past poetry

i like going through archives.
i forgot i wrote this:

sometimes
it's not the big
intentional
S | T | A | B | S
that bleeee eed
              the heart
but the little prrrrrickling
of the inadvertent pin.
                                         pin
                                 pin
                                                     pin

and yet, i forgot it's original pain.
but that doesn't mean i do not pain now.

liederabend

Wow. haha. I found this online.



That was taken immediately after we returned from Germany in 2003. We were asked to give a special 'Liederabend Concert' during the festival. Wow, that felt like ages ago, and it was only two years ago. Goodness, and you wouldn't believe how much we've all progressed as singers. Heck, I know I have. I didn't even understand a word of German then, let alone, speak the darn language. And now I'm in love with it, speaking it in my head when i'm thinking. I'm serious!

KK

Ok, I really should run,
but before I go, I have to say...

KING KONG WAS SOOOO.... 'E'

No word suffices. It was just E, like extreme.
I just had the best theatre experience EVER yesterday morning.
Just me and five other friends in the theatre.
I sat in 4 different places, took still images,
and curiously watched some scenes backwards from the film projector.

THE THREE HOURS WAS LONG BUT SO DESERVING.
I wouldn't have deleted anything.

SOOO buying the DVD.
NOW GO SEE IT, SO YOU TOO, CAN FALL IN LOVE WITH KONG.

BRAUN CONCERT



i had a KILLER time tonight. it was the opening of the "Waterloo Entertainment Centre" (it used to be a rundown movie house), so they gave free WINE and food afterwards. it was amazing catering. even STRAWBERRIES wrapped in SMOKED SALMON. sooo weird. but it went well with the white white.

then i killed 3 hours at the Huether with a bunch of voice majors who were at the show. tavis, JP, and I shared 2 pitches of dark ale. there wasn't a dry moment the entire evening. wow, i haven't laugh that hard since germany. anyway, i'd post more pictures but i'm tired. maybe later.

Russell is such a gentle soul. we talked for a while, about helmuth rilling and living in germany. (HE's a FRANKFURT BORN! but Canadian) i adore him. precious man with an incredible riviting voice.

moving up in the world

Wow, you know you're moving up in the world when...

I hesitated to post this, in fears that persons involved would read this, but it signifies a new stepping stone in my development as a singer, so why not, right?

Other than my photographic medium of self-portraits, (which I think helps understand yourself better - if you've never done so, try it; you will learn a lot) I'm not one to gloat and smother the public eye with how (mocking tone) "fabulously great" I am. Heck, my eye just twitched typing that. It has a lot to do with how I grew up. Compliments were least given, and I gradually became fearful of it. I take the compliments, but almost never repeat them and leave them as they are. I do believe this to be one of my weaker points of character, and wish I could overcome the neglectance of positive nature and encouragements. With that said, I'm trying to move on, I will share with you this short incident that happened last Sunday.

I was asked just three days prior to the WLU Choir Concert to fill in missing voices and sing Alto. The original concert completely sold out, and on last minute terms, the director decided to do an encore performance later that evening. Many voices couldn't make the second concert on such short notice, so I volunteered my services to sight-read and thicken the sound. (I didn't take choir this term since it's no longer required and I am in the full opera program.) More than half the choir consists of faces I've never seen before; most being piano students who are forced into this ensemble for a compulsory credit. Only voice majors or people who've seen the recent Opera Excerpts Show would know me, and that's only a handful.

In choir concerts, there are always solos, and generally the cream of the crop get to sing them. Many soloists were present at this concert, and I was blown away with two men in particular, a baritone and a tenor, who had such a gorgeous colour tone and ressonance. They were definitely diamonds in the rough. And I'm not one to hold back on my opinions, so I immediately rubbed the back of them and applauded his work. Another, I found in the hallway during intermission and told him straight to his face 'what a beautiful voice' he has. He was calm, collective, and smiled briefly at me. I swear, it was a whole TWO seconds that we shared.

Later in the washroom, I was talking to a friend, who's a soprano in the choir. She kindly thanked me for helping out the choir, and complimented how it makes such a difference having me in the choir. Another turns and smiles agreeingly. Then she adds, "Yah, I overheard someone just say in the hallway, (and she mimicks a rather loud, flustered voice) [OH. MY. GAWD! Erica just told me I have a beautiful voice. DO YOU KNOW WHO SHE IS!! ERICA WONG!? 'THEE' Erica Iris!] Just thought you'd like to know."

I stood there frozen, supposedly drying my hands under the handdryer. I was trying to do the math and figure out which of the two said that. She confirms with me the flamboyancy and I give her a chuckle.

Wow, I never would have thought that THAT is how any of the first years regard me. People keep such a conservative look, and no one shares with me how they feel. Then again, it must be the intimidating factor... plus I'm a senior, in the big leagues, where you would have nothing affiliated with me, unless you were in opera. I mean, if you felt so highly about a 'Brad Pitt figure' who attended your school, you wouldn't dare mention to him personally, how much you love his craft, right? You'd feel down-right stupid for doing so. And how would you break the ice?

