you aim to but not always successful).

I took a fascinating course on Friendship, Sex, and Love - Yes, opera majors can take Philosophy courses too - and it made me evaluate the stages of my life to this current time, looking at the friends and relationships formed. A sad reality is, in five years, I may lose contact with more than half of the people I know. We may be "friends" per se, but in my opinion, it would have so little value in the grand scheme of things. If I was stuck in another country, would I fly over boarders and seas to come help you out? Those are the situations that hypothetically pop in my head to compare value.

And what about those friends who you'd give blood, sweat, and tears for - are those feelings mutual? How would you know? Growing up, from childhood days right up to university, I realize that THAT - having friendship and its worth in question from both sides of the party - was the reasoning for the friendships that don't last. So I altogether just stopped caring, stopping evaluating, stopped wondering if my friends and I had a tomorrow, or a week, or a few years down the road. But how naive is that? If you try to keep up with everyone you know, you might as well make a profession out of it because it's impossible to be/see/update everyone in your lives. There's just no time for that. Hence why it's important to start "weeding" them out.

I've shared this cruel reality with my housemate over drinks last night, and as we stirred our glasses and pondered about our life, how true it is, that we ought to "weed" - not cutting down but weeding people out because to weed out people is not to say that you're losing numbers. As life progresses, you meet and learn more people, some that may be of great value to you. So I'd say it's a healthy process and something that needs to be applied. Note: it's not saying people aren't your friends anymore but how close you become with them and facing the reality of how close you actually are with them. Hrm.... then maybe there needs to be a new label; not friends, not acquaintances, but ____________.

More on this later. I also want to vent about those who are so cretinous about their status with you - those who call you "friends" when you barely know them at all - and I mean KNOWLEDGE as simple as knowing their last name, or the context of their life outside the bubble you know them from.

songed

not sure how to feel about you anymore/do i not miss the passion and longing to cry out your name?/could it be that things are settled and i have embraced a life of comfortability?/dare i leave you and taste a world that sweetens my blood so rich i can barely stand it/dare i think of entertaining thoughts to lead a life that becomes so meaningless/let my eyes never faulter/let my mouth never slander/let my head never rise before you/but only goodness of truth be the source of my being.

this will be songed

barber recital

So if you didn't hear...
I'm singing in a recital THIS FRIDAY with my lovely professor Kim.
{Take a look at WLU's article}

We had a rehearsal yesterday chez accompanist, in a quaint and beautiful downtown area and it was a real hoot. There are definitely going to be some laughs and glorious moments. I will be doing a Brahms duet with Jess and a trio with Kim... then I get to showcase two pieces. Poulenc's 'Hotel' and Oscar/Hammerstein's 'Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man'. The whole program is going to be gold.

I'm sorry if you dear folks can't come... 'cause it's out of town and it's likely sold out by now, but just wanted to update you and tell you what's up with me thus far.

opera hammack?

Opera Hammack?

So this year's opera I'm featured as Carmen, which is the most commonly known but no, I'm not singing the Habanera or doing the Gyspy song. In fact, my huge major role is in Rossin's opera, in the form of Isabella - a woman being stranded on an island, captured by a dozen Turks who lust for me and have to send me to their leader Mustafa 'cause he's bored with his wife. In the meantime, I have a love who's far away as I'm stuck on this island, with a man named Taddeo (played by my colleague Tavis - my lovable, adoring 'hebrew boy' as I used to term him; though he has no traces of Judaism in his family. Yes, how very Peter Griffen of me). I cannot stress how hilarious this huge scene we're performing is. It's clearly a comic opera, and we've modernized it to current day. But here's the REAL KICKER. Tavis... my dear Tavis... has to wear an Italian speedo. SCRUB FANS... think Todster in his do-hangy-thang. Yes! LIKE A BANANA HAMMACK. Unfortunately, I will not be clothed in any sort, shape, or size of a bathing suit which could constitute similar to Tavis' attire.... but wow, I tell ya. Trying to act (pissed, desperate, hopeless, angry) without letting your imagination wander as Tavis' package greets you face on is ONE HARD TASK! And to make matters worst/more interesting, he has to thrust at me every other minute in referrence to the Harems. hahaha Gosh, I'm dying of complete ridicule for Tavis. That man sure is brave. My hero.

As the weeks progress I get more and more excited. I adore my colleagues and love my director. This year's opera excerpt is one show you can't miss. For all my lovelies, I will definitely keep you posted. I'll be damned if you have to miss this one 'cause it's just too good to miss.

thecold

the cold

it came so soon and swept me off
i hadn't anticipated it but i braved the 87 steps
running swiftly as the briskness got stronger,
being late. for the coffee and the friend.
when the lights changed, i was static
and there before me,
captured in my memory something that smeared itself all over my coldness.
hand in hand, arm in arm,
cheek to ear, chin to shoulder,
lip to lip, eye to eye;
a warming couple at each corner of the street.
while we all had to obey and halt for the signal
i was the only one still.
i had nothing but the bloody cold to embrace.
and as i watched for the mere seconds,
my body was frozen meanwhile wrestling the array of emotions
like a sinking, disturbingly slow vomit.
whether it was the turmoil from the cold or my reality,
thoughts of it all came back and it wasn't a quiet lonliness anymore,
but an angerment prepared to turn the throw up into words of purple.
i promised myself to never enter that place again,
but it came so soon and unexpected.

how i dread thee, cold
for you bring unwanted thoughts and solitary sufferings.

episode2

Episode of stupidity #2

on a street corner, after a lunch date with andrew.
we wait for the light to change and i read a couple ads in my head.

