why is it, in the last hours of the year, your heart urges you to do the things you haven't done yet. like confess true feelings, or come clean about things you've been trying to bury. email the old friend you 'meant' to write ages ago, or send simple instant messages to those contacts you've blindly neglected.

frankly, i dislike new year's. my mind runs in circles, i dicipher my every move, and think too much... to the point of madness. and then the stomach gets frantically hungry at you, because you haven't fed it in the 7 hours you await for the ball to drop. booze doesn't help either. and you're always in the company of people you like, but still, would rather be with that "one" and become pensive over future possibilities.


Deshalb will viel von mir in, zu gestehen und geben Ihnen zu erzählen, was Sie zu mir bedeuten.

ok. how could you NOT enjoy this bass-o?
geoff gascoyne, cullum's bassist.

"She can't fall for you,
                                      if you're not there to catch her".

                                                                                   - alex kelly from "O.C."

i thought i'd visit and see what ken/nevin's hype was all about in this annual tobogganning event. little did i know just how HARDCORE the NTCBC guys were...


"Nevin and Ken" or as i'd like to call them "Ke-vin" - courtesy of Michael Mak
these two are my favourite aerial shots that mike took.


"Tobogganers (plus spectator)"
yeah, i wussed out. didn't dress for the occasion. and it was cooooooold. regardless, i had fun just watching these guys injure themselves.

go to mike's site for more images

just a couple things:

     health is good. no more vomiting.

     TIM ROCKS. yeah, YOU. TIM. (and i have a button to prove it)

     "mafia" never fails.

     i'm bloated from too much festing.

     coincidence? the whole town is going to michigan.

     and it's HARDCORE TOBOGANNING tomorrow morning! whut-whut? (i hope i survive the weather).

dinning hall - i'm not eating there for the next 48 hours.
i just vomitted up half a waste basket of my chunky chicken sandwich and peach juice. massive food poisioning. not cool, not cool.

Lord only knows...

i've got 13 hours before my last final.
i hope God gives me strength and the will to do this exam.

pray for me, please.
i'm so weak.

Dec 21st 10:30AM UPDATE
so i didn't make it to my 9AM exam. my stomach still feels the need to vomit and i feel uncomfortable diarrhea approaching. even going to the ARTS office for a deferred examination, i felt faint. i couldn't find the bloody office and i was walking in circles. i'm suppose to write the exam in april, but i can't wait that long. heck, i'd even do it tomorrow, cause i'm sooo ready to own this exam but doctors say i might have a VIRAL INFECTION (which last for several days!!) *crying* wow... way to spend my christmas, eh?

why, Lord? why?

feel free to caption this one.



oh, john.

i'm incredibly excited for the following:

1. day/spree with ashley (plus vehicle) in loo
2. free salmon dinner & booze at the hamilton jazz gig
3. my day of harmonious freeeeeedom
4. seeing evan and the family for christmas dinner
5. roadtripin' the states with the coolest of 'hootchi mammas'
6. counting down the minutes till 2005   ha, not. totally overrated.

who watched the 2004 Billboard Awards?

did anyone take note of the awful tunning in the performance by Evanescense? first off, i thought Amy Lee handled it well... you could see her face in disbelief (while on the piano) when her band came in during the last stanza of their live performance of "My Immortal" because the guitars were at least 3/4 of a tone sharp. But after watching the performance again, i realize it was the Balwin grand that was out of tune! (which set the entire performance off key) you could even tell from the orchestra adjusting a full tone. LIKE, what kind of company offers to give GRAND PIANO THAT'S COMPLETELY OUT OF TUNE??? shame on Balwins. it was by far the worst intonation performance i've ever heard.

well, at least Amy Lee's vocals sounded good.

so today was eventful.

i spent the mid afternoon with Matt in the MoFo recording his jazz composition pieces - likely the best recording session i've ever done, vocally and leisurely. it was a set team: olaf on drums, matt on piano, and lucas on cello *drool*. i simply couldn't have had it any better. if you'd like a listen, here are the two short pieces matt composed for my voice.

[Arrest the Moon] | [Heart Talk] - copyright of Matthew Newton, 2004.
(mad kudos to nevin for webspace)

then matt, ashley and i ran through the freezing rain like army troopers to ash's car to shop at staples. i love their clearance section. i got some high-duty durable mechanical pencils for $1.60 each, and a staple remover for 25 cents. sweeet. i love random stationary.

back at school for my very last voice lesson, which went great. i'm starting to find the right repetoire for my low sonority voice. schumann and i get along very, very well.

and lastly, the annual studio christmas party at Sheila's, which is always awkward for me since the individuals in my vocal studio aren't the same social circle of friends i have, but it's always nice to sit back and listen to the hilarious stories and catch up with inside jokes. i purposely skipped dinner tonight to feast on the 5 various deserts brought. victor makes a mean raspberry chocolate cheesecake! now i gotta run it off tomorrow morning cause it sure isn't sitting well in my body.

school's over! woot! the term ended nicely. definitely not the hardest of terms i've ever had, but definitely without a doubt, one of my favourites. why? because i was able to do all the things i love. chill out with dear friends, break out into jazz skats, develop a love for foreign languages, work on my personal compositions and just sing to my heart's content.

who said opera couldn't rap?

so i met alli's hilarious friends at the Bomber one night and got-a-talkin' to robbie, who's a fan of phat beats and remixing. i joked about hooking him up with my opera singing to remix as a challenge. one click on MSN, and this boy was at work. i find this all too amusing, but it's pretty good for a quick mix of 30 minutes.

he, (aka Dufferin) and his partner-in-crime, Davenport came up with this.

mad kudos to rumbles for webspace

finally they acknowledge that they were in toronto!!

new jamie cullum pics are online.



i'm totally diggin jamie's 'lunette' look. still fancy that geoff (left) more, though.

titu-what?

this week has been hectically hectic, being heavily involved with music in the faculty and with my own personal things. WLU choir has been rehearsing every day for 2 hours since Monday; i've been working for at least an hour each day on my jazz repetoire for my upcoming gig; i've been pursing my compositions and am almost ready for final drafts; i've got a recording session for 4hours at the MoFo recital hall on monday for Matt's composition pieces; and lastly, i've been the last official addition to the WLU opera. (which rehearses 11 hours a week!) it was such an honour that the voice profs recommended me to play an important role in the 'Crucibles', even though i'm not in the opera programme. who else, but this asian mezzo-soprano to play a foreigner (a slave from barbados, to be exact) named Tituba who is convicted of being associated with the devil, and suspected 'witch' in a salem town?

today was my first rehearsal. 1:30-4:00pm. i basically open Act One and have my main singing parts in the first Act. only less than three months to learn this 225 paged, 2 hour opera. HARDCORE indeed. but all must attend in March for this annual big WLU production. the music is absolutley beautiful, and get this ---> it's in ENGLISH! no translations or pre-synopsis needed!

*gah* could i BE any busier?

but i only have 3 exams, and two of them are music presentations (like conducting the Beethoven 5th symphony) so i'm not complaining. :d

it really sucks,
because i'm unable to do anything but read blogs and chat on MSN at home.
something's fishy with my internet provider.

anyway, some things on my mind.

i really need a new CD player. i thought the panasonic discman i bought five years ago would last me for an eternity, but according to last wednesday's italian presentation... i guess not. it kept skipping the track while i was singing an aria. i thought i'd throw in some brownie points if i sung with my partner (who so happens to be an opera major in 5th year) an italian song that had nothing to do with Rome.

i've missed out on regular routine, due to performances and concerts, but i'm really enjoying it. i've spent a lot of time with particulars in my faculty, and have been able to promote myself (as a vocalist) to the composition majors, so there are some compositions in the works that are particularly for my voice, that i wait with anticipation.

i've seen "The Incredibles" abou 4 times now. thanks to euge, i have a copy of it, and it's pretty sweet in quality. i'll definitely have my eye on it when it comes out on DVD for sale.

snow is here. i'm not the happiest of campers. it's having to wash out the white gunk on the bottom of my pants DAILY. not so fun.

i can't wait for christmas. i think it's going to be a good holiday this time around.

this weekend was slow, but definitely good.

i spent most of it chilling with my gurl, alli. we watched some, talked some, ate some, worked-out some (bodypump is hardcore at goodlife fitness), and then killed some serious dough at Conestoga Mall (or at least 'I' did).

god's revealed himself to me in many ways. i've stopped trying to reason my thoughts and feelings in my head, and through excuses. i've been blinded by emotion, which i always think is the worst. so now that i've come out of the hole, i think it's safe to say that i will be strong and fine. i was foolishly trying to substitue god's void with secular things, and of course, all failed and god still comes out strong. it just crumbles me, the way feelings make you weak.

i'm having a bad day.

and when i'm glum, i clean.
so i did the kitchen.

still. sad.
still annoyed with my feelings.