I was so incredibly flattered. That was probably the best compliment I've ever received in the history of my WLU years. I can barely fathom the idea of having such humble 'fans' 10 years from now, but if all goes well for me, this will be the icing on the cake of my operatic career.

Wow. I guess I'm moving up in the world.

germany pics

MY GERMANY FES DIGITAL IMAGES ARE UP!

Want to experience my shoes in Germany last summer?
Come travel with me through Überlingen, Stuttgart, Leipzig, Berlin, and Essen!

And I LOVE it when people comment. Whether it's nonsense or complete randomness, I love it all.

russell braun

scored with russell

I FEEL LIKE I'VE WON THE LOTTO.
(ok, maybe I'm pushing it a little)

I couldn't afford this $47 ticket to see Russell Braun, one of the finest baritone's of this time, who's performing at a small venue in little 'loo, doing Schubert's Winterreise. Then this morning, JP informs me that our very own Kim Barber has hooked us up with FREE TICKETS. I don't know how many strings she had to pull for this one, but WLU opera kids like me are forever grateful. I wish I could have gotten more, but she had very few tickets left, and it was already a spoiled treat in itself to have ONE.

SO NOW I'M GOING TO SEE R.BRAUN THIS SATURDAY NIGHT.
WOOOOT! 2 concerts this week! So it's almost like I'm paying 10 buckeroos to see the TISQ, and 10 buckeroos to see Russell. Wow, that's like chump-change. (ha, on daddy's visa)

TISQ

i might just cry...

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GOING TO SEE THE TURTLE ISLAND STRING QUARTET!

You have no idea how RARE this opportunity is. They NEVER come to Canada. And here they are, BLOCKS away from my school, giving an exclusive concert, a 250-seater, just less than a week away! WOOOOOOT!

If you have absolutely NO idea who they are, please, do yourself a favour and check it out. Classical music infused with jazz, swing, rock.. oh man, it's amazing. And they do their own arrangements. I could almost die of fascination, in my own pool of drool.

Daddio, hope you don't mind - I used the visa. heh.
Merry 'early' christmas to me.

germany

Germany... another round, please?

New information on the FES (who I've worked for in the past three summers in Stuttgart, Germany) is online. ONCE AGAIN, THEY ARE ONLY TAKING 55 singers. *gah*

So shoot me.

Everyone loves Mozart.
Therefore, more people will audition,
and the competition will be stronger.

I would give any limb to go back to Europe and sing for Helmuth.
Ok, so maybe that, AND another chance to regain my love for Germany.
I have been parted from it for too long.
Germany and I were meant to be. (oder?)

Ken hugs the snow

feel like a kid again

I was heading home, when my name was yelled miles away. "You wanna come play?" I had just finished my usual T.V. nights at Janneth's, and was a little beat, but considering how beautiful the snow was that night, I figured 'what-the-heck' and clothed myself in 5 layers, double socking, and double mittening....

Next thing I know, Ken's outside my apartment, already embracing the snow on the ground.


"Ken Gives the Snow a Hug" - November 2005

HAHAHA makes me laugh so hard. He's ridiculously in love with snow. Never known anyone who loved it that much. Anyway, more pictures can be found on my photoblog. Good times, good times.

OPERA HERRING

It's been announced officially today. WLU Opera's big show in March will be Benjamin Britten's "ALBERT HERRING" and I play his moral old-fashioned mother. We did a text run through today, and we were laughing our butts off at the libretto. I don't remember much of the music since we were focused on just the text and the synopsis of the play, but my heart skipped a beat when a saw a line climbing for a high 'Bb'. HA! cha right. Ok then. Rrrrrright. Eeeeeyah. Um....WHO YOU KIDDING?! I thought my role was a MEZZO-SOPRANO role? And it really fluctuates in range. I go quite low as well. But I'm best suited for this role. I honestly can't picture anyone else in WLU opera doing the role of Ms. Herring.

Brandon (the red-head) plays my son, and there's no better son than him. He's so animated and talentedly gifted, so I'm looking forward to our scene together, bickering in british english.

concerto competition

for those who are unaware, WLU holds an exquisite concerto competitions, granting 1-2 vocal winners amongst the many who apply. concerto is basically one solo artist, (can be any instrument, piano, voice, trumpet, cello) being accompanied by a full orchestra. there are two rounds before the finals occur, (open applicants, then semi-finals) and then the winners are chosen.

i have dreamed about winning this competition for years, wearing my big diva flowing gown in a crowded recital hall, singing my heart out with the gorgeous symphony behind me, and just giving it my all. but unfortunately, i've never applied due to various factors. for one thing, as much as i thought i was mentally ready, my voice wasn't, so i wouldn't have gone into this competition feeling 100% about my voice. i would only do it with the determination to win it. not for the noted experience, or a chance to have exposure, but to take home the gold. and i wanted God to show me the right timing, and he made that so very clear to me last year that it wasn't my time.