"Hey 'drew, what's a Burma?"
"Sorry?"
"Here, it says FREE BURMA. What's a...."
{I gradually grow a huge grin.... 'drew looks at me in disbelief}
"Right, 'cause you were thinking Burmese." {sarcastic smirk}
"Woooow. Hanging out with you makes me so much smarter." {returning the sarcasm}

Recent loves

PEOPLE. IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILIAR WITH OPERA, GET WITH IT.
This is a stellar show that is a MUST SEE! You don't even have to know anything about really, anything.



My new love. That Gleadow (shown above) is really something. And to think he's only flippin' 23! SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! I remember him when he was just a little boy; we sang in the TCC together. My, has time flew. Check out the COC and its listings. It's really a great show of fantastic movement, singing, and young artists.
__________

Ever heard of Mike Rowe?



Well, he's a singer too in fact... but that's not what he's famous for. You can find him on the Discovery Channel doing dirty things. Yes, and I mean DIRRRTy in a bad way. Get your mind outta the gutter.... 'cause Mike's already been *IN* there. Yes. That, and a whole lot more. Very interesting show, "Dirty Jobs". It's disgusting but I LOVE IT. Mike makes good TV. Go check it out.

GG

Holy helen*, God is good!

This past month as been a tremendous blessing. Money keeps pouring everywhere, and I didn't even ask for it. It's so great to have donors and people who believe in you. I spent a good day's worth applying for scholarships today (my first time) and I feel really good about it all. I'm really humbled by all these generous donations and really feel my calling is to pursue music in the performance field.

Okay that is all for now. I'm ready to crash. Back in a flash.

*in the words of t.woo

life. or so-called it.

I'm often asked "how am I?" and "how's life post-grad" thus far?
Thought I'd answer. I love it. Why? Because everything is falling into place and I'm in a stage of life where the possibilities are endless, with so many doors to choose from and the thrill of knowing that there's something planned for me. But not knowing where one would be in the next year would often frighten many, but not for I. Why? Perhaps it's because I know that whatever happens to me, it will be good. I love that I have no ties with particulars, no significant others; absolutely nothing that concretes me to where I have to be. I am only committed to Him and the music that comes with it. I'm still looking for sparks to fly with someone who believes in me and wishes to "support me" (aka some form of sugar daddy) but I'm not terribly worried for now. I have tons of gigs lined up for now till December and being a singer REALLY PAYS during the Christmas Holidays.

See you on the flip side.

birdbee and mia

If I could transition to be leads of any band, hands down, I'd want to be the frontwoman of The Bird and the Bee. People. Check out their tunes sampled on myspace. It's soooo down my alley and it's really groovin'!
_______________________


SO YOU THINK YOU CAN?

If you didn't know already, I'm outwardly obsessed and crazy about this show, So You Think You Can Dance. I could spend hours on youtube just replaying everything I saw live on TV. The talent is immensely overwhelming.

LOOK HERE.

Please indulge in what I consider beautiful. I'm probably a good 1/8th of the numbers who've refreshed and viewed this video. I am so incredibly attracted to Danny (centred solo in the beginning) I can barely stand it. His movement is BEYOND comprehensive beauty - I don't care if he plays for my team or another, but I wanna take me home some of that! This is singlehandedly, THE BEST ROUTINE I've ever seen on the three years of three seasons of this show. AMAZING.

I don't even want to bother looking at season tickets around the US/CAN because I know I'm crazy enough to cancel everything just to go watch. I wish they'd cover the live concerts on DVD cause I'd be the first to buy. YES, IT'S THAT GOOD.

dats my girl!

Awh, that's my lovely prof.

Check out her new improved site.

And guess what? I'm appearing in her upcoming recital! We'll be doing duets and trios with my lovely colleage Jess L and I will cover a jazz standard - still undecided what to do but you should check Kim out Oct 26th. It should be a real hoot!

radler

TODAY I HAD A RADLER and it was quite possibly the best thing that's happened to me. (well, this month, or maybe this week)

I went to an authentic German restaurant and nothing could have been closer to the intense and mouth-watering meals I used to have in Stuttgart every summer. How I'd give two nuts to be there again. I didn't think I'd miss it but I briefly took a look at the FES website and the 'good' memories came rushing back. I've also been getting lovely notes from my dear German lads so that too, has made me nostalgic. Almost makes me want to hop on a plane and just go.

... but I know I cannot. SCHOOL AWAITS! AND I'M EXCITED! I'm sharing the year with my bella diva Ange and Stef. It should be amazing. We'll make it amazing. Carmen card scene and Sesto is in the works. I'm taking on the Gia so per pratica from I'Italiana In Algeri and long Werther aria at the opening of Act III. Still more to come but that's just the skinny on the current.

pictures to come.

sushi

Ohhhhh, Sushi


Sushi and I definitely have a love-hate relationship.
If you haven't tried 'Wasabi' try it. It's worth it if you love fish.

kenseries9

HEH?
 
k9. there's more if you're a fBr.
kudos mike mak for this. made my freaking day.

going through ivanita wedding pics and past grad recital stuff - i'm really sad cause i realize i'm terrible. it didn't work out and i didn't care to figure things out. i failed to even try to be artsy; i was just so busy keeping my little Evan entertained that i forgot to shoot properly. *sigh*

wedreh

My role in the wedding. Stand there and heckle. J.K. I have to sing. Doing some Ingrid Michaelson (yes, the greys anatomy chick whose song was played on various eps) and Chantal Kreviazuk.