one knock on the door.
"you have a package"

all i can say,
is GENDI and TIM: YOU ROCK ROCK ROCK.
i literally cracked up laughing at every item taken out of the package.

totally made my day.
so now,
i am having a good day.

ok. i need to vent.
it's been a long time but i gotta do a 'quickie'.

i hate.. (and hate is a strong word) when guys are so forward.

note: i have condensed the story, due to distasteful content

i was walking home, after a long day of rehearsals; tired, beat, and ready to scarf down the next possible edible thing in contact. i was about to climb the DAWB stairs when a guy (standing adjacent to a blonde friend) pulled me aside, stopped me, and asked me straight up, "Do you have a boyfriend?" the blonde says under her giggled breath, "Oh my gawd, I can't belive you just said that." so i, puzzled (at the terrible pick-up line AND his looks) snapped back, "Are you always this forward?" Never saw a man so silently numb. i didn't even wait for a response, i continued homeward.

after thinking about what just happened, i almost wish i had lead the dude on, and then give him a verbal beating only mamma's are capable of. 'cause NO man oughta be like that. IT's CALLED CLASS. *AUGH* like WHO falls for lines like that? i pity them.

what a killer weekend.
- probably the most intensive time i've spent in the heart of toronto in years.

i didn't get a chance to chill with the regulars, and i missed out on pneumatos and service due to stacked rehearsals, but i've grown to love my choir posse. you're bound to get chummy with familiar faces at school who are merely just names you've seen in programmes, but when you spend 5 full days together on a bus, or in a church, or even shopping at the Eaton Centre, you discover some interesting hues of personality. i wish our choir could go on tour, but we're not exactly a chorus of high caliber... yet. but i'm glad the particular few choose to skip school and do this event cause in the end, it was all worth it.

the first couple of nights were slow but it was great to see old pals from germany again. i crashed at aoife's killer appartment, where i slept in the patio area. it was smackdown in the yorkville area, which equals to NOISE NOISE NOISE. it was rough waking up to sirens and honking horns, but thankfully the bed was comfortable and i made it for rehearsal in time. (ah, unlike all the other times)

i met up with Aoife and Farah and some uofT singers at Green Mango - which i highly recommend! i've been there before, but don't remember the chicken pad thai being THAT good. ohhhh.. i can still taste it. it's right up there with Spring Rolls.

anyway, this is a crazy and busy week for me. i'm debuting Matt's short composition pieces this wednesday at the Student Composer Concert in the MoFo - jazz influetial music with a touch of cello and drums. *AH* could it BE any better? i will definitely get recordings for that!

doesn't it suck,
when you see precious gold,
and you want to touch it,
but you know you can't,
and when the opportunity arises,
you get closer to it,
only to find it's not gold?

yah. that sucks.
(that saying also goes for smokers.)

(death on the mind)

ever worried that the people who mean something to you,
yet have not the slightest idea of their significance to you,
will leave this earth sooner than expected?
one's journal triggered these thoughts,
and it's left this heaviness in my heart.
ironically, i don't think of individuals who i cross paths with daily,
or immediate members of the family...
but those i've failed to communicate over the past years.
it almost makes me want to do something spontaneous,
and reveal truths right here and now.
however, realistically, this is not of public matter,
but something i need to do personally.

i wish each and every one of you, knew how much i appreciate YOU.
how i miss the old times and wish to gain new ones.

badly bruised from softball,
joints still freakily vibrating,
but still drooling over (love actually's) 'Carl'.

bloated from rice cakes,
overdosed on HD Bailey's ice cream,
but loving the itis.

got a jazz gig in hamilton, (dec 19)
am duoing with one of the best jazz pianists,
but will sell out old friends in one of the best christmas concerts at Roy Thompson Hall.

am content with school,
absolutely loving my friends,
but still longing for the one thing i can't have.

i watched my first full hour of television at the lester apt,
(obviously catching the first episode of OC season 2)
and i was completely intrigued by a movie commercial,
that featured all my favourite actors,
(JUDE LAW, JULIA ROBERTS, and NATALIE PORTMAN)
entitled "CLOSER"
i absolutely can't wait to OWN it.
yes, i'm already thinking that far ahead.
i applaud the editers choice for using Damien Rice's "Blower's Daughter" for the commericial.
it simply couldn't have hit my heart any stronger.
(that song sucks every possible emotion out of me.)

the wait is over.

i've been eying this DVD for half a year now, and i finally found a decent pricing for it. i bought "Love Actually" and "About A Boy" for $30 at HMV. the Hugh Grant theme was a fluke, but i do enjoy British Filming! and HOW about that 'Carl', eh? (played by Rodrigo Santoro) i almost lost my sanity when he turned up on the screen. i don't recall seeing anything hawter.

i finally got around to uploading digital images from the jamie cullum concert. take a look here. too bad, i don't have any space for all ya'll to hear the videos i took. the sound quality's great.

!!!! FCO updated their website for next year's programme,
and it's going to be FIVE FULL weeks, where we'll be performing in LEIPZIG, BERLIN, ESSEN and... *drum roll please*...ATHENS!! woooooooo!

ok. i am SOOOOO auditioning. even if it was JUST stuttgart, i'd do it for the love of Bach and H&M!

but let's hope i make it, because they're only taking 11 singers in my applicable section -alto. (that's cut more than half of last year) 56 singers altogether. *oh dear*

ahhhh!! i love it, i love it! how i miss the silly games of beach volleyball with the boys!

ok. i'm getting nostalgic now. *sigh*


The FCO 2004 gang! can you find me?

first tear of the term

it's unfortunate my week didn't start off as nicely as my weekend did.
i had to perform on monday in masterclass, which is when all the students who study voice under the same vocal professor sing two prepared songs/arias/excerpts for the class. i sing once every other week for 15-20 minutes. i love masterclass because it gives me practice, exposure, and allows me to show others what i've been working on and how i've been progressing. at the rate i learn songs, i always have a couple songs prepared weekly, which is why i highly anticipate the monday mornings when it's my turn to shine. but last monday just wasn't my day. i knew the day would come when i'd fall from this plateau of praise, but i didn't know i'd fall that hard.

i sung the contralto arias from Bach's Christmas Oratorios. i wasn't at ease due to the cold air and dry temperature. eventually i lost my concentration and lacked breath control. it was getting no where and i literally just wanted to jump off the stage and run away. i was so tempted to tear up while i was singing, but i held it in... until i was able to escape and escort myself to the furthest washroom where no one would find me. it wasn't the embarrassment or how badly i SUCKED that made me emotionally break down, but the reality of how i worked my ARSE off perfecting those arias, and i knew i could OWN it, but i ended up getting crapped all over myself. and it was ALL my doing.

minutes later, i returned to masterclass, sporting mild red-eye and the biggest fake smile you'd ever witness. when class was over, i was bombarded with compliments. WHY IS THAT? i hate that. it's bad enough that i NEVER handle compliments well. not that i don't appreciate the comments or doubt it's truth of sincerity but they feel like sympathic comments. "Erica... I thought you sang well today." or "Oh... c'mon, now. You're being too hard on yourself." i just find it rather peculiar how no one compliments you when you do stellar work, but you get overwhelmingly encouraged when you fall to the lowest of lows.

... perhaps i'll start SUCKING more. (kidding)

i made a last minute call to return home on friday,
and i don't regret it one bit. i love my family and friends.
i always look forward to two things when i head back to toronto.
(one) shopping on a saturday afternoon at Markville. why? one title. H&M. that store is my WEAKNESS! *gah* even with the canadian pricing (which is almost doubled to what i pay in Euros) i still give in to at least one item. so i bought a pair of pin-striped pants. and of course underwear. i love their undergarments.

(two) PJ sermons. no, really. i ain't kidding. i actually look forward to Joe when he preaches, to see how much he's improved from the last time i heard him. this morning was a little bit of struggle to keep the eye lids open, but i managed to pay attention to the whole thing. he's been putting a lot more personal anecdotes and includes audience participation, which i always enjoy. i liked how he talked about people who choose not to forgive, holding personal grudges out of their own bitterness. how true that is! some actually take pleasure in being inwardly angry. i think even those who've been hurt or offended need to forgive themselves for such behaviour.

anyway, despite the small attendance of pneuma crew at MCBC today, it was really nice catching up with some peeps. wish i had time for lunch and chats, but i had to eat with family. you know, the usual sunday afternoons at home.

ooh! and i got my pictures developed from the end of Germany, Wayne & Jess' wedding and my visit to Mississauga to see Evan and company. oh! if only you could see them all. the quality turned out REALLY nice!

Jamie's on-stage beer that i stole for Clint!! it was still half full!


Jamie's saliva is still on the bottle! hrm... can we say, "ebay"?


Clinton with the freshly signed bottle.


and to top of the night, we celebrate Kary's big day with a big smashing card from JC!

i don't mean to brag, but...

JAMIE CULLUM CONCERT IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS! wooo!