one year later, and my voice has progressed as if it were running like an energizer bunny, that light seems very vivid now, so i'm going to go for it. i have no idea what my vocal competition is this year, but regardless i will still have to work hard. i absolutely LOVE my aria, it fits me like a glove, and i assure you, if you ever heard it, it will convict you and take your breath away. the competition begins the second week of january, and i hope to have a support team. it's always so exciting watching competitions on the outside. like the spelling bee? have you ever seen those on T.V.? soooo thrilling! how you get acquainted with names and faces and start rooting for a particular individual to make to the top... and you watch him/her press forward in anxiety or fail you with such a gasping moment. yah, so that's me. you'll be watching me, candidate number 0038 and you'll be rooting for me, unknown of where i'll go next in the ranking of the competition. :)

weekend

i'm soooo boggled with exams. since opera has taken over my life in the past several weeks, i have a lot of catching up to do. as much as i miss toronto, particularly phad-thai and my buddies, i may have to dungeon myself in waterloo for another week. gahhhhh, i would do anything for city life air. i love how freaking rude toronto is. the rawness, the smog, the beautiful strangers. and i'm feeling terribly nostalgic about my FCO friends. if i can't go to germany, i might as well bring germany to me (by bringing the friends). i don't want to admit it, but every now and then, you'll catch my face gleeming so bright with such vivid smiles because i'm reminiscing on faces that make me feel warm inside. ahhh, if only it would last longer than seconds.

no more opera

And so it all comes to an end...



"Ready For The Last Time" - November 19, 2005

Because I was the only one doing three principle roles for back-to-back-to-back scenes I was involved in, I received my own dressing room adjacent to the stage. I was putting on my beard for the role of BABA the Turk, for the last time.

Overwhelming compliments, generous flattery, even promising job offers. But how I would have given anything for my parents to see me on stage. I nailed it tonight, and they weren't there to see it live.

i have the sweetest friends....




these lovely faces drove all the way from toronto to come see the opera dress rehearsal tonight, but unfortunately ended up at the NEW MUSIC CONCERT in the Recital Hall, therefore missing the entire opera excerpts rehearsal! you can imagine how bored and confused they must have been watching 'new music'... hahah, i'm laughing so hard. excuse me, my mental picture is priceless right now.

anyway, THANKS GENDI, SILAS, and TIM! you have no idea how thrilled i was!

p.s. the fine faces of my friends' blog links are gone due to a malfunction with servers, so i did NOT delete the links (i would never!)... but i lost them all, and have to do them again. so that will take time. hope you can settle with text name for now. my apologies; you have no idea how much it pains me. i loved looking at everyone's faces on my blog. :(

opera shindig

Opera in FULL EFFECT.


"Cosi Fan Tutti: Sextet"


"Cosi Fan Tutti Sisters: Dorabella e Fiordiligi"


"Running away from the impostors!"

Costumes, Make-up, the whole shin-dig is going down this weekend!
VIEW MORE IMAGES I TOOK DURING 'FIGARO'

"Cosi Fan Tutti: Rehearsal" - November 2005

Opera is getting more and more exciting. My performances are never identical, and I find more ways to improve my character. I love playing Dorabella (as shown above), she is the funniest role to play amongst my three principle roles. And I love how there's no restrictions; my director is very liberal, and I am free to ad lib and perhaps even cross the line at times. Loves it!




ALL YOU PEEPS IN WATERLOO OUGHTA COME OUT AND WATCH THE OPERAS!
It's on THIS FRIDAY and SATURDAY, and is only $5 for students!
Lemme tell ya, that will never happen outside WLU. Operas can be quite pricy! Even Opera at U of T was ticketing $16 for students. WLU understands your budget! $5? That's got to be chump change!

rant

this little light rant of mine.

it's so irritating when you catch the attention of men you have absolutely no interest in. i'm talking about those unpleasant, one-track-minded kind of men that make their intentions very clear. mind you, when i walk out in public, i pretend as if i am not aware of the things around me; head held high with a very prominent forward walk. but my little secret: i observe so much, it could constitute as 'stalky'. when people make comments at me, or even say anything through one glance, i see it. i hear it. i photograph everything in my mind. that's why i love wearing sunglasses, because it makes it easier for me to observe without giving it away.

after living in europe over the past three summers, i am well aware what 'forward' men are like. if you want bluntness, europe's got it. sometimes a great thing, and sometimes an attack on your self-esteem. overall, i don't mind the city germans, because they've always been very nice to me. yes, they'll make comments or light up their face when you look at them, but it's hardly ever anything vulgar or pretentious. but at the same time, they'll make it known, if you're better off sporting a brown paperbag.

in toronto, no one gives you a time or day. goodness. even if someone was mildly interested in you, the most you'd get out of them would be a shy side smile. perhaps it's the hustle and bustle that city life does to you, but everyone's so constraint to their own bubble. i feel like we're all just two-dimensional untruthful fakes. no one expresses anything, no feelings to be had... but somehow there's always ample room for angst and intolerable cruelty if a bubble has been invaded. so much negativity, so much hostile behaviour. i bet if someone were to wildly express their contentment on the streets, that would still disturb the flow of mutes, and cause them more irritation and anger. why are we so mute? why isn't it NORMAL to make conversation with people you don't know on the subway? why do we think more with our eyes than our mouths? why are we chained to only the things we know? why can't we be free from this cold and closed-in box we make for ourselves? gahhh.