Anita's lovely ladies. I LOVE Clara's dress. I'm prone to red.


My bro's singing for Anita's walk-down. Awhhhhh.....


My favourite buddy that night - Evan. Super awesome at being ring barrier; puts flowergirls to shame.


I had great itis'd time. But I can't stop thinking about Deutschland. Good friends left tonight for the month. It's all worth it in the long run!! Can't wait till Sat! Party down and boogie!

rip RB

To the man who did SO much for our community,
rest in peace Richard Bradshaw.
I hope a mezzo's singing to you in the heavens right now.

weight

Holy macro.

You know when you get so busy doing things you forget to look after yourself. Let's say hygene - you don't shower as daily as you should, or you decide to skip a day from your usual daily intake of vitamins? Well after my quick singing gig in 'loo on Monday night I came back home to sleepless nights, planning and prepping things for this long-awaited wedding (THIS Saturday).

Anyway, I usually make it a habit to weigh myself once in the morning and once before bed but I forgot to do that since Sunday. Just minutes ago, I stepped on the scale to discover I loss 10 flipping pounds. WHAT??! I had to go back on it 3 times to reassure myself. WOW. I guess I've been so busy I forgot to eat but it's not like a starved myself, because I definitely ate 3 meals a day.

So then I wondered; it is possible that when the brain is so active/busy it's actually burning calories?? I swear, I haven't done any weight-liftning/cardio in the past 2 weeks. It's just been so hectic!

Oh, and my cousin from HK is here. I haven't seen her in over a decade and she has poured out unimaginable amounts of diva-goods. LIKE BLING AND CLOTHING GOODNESS! It really boggles my mind how inexpensive HK is and how much they have there! It makes PMALL look pathetic. So anyway, yes.... my bro is getting hitched and I'm more than stoked. Frankly, it already feels like they're married but this gives me an excuse to party it out on Sat. Wooot! More on that later.

episode1

an erics* moment.

sometimes i wonder where my brain went.
i've decided to start episodes of my stupidity because i realize by sharing my 'shining' moments, i hope to be forgiven the first time and that it won't happen again. enjoy.

Episode 1: erics* can do math.

{At the computer counting her aeroplan points}
e: "Hey Dad!! Dad! Did you know?!!"
D: ...wakes up from nap... "eeeeyah?"
e: "I'm only 7 POINTS away from 40 thousand!!
D: ...."What's that?"
e: "My aeropoints! I almost have 40 thousand! So that's 2 tickets to North America!"
D: "How many points do you have?"
e: "I already said: I'm seven away from 40,000. So I have thirty-six thousand, nine hundred and.... {thinking}...nine-three points."
D: "Noooooo, then you go to 37,000."
e: {a moment of silence for the brain to react} HAHAHAHHahahahha....*ahem*
D: ......

gone

I just wanted to share this - not sure why because it makes me more confused and saddened. But some of you know I had spent the past week with kittens trying to find them homes, delivering them to their new homes, etc. But on Sunday while I was in my old neighbourhood, I met with a beautiful woman and her two children. One who was almost 3 years and full of life, and her sister was an infant who definitely was memorable in my eyes. Being fond of mixed-children, we ended up chatting up storm and I was almost convinced that the mother would keep the Orange Tabby. She was the first person to take it but returned it the same night, hence why I took the two cats to my apartment.

Today, my friend just sent me a link.
I almost fell out of my seat.
I have so many ideas and thoughts I cannot post here but I am just.... in complete shock.
________

*So the mother has been charged with first degree murder. Wow. Just like that. Life changes.

kat

I have a kitty now!!

Of course, I'd love for it to be permanent (and it very well could be) but I think my mother would kill me. Right, ma? 6 week old cat from a farm in Guelph. Totally up for grabs and free. If you're interested PLEASE COMMENT ME.

Oh and I'm wondering what to call it while I have it at hand in my appartment. It's a boy. Any ideas?

MOMENTS LATEr. and just like that. I have two in my hands. AIYAH.



PLEASE, DOES ANYONE WANT THEM??? They have no home. I can't keep them cause I'm getting allergic and I don't have a place for them.

germ

I grew sad today because it dawned me what I left behind.Deutschland
I was angry when I left a country I first fell in love with because I was simply misunderstood. I didn't give it my all; and I was only left with bitterness.
I hate reminiscing. It's quite possibly the most destructive to my emotions.
I do realize how important it was for me to stay but I look at the names of all those I loved and grew close with and I can't help but feel misplaced. I know it's for the better and I may have finished my journey with a time not so sweet but you just can't help remembering the things you love. Even if it does you no good. Why do I hold onto the things that make me weak? Chapter closed. Time to move on.
_____________

I know I'm in good hands and there is a path for me to take, but when you don't know after 8 months where that path will take you, it's quite frightening. In a sense, I'm grateful for what I've become, what I am. The independance in life has taught me many things and I am no longer attached to anything that has the ability to keep me places. So I am virtually like a loose feather with no commitments that can be blown anywhere and will rest wherever need be. Until someone picks me up again....

tooLAH

Dinner @ Habourfront's Toula

A bunch of us (okay, more like MANY of us) went to Toula last night for Summerlicious dinner. It was nice to gather three generations (okay, that sounds old, more like three cycles) for the din din. Sadly, the food was not the highlight of my dinner experience but rather the people, and maybe a little bit of Frankie Muniz. (If you know who he is, you're good.) But I didn't care to disturb his dinner (and you know I would if I really cared to) but I was afraid of running away after staring into his eyes. (Have you SEEN those things? they could kill!)