A collage of my photos that i made for Jamie to sign.
(heh.. since everything i practically have of his, is already signed)


"Jamie's autograph" - May 2004.
how cool, eh? he actually takes the time to draw a keyboard in EVERY autograph.

friends.
you can always count on them to do stupid things with you.

i killed 3 hours at Sobey's Supermarket on friday night. we shopped for the first hour, got locked in for the next (registers were down) and basically ran the aisles and acted like an idiot for the most of it.

(( VIDEO: Idiotrun ))

(btw, you'll need imagestation. if you don't, join.)

AHA! muahahahahha...*sinister*
i caught the bugger!! i found a big spider nestling in the window ledge. so i jumped my chance to kill it. that's the same bugger who bit my face before the weekend. so i stabbed off the legs and let him be. muahahhaaha.

the weekend was awesome. i missed family. i missed good food. i've gained 4 pounds over the past 4 days. that screws up my whole diet, but if i had to inhale all that goodness to see family, it was well worth it. my little cousin Evan is still as cute as ever. despite how little his three year old body is, he has developed the gignormous vocal chords only found in the YU (my mother's side) family and has a new love for singing karaoke.

all in all. it was a good weekend.

wow. what a night.
i met some wonderful people today, and now wayne and jess are happily wed.
i can't believe it's only been half of the weekend holiday.
the wedding banquet held GOOOD authentic chinese, so now i'm bloated and gasy. fun.
i still have two more festive dinners to go... so i'm desperately craving cardio time. oh, how i miss my dumbells!

some crazy 'papparazzi' action at the wedding. i'll be sure to post hook ups of all the candid fun. man, i really need to get with the times and get me some of that DSRL. i hold my head in shame as the FILM rewinds. i know i said i'd never go digital, but it seems as though i just may have to convert.

argh... i'm tempted to make this annoying itchy creature bite into a long-desired 'beauty-mark', though it would be rather awkward since Cindy Crawford has conformed society into believing that only such 'marks' exist in the lower region of the mouth. (how sexual)

on a side note: I GOT my TAO OF GROOVE CDS yesterday in the mail! woo.. all the way from L.A.! it has inspired me to write and journal again. it's been three years since i'd jotted thoughts on page. i blame it on blogger for sucking me into its world and making me addicted.

welps, i'm going to H&M markville today. i hope they have decent fall-line fashions. but i also hope they don't carry everything Stuttgart, Germany did, or else i'll be seeing more of me on other people.

a spider bit my face!!

i thought it was a zit, but i've never gotten a zit directly below the eye and it has no characteristics of a pimple, other than it's bump (and awfully itchy). bargh... and wayne's wedding is in 2 days! bugger me BUGGER.

Well painted passion
You rightly expect
Impersonation
The dumbing down of love
Jaded in anger
Love underwhelms you
No box of chocolates
Whichever way you fall
And if i tell you
Lover alone without love
What will happen
Lover alone without love
Will you listen
Lover alone without love
No no i'll get this
I want to treat you
You're still not famous and you haven't struck it rich
Underachieving
Cos no one's receiving
This tunnel vision
Is turning out all wrong
Music is worthless unless it can make a
Complete stranger break down and cry
And if I tell you
Lover alone without love
What will happen
Lover alone without love
Will you miss him?
Love alone without love

- "The Dumbing Down of Love" by Imogen Heap of 'Frou Frou'

words are just words - don't read it, listen to it.

currently feeling: anxiety, guilty, excited and PO-ed at the same time.

i hate the beginnings of things.
nothing's certain, nothing's understood.
everything is laid out and yet nothing's done.
i don't like feeling hopeless, and jumbled with the same thoughts.
something's gotta be done, someone better move,
whether one wounded, or one mended...
anything's better than what's now.
____

i'm definitely looking forward to the week. wayne and jess are getting married and i'll be musically taking part on drums and vocals. i'll have to whack at the djembe for a bit and get some inspiration from my fellow brazilian remix, but i think it will go nicely. just as long as egos are out and JC's our focus.

school is just starting to get hectic. i've been assigned over 20 pieces of music to sing in the next little while. and none of it's german. ha, perhaps my teacher is trying to say something? i can't help it. i am in love with german lieder, and it's so easy to learn. ahwell.

oh, and for all those who thought i'd die during the car ride up to waterloo with Wayne and Matt - I SURVIVED. thank goodness my PMS didn't get in the way of things, cause there would have been mad ruckus.

baffled by thoughts,
fighting the words,
oblivious to clues,
and deciphering my moves.

i try to write it down on paper
but no tune comes to mind,
only chords, simple melodies,
and the mental comforts of you.
_____

i've spent the past five hours composing. i've got a lot of good stuff in the works, but it's all draft. i hate how lyrics are the key element that keeps me from completing my songs. bugger.

"Better to ask for forgiveness, than permission."

- l. willingham (my choral conductor)
his tactful advice in approching other profs to miss classes for an excursion.

my computer has been picked up from the hospital; it had some flem, PT got it out. so now things are fine and dandy. still having problems checking email but that's my server's problem, not the computer.

lately i've been completely indulging in "24" - what a dirrrty show. (and when i say dirty, i mean DANG good) ken should have never introduced me.

i took aoife's advice and detoxied (sp?) the other day. dang, it feels good but i can only pray i don't get the runs.

i went shopping with hannah yesterday and blew an easy 80 bucks on randomness. i was happy to find that pilate/yoga mat i've been dying for (only $20 too). shopping in loo just made me appreciate germany's fashion more. man, we are SO behind the times. *snap snap* we gotta get grooving on it. i've decided anything HOBO, is in. so raid your grandma's closet, cause she's got some a-happenin' things.

singing with martens couldn't be any better. i fear the day this phase runs dry.

p.s. i am hopelessly in love with the celli. (i miss watching ira)

i feel like my computer has lost all knowledge of how to operate.
i don't know what happened to my poor baby, but it's just not functioning the same. it can't check emails, it can't scan photos, it can't even remember my blog password when i specifically clicked the 'remember me' box. boooo.

i can honestly say right now that i love school. i love waterloo, the people, my schedule, and just in general, my outlook on life. things are changing this time around. i'm not letting the trivial things overcome me, and i will try to sustain the good spirits around me.

the only thing that saddens me right now, is not being able to see more of my deutschland buds. we have such different schedules... we don't even cross paths in the hallway. :(

i miss germany, but don't get me wrong. i sure am glad to be back.

"Krankenhaus"
can you spot the krankiness in each of us? yes, my bum is kranky.
(kudos to chelsey for the image)

JAMIE CULLUM'S IN TORONTO OCTOBER 19th!

who's with me? clinton, you better be free!
mad kudos to sifi for the heads up!

i went to the internet cafe sunday afternoon to give my last update. spent about 40 minutes typing my heartfelt words... and then the computer suddenly shuts itself off. man, was i peeved. so peeved i lacked the patience to rewrite the moment of recaping. so forgive me on the lack of updates. (at least i got my 1 euro back - dirt cheap, eh?)

so i got an email from bryan leung saying that he moved to Kaufbeuren, Germany recently for a 4 month term job. crazy, eh? too bad my busy arse kept me away from the computer, hence failing to email him early enough to meet up in Stuttgart before leaving the country. dang. i wish i just had ONE more free day so i could have taken that dude around. apparently he's loving it, so i'm sure he'll manage and get to visiting the wonderful automobile industry of Stuttgart.

it's 5AM tdot time. i am massively jetlagged, and barely packed for school in waterloo. i start class at 1pm (ahh... i love Tuesday/Thursdays) and am stoked about seeing particular people. all i want to do is fade into the studio and write songs as they pour out onto the keyboard, until the sound of the cello releases me from mental tension.

i'm on a mission. i'm going to do all i can, to get a jazz quartet band together. after what i experienced in überlingen, i realize how great it is to share jazz with everyone. perhaps i can get hooked up with a gig in Wilf's open night.

did you know?

you are not suppose to lock any luggage you check in. if you do, airlines have every right to demolish your suitcase and cut it open, returning it to you damaged and unsafety wrapped with rope and tape. it happened to Mcbride (and the poor guy has 5 suitcases since he's moving to England for school). just so you know.

things are great.

i have officially spent €180 at H&M. my entire fall line is pratically complete. i said i would go buck and buy the most european of shoes and so i did. apparently ballet shoes with laces are in. so i went to TACK and bought a pair of red shoes. it's pretty out there, but i'll sport them at school and see what the reaction is. only €24,50.

i've been spending a lot of time strolling around Königstraße and pensively enjoying the scenary. and has much as i try to soak up the fabulous city life of stuttgart, i still miss toronto. nothing beats a good beat in your ear while riding the rocket, or sitting at Second Cup, writing visual expressions. these are the solitary things i miss.