*aiy* i forgot what i was trying to say. oh right. so i miss my life in germany, because i miss the forwardness and honesty that the public never shy from. but looking deep within myself, i think it's just my desire of being complimented, whether it's good or bad, heck, just being noticed... as opposed to waterloo, where you're just another number, another bubble.

jp ferrando

In my vocal tech yesterday morning, Victor, my voice professor demands me to send loving down JP's way every time I see him. "Give him a hug, embrace him as if he were your own," he explains in his rather flamboyant, melo-dramatic tone. I laughed, and mock the idea, making every acquaintance with JP, a reason to jump his bones and bombard him with my teasing hands.

During opera rehearsal last night, I found a melancholic JP, cross-legged on the floor. I thought I'd hug him with my legs, hiding him under my skirt... (maybe that will change his mind and play for the other league, instead of my mine, ja?). Little did I realize, that all this affection Victor calls 'homework' for my case, is due to JP's recent heart problems. Perhaps this condition is contagious, because mine sank slowly as JP told me the news.




Below are a serious of screen shots JP took for me when I was rehearing Cosi Fan Tutti, being the overdramatic primadonna, Dorabella. I hated this role last year when I sung her arias in "Acting For Singers" class, but now I've put my name on it. I love making every excuse to play with my clevage and fix 'the girls' on stage - too funny.

LAURIER OPERA EXCERPTS CONCERTS: November 18th + 19th @ 8pm in Theatre Auditorium.
Please do come. It's FREE for WLU students!

weekend update

3-day weekend update

i loved this weekend because most of it was spent in the city. i spent $40.76 in the past 3 days alone, on public transit. it was the most i've ever been downtown toronto since my university career started. i had to work on my paper at the TRLibrary, and conveniently, i had Green Mango's phad thai for dinner every night. Heck, i even transported a meal, each for me and ken tonight, and ate it back at his place in waterloo. i tell ya, two things i will NEVER tire from: german language, and chicken phad thai. even the feeling of burping is amazing. gah.

so it's friday night. i get a call from cassils asking when we're going to hook up. and all talk has become walk, and soon i find myself rushing with 168's bubble tea in one hand because i was late for a 9:30 meet with Jano at Eaton Centre. a free beer was at stake, and it looked like Jan was going to be one beer richer. chased into the mall by some street loiter who questioned why i was following some random guy he pointed out, when i really should be following him (geez, and was that suppose to be a smooth pick-up?) i blindedly missed Jan leaning on the railing. then again, when he's dressed like THIS...

how the heck am i suppose to know that was Jan? LOL. i laughed so hard, i almost choked on my tapioca balls. but it was so great to see him; almost like no time has passed between us since we last saw each other post-Germany. no time for small talk, we head a couple blocks down to the Metropolitan United Church to relieve Matt from his concert. i bumped into Andrea (another past FCOer) and Jason (Marts, from opera school), both of which i haven't seen since winter term. i head over to the dressing room, and finally I find Matt. awh, he's just like how I remembered.

i think someone had to pinch us both, because we couldn't believe we were looking at each other. i smiled so big, i could feel my thick cheeks hurt.

on mahon's orders we went to "C'est what?" where we met the most incredible (assistant manager) jerk, and found ourselves crowded with a long line of names for a table and various faces at the bars. a beer or two later, and the arrival of more FES peeps like Meghan and Laura, the crap really hits the fan when Adair strolls in. jerk was anal about 7 persons at a 4 person-square-table. someone needed to unplug his bumhole because he was surely being ridiculous. a little annoyed, the atmosphere brightens when isabelle arrives! i haven't seen that chicka since FCO summer of 2004.

she's still stunningly gorgeous as usual, and still is an avid worker for Disney, (she plays characters such as Cinderella, Ariel, and Cruela DeVil) this time around, informing me that she'll be doing disney cruises (and yes, that means hook ups). sehr cool, ja? so after chugging our beer, we change scenes, across the street to Flat Iron - a much better environment, and much better BEER. KEITHS. that's what i'm talking about. a beer i know of. none of this homebrewed stuff i have no knowledge of.

cassils takes my camera and shoots jan and i with my digital. one rather candid, and another... well, i guess jan and i were just sharing a moment. i really don't know what the bottom picture is about, but i guess that's just our natural reaction to each other on film. (look at what a goofball jano is. hahaha, hilarious.) so then matt suggests we do 'caption shots' - where i make up a scenario and you are to freeze pose your reaction/emotion for me.