The group shot is deceiving because there are a LOT more who attended but I like this photo for it's colours, organization, and clarity. But major kudos to Tbone for getting us all together for the idea of Summerlicious.


The three course $46 meal. *still rolling my eyes*


The Venetian Cesar Salate. Croutons were great.


Mashed potatoes were to perfection, but presentation needs work! (I know, it's my fault for not capturing it at a good angle.)


A definite winning dessert. I give it a 9.8/10. But the whole meal itself = 6.8/10. You're basically paying for the wonderful view.

Yes this is my 'right back'.


L-R: Backhair behaving well; With K about to go on stage; waiting in the deck for the tenor to finish before it's my turn to strut my stuff.

I came back feeling uber fantastic. Not because I felt like I had won the competition or even the favour of the audience but because I had accomplished what I had been working on for the past few months. ANnnnnnnnnnd the fact that I could have beer. Yes, that was a SUPER plus. But I waited till I got back home to caress the beautiful Rickards Red.

So God's been good to me. He continually provides and I don't ask for any of it. The competition used to be about finding ways to get back the money I spent on this competition - it's in the thousands I tell ya! - but as the months progressed I realize it's not about the money at all. This is an experience. Rich people can't buy accomplishments like this. Attractive people can't seduce others into giving them the fulfillment I received the moment I walked off that stage in Quebec. I felt I had done the best I could. I know I can do better but I'm not about to rant to you about the what-ifs and the could-have-beens.

In all honesty, I thought that was it. Didn't think I'd need to go back for the result show thinking I wouldn't be awarded anything. But sure enough, just yesterday I received a call from the ever so charming general director, who invited me to sing at the Gala with the Sherbrooke Orchestra. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? Patrons, Sponsors, High-paying public, are going to watch me do my thang in one aria/song. Amazing. To me, that beats the icing on the cake. Even if I didn't place first along with the huge BMO scholarship - it doesn't matter. I'm happy to wear my gown and do what I love doing most. Sing.

Props to my accompanist K. I surely couldn't have done it without him! He's the winning prize!

beforeQC

In the words of someone n00bular,
"TIME TO BE A WINNER".
oh yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaa.

Off to Quebec in hours.
Am I ready? No.
But can I do this? Yes.
S'all Him, s'all Him.

Post ya right back as soon as I return.
Won't be gone long.

convo

Right, I almost forgot to mention. I graduated.

<--- Me with Hedrich - the best damn percussion player in my graduating class. I had the priledge of sitting next to Glenn and Hedrich, so we were cracking jokes left, right and centre. During the ceremony, I met eyes with the same photographer who tried to shoot me before* and he kept triggered like mad while I made various faces.

*It was in February, I was singing/performing in Master class and some dude/photographer came unannounced to take pictures. Clearly, it was for school and likely for website purposes. He was there for most of the hour, and we all knew what he was there for. But when it was my turn to go up and sing, being the diva I am, I raised my hand infront of his lens. "I'm sorry, but no," I forwardly state. "No?" in a tone as if he couldn't believe a student WOULDN'T want their photo taken. "Yeah.. uh, no. You see, I'm having a bad eye-lid day." Everyone bursts out laughing thinking I'm kidding. BUT I WASN't! I had a 2-fold in one eye (which is fine) but a 3-becoming-4-fold in the right eye. YES, IT'S POSSIBLE.

thebutton

the button

everyday she passes
she's threatened to observe its presence
as she stares
she catches her imagination go wild
and she forgets what it was to begin with
inflation of reality and an almost thrilling temption
but she told herself she would not push it.
she agreed that curiousity was best in raw state.

days go by
and she still ponders about it
whether its changed or if someone else as decided to push it
she checks to see if someone else fell for it
but it still remains what it is, what it was
as if it only exists to her.

so she drew near
and came close to push it
but in that split second she was mere centimeters from it,
the wind blew her aside and his chill rushed through her.
"Maybe," she thought, "that was what it was there for."

Alas it was not a button to be pushed
but a reminder of what she stood for
and what its meant to just know, not feel.

YEAH BABY!! You're looking at a NATIONAL FINALIST!! I'm representing Ontario!

Confused?
Well, I fessed up a lot of dough and went all in for this canadian music competition (CMC). My best got me through two rounds and now I'm due for Quebec to strut my stuff one last time.

God is SOOOO GOOD.
Sometimes I wonder WHY He is, particularly to me. I have brain farts all the time on stage and I catch myself in tangents with my mental thoughts - but the instrument still works and the words come out like diarrhea. It's amazing. I never thought I'd say that out-loud. Diarrhea is amazing...??

outblush

Found a lovely shopping blog for women.
If I had money, I would splurge but I can't bring my senses to purchasing some of their shop findings.

For example.


Would you pay more (potentially double than usual for)to take our your trash, (yes, that entire 14 seconds it takes for you to walk across your front yard) in style?

Ha.. I know I'm going to contradict myself. The next cocktail party I hold, you'll probably see these exact bags presenting my waste.
__________

Something I TOTALLY love for my dear friends who struggle with chopsticks:

where

I don't get it.

