A bad scare...
I'm scared! Am I thinking or worrying too much? Am I imagining things? There's this guy wearing shorts, with slippers, with earpiece on, hands taking a packet of original Jack n Jill potato chips following me. He dont look at all familar and he was staring at me when I walked past him but I simply just ignored. But I soon heard his slippers flapping behind me. Is he following me? I was so scared that I dared not look back. Keep going, keep going... Dare not run for I fear that he'll start chasing me too. He followed me all the way to the lift, his slippers flapping behind, loud and clear. Luckily there's this lady waiting for the lift too and he walked away after seeing her. I was so terrified that he might pop out of nowhere. I run all the way from the lift to my house. Staring at the stairs while desperating digging for the house keys, only relax when I stepped into the house. Oh please, this kind of thing only happens to those pretty girls. Why me? Hope it'll never happen again. I'm scared.........

Woke up so early again today. I literally jumped out of bed thinking that I'll be late for work today. Second day in the row. Only after all the washing up, then I realise that today is not my shift and I dont have any intention of going back for OT. What a joke. Gave myself so many days of rest is to give myself a break, a rest, yet I'm thinking about work, worrying about those unsettled issues, worry about how to deal with my bosses, techs and inspectors. My one and only partner isnt that horrible but we arent on the best of terms. Not yet an enemy but not best of partners, not friends, just colleagues. She's biased against people and a master of tai-chi. Have to be wary of her at all times. I desperately need to get out of there, but money is holding me back. Though stressful but the pay is not bad, provided that I work hard for the OT. Not much of benefits there but the pay is enough for me to get by.

Enough of all those, I'm here to blog about my happy rest days, not all those...

I spent my Wednesday slacking and relaxing. Went out for the movie 'Death Note: The last name' with bro. It's an 'outdated' movie but I did enjoyed it. I had the urge to buy the full set of comic. Mary had introduced the comic to me before but I find it too 'wordy' and for me, I prefer those 'brainless' comics and games. Those which I dont need to think much and still able to understand and enjoy. Thus, I returned her the comic without much reading. But now, I'm thinking of getting the comics. Haha... Flicker-minded. Had KFC for dinner. Sinful but since mum is going on a 'strike' for that day and she suggested KFC, I had no choice.

Yesterday was fun. Went for the movie, The Gridiron Gang with WL. It's a nice show, based on the true story. I really admire the probation officer cum the football coach. He's good! He's the man! And I truely respect him. Despite the difficulties he faced, he's able overcome them, guiding the losers to be the ultimate winners. It really takes a lot of effort, determination, persistence and faith in those teens to set up the football team. Luckily we didnt miss the show. Almost wanted to give it a miss since we were late. Met up with Jh after that for lunch and some shopping. Enjoyed myself totally. Found my childhood, or rather, I am still a kid at heart. Love toys. Laughs. The last time I went there was with Kidlyn and her lovely son. I had a hard time running after a 3 years old kid while her mum went to the ladies. Miss him a lot. Time to meet up with Kidlyn and her son? Hee...

Going to go out later to the bank. Hope it dont rains.. Been keeping it on hold for the past few days... Meeting LY and some of my colleagues from my ex-dept for lunch at fortune center. The food there are not bad actually. Tried the herbal Hor Fan before and I love it. The thought of it, is making me drool.... Hope today will be another great day.

I find it getting more difficult to talk, or to blog my thoughts in there. Too unexpressive? Perhaps... I'm at a lost for words, be it verbal or written. I wanted to talk, but it always turns out wrong. It seems that I always ended up listening to others talking. Ask me to talk, to express myself, I find it tough. Perhaps I'm a born listener only? I cant give good advise, I only know how to listen.... Frustrated when I cant find the words to say or to type. Hate to complain but somehow it allows me to let things out a bit. Ask me to talk about what's bothering me, I simply could neither find the words nor the courage to talk. Simply because, I'm a weakling, I know I'll cry. So I'll rather choose to get people to crap with me, it make me happy, somehow... At least when I'm crapping, I wont think much. Even at the expense of my wallet. Handphone bills getting higher... Yes, I know, it's just a temporary relief, the problem is still there, but at least I feel better at that moment. But at this time, at this hour, who is willing to crap with me???

Crossroads...
I'm at the life junction again. Where am I supposed to go? Kind of lost. What do I want, where to go? I don't have an idea. Sigh... Too undecisive... What should I do now? Why am I always so unhappy? Why some other people are always happy? Is it because I'm not easily satisified? Or everything is going against me? I used to dream about growing up, dream about my future, but as I get older, I get more and more disappointed with myself. Why? Is it because I made the wrong move, I chose the wrong path??

I know, I know, it's a brand new year, a brand new start and I shouldnt be blogging about unhappy stuffs again. But till now, all those bad luck are following, continuing and adding into this year. Please! I'm tired. I'm losing the drive, the motivation, the morale, the goals and everything. Nothing is going smooth for me. I simply feel like letting go, why fight? Why continue? I'm tired, I'm really am. Told myself to take those as challenges, but how much can I take? I'm no superwoman, I'm just a normal human being. I just want to be happy, is that too much to ask for? Perhaps I take things too hard, too pessimistic? Perhaps it's my fate, my luck, my life to have so many obstacles... I miss my childhood days where there's no betrayal, no hurting, no expectations, no disappointments, no burden, no resposibilities, no wearing of those what I called the social masks, where the only few challenges then were how to get new toys and how to win the 'war' with my brother, where unhappiness is vented through crying after which, totally forgotten and replaced with laughters and smiles.