[*note these are very inappropriate captions. please advice, this is adult material, not for those 18 and younger. please have your parent present with you if you are an adolescent.]
TOP: 1.) discovering that aoife and i have secretly had a little more than friendship going on for over two years. BOTTOM: 2.) walking in on Helmuth and discovering he's well hung. i don't know where or how i come up with these things, but i gotta give credit to the beer. lol. anyway, i mock Jan for his angry poses when he's got beer in the picture. he begs to differ. so cassils proves my point by shooting.

iris oder jano? who has the better angry look? i guess jan takes the crown since it IS HIS look, but he doesn't look very angry there (more constipated, if anything). i'll have more evidence of his anger when i get my germany photographs published online. soon, yes, soon.





all in all, a great, fabulous chill night with some great people. it was short lived (only one night), and of course i wished we all could have stayed and chatted longer, but hopefully there will be another chance where we can prolong it for a full weekend. Veilleicht in Montreal, oder? oh, that would be dirrrrty. loves it. love 'em all.

nostalgic

ok. i just got back from downtown, meeting up with some FES peeps for beer. i really got nostalgic, and was happy to see my lovely friends again. pictures to come this weekend. but here are some added shots from the official FES site. i love it. there are a lot of the same people, but these in particular are fabulous, esp jens and jan. i need to go back to germany. gahhhh.


"Gorgeous Ueberlingen" - August 2005


"Robin's Ivory-tickler Hands" - August 2005


"Salem Entrance at Night" - August 2005


"Handsome JJ" - Sept 2005

- all taken by the talented sebastian.

Kaedan

"Kaedan Yu" - October 2005

I went to Mississauga to visit Dom/Carol/Evan and the NEW baby boy! He's only been in this world for less than two weeks! He's soooooo well behaved! Not a peep out of this one. He smelt so good, and it was neat watching him observe me when I'd sing-talk to him. I can't wait till he becomes one year old. He's going to be so cute! And yes, he's mixed. Half polish, half chinese. Gah.... I want one. I want a baby so bad.

Evan Yu

"Evan Yu" - October 2005

I was mocking Evan with his hyperactive hands and gestures. He's such a busy-body! I can barely understand what this active four year old's talking about when he's explaining about something exciting, like his brand new cars.

lesmis

"The Not-so Miserable" - October 2005

The musical was so good. It being my second time watching "Les Miserables", I appreciated it so much more. Principle roles were sung well, but Ebonine still reigns as my favourite; so pure, like smooth milk chocolate.

Top left corner, clockwise - My dad's punching me, but I'll say it's his "HERO" pose. || The beautiful Canon theatre at the front entrance indoors. || My 'rents and I heading back for home. || Ivanita and I. || More theatre shots, it was packed that night! || The lovely work on the ceiling. I loved the gold. || Ken and I at Greenjean's for dinner with my family.

anniversary

My parents are cute, don'cha think?

To celebrate this grand occasion, we are going see Les Miserables at the Canon Theatre tomorrow night. Can't wait! Love you, Mum + Dad! Sorry I can't be home longer.

love it

some things i love about... today, on my way to the bank and back to school.

i love it when a stranger breaks the silence with a commentable question about the weather.

i love it when you find someone you find attractive on the bus, and minutes later, you catch them timidly looking at you at the corner of their eye.

i love it when people hold doors for you, and acknowledge that you've thanked them.

i love it when i collide with someone, only to find that they're doing the same thing; head-boppin' to the tunes blarring out of their headphones.

i love it when someone tries to lite their cigarette, and the windy weather doesn't permit them to smoke.

i love it when the workers at 'second cup' make my caramel coretto to its absolute perfection, with sufficient whipped cream and a double doze of caramel swooshed on top.

i love it when the leaves turn reddish-yellow, and it gives you hope that change is good.

love how i managed to notice these things, all in the span of 45 minutes, from a simple errand such as paying my hydro bill.

tagged

i was TAG'd by Tim,
so now i gotta do this.
but always being the one who's 'different'
i will change it up.
they'll still be random,
but set in categories of 5 by 5.

cheers y'all.

1. I have never:
swam a full lap in the pool // driven legally // smoked weed // questioned my sexual preference (but i think women are one of the most beautiful beings) // dated an asian.

2. I will always:
have dark hair // believe in God // want children // sing jazz // speak my mind

3. Daily consistant habits:
check my email // listen to upbeat tunes when i get ready for class // wear jewelry according to attire // laugh at myself in the mirror // wear black eye-liner

4. Things that swoon me:
having my hair yanked hard // the sound of a cello // consideracy in the smallest jestures // extremely tall men // winks accomodated with a cheeky smile

5. Regarding the opposite sex:
If I'm seriously into someone, I never tell anyone. And you would never suspect.
If someone's into me, I'm usually flattered, but hardly ever impressed.
I have always had closer friendships with guys than girls.
If I know someone likes me, I usually avoid them.
Two things I will NEVER compromise for: lack of height, and lack of faith.

If you see your face in my rows of links, YOU ARE TAGGED.
feel free to use the original 5 random facts, or my awesome template of 5 by 5.
_____________

erik! du brauchst ein kommentierend, damit ich dich schreiben kann. ich werde hoffen, dass du besser bist als gut. Sei du gut zu den Damen! ;)

xtina

uh.... did anyone see Herbie Hancock feat. Miss Aguilera on LENO last wednesday?