Filipinos can sing
to the point of extreme talent and amazing melismatic ability,
And Japanese can sing,
with their jazz groove and surprising and excelled range of genres
from metal to rap to alternative rock,
but Chinese....
it doesn't even come close.
Hence the one-genre based of canto and mando pop.
Where are all the Chinese, talented, praise-worthy singers?
Hook me up with names because I think it's sad.
And by good singers, I don't mean "Awh, what a pretty voice" ordeal,
I'm talking skill, agility, tone, and colour.
GROOVE IT.
MAKE IT FUNK.

mybabel

I just finished watching Babel and the hollowness I failed to recognize returned. As I was stripped of all masks, I too... began to babel. But these words do not babel. They speak my silence. It was the last scene that compelled the spoken heart.
I highly recommend you to watch it. Rent it. It will ruin you. And I mean that in the best way possible.

the heart lies flat
and it begs to be stomped on
just so it could beat again
but those who watch it in shame
choose to leave it flat

i begged for it to go away
but it lingers towards
the innermost core
right where the last tear was saved
the afternoon i shoned your face
and you let me walk away

how i torment the last
that may forever be our last
say nothing when asked
and let it eat away

the book will never close
the strings will never fade
nor will the slightest glance be able to change
what's there
that's left of you.

how do i let it pass
no hands left to grasp
but silent eyes just wanting that moment to last.

currentstress

WOoot. NO MORE RECITALS!



Sah sah was the last diva to take the stage last night. I'm so glad it's finished! Now I can go back to regular hours and do things on my own time!
_____

On a side note.
Things that are stressing me out.
I have a HUGE competition THIS SUNDAY (held in London). I'm freaking out because I chose some challenging works to display my singing skill. I don't know what to wear, I don't have my things memorized, and I have a feeling I've got stiff competition this year. Ahhhh.

_____

Another side note.
I'm not sure if I'm eligible for that 10,000 scholarship I'm suppose to apply for by May 1st. The dean's being REALLY unsupportive and I'm not sure how things will pan out but we'll see. I was a little relieved that I didn't have to apply at first, because I don't have a recording I'm entirely thrilled with and don't really have the time to record something by May 1st. AHH SO LITTLE TIME LEFT.

Okay. Time to get off.
I have an exam in less than 24 hours.
AHHHHH.

This is my Frenchhorner Ashley and her post-recital!



Left: Beth/Ash/Erics*
Right: Beth/Erics* trying to be like Maureen, aka "mofo".

transformation

Ever wonder what you'd look like if you were a different race?

I've always questioned it growing up because my vocal abilities are not from chinese decent. I got soul from da chocolate hood. I tell ya, there's a big african woman inside me when I get fired up or sing. Yes, excuse the stereotype but my life is a testiment to how true that is.

Anyway, so I got tranformed.
Here's the order:
L-R: Erics* as East-Asian (obviously no edits); Caucasian; West-Asian; BOOTILICIOUS CARRIBEAN BLACK. hahaha

mday

I love my diva gals.
I have so many images to share but I'll narrow it down to two.


This was from silly chats and laughs chez alberts.
We took a billion pictures but this one describes the night.
I was dolled up (using beth's curling iron for the first time; amazing product by Chi); Beth was cracking jokes left right and centre during the Huether dinner and later making hilarious faces; Sarah was tired yet relaxed from a day of studying/preping for her upcoming grad recital.

These gals are one of a kind!


And how could I forget my Angela (in white jacket). She and I will take over WLU Opera next year! Woo hoo! She seduces well but also plays awesome pant-roles.

forgottenme

Sadly, she forgot her day.

Tackling down the pretentious,
wishing for the near to draw nearer,
she failed to notice the contagious good that surrounded her.

Blinded with angst,
she developed an understanding that her fate was near
and she continued to alleviate the happiness with doubt.

But why did she choose that route;
to self destruct the mental capacities
and let the inner core boil to a rising point?
Who would allow such demeanor and suffer the same pains?
Perhaps it is all she knows,
perhaps is it what she does best,
but to rekindle her past is what she fears
because there is no forward,
there is no end,
it only just begins all over again.
___________________________

Surely age has aged me.
I forgot today is my birthday.
I actually forgot.
There is no self worth in today.
I simply forgot.

But it was my mother who bore me on this day,
which signifies her triumph on the 15th of April,
and makes her own birthday more unique,
to share her birthdate with her child.

gradpics

I owe Mak a LOT for these wonderful shots.
If it weren't for him, I'd have no evidence, nothing to print to prove my recital.

Take a look.


I love this shot but it's too bad the slide-showing is of the one I liked least. I sung of 7 painters which were interpretated in poetry by Eluard and later written as a song cycle by the clever Francis Poulenc. This was the work of JUAN MIRO - the painter I despised the most. I went through books and book of his work and hated them all. The painting I picked to display during the song was the most accurate to the poetry. I should have shown something else... that was the only slide that make me cringe.


This is the work of PAUL KLEE. He's a brilliant man of brilliant taste. I really liked going through his portfolio. There were so many to choose from.


I had just finish singing my favourite selection of the evening, the Spanish set of 5 songs by Montsalvatge. SUCCESS!


Mmmm... spicy!

THANKS AGAIN MIKE!!

jewelry

Jewelry always gets me excited.









All products from The Embellished Room.
For more images of my jewelry, go here.

calmthy

I NEED TO CALM MYSELF.

I almost felt my heart give up on me.
It was NOT cool.