things i've observed over the past week at stuttgart. the fashion culture has changed. perhaps the weather has a lot to do with it, but people aren't as fashionable as last year. i've come to realize that it really doesn't matter which fashion faux-pas you break, or how daring you combine your colours. there are no boundaries on the streets of germany. you be as you please. i think much of this has to do with the recent incoming of cultures. being asian in the city used to be a huge sore thumb, but you can literally find every lanuage and ethnic background here. unfortunately for me, despite how many asians/chinese are found, they ALL speak mandarin - which leaves me completely clueless. thankfully i have Kee (percussion from FO) who understands both mandarin and chinese so we converse when we cross paths.

i love to dress up, and if i can posh it up, i will. something interesting i noticed while being out in the city (whether day or night) they don't hoot or whistle when they check you out. they make this obsurb 'oouch' when you pass by. i generally ignore the comments, but can't help and laugh every time a man yelps, 'oouch' infront of me. i always fall for it, thinking they stepped on something hard or nailed their toe on those darn mosaic stones.

the chorale chamber concert went... uh, ok. well, i guess. i'll be honest, the chorale isn't as skilled chorally as last year's choir, but the blend is definitely a lot better this time around. we just had too many divas and divos (incredible soloists) last year that it didn't and couldn't have worked as one blended sound. one of the things that really pushes my buttons is people's attitudes in rehearsals. many think they're the director, therefore causing interruptions during maria's rehearsals. it can be quite aggrevating, but you learn to just deal.

anyway, i should go, i'm up in 15 minutes for the Te Deum with the orchestra that's sounding terrific. cheers everyone, and see ya'll soon.

the best night in Überlingen!



here i am, with two of my favourite people, Aoife (in the hot french hat) and Johannes (my adorable german imitator) watching the dancers go crazy while the band plays some hot tunes. i'm skatin' a jazz solo while i wait for the band to finish their number so i can sing "Blame it on my Youth", which turned out rather nicely, even with several glasses of white wine in me.

i'm in the city now, in Stuttgart and i absolutely love it here. the hotel i'm staying at is gorgeous. i am seriously too spoiled. and i am only one block away from Königstraße (king street) - still by far the best shopping district i've ever been to. first stop i made: H&M for 4 hours! i spend €45 on 10 articles of clothing. and i'm still not done! you really have to do some searching because they're having a 50% off the already reduced price (which is generally 50% off the original price) so we're talking €0,95 for tank tops, and mini skirts for just €2,25. it's ridiculous! unfortunately for me, every other female in germany is my size, so almost everything i love is already taken or sold. who knew 42 were so popular!

anyway, i should go soon. i actually wrote a previous post for 1 hour but the darn iMAC! (argh) i'm not used to them and i lost everything. boo. so i can't hog the computer. there is always a line up.

i miss everyone, esp mum.
much love.

a dream come true.

tonight, as usual, there was the best party ever. and i was honoured to sing in this amazing Jazz quartet consisted of the FCO faculty. i absolutely love the clarinet prof. he says he's new to the game of improvisational jazz but that's a load of bullocks cause he was fantastic. hopefully pictures will show samples of the kind of night we all had today to celebrate our last moments in überlingen.

i will miss Salem College, but frankly can't wait to get my butt in STUTTGART!! ahhhh, Königstraße, here i come!

on a side note: i miss home. i miss school life. i can't wait to get back.

quick update.

i'm doing very well. after many hours of rest and soothing Halls, my voice is back and i can sing at ease. the concert in Salem College is tomorrow. there are no djembe solos for me, but definitely a great programme ahead with works by Rossini that is a sure crowd pleaser.

i did not end up going to Züruck, Switzerland due to expensive costs and a demanding hike throughout the day. i wanted to take advantage of the one free day i had in Überlingen, and spend quality time sleeping, and later playing beach volleyball in the city, by the beaches. it was a nice change of atmosphere because there were vball PROS on the sand, and there were some intense matches going on. all in all, i was my favourite day in the city because i was with the people i enjoyed and we ate some FABULOUS authentic italian food. and i got away with a full tummy on onlz 3,80 euros. sharing is KEY.

i'm quite pleased that so far, i have only spend 22 euros. i have made an excellent effort not to overspend on booze and junk, and save up for my much anticipated shopping excursion at H&M! oooh, i can't wait! it's sooooo cold here! i need clothes!

anyway, i miss you all, and will be sure to send postcards soon.

me and my mate, Aoife (pronounced e-fah), posing a similar pose from last year.

i spent the afternoon with Aoife getting to know the german singers, such as Johannes Lepin and Thomas Bieg. i absolutely love those guys. they are such a hoot! and get this: in the middle of our conversation, Thomas' ever so flamboyant cell phone ring goes off, he puts on the ear piece and starts speaking in CHINESE. yes, CHINESE! and the man's German! he lived in China for 3 years. unfortunately for me, he was speaking Mandarin so we couldn't communicate, but he can speak and write fluenty in 5 languages: German, Italian, French, Chinese, and Spanish. amazing, eh?


hollie (the photographer for the FCO website) joined our crowd of laughter and took a shot of Thomas. i asked if i could look at his sweet digicam and was able to sneak in a trademark shot by yours truly. (seen above)

elijah sounds wonderful and things are coming to together nicely with the choir and orchestra. some singers are suffering voice discomfort with the climax changes, but the end result of the choir still sounds good. my german is getting better, i am reading text perfectly, but still struggle to form sentences with johannes. but it's good practice and i plan on ordering chinese food in stuttgart in the next 2 weeks.

we watched Oceans Eleven yesterday in the bier tent, with german subtitles. it has become a great aid to my german vocabulary, as i read the subtitles instead of watching the movement of a movie i've already seen. i love it.

for the past week, i've intensively spent time with Aoife and mostly the rookie singers from germany, but i miss the quality time with erik + greg (the americans are FABULOUS this year, there are so fun and easy too talk to) so tomorrow we are going to skip the boat ride to Constance and take a 2 hour train to Zürich, Switzerland. (we can literally see the Alps from Überlingen - that's how close it is) it will be tedius walking and traveling, but i'm sure it will be well worth it. i got to start triggering the camera too, so this will be a great opportunity.

DAY 6

(forgive the grammatical errors but i am too lazy and need to type quick!)

i cant believe the week one has alreadz come to an end. i am loving the rehearsals and intensitz of work and social convo but am sad to that the weather has not been kind, hence the bad voice condition i am in. i can sing, just cant speak with high tones. i resemble a boy who is going through pubertz, ja?

we havent had a hot humid daz all week. its been nothing but muggy weather and chillz nights. makes me wish i had packed warmer clothes... but this is a plus for me, since its a good excuse to spend more at H&M! woo, i cant wait for stuttgart!

ive been getting plentz of exercise. i found out the walk from our dorms to rehearsal hall and cateria is 1.2 kilometers. now multiply that by 6 and thats the minimal amount of walking i do per day. each afternoon, we get a 3 hour break, so i spend my hours on the beach volleyball court, getting tanned and working everyone on mz serves. the sand is still a weakness of mine, so i need to improve mz vertical movement.


greg and i, playing during one of the sunniest days of excellent vollezball weather

the facial expression on my face, completely explains in a nut shell how i'm feeling and doing, here in überlingen.



the choir sounds fantastic. due to my rich tone and range, i was asked to sing in the Rossini chamber chorale. how nice.

i'm here, and i'm loving every moment of it!!

it all started off pretty badly because i couldn't find isabelle, and i didn't see her til i boarded the plane. i got fairly ill in the stomach after eating the meals served, and almost passed out during the 2 hour flight from London to Stuttgart. the weather has been kind, with a mild 24 degrees, and seeing familiar faces and being back in a place i once called home has been exhilarating. it has been wonderful updating all the rookies on what FCO germany is all about, and sharing hilarious stories with old friends. the closer we got to überlingen, the more i fell in love with the environment.

i have been getting along with everyone superbly, and absolutely adore some of the new people i've met over the past 20 some odd hours of traveling. things turned out better than planned, and i honestly feel like not a day has passed when we last parted in Berlin one year ago. i love it, i love it, i love it. and it's not torturously HOT! woo. score.

well, i should get some shut eye, since it's been over 40 hours since i've gotten any sleep. i spent majority of the time on all flights, chatting-laughing-catching up with the ever-so lovable farah hack (who i used to travel with in my childhood choir traveling years). ohhh, He has been too good to me.

boy! i had a busy day today, but i couldn't leave for the airport without posting first.

the moment i've rehearsed in my head over a thousand times is suddenly near, and i can't help but pinch myself again and again. last year, i went in with a clear mind and a blank slate, with no expectations and no ideas. i left for an european journey of 5 weeks (which ultimately felt like an eternity) and i instantly fell in love with the culture, the people i worked with, and the lifestyle.

parting from the life that i knew and so dearly enjoyed, brought countless nostalgic thoughts. and now - everything i once loved is literally at my finger tips. words cannot express how eager i am to reunite the feelings. sometimes i wonder, if this year will top last year's experience... or if it's even possible.

for now, i keep my head high and remain in good spirits.
for my brothers and sisters, if you have a few words or two, please pray for the following:

- the safetly of all those traveling to germany (that the flight is smooth and the pilot is sober)
- my health and well-being (that i not lose my voice or a limb)
- that i'm fully conscience of my actions, and how that reflects
- obeying His word and not succumbing to compromise
- loving others, regardless of past behaviour or judgement
- remembering the importance of daily devos

i will surely miss all of you, and i cannot wait to see you again after one month, to exchange summer stories.
stay tuned folks, 'cause this is only the beginning....

a down-right dirty day downtown.

karyne got back from her adventures of Guyana, alli is departing for missions in Newfoundland, and eugene... hrm, well he's relieving himself from working at club monaco, so we all decided to hit up dundas and yonge and find out what we're missing at 'Springrolls'. MY Golly! i love that restaurant. great asian cuisine with an english flare of presentation. i was quite pleased with the decor and atmosphere of the restaurant, with fast service and cute waiters. considering it's located in the midst of downtown's hype, it's quite reasonable in pricing. i was less risky, and played it cool with chicken chinese chow mein that tasted great and was sufficient for one, and shared an appetizer of various spring rolls and maki-like finger delicates. oooh, i can still taste it. yum! so if you're a proud torontian, you oughta check this place out. definitely worth every penny.

it's all about the hook-ups. so afterwards we went uptown and eugene's friend let us in with imaginary ticket stubs to watch "I, Robot" - i'd give it a 7/10. will smith is still stellar and easy on the eyes, but i thought the plot needed a little work.

shopping is always entertaining with the three of them, so it was a good way to kick off our farewells before parting our ways until september, back in waterloo. H&M is getting better, but i still think the one in Stuttgart, Germany is unbeatable. at least they don't have darn 15% taxes. why is it that everything is priced at 90 cents? like $7.90, $14.90, $29.90 - i really don't understand that. does the zero look thinner than the nine? is it really THAT much cheaper in our heads from the standard .99 to .90?

here we go again! another celebration of age!


(gway, me, chung @ ywam in nashville)

happy birthday chung, and happy early birthday garway!
it sucks that i have to miss another year of birthday bashes, but i'm sure ya'll will have a splendid time! so what can you do at 21 and 22 in Canada? hrm... license, check. adult mags, check. beer and booze, check. clubs and bars, check. eyah... i think we've pretty much covered it.

the BEST night yet!

salsa dancing was down-right dirty! and when i say dirty, i sure don't mean "that-man-needs-to-shave, dirty" - who'da known, toronto had a 'hacienda' of it's own, right in posh ol' yorkville!

mad kudos to some fresh females who initiated this night. this will definitely have to be a tradition from now on. forget going TO the salsa, we'll bring the salsa home (to the bland lands of waterloo and spicen it up).

"Poshed and Posed" - July 2004

Anita, my brother Ivan, and Andrew, all poshed up for (loretta's) wedding banquet.

TAKE A LOOK at some of the recent stuff i shot with my camera. i did it very roughly just now since i'm mad tired from all that walking downtown with tams today. i still gotta save some energy for jamie cullum tonight, as he's LIVE on jay leno! woo! hope it's good. erik - you may have greg, but i've got jamie!

feeling fabulous.

i've been very attentive about my health, skin care and what-have-you's and it really does pay off to look after yourself. i didn't think such time and consideration could result in feeling great inside as much as outside. i just hope i don't lose the mentality while in Germany, in the midst of good times in a 'laxed lifestyle and fine dining. thank goodness wine isn't as hazardous in calories as beer is. i have yet to fully enjoy the company of bier, particular Rothaus.

i just got a phone call from the conversatory! FINALLY! after 3 months of ordering, i have my music required for FCO. good god, i thought i was going to have to bum off a copy and xerox the 145 pages! heck, i don't even think that's legal.

anyway, there is a lot of catching up i have to do with many of you before i flee the country. so give me a shout when time allows and we'll hit up some bubble tea and asian treats before i become deprived of them for the next 5 weeks!

be good,
and remember to love and care for yourself!

OH MY FLIP!

i just got an email today that read:

John's going to be doing some in-store acoustic performances and autograph signings. Stop by and say "hi."
Saturday, August 7 Sam The Record Man 347 Yonge St. Toronto, ON Canada 1:00pm

!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm DEFINITELY going 'cause i'd love to have john sign the painted portrait i did of him... but i don't know if i can handle all the teeny boppers. *ugh*

wooo! we're done painting! *phew* what a relief!

after four straight days of painting fifteen different sides of a wall in two coats, it's complete.  now i'm left with a super clean masterbedroom that's aching for a face-lift. i hate working with rooms that have irregular window dimensions, and then furniture that only fits in particular spots.  i will definitely need to take a trip to Ikea for storage elements.

(on a side note: mad kudos to that  todd oldman for the latest la-z-boy design) i love change. i love diversity. i don't think i could ever feel comfortable living in a space for more than a year that had all it's design and furniture in the same place. perhaps that reflects on my personality. change and fresh designs - totally crucial for my sanity.

well, buggah me golly!

now that the parents are gone, i have a big project ahead of me. i've taken up the challenge to redesign the masterbedroom. paint, stain, and rearrange... but before any of that happens i have to clean! i've been dusting/vacuuming/windexing/j-clothing the entire room all day and got a chance to stain the wooden desk a beautiful mahogany before the sun went down. it's been a long 11 hours, and my arms are pleading for a break.

my mum would shoot me if i choose a red palette for the walls... but i think i found a nice warm hue that we both can agree on.  i'll be sure to shoot photos to reveal the before and after.   

the hottest day of the summer by FAR.

i was suppose to go downtown today for coffee, but that backfired since it currently feels like 41 Celsuis, (105 degrees fahrenheit!!) so the weather says. good god! i'm blessed to have a/c fully running in my house!

i'm in heaven.

wow. MAD respects. i found the sweetest site with the sweetest hookups - almost as good as walking into a candystore. and now that my home computer is fixed, i have all my electronica mp3s back! woo! i'm just lovin' it.

anyway, i just HAVe to plug these guys in cause they're an amazing label. {GROOVE GRAVY}  
i assure ya'll find something you'll like. cheers ;)

FCO germany on my mind 24/7.
 
while watching the short video clips provided by the fco webmaster, i keep laughing... particularly at THIS ONE because in the 2nd scene where you see chorale members singing (with me in the background, woo!) you'll see the bouncing body of a very expressive and adorable erik, in the red shirt behind me. haha, it kills me every time.

another reason to love that Michael Rosenbaum (aka Lex Luthor on "Smallville")

 
"How can there not be a spark when you're hanging out with Lana? She's absolutely beautiful. She blushes, too, on set. Like, I'll go, wow, Kristin, you look beautiful. She doesn't like hearing that. She likes to hear other stuff. So I've actually learned Season Three, and now going into Season Four, to try and do everything I can not to compliment her. Like, you're right. I don't think you look very good today. In fact, I won't let my mother in that dress. And she's like unh, and then she sort of laughs, because she likes it. 'Cause usually people are just telling her how great she is, how beautiful she is. I mix it up a little bit." [source]
 
i love it when people are smart, or rather 'original' with their delivery of compliments.  

can you believe it?
i'm packing already.

30 days till Germany.
Ich bin so besorgt dass ich nicht schlafen kann.

*ooooooh* i LOVE him.

complete utter obsession for this tyler florence, i tell ya. for the record, he tickles my fancy a heckuva lot more than mr. oliver does. his cooking shows are INCREDIBLY applicable, and his laugh brings me back to a dear celliost i met last summer. if you are oblivious to who tyler is, and don't mind watching a humourous handsome cook up a storm, watch foodnetwork canada on weekdays at 4:3oPM. Food 911 is where he helps people in their own homes battle with their most difficult food challenge. i enjoy him immensely on Tyler's Ultimate because he gets much more personal and travels the world in search of other people's version of a particular recipe, and then tops off the night with his very own (which generally ends up being the best) - it's great! have a go with him.

I'm BACK!

come back later today,
i have something to show you.
_____

absolutely shoe baffled. (warning: it's a shoe rant)

i have recently added 5 new pairs of fashionable shoes to my ever-growing collection of footwear. as some of you may know, i have somewhat of a fetish for shoes. i'd trade my life for Carrie Bradshaw's in a new york minute just to have her luxury of Manolo's. but for now, i settle for the sometimes cutest, sometimes sexiest, and most often adorable pair of shoes that complement my feet. believe it or not, i have spent the past couple hours debating which ones to bring to Germany. some are a given, like my favourite Birkenstock sandals for practical walking, and some are to DIE for on the concert stage. but unfortunately i only have one suitcase to fully pack and not a whole lot of shoe-space. *pulling hairs out* man! do i hate doing this. it seems so stupid, but really is a mind boggling thing. even mathematics doesn't baffle me as much. i wish i hadn't bought so many shoes so it wouldn't be so hard to choose. it's like picking between your children. you just don't do that! i've got 10 sweet pairs that need to be cut down to 6. *stratching head* so hard, so hard. i wish all shoes were super comfortable and practical for all occasions so one could travel the world with just ONE pair of shoes. ha, wouldn't that be something?

completely off topic: i miss american TV. what's the difference? you might ask? i find the programming a lot better and the commercial breaks aren't as frequent!! perhaps i've lost my head, but i swear! american broadcasting doesn't plug in as many breaks as canadian's do! ie.) CND average about 4-5 commerical breaks in a 30 minute episode. AM only 3! and there is less repetition! if i have to see that darn Wendy's commerical again (with that man who's 'unofficially' with Wendy's) i'll go mad, ya'hear!

right. so what do i have to show you all? i made a new blog. yes, ANOTHER blog. but it's a photoblog. i've been through some family albums, and some snapshots are just too hilarious for words. iv got the scanner working again, so i'll get to it tomorrow after bathing in the sun. woo! it's going to be 28 degrees.

ok, not to brag or anything,
but this is where i'll be for vacation.