OH MY DIRRRRRRRTY.

i could NEVER do that.
i'd have to rehearse all those dirty runs,
but she know how to sync the microphone beautifully.

geeeez. i'm so jealous.

opera talk

opera talk... it's a long one.

many underestimate what i study. i understand. many envision the fattest of beastly women, wailing out notes that dent cracks in windows, sporting viking helmuts that barely fit the egotistical diva head which match all the bling from head to toe. but one of the most important factors of opera that people who stereotype tend to forget is the "ACTING" portion of it all. being able to act, is one of the main reasons why i choose opera, why i sing, and why i've pursued it.

i find it hard to master this craft when i am limited to how much i know about myself. i've always been noted as an 'actress', but over the past week, i've learned that it's not necessarily what you present on stage, of how much you can dramatize. sometimes the best actors are those who can do absolutely flawless work out of ultimately... nothing. i struggle with that. i know my face, i know my body. i know how to react and what emotions to reveal, but when i am given the simplest state, ie.) thinking - showing the mood of 'thinking' without giving away the obvious that I AM THINKING. now, that's hard. such a simple thing, but hard concept to project across.

i have been priviledged with three completely different roles for opera excerpts this term; all suited to my abilities brilliantly. one is an overdramatic primadonna, who constantly seeks attention to the possible lost of her lover. she is spoiled, insecure, absent-minded, and has a weak spot for any man who gives her a second look. another is a she-man diva, who once graced the stage in the circus, who is nothing of societies standards, living a life that contents herself, though it may be completely off from the norm. and lastly, a melancholic, elderly sister-type, who mourns of a past love she has not forgotten, resentful and wise in her ways of experiencing love. first one is italian, second one is (british) english, and last is french. what a programme they've established for me, eh?

i had such a great time rehearsing opera last wednesday night. i was able to give so much, without trying hard and projecting forced feelings. many of my scenes worked beautifully, strictly because i wasn't thinking about it; thinking of the character, and thinking about what i was 'suppose' to feel. i was just feeling it. i was just it. and when i was done singing my solo aria in a crucial scene i had trouble with before, i was given an overwhelming sense of laughter and acclaim. it was wonderful, but i was stunned because i didn't realise what i had done. i couldn't place the details of what i had done in each bar of music, and that worried me greatly. would i be able to mimic the exact same performance again? i can't always record everything i do through mediums such as a camera, and i can't expect to give consistant perfection through my (sometimes unreliable) memory.

but just like it is in life, i am not the one who controls my life. He does. and even if i mapped it out perfectly, how i would end up in the next five years of my life, i cannot deny that He was the one who pathed it for me in the first place. let Him in control, and all will follow. i cannot rely on my dubious ways. why would i want to go my own way, when i know He will always lead my paths straight?

new week

the period's over and i'm back again.

new week,
long streak,
no matter if the tides or down
or if i'm feeling weak,
ima stride,
big pride,
and find wisdom from the power above,
he'll never leave my side.

(now read that with a hiphop flare, yo!)
______

i have two midterms to conquer this week.
baroque history and spanish language.
but more than anything,
i want the studying dungeon to collaspe,
so i can finally go home.
i would do anything for some "Green Mango" right now.
no seriously,
i would GREYHOUND it all the way downtown,
dine in for some chicken phad thai,
grab a caramel corretto at Second Cup,
perhaps do a little H&M window shopping
(and mock at how slow it is here)
and then head back to waterloo.

i miss being on my own,
independantly strolling through the busy town,
and shooting what i can capture on film....
there's just SO MUCH life out there.

numb you

sia || numb

You made me smile today
You spoke with many voices
We travelled miles today
Shared expressions voiceless

It has to end
Living in your head
Without anything to numb you
Living on the edge
Without anything to numb you

it. has .to. end .to. begin.
_______

melancholically indulging in my surpressed wallowing.
it's not what you think, i'm fine.
i just need to end things.
end feelings.
for new things.
to begin.

i got it good.

i got it good.

i can't express enough HOW MUCH I LOVE SCHOOL.
honestly, there's so much potential for me in Laurier.
what a blessing in disguise it's been.
i used to work at everything with a certain amount of pride,
and resulted in conflicts with other profs, or hated myself...
i mean, i really tore myself apart for why i was even pursuing singing.

and now that it's been a month,
i see everyday, how much my voice has progressed from previous years,
and what an instrument it is,
how God's given me something so divine that i can't even understand it.
i work my ass off these days,
and still hold the title of being my hardest critic,
but it simply amazes me,
how much things gel and come together in the end.

it's like nothing i do,
could ever displease my vocal professors.
i've been waiting to come down from these high spirits for a while,
anticipating a big sucker punch that could potentially ruin my ego,
but it JUST KEEPS getting better.
i know not, of how to fathom it all.

i am in disbelief.
and oddly enough, i fear...
at the rate i'm going now,
what will happen one year from now?