Just remember... everything is trivial. Nothing in this world matters. Don't sweat the small stuff!

grad recital is really stressing me out.
my voice is giving up on me...
and i am constantly counting down the time.
*breathe* *breathe*

nogame

I so deserved it.
The minute I stopped relying on Him.
I lost the best of what could have been of me.
So where do you pick up from here?
How can He forgive you for the things you did not do?
Where do we go from here?

singtube

The many perspectives of the scientist

James and I covered tunes last night.
St. Paddy's was still running a big party in my throat; so it was more fun for him than I. How I regret all that Spur Karaoke Singing over the weekend.

As usual, the James Posse Supporters came out to watch and they so conveniently free-hand recorded the performances we did. Definitely was fun and I hope to do it again; people don't judge you as harshly at Wilf's (especially when you're early) as they do in Jazz clubs. That's always a plus.

The "Scientist" was definitely my favourite of the 4 songs James and I covered. I'd love to refine it more and take it into the studio sometime.

((Here's n00bular's version)) *best sound quality of the three*

((Here's paradoc's (aka KY-ruckus) version))

((Here's daydreamsun's version))

I dedicated this Frente song to my special, other-loud-half who's on the either side of the pond.

((BIZARRE LOVE TRIANGLE - Captured by Paradox))

fesnigel

He hugged me and I almost cried.

I should be working on my paper but I'll post a quick note before I forget teh sensations felt today.

Nigel (love-him) Shore embraced me with the biggest yet quickest hug this afternoon and all sensation in me rushed through and eventually I went numb. It finally occured to me that this was likely the last time I'd ever see the familar faces of Stuttgart, Germany with FES. And this year was an exceptional panel - definitely THE best possibility of persons in the past five years. (But of course, no one does it like good ole Nick Cohu.)

I almost had a heart attack when I saw the the double-bass prof I used to jam jazz tunes in the late hours in Germany. And then to see Birgit's sunshine ray of light, and Janku actually smiling again. Oh man... I hated my experience last year but the memories that brought me to joyous tears and nostalgia was seen through these beautiful Germans I was reunited with for those mere minutes. It may have been a high that ended very low for me, but I have a lot of thank for the life I had in Germany.

For one thing, the loves made. I fell in love with so many contagiously awesome people. And another major influence - my fashion sense and the efforts improved to look after myself and dress better than I did pre-Germany (bahaha. I laugh now but I definitely am thankful I am more put together than before.) And of course, learning to appreciate things like BEER, WINE, and BEER. I can't believe I used to scoff at bier. OH! and HOW CAN I FORGET THE LOVE FORMED FOR RITTER SPORT!! *melting* God bless Alfred Ritter!

Well, that is all. I hope my school peeps represent but then again, it would suck to come back to school and half the faculty is gone because you know they're out having a stellar time partying it up in Stuttgart. Alas, it is goodbye to choral work for me. Hello Opera World! Still waiting for results.......

openmic

OPEN REQUEST

If you didn't hear already, I'm singing with guitar
sensation, James for open mic at Wilf's. Likely, I will have these raw
live performances recorded so I was wondering what tunes you'd like to
hear covered on vocals/acoustic guitar.

My options so far:
1. Bizarre Love Triangle - Frente
2. Put Your Records On - Corrinne Bailey Rae
3. The Scientist - Coldplay


I've got one week to learn covers so shoot them my way and I'll take 'em into consideration.

grad

BOOYAH.
It's posted! It's official!
Now I have to do it.

For those who care to be entertained by me.
Book APRIL 5th 8PM. It's my last bow as an undergrad.

retreat

Just came back from a weekend retreat.

And it was ALL good. Not a lot learned but it was a good weekend to be broken before Him. Before we left for home, the grads got a shot together. Love them all, really. The dudes: Ingle, (h)Euge, Nghai, Chowster, Gaire, P. The dudettes: tracy, and share. kudos to eunice for taking this image

Head on over to my PHOTOBLOG for all group shots I took.
Including my favourite picture: HANDS DOWN, MY FAVOURITE GROUP SHOT OF ALL THE ONES I TOOK: The Committee. Just look at those faces. Nghai will always be nghailarious; P's actually smiling; and I want to make a cookie out of Jon and Dan.

perplex

perplexed with feelings

Is it odd that I frankly fancy no one?
I remember the days of youth where it would be the motivation to wake up every morning; you'd dress to impress; you'd get fluttered when it came by you; you'd sketch the name in your textbooks; you'd share similar rushes with other girl friends; you'd write poetry. Ahhh.. the days when words would paint your feelings of love and desire.

i miss that.

But I sit here and am perplexed because I'm so remote from everyone. Not in the sense that I have no one. I am surrounded by laughter and friends who make me feel warm. But I speak of that feeling that makes you gush and do ridiculous things because you fall hard for it. Hrm... I can't say I've had that in a looong time. And it baffles me because I thought I was a person of emotions. Having men in my life drove me further to do things; be things;... have feeling.

So is this the peak of maturity? Or do guys I encounter just do nothing for me? Are they just too brotherly for me? As if I have high standards and never settle anything less than my ideal, because I find myself to be one of the most forgiving. If there's one quality I can grasp and love about you; that's it. That will reel me in. Some days I think I'm too kind.

And then there are the guys who I don't call brothers who (I'm not very close with and) read all the wrong signals. Simply said: If I'm into you, you will know because I told you. No mind games. So unless I told you I dig you, assume the friendship is pure and of good intentions. Granted, it's not so black and white because the line gets crossed and feelings grow unexpectedly... but I don't want to mess around with anyone's heads. I just want company; a friend. Is it a crime to ask someone out for dinner? Is it assumed they want something more in the relations with a dinner date? Geez. Our society is so complex. Who set the idioms anyway?