{ ORANGELAKE }
- on top of that, Dworld AND Germany.
oh boy, i can already see it's going to be a magical and fabulous summer.

i hit the road (jack) tonight, which is technically morning, but i'll call it night since the sun won't be out yet. and from then on, it's 20 looooong hours on the road sound bound. i wish i could stop at every state, but i'm too eager to get settled in this amazing resort. trust me when i say, impressive pictures to come! i will try my best to shoot professionally.

sadly, i will miss the blogging world, despite it's dramatic downfall on the turn of events during the summer, but will be stoked to come back with so much reading material.

be good, everyone.
;)

i HATE to get political here,
but a while back, i found these words written by the ever so clever shin.
i frankly am not happy with either Liberals OR Conservatives, but really don't know if i can trust harper with those beady eyes. *shudder*

in my community, i plan to vote based on the person, not the party.

jamie pounding it hard for "i get a kick out of you." 

just testing this 'hello' program out. hard to adjust to, but hey! i'm not complaining; it's free space for photos! try it out!

a little buggered.

i went for a 3 hour facial on tuesday, and perhaps my face wasn't used to being pampered for three long hours but the lower half of my face peeled off. yes, like LITERALLY peeled off. i was blinded by my own complexion during the entire session, and wondered why it stung like alcohol had been rubbed on a fresh cut. when i went to the bathroom at the end of the facial to freshen up, low and behold a gleeming FUSHIA face before me. i was incredibly embarassed to walk around in public.

so these past 3 days, i've been in hibernation. i've locked myself in my own room with a huge tub of vaseline. it hurts to open my mouth to eat with the skin stretching, and i'm consistantly icing it cause it feels like the aftermath of a very bad sunburn.

now i've discovered i'm rashing on top of the various blotches of missing skin. i'm getting an itchy allergic reaction to the many layers of vaseline i've applied. BRUTAL. like could this get any better? and i'm scheduled to leave for my florida roadtrip in SIX days. aiyah. i tell ya, this rash is ALMOST as bad as that pathetic lubricant accident.

my gosh, ain't he scrumptious? venture through his NEW website, as of this week. he may not be book smart, but he sure got the street smarts to carry him through. and of course, that adorable vulnerability about him that just makes you melt.

some may not understand why i'm so attracted to these kinds of fellas, but the key element is being presentable, but not polished. i love a well-mannered man who doesn't need to show an impressionable demeanor from the things that clothe him.

and who said Jamie and i aren't great chums, eh?

the 'kiss' i was talking about...


see how i've tried to help his height by losing several inches?

gosh, look at how stoked i am... i'm such a dork.

i'd post more pictures, but i'd rather wait for mr. anstine to receive his preview in the mail first. dude, there were complications.. it's not sent yet. but i promise! soon!

many thoughts come to mind,
i don't know what to jot, what to filter.
but it all boils down to one question.
if you found wrong-doing in another,
so much to the point of hindrance in their own life,
would you say something? hrm... typical answer: depends.
but what if it was your sister? father? grandaunt?
just a thought.
_____

europe. europe. europe. the life of travel constantly follows me.
i'm determind to visit most of europe before 26. that's right. the whole shabang. Sweden, Finland, Poland, Austria, Switzerland, France, London... to name a few. and not particularly in that order, but close. i can't believe it's only a matter of weeks before i board that plane to Germany, but the thrill of revisiting old friends and good times excites me, and i only wish my flight was tomorrow.

one downfall about this year's trip to Germany: i'll only be visiting Stuttgart, no Berlin. as if i couldn't have been more adjusted to Stuttgart. i mean, i can only visit H&M so many times, and splurge the big blings on liquor and fine treats - i hope a bunch of us manage to escape the familiar scenary and visit nearby countries. Switzerland would be nice, though i'm not sure what's there other than the cheeze and Alps. hrm... i'll look into it.

still jumping to his tunes, eyah.

i thought i could last the next 2 months w/o my computer but i'm dying to show you my recent developed photos (and i need my scanner and particularly my own computer to do so - bugger) so i'll have to pick it up sometime. there's this one shot of i have of meeting Jamie Cullum, and it literally looks like we're about to kiss. my ever-so-clever friend triggered right on cue. not too stoked about it since my mouth is slighty perched open but it sure is tabloid material!

despite the expired film and lack of ISO, the pictures still turned out fabulous. i captured some great intimate detail of Jamie pounding on the keys, and an awesome portrait of the three-man-band before their last bow. argh, i hate to say it, but i wish i had a digital. *sigh* i might just have to surrender to the fast digital world.

FYI for those who will be seeing me:

i'll be playing the role of 'Rudolph' in an upcoming low-budjet film, hence why i sport the crimson nose.

i hardly ever wear sunscreen, as i bragged before the weekend, how fortunate i was to bake in the sun and never ever burn. roast as dark as a pakistani, yes... but burning to the point of grossly peeling, no. an afternoon on the dock proved my nose wrong. for now, i loathe my dear nose in aloe vera and attempt to avoid all possible public appearances.

be good everyone.

i'll be cruising on the beach.
no worries, will be back shortly in no time.

remember to wear sunscreen.
the sun's been really attacking this summer.

folks, turn your dials to CBS tonight because
JAMIE CULLUM IS PERFORMING!!

yeha, you heard me! go glue your eyes to the set.
maybe you'll understand why i love that bloke so much.

i got my flight confirmations today.
i'll be flying via British Airways to Stuttgart in August. it'll be my first time on the Brit Airways (which gets me excited, not sure really, perhaps it's a british thing) but i'm contemplating rounding the canadian fco singers together to sing the British Airway theme song. (la-----lah lah lah)

anyway, i feel a little regret for not taking advantage of my free flight overseas to go somewhere else before hitting up Germany for the job, but i feel quite pressed for time in completing goals i setted for myself. so far looking good, but it could be better.

also, these two full months gives me an opportunity to spend more family time. i'm stoked for july. why? cause i'm paying ol' mickey and minnie a visit! gosh, i haven't been to Dworld in 14 years! and our family needs this. we haven't taken a summer vacation together in 5 years. so this will be good. i can also shoot more for my portfolio. woo! it just doesn't get any better.

mad fun. mad jokes. mad hilarious.

as much as i love home and the glorious city, i missed waterloo and was glad to be back. had some great company and excellent treats, met a new trilingual german housemate, explored the best farmer's market (i didn't know they sold schnitzel!), got another love note from the handsome red below, played some serious poker with the boobah | damen | könig! (and i won the game! imagine that!) and topped off the night with a couple of cool cats in a carpool back home at 2 AM.

good times. gotta do it again before germany strikes. good god, that's about two months from now. oddly enough, i'm nervous. :\

bring out the artist in you!
mad kudos to erik

dang imports!
i wished i lived in Europe.

there are several albums i've been keeping my eye on. hopefully, (crossing fingers) i can get hook-ups to some of these luscious bands, and avoid our silly Canadian taxing and S&H.

1. Ilya's "They Died for Beauty" - Do you remember the sultry music in the latest Revlon commercials starring Halley Berry, Julianne Moore, Jamie King? I gave that album a listen and I love it. Strings with influencial jazz and a darn good voice with a 'Portishead' vibe = right down my alley. listen. that's from the Revlon commerical.

2. The Tao of Groove's "Fresh Food" - I first noticed their work in SATC's 93rd episode 'Splat!' near the ending. I LOVE the idea of taking a classical tune and revamping it with some good funk. Have yourself a listen from selected tracks.

There's nothing that could tickle my fancy more than the cello mixed in with the turntable. While trying to find more info on Tao, I found this site with many samples. Some good stuff in their mixes, hear for yourself.

cheers.