Humility and His Grace;
they've got to be the greatest key to my ongoing success.

bet e stef

i finally found it.

so i met a bartender in germany, who figured out my love for bossanova-latin music when i was freestyling with a jazz trio. not only was he dashingly good looking, but he really knew his music and was crazy about latin drumming. he introduced me to (what sounded like in his thick mexicano accent) 'best and stuff'. i looked high and low for it in the record shops in germany. nada. i went online. nada. so he later gives it to me in writing. "Bet & Stef" he writes on his card. *LIGHTBULB* so i continue searching, and still had no luck in germany. so the only way i could enjoy this fabulous music was to see him at the bar where he controlled the music.

WEEKS LATER, i remember about it, and look for it again. BAM. i found it. too bad it's over $30 bucks a piece! gargh... why are imports so expensive! i need more friends from europe to make frequent pitstops to toronto. anyway, give it a listen. it's sooo smooth. much like a softer side of BRAZILECTRO.


_______

some may think i'm crazy,
but i stayed in waterloo for thanksgiving.
i've got way too much to do, and i love being independant in my own apt.
i haven't had that feeling in ages.
like a whole 4-day weekend for opera, composing, and jazz.

white ninja comic

even reading it the 2836th time through,
i STILL LAUGH OUTLOUD.

my stomach is cramping.
totally love tim for sending me this one.

it's just as funny reading it in germany,
as it is, reading it in waterloo.



"Befriends" - by www.whiteninjacomics.com

mo money, mo problems

drama-free

i can't stress enough how much i love living at my apt right now.
FYI UPDATE: i live in waterloo with my gal Alli, and three other guys.
i take for granted how little men care about the trivial things,
and how easy life would be, if everyone would just take things with a grain of salt.

coming home from class is like a sanctuary.
i can do my own thing,
they can do theirs,
we get the occasional dance party mix from 1st floor,
but i can only laugh at this dude's music selection,
and not let the anger eat me up.

i see much change in me, from two years ago.
i don't sweat the small stuff,
and have a better appreciation for people,
even when they do the smallest things.

life in waterloo is wonderful.
dare i say,
it's almost 'home'.

for those times

time to share my album listening preferences!

listen to this, for those times...

right before bed: Aqualung, "Strange and Beautiful"
getting ready for the day: Goldfrapp, "Supernature"
strutting to school: Jamie Cullum, "Catching Tales"
chilling alone: Esthero, "Wikked Lil' Grrrrls"
you wanna break it down and boogey: Jamiroquai, "Dynamite"
trying to learn german: Wir Sind Helden (We are Heros), "Die Reklamation"
wanting to relive german hotel moments: Tokio Hotel, "Schrei"
frontin': Common, "Be"
working out: Brazilectro, Latin Flavoured Club Tunes "Vol.4"
crusing in the car: Jem, "Finally Woken"
feeling edgy yet quirky: Franz Ferdinand, their debut untitled album
blogging: Imogen Heap, "Speak For Yourself"

ok. it bothers me.

ok, it bothers me.

It bothers me when He puts amazing people in my life,
and they just get taken away.

It bothers me when I know I shouldn't develop anything with certain people,
and yet they just keep getting closer.

It bothers me when He doesn't give me reasons,
but only answers for more questioning.

But more importantly,
it bothers me when I know what is right,
and yet, I cave in and grow weak in the knees.

Strive to be strong,
and nothing's going to bring me down.
I will overcome,
I will overcome.

isn't He beautiful?

Isn't He Beautiful?

it's 4:30AM, the first night this week, where the moon didn't wake me with its glorious luminous light. it would shine so bright, that even the most elaborate of dreams couldn't keep my eyes from resting. and i would never complain. each time, more intriguing than the last. the moon and i would face each other, and i'd hold that moment, lying on my bed, moon-glowed, thinking if someone else was sharing this beautiful moment with me.

have you looked out your window lately? it really is beautiful.
________

every night, i watch a slide show of the endless images i captured in germany, and it always hits all the right heart strings. the past four days has passed me like an eternity, and there's so much i wish i HAD done, so i wouldn't sit here in regret. so many meaningful words that i didn't share, so many honest thoughts that no one could have ever fathomed. i stood quiet, in fears that it was too much too soon, but i wish i took that chance, because these people imprinted their colours onto my heart palette, and the inspiration overflows that there's much to paint.

i hate to say it, but i love school.

this year, (or maybe just this week) has been the best time of my entire school career. so many good things happened, and so many great things to look forward to. other than the excitement of my opera roles, i experienced an AMAZING spanish class this morning. i'll admit, it does bother me, arriving one week late for school, having to catch up, and miss out on all the things established in the first few classes, like course material, availability of books, and most importantly, finding the right circle of friends to mingle and perhaps depend on throughout the term.