The Scientist - Natasha Bedingfield

I promise, one way or another... I will cover this with just acoustic guitar and voice. This version completely inspired me.

Perhaps an open-mic nite opportunity with James.

vicky comes to visit

I could eat her up like a cookie!



YAY Vicky came to visit poor lil loo poo! Yay, someone from home! Awh... I miss you Torontoians. I know I'm a terrible friend because I never show on weekends. I hope you understand how hard it is for me to come home. No work is ever done when I go home. I have to play catch-up with sooo many of you; esp those with new changes and new significant others. heh heh.

Yesterday (Beatles) feat. Megan and Dan

Do you see me?
This brings back so many good memories. It was my favourite year of the four years I've been to Germany.

Bebel Gilberto - All Around

I think women in their 30's are at the peak of their beauty. I adore the maturity, the confidence, and the way things are shaped so you can imagine how they were in their early adolescent years, as well as predict how graciously they will age.

BEBEL GILBERTO is just one of those women.



{Click on image} This song has been on repeat for the past 2 days. I seriously need to get her album.

batboy

Batboy!

I went to see my first Laurier Musical Theatre presentation to support my cousin, Jodi along with some colleague friends of mine. I really didn't have much expectation before the show, other than for Jodi because countless people have told me how good she is. Growing up as a child, I lived for Broadway and Musicals. It was all I wanted to do. Everything about it pleased me and I was fortunate to have a Daddy who's affiliated with the entertainment scene in Toronto, so I saw a lot of shows in my youth.

(on right: with my two gals, Beth and Steph. We're the classically-trained divas at the back. haha ) Ever since I moved away from home for school, I became less involved with Musicals and couldn't always afford time into my schedule to catch a show. Gradually, my priorities shifted to the opera realm and my listening ear matured. I am no longer attentive to the straight aesthetics of singing - "Is her voice pretty or brash?", "Is he able to belt his last note?". But more so on the technical aspects of singing. "Is he using too much chest voice?" or "What's the vibration cycle on her voice; is it natural or pushed?".

Yesterday, there was a lot of observations on the voice. For the most part, it made my throat dry and I cringed at some people's singing. Of course it was loud and I'm sure it sounded grand to the average listener, but the was nothing healthy about the sound they were producing. Laurier has three performances lined-up back to back. Ha, all I can say is good luck! Cause it's just not realistic to singing the way some of them do for 3 straight nights. Eventually voices will be lost and there wil be vocal strain.

Buttttt...... I have some good things to say. It wasn't a terrible experience for me, though it seems that way from my previous comments. I was really impressed with the casting of characters and use of stage. As an ensemble, they sounded good and it was convincing. The two starletts of the show was definitely Jodi, the mother, and Tammy (my classmate/colleague), who played the daughter. Little did I know that Jodi has a beeeeeautiful voice. She's got rare talent; a voice that would likely sign with Disney in a second. It's pure and there was nothing forced about her sound. I think one of the hardest things to do as a singer is bridging chest-voice into head-voice and it proves a difficult task in the role of the mother but the sweetness in her voice and honesty of sound would distract you from any inhibitions she possibly had. I wish there was a recording of her solo arias cause they're so good.

The vocal director of the show is a colleague of mine as well. She was one of the first to discover that Jodi was related to me. She's also one of the people who consistantly tell me how wonderful Jodi is as a singer, performer, and person. Last night, the director shared with me how much it dawned on her that Jodi sounds like me. I'm quite well known in my faculty because I have the priviledge of performing on many occasions, but it's rare for someone to say that because not a lot of people have heard me sing in my Musical Theatre voice. But she associated much of Jodi's timbre and colour with my voice - that's quite the compliment since Jodi produced wonderful tones at the show. I think she has the potential to succeed if she persued (classical) music in voice as an undergrad.

It really hits you, when you've known someone for so long and get to hear them perform after decades of only knowing their personality. I'm really proud of Jodi. I always knew she was good at music, but last night she proved she's a true star.

lccf iro

lccf's iron-chef food competition

I was so thrilled to judge last Wednesday at fellowship. The secret item was BANANAS and boy, I was blown away at the results. From chocolate banana bread and assorted tarty desserts to sweet banana curry on rice! It was GG on everyone. And I couldn't believe I just had to sit there with Nevin and take it all in.

Sharon's so freaking talented. She took a lot of great images.
Go to her website to view collages she made.


<--- Myself with Nevin before the eating shindig when down. We're laughing (I think) in regards to Chow's tardiness. heh heh.

bf?

"Lay yao mo boyfriend-lah?"

I think that's a common question asked amongst friends and faces I haven't seen in a while. And quite honestly, I'll say that I'm happy. I'm considered a fully independent adult (according to school financial records) because I've graduated from high school more than four years ago and perhaps that strikes a reality check for me - that things are moving fast, becoming associated with people of careers, people getting hitched, people who are popping out babies! - that doesn't pressure me to settle down nor change my lifestyle. I enjoy singlehood and I remember stating firmly that I will stay single for a looong time. This wasn't said out of a pathetic/hopeless state of mind; I simply love independence too much!