God's amazing - just the way how he reveals himself.

though distance played a huge part in it all, i'm glad we were able to unite as if not a single day was lost. i've learned to appreciate everything as a whole instead of observing its particulars. and the big scope of things can easily consume you, of a joy only God understands.

it literally couldn't have been any clear. from my sister's tidbit on 'communication with God' (the thought, feeling and words - hardcore) to our analyzation of the Word written through Titus. (mad props Gway)

now that i can hear, i can now be still.
thank you pneumatos.
______

something fascinating i picked up at Costco: "Revovle: the Complete New Testament," which is His Word in a complete magazine format. how whack is that? i was a little sketchy at first, but after looking through it, i was intrigued and bought myself a copy.

JAMIE CULLUM? hands down - by far the BEST LIVE PERFORMER i've seen!

i just got home seconds ago, and i'm too excited to go to sleep. MAN! what an unforgetable night. i had a chance to mingle with the bloke and got my fair share of stolen treasures. sooooo much to say, but i'd rather wait for the pictures to develop. i tell ya, i was utterly inches away from him. i coulda caressed his forearm if i wanted.

sadly, i will have to say: step down Mayer, cause Cullum's coming in!!

(; i am FOREVER thankful that you joined me in tonight's events. what a delight you were for company; couldn't have ask for a better chum to tag along.
_____

did i mention how much i fancy Jamie's bassist, Geoff?



well yeah, i fancy him. we made eye contact on many accounts. even pointed and grinned at me (cause i sang his rift line on cue).

what a sick bassist.



wanna know what else is SICK? gabriel mann. he's a rising talent.

(Campus Challenge aka) CC ---> GG (aka good game). i loved my small group. what incredible prayer support.

now that i'm back, i need a lot of ducktape to refrain my verbal sinning. i'm becoming less and less tolerant for irresponsibility and immaturity. these are two i despise the most and fortunately for me i am swimming in a big pool of it. ha, fun. ain't it interesting how it remains dark and quiet when no one lingers around it, yet when attention is near, it cleans itself to impress the party.

i'm beginning to think the meaning of 'servanthood' means nothing to some. it's man for oneself. or rather woman for herself. please pray for me if you understand the struggles i face.

on a happy note:
wishing ERIK the best of birthdays this year!
(i generally don't like to post birthday shout-outs on my blog but my chicago bud is a definite exception)

Herzlichen Glückwunsch zum Geburtstag!! Ich habe gespannt für diese Sommer und ich verspreche dass ich will senden etwas per Luftpost. Trinkt nicht zu viel Bier und melde dich mal!

FOOD Network Canada had me at 'hello'.

love him. (david rocco - italian cook)


of course, adore him. (jamie oliver - best of brits)


completely intrigued by her. (kylie kwong - authentic asian)

i've only been to one location (likely the smallest of the 4 stores) but sadly, i was very disappointed with H&M. i went to fairview with chung and even in the men's department, we couldn't find anything (other than the $15 super tight silk briefs) that we were impressed with. perhaps it's the season of clothing, or the fact that a new store lacks the most important factor of all - the sale rack! but Germany's H&M is much, much, MUCH better. there is definitely more variety in terms of clothing, from your casual school wear, to the fun beach wear, powersuits, lingerie and prom dress material... and the accessories itself can consist of one floor. H&M in Stuttgart is three floors, and sale items are golden. (even with the Euro conversion)

i'm giving H&M Canada another chance tomorrow, when i visit Markville Mall, but i dread lines.. and from its success so far, looks like i'll be there all afternoon. :6

and who said life at waterloo was dead?



it wasn't even "Happy Hour" yet, but somehow a dude managed to drive his car through Kinkos @ University Plaza.

on a side note: IT PAYS TO HAVE A TV sitting next to the computer. i saw Conan O'Brien hold up a familiar looking CD (which i received from Amazon today - woo!) and low and behold, it's Jamie Cullum performing live. it was my first, and boy was it good. it was daaaaang good. talk about timing. i come home and BAM - jamie greets me. too bad that Conan annouced him later as "Jimmy Cullum" - that bisturd. he just went down 4 notches in my book.

ok. i have a problem.
rather a shoe fetish.
i absolutely love cesare paciotti's shoes.
almost as nice as 'em high manolos - almost.

i feel like i'm in überlingen (germany), with the scorching heat and humidity.
my apt currently stands at 27 degrees, and my room boils warmer with the blaring sun at the window and no circulation in the air. blegh. nothing's worse that waking to the sound of a lawn motor and sweating in the bare mininum in bed. blegh.

but, i have learned to win the weather in my favour during the afternoons. brisk walks and long jogs around town are fun. i had the chance to whip out the 'Aerobie' the other day with some camrads. i miss the great outdoors, especially being active with 'em outdoor sports like softball or football. i wish i had a dog to play fetch with. anyone wanting a free babysit - i'm more than willing.

some new projects ahead. i have new art decor ideas for the room, some canvas pieces still needing touch-ups, and the german can always improve, ja?

btw, CLINTON IS MY HERO.
i guess it does pay off to post on blogger. we're going to the JAMIE CULLUM concert, woo-woot!

holy jeebers, BLOGGER just OWNED us all.
just when i was worried about making new templates for new blogs...
forget that when they've already provided heroic models.
dashboard? woah... i'm lost.

wow, Jamie's hitting it up everywhere.


when i was in Spain and Portugal, one of my favourite stores was FNAC, the electronic superstore. it was a steal to buy north american film soundtracks, as most europeans neglected that section of the store and it ended up being on sale. i got "Edward Scissorhands" and "The Matrix" soundtracks for 12 pesetas a piece.

hrm... i'm still debating whether i should drive back to T.O. to catch the cullum show on the 26th. is it sad to go to a concert by yourself? if one can sit at a cafe shop alone, why can't they go to a concert alone?

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn, the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see You standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see You standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

~ nelly furtado's "TRY"

one week has passed, and with my careful eye on the clock every hour, it seems like i've been stuck here for a month. living in the summers of waterloo has been much like cottage life, just minus the lake, the mosquitos, the cute neighbourly boys, and the 'kumbaya' bonfires... adding full internet access with the company of sarah jessica parker and her friends of 'the city.'

i'm just dying to kill the next three months so that germany will arrive sooner. if you know of any better ways to shoot the time away, drop me a line. humour me. heck, write me a novel - i dare you. 'cause i can almost gurantee you i'll read it, thrice, and would take a long hard moment to ponder the idea for consideration.

forgive me, i'm in one of those peculiar states of mind - i tell ya: boredom has the ability to plant more sarcasm in you.

another blog to keep an eye on.

dedicated to my mates 'under' and overseas.
i bet there'll be plenty of germany stories in various versions posted there.

NEW PICS!
3 rolls developed - 1/3 from the 'Pilate' concert, which you're all probably not interested in, so enjoy the rest!

(( erics* PICTURES OF THE MOMENT ))

It's a Girl's World

CBC broadcasts a program series called, "A Passionate Eye" which covers the behavior of people. Tonight's feature was "It's a Girl's World" which speaks of 'Bullying' and analyically bases its study on a group of eight girls who are 10 year old school mates. my gosh was a blown away at the accuracy of these studies. truth be it, girls are mean. mentally, physically, emotionally - they know how to push all the buttons that bring you down. i only worry for the future of my children and question if the common behavioural characteristics found in females are avoidable in the environment of my children.

so many excellent points were made about how girls respond to social things and why roles are established - from your timid, pushed-around-victim to the bully, leader-of-the-pack, but one thing that dawned on me greatly is the girl's unwillingness to favour confrontation. it's all about power, and most girls don't like to confront others because it's a sign of weakness.

based on what was discussed amongst the 10 year old girls:

---> trying to find a resolution from conflict by approaching another is considered weak;
-----> admiting you are wrong and apologetic is not good because it shows weakness;
-------> and better to consult other friends to form alliances and have them favour you to win in a majority rules situation.

to that, i say, "gosh darnit, that is mindblowing because it's RIGHT on the TARGET."

i look back on my elementary and high school days and these things completely apply. ironically in my earlier days, with the dominant personality traits i've honed, i was far from the one who did the verbal bullying. i was often the one being thrown around in social circles, to the point where i found no purpose involving myself emotionally in such drama and decided to make myself a shadow. but speaking from my standpoint of being more of the observer on the outside, these confrontational issues are the reason why conflicts have been prolonged to such lengthy extremes, and why relations have been broken. had many of us dealt with our issues, chucking our pride aside and humbling ourselves before the other, a better resolution could have been made.

what baffles me most is a.) how well aware these 5th graders are of what is going on in terms of their behaviour and b.) how well aware women are of these things yet some, even past their adolescent years still have their mindframe stuck as 5th graders.

i had a chance to return to beautiful toronto and i jumped my guns to get myself home. i've learned that essentially PEOPLE make waterloo, waterloo. no people, then no waterloo. never had i craved home so badly. it wasn't homesickness but i was just so limited to what i could do. i mean, i can only check my email so many times, and refresh alex's blog to outbeat the check&get system and catch his latest post, but i have made commitments to being active. i've been taking jogs and powerwalks around town, discovering more things about my area and working on my voice at the pratice studios so that kills about.... 2 hours. but there's still ample time to do things. i hate to admit it, but i can't wait for school.

on a side note, i'm glad some are still around. i had some interesting experiences at the laurier frat house, and almost gained a mouse hamster friend, but since i fear dealing with the death of things (not the mourning of it, but the cleaning of it) i refused the free offer. dang, it could have been a good prank item, eh?

fyi girls: KILL BILL 2 is NOT gory. it's quite hilarious. give it a shot.

i got excited when i saw this on amazon:



wow. it has arrived.
i have the entire season of 1-6 on my computer; it'd save me a LOT of space just buying the boxsets.

also got excited when i saw this:



carter's pics are finally up!