i was 10 minutes early for my 10AM spanish class, and i eyed everyone so meticulously, i could feel my sockets burning, but i was determind to hand pick one female candidate (of the 80+ persons in the lecture room) who could be my immediate (and perhaps temporary) friend, aiding me with what i've missed. my instincts picked the cards right and i found the sweetest, global studies major amongst the freshmans. i left the seat adjacent to her, (aka jess) to go speak to my ever-so hilarious prof, (who has vocal chords that would make my mother sound like a mouse) and when i came back to my chair, an adorable but confused male stood between the chair of jess and i. i offered to move seats, thinking he was friends with jess, but clearly he was LOST.

as i spoke to him... i discover an accent and voice distinction that mimicked my dear friend, Jens from the FES. OMG, i thought. this dude's GERMAN. i spreche some deutsches to him, revealing more pieces of the puzzle. it so happens, that he, Robert, is from Berlin and just moved to Waterloo three weeks ago for an eight month study at WLU. I WAS JUST IN BERLIN LAST THURSDAY. WHAT A COINCIDENCE, eh? when i told him all about me + germany, his face lit up. it was like watching an episode of children during early christmas morning. it was amazing. ironically, though we're in spanish class together, i told him i'm determind to work on my german with him, and he so willingly agreed. too bad he's 18, otherwise it would have been a lovely romantic story that i could have published. nope - but that's not how erica's life works. =d

And schools starts with a BANG!

I was super duper stoked about coming back, because I miss the routine of things, and was sick of Back and Bier in relative combination. I came back with such a positive mind frame and it really hit me back. I didn't think people in faculty actually remembered me, but apparently I left a big void in Music by not being in school the first week it started.

I am so baffled at HOW MUCH WORK I HAVE TO DO. But this is a good thing, because I am not talking about essays and assignments, or large amounts of textbook reading. I have roles to learn! I've been blessed to be cast in good roles, 3 of the 4 opera excerpts we are doing at Laurier. I couldn't believe it at first, but seeing it confirmed on the opera board, my heart nearly skipped a beat. For you curious opera-knowledgable folks, here's what I'll be doing this November for the Opera Excerpts Concert.

1. Stravinsky's "The Rake's Progress" as Baba the Turk
2. Massenet's "Werther" as Charlotte
3. Mozart's "Cosi Fan Tutti" as Dorabella
and 4. Chorus Member in Mozart's "Le Nozzi di Figaro"

EXCITING, EH? What a diversity of roles! I will explain later in detail how my characters are. I myself, need to do research on these operas because I clearly don't know enough about all of them.

I went to TORONTO yesterday night to see COC's "MACBETH" - I wish I wasn't so jetlagged, because that could have influence my thoughts negatively about the performance. But I was disappointed and stunned at how poor the main lead, Macbeth's intonation was. All in all, an 'ok' performance. Verdi's Macbeth isn't my cup of tea, and there were a couple moments that made me cringe in my uncomfortable chair. Being there last night, pretty much showed me that there is absolutely NO comparison in Opera Companies between Toronto and what's offered in... let's say, EUROPE. I really don't see His calling here in Canada, well, at least in Toronto. And our opera culture is so dead. So many of you probably don't even know what's playing at the COC! And I don't blame you, it's just in the culture. We pay to watch movies at the theatres, and Europeans pay to watch operas at the theatres. This makes me sad.

These are a few of my favourite things....



Michael Carty (from Ottawa, Canada) and I, at a very ritzy restaurant called Amici in Stuttgart, Germany. He is such a loving man. There's nothing I would change about him.

My Lithuanian one-of-a-kind jem, Andrejus Kalinovas aka Venus Williams (and I am Serina, as he would nickname us, since we would sweat it out for hours playing badminton). He was my proclaimed fairy. I will miss his cute little trots on the court.

Two faces I'll never tire from: Jens Paulus (Stuttgart, Germany) and Jan Vaculik (Toronto, Canada). They were my two straight shooters.

Here's to BERLIN! Jan took this for me; he's good at angling perception with the camera. I just pose, and he centers and shoots perfectly.

LOL. Look at Sebastian, (Stuttgart, Germany) the timpani replacement in the background. He kills me. So full of humour 24/7. He pulls that look EVERYTIME. It's effortless.

Jensie overcoming his homophobia. This pose was Jan's idea. What a sweetie, eh? I love them to bits. Gah... breaks my heart.

The overdone "agony-open-mouthed" coined by Vladimir Maric (Los Angeles, USA on the far right) and Anne-Marie Dicce (San Diego, USA), the hilarious Americans.

Matt CassiLIS (Montreal, Canada) and Jan, bartending at the Hotel Royal out of kicks. That was a party I will never forget. 45 persons jammed into one hotel room. 1 flute, 1 guitar, 1 trumpet, and endless cases of beer.

My babe, Aoife! ('E-fah' from Calgary, Canada) I don't remember taking this picture, but I love it.

Donald Meineke (USA) makes me warm inside. He always manages to pull off something hawt on camera. We are champagning it up, at the after-party in Leipzig.

Jens had too many biers. Our last night in Germany, he tips off his hat to Duesseldorf by stealing a meter road sign.