I plan to do the things that I love and honour God, fulfilling achievements using the talents and tools given. I'm not eager to start a family - but when I think of my own immediate family, I think of the priviledge, being able to expand your family with the presence of your full family. I would hate for my future child(ren) to grow up not having grandparents. But becoming a mother is something unchanging. There's no turning back - once you choose to bring a life into this world, you are commited to it till your dying day. AM I capable of doing that? Or will I ride too much on my own success and become too career-driven? I'm constantly battling ideas back and forth. Not that I need to make a decision RIGHT THIS MOMENT but it's good to know where you stand I suppose.

Of course, with singlehood you have longings and wish you had something constant - someone to seek comfort in, someone who becomes significant in your life and decisions - but I find fulfillment in God and even so, no one can compare to the trust I put in Him. This may be a hard concept to grasp, but essentially you'd have to experience a relationship with Him to fully understand. It's beyond comprehension, beyond words.

heros

Oh baby, I'm melting

PEOPLE. WATCH HEROES - it's such a grrrreat show. I was stoked to see this dreamy Adrian Pasdar star in it because I have loved him since I saw him in a Touch By An Angel special in 1998. He filled in the void of my long-lost love (now recently found) Kyle Chandler from Early Edition.

Superhero-themed shows seem overdone with the long-aired Smallville (that frankly, need to be cut-off the air - who's still watching that garbage?) but HEROES is very well written. I find so much appeal in ALL characters. They're not fabulously gorgeous (with the acception of Mr. Pasdar) but they are convincing with their acting and you build a quick connection with all of them. Even Milo Ventimiglia, (popularly known as Jesse from Gilmore Girls) used to bug the crap outta me, but watching him in Heroes makes me MELT. Gahhh... I never dig short guys but I can make this one exception for this talented actor. I look at him in photos from imdb, and I feel nothing but when he's in character... oh wow, it's over. I love everything he's doing.

So much applause for this show. Who knows if it will go far but I will definitely religiously watch and hope it doesn't drop-in-hype the way O.C. sadly did.

thearts

THE ARTS UPDATE

|VISUAL|
Wow. I want to go to New York.

Why? Because of Mueck. Yes, RON MUECK. He's so talented. You must view his art.

Still photographs here.

And a video focusing on one specific work here.

Perhaps my favourite exhibit.

|DANCE|

Everytime I watch this, I want to tear. It's so beautiful.
THIS is interpretative dance, I can appreciate.

I fully support that show, "So You Think You Can Dance". I find it hilarious that other countries want a piece of that money-making reality-show and take on their interpretaions. Germany, for one, should never take an American-based reality show and try to make it theirs 'cause it always turns out being much worse than the North American breed.

|OPERA|

I experienced for the first time, the MET in HD at Galaxy Cinemas. It was well worth my $20.83 because I felt like I was in New York watching the show LIVE. Anna Netrebko - she definitely grew on me as the 4 hour opera show progressed. I have nothing but envy for her and it pains me just how beautiful she is; stationary, or during her wild movements of madness in Bellini's Bel Canto Opera I Puritani. I'm used to her fierce looks of exoticism, but she reminded me a lot of Belle from Beauty and the Beast when she sang in the title role, Elvira. She pulled off a young teenager very well. I was pleased with her voice and her performance.

UP NEXT. BOOYAH. PLACIDO DOMINGO in Tan Dun (composer of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon) WORLD PREMIERE OF "THE FIRST EMPERIOR". I saw a short preview of it during intermission and BOOYAH. It's going to be so good. The set design is GORGEOUS. (I'm a big fan of abstract lines). First thing I thought of was my Daddio and with his 61st approaching, I bought my 'rents tickets for Saturday's show. I can't wait!

I LOVE OPERA. It's soooo well done, too. You don't have to know anything about the synopsis of the opera. The HD stream from NY tells you EVERYTHING you need to know. HECK, it's better than watching it LIVE. You save a bugillion dollars, you don't have to dress up, there's EXCELLENT seating (anywhere is a good seat b/c it's all close up) and you get backstage access to what's going on, etc. LOVE IT. It's perfect for Opera-idiots. Anyone can understand it. This Tan Dun opera is sung in english though... so that's good, but who knows how truly good Domingo's engrish is.

tessier

holy crap, i'm so blessed

If you didn't know, my lovely prof Kim took most of January off because she's working with some opera company. (Calgary, I think?) It's quite often she takes leave during the school year for extra work regarding roles, gigs, etc. Very unfortunate for the student, but I understand the importance for a performer/teacher to also work on the stage.

SOoooooo, with the new year, she left the studio with tenor John Tessier who's apparently never taught before but HOLY CRAP HE IS GOOOOOD. The first note he sung for an example during Masterclass I almost lost it. He's likely the best tenor I've heard in person. The sound is so honest, glorious and beautiful. I like him...A LOT and it just boggles my mind where Kim finds these people! He's a big shot in NYC, and he could be making waaay more money performing than teaching and filling in for Kim but I guess he wanted to give teaching a go.

I'm not 100% with my voice. As many of you know, I lost my voice on New Years Eve, during some videogame battling with some MCBCers. When school began, I could talk but couldn't clearly pin any notes above C5 (octave above midC). I was so worried my first lesson with this new Tessier guy would be unproductive, but turns out he loves the warmth and richness in my tone and thinks my voice is terrific. All his suggestions were valid usual techniques! We work really well together even though it's only been the first week. I have so much respect for him. John... is like a dream. Of course I miss Kim... but to have a tenor who's critically acclaimed and amazing at his art TEACH you.. is SUCH a priviledge. Wow. I'm so motivated. Singing is definitely what I want to do.