SATURDAY was PRICELESS.
i learned a lot about people, myself, and have personally drawn some interesting conclusions.
anyway, my words won't suffice to the fun events that happened so i leave it to the images to do the talking.

for now, i await for all digital owners' imagestation.
*twiddling thumbs*

*melting* literally *melting.

i tell ya, that john mayer still has it.
i enjoy him even more now that the shag has been cut.

any (OF-AGE) peeps interested in seeing JAMIE CULLUM on wed, may 26th @ the MOD club?
i assure you, it will be worth the 20 bucks.

i think i've gone mad. (refer to #3)

i am one who simply cannot study at home - that includes the tdot-house, and the waterloo-apt. especially with my busy red room full of life and distractions and a computer that refuses to turn itself off, i figure i'm doomed even if i try one more day, on my own, in my room. so i've been on the hunt for study places. here are my top 3 places to study on campus, pass closing hours.

            1. The 6th floor of the WLU Library. (AWAY from the laurier fellowship crowd) i applaud those who work there amongst the crowd, there's a lot of self-control by putting yourself in the 'danger-talk-zone'. but i prefer the carriels against the wall, across from the elevator. i love the sound of the air blowing, the car swooshing, the birds chirping... and the occasional random yellings from an angry man having a joint.

            2. The 5th floor of the AIRD, next to the elevator. If you haven't been there, go. there is a pink, six feet long table that is built into the wall, with ample wall space above it AND it has a COMFY ROLLING CHAIR that reclines! i spent odd, early hours hidden there. what i love most is how i can take full advantage of the entire space of the wall. SCOTCH TAPE IS KEY. by the end of my study period, the wall is glowing 'gay pride' with the heaping amounts of rainbow coloured notes and cue-cards i temporary stuck on the walls. bonus: there's a computer lab next door, so if i can find the right lad with the magic key, i've got access to the web.

            3. Room 142 of the Practice Rooms. Sometimes I crave the piano because I need to hear theory examples, or I like to take my breaks playing some jazz compositions I've been working on. Only downfall about the Practice Room: SAFETY. If people know the way, it's literally a 2-4 joint and ANYTHING can happen in the secluded 35 individual rooms, ANYTHING. I actually spent the entire night there, from 10 - 6AM on monday night and i was freaked at some points, but not in the sense of fear. i was simply HEARING things. when i sat in silence reading my textbook, i swear i could hear a cello playing. from arpeggiation exercises, to excerpts from Bach's Cello Suite, to repeated tritones that oddly didn't piss the bugger outta me. i questioned reality from imagination countless times, opening my door to double check if there really was a cello player present. everytime i swung open that door - i was fooled. and how stupid i felt, but i couldn't get over how REAL it sounded. so clear, so precise, i could literally notate it. i have some reasonable explainations for my fallacious hearings, being infatuated with the instrument, and having fond likings for particular individuals who play it so intriguingly - but is it possible to unconsciously deter my way of hearing to the point of blinding my reality senses? anyway, i enjoy that place for studying because frankly, the sound of the cello is comforting, and i feel safe knowing i'm not the only one in the building (though, i really am).

so where do you study? got any suggestions? i'm all ears.

Hawaii @ Johnny Fiasco's!


my wonderful housemates - the lester girls: sharon, amy, alli and me.


laurier girls: kary, tracy, sharon, me, amy, lindsay, evie, and hannah. :)

THANKS everyone! more pictures to come!
kudos to "the greatest carter in the world" for the images!

i found some fantastic DVD bargains at Walmart, including "The Thomas Crown Affair," "Brokendown Palace" and "The Truth about Cats and Dogs" which i surprisingly loved. The whole concept behind it; seeing past the beauty and falling straight for the brains - ah... now that's my kind of flick. and it helps TREMENDOUSLY when the bloke's got an authentic BRITISH accent. i fancy that Ben Chaplin - he's quite the charmer, and for a (then) 26 year old, quite dreamy. i shall keep an eye out for him, but i don't think he'll be in any thing anytime soon. looks like he's past his peak.  ,-._,-.  \/)"(\/   (_o_)

instead of memorizing vocal literature music excerpts i felt compelled to pick up my brush.
sadly so, i have not painted an art piece since my OAC finals, which was June 2002.
because of my infatuation with the cello, i was inspired to do a portrait of the instrument on three separate canvases with acrylics. the hues consist mainly of the colours of my room: red, black, and white. when i have completed all three 6' by 6' squares, i will post the finish product on my blog.
_____

i love it when people are cutely cheeky. especially those who are intentionally cutely cheeky.
and only the best of cheeks can pull that off. ;)

Is it me, or does DUST form faster in waterloo than in toronto?

i'm so blessed.

if you don't include the short pitstop i made in february for the Germany auditions, i haven't been home since reading week and frankly it seems like a loooong time. twas nice to spend quality family time and celebrate easter and my mother's birthday. yes, believe it or not, my mother went through the pain of labour on her birthday so that i could have life. whatta mum. so it's been tradition to share the moments together. and get this. we're both born in the year of the pig (in the chinese calender) - so for you geniuses out there, i just gave my mother's age away. sorry mum

anyway, since this week is my week to 'self-absorb', i feel entitled to make a list. yes, a list. not necessarily of major materialistic wants, but just things that would literally make my day. mind you, some aren't very realistic, and some are a little whack, but i figured it wouldn't hurt to post 'em thoughts here.

ERICA'S 21 LIST

1. Having everyone wish me a happy 20th birthday. I refuse to succumb to adulthood.

2. A handmade birthday card made with love and care would be fantastic.

3. I would love to have an inflated balloon with my name and a random message hanging from my music file folder on the third floor of the AIRD building.

4. To release the tension, I'd love for someone (*ahem*... Alli) to give me a shoulder massage. ;)

5. I would melt in my seat if a tall, dark-haired cellist played me a Sonata from any classical composer.

6. Someone to pray before everyone eats at a food gathering.

7. A bottle of white wine to share with camrads would be nice.

8. Earring studs. I find myself loosing one or the other on a regular basis.

9. People who bring me different coloured box of hair dye (each with a different explanation for the chosen colour) and i promise, I'll somehow use ALL the colours on my hair.

10. It'd be great to see EVERYONE dress up in Hawaiian wear on the 18th. At least seeing Mr. Fu wear a vibrant ensemble from head to toe - I'd seriously go balistic.

11. To have my own copy of "Love Actually" (starring Hugh Grant and Keira Knighty)

12. I wish more people would 'gossip' about the good things in other people. like "Did you hear? The other day Jake gave up his girlfriend time to go play basketball with the neighbourhood street kids."

13. I say, "Why club when you can bring the club home?" So c'mon! Let's have a DANCE party!

14. It would mean a lot to me if I received a care package from overseas.

15. Funds to go to Britain before I go to Germany in August.

16. It'd be great to spend a family vacation somewhere other than Scarborough or Waterloo.

17. I want to be able to record a lot of the songs I've written, so access to an MD player or recording device w/ a microphone would be swell!

18. To find common grounds with the guys who live above me at Lester.

19. To have a prism camera follow me around all day.

20. I wish the people who worked at the WLU library would smile more.

21. It would mean a lot if people emailed me or signed the FCO guestbook when I am overseas in Germany. It can get pretty homesick.. plus, I might lose my chinese-canadian roots!

oh bugger.

one of the things i wanted to cross out on my TO-DO list while being home: getting hair re-highlighted.
little did i know, getting it done came with an additional item on the TO-DO list. fix highlights with dad's hair colouring.

how embarrassing. sadly, one would question if my inspiration to dye my hair was from Carrot Top

I love exploring and extreme stuff.

My favourite place is nature.

I also love animals of all kinds.

I like art, the kind that has music, painting, yoga.

My dream is to be a vet, librarian, singer, carver or nothing.

Seneca Hill (where Cecilia attends) is my favourite school.

Pets are popular at my home.

Parents are most important to me.

Sometimes when I get a book I'm interested in I can't do anything but read.

Every culture (especially native) is fun to me.

Mystery stuff is really cool to me.

Fruits are my favourite type of food.

Who am I?

- written by Cecilia Zhang

_______

i am silenced by her words
even my tranquil tears form the subtlest pool below me
and though i do not know her
i can hear her voice
bringing the warmth and innocence
only children can capture.