What Does It Really Mean to Be Happy?By Dr. Neil Clark Warren
eHarmony.com
Most of us are in the midst of a frantic search for happiness. We spend a great deal of time plotting and planning in the hopes of finally being able to look around and say, "I am truly happy." What we are really in search of, I believe, is contentment: a quiet sense of satisfaction. While this is true of everyone, many single people feel the need even more strongly. They often believe they are missing out by not being in a relationship. This hunger for a significant other leaves them putting off their contentment until some distant future date.
I believe that contentment is attainable for everyone. It must be. It is available within you regardless of your earthly accomplishments. Let's look at the content of contentment.
When You're Really Content, Seas Can Rage Without Altering Your Inner Calm
Almost anybody, I suppose, could find contentment on a Maui beach. The smell of the sea air, the sound of the surf, the warmth of the sun, and the absence of any cares or concerns. These are the external qualities we most readily associate with easy-to-attain contentment.
I have grown disrespectful of the "Maui approach" to contentment. Don't get me wrong, I love lazy afternoons with nothing to do. But when our inner state depends on outer circumstances that can grace our lives even during the most hectic and lonely days, the real challenge is to learn an approach to contentment that doesn't depend of anything external.
Contentment Is the Assurance That Everything Will Be AlrightOne of the most consistent killers of contentment is worry. When worry hangs like a wet blanket over the moments of your life, it suffocates contentment. If you assume the attitude that everything will work out. OK, you will maximize your contentment and be right 99 percent of the time.
Bring on the crises - "Everything will be all right!" Let the deadlines bear down on us - "Everything will be all right!" Confront your fears of being single - "Everything will be all right!" Whatever happens, never let your self-assurance waver. Smile when all around you eyebrows are knit in worry and foreheads are furrowed in anxiety. Great contentment is found in a strong confidence that everything is going to work out just fine.
Contentment Involves the Simple Conviction That You Will Do Your Best
As a psychologist, I continually encounter people whose contentment
hinges on achieving some goal or creating some long-sought situation. You must realize that all kinds of variables influence how our goals turn out. If your goal is financial freedom in five years, you might be set back by a health crisis that racks up thousands of dollars in medical bills. If your goal is to be married by age 40, you might find that despite your best efforts you haven't met someone that you love enough to commit to for a lifetime.
The point is, we don't have control over most variables, and that's a big reason why it makes no sense to make out contentment contingent upon them.
One variable we do have control over is the commitment to do our best. This may involve our planning, our imagination, our diligence, our perseverance and our careful use of resources. If we hitch our contentment to variables like these - the kind we do have control over - we stand a good chance of being contented most of the time.
Contentment Allows for a Long View of Life and Death
I have a business associate named Dee. Her husband Jim experienced a dramatic and life-threatening bout with cancer. It was heart-wrenching, but the more Dee talked with me about Jim, the more I begin to understand his level of contentment. Even this battle with one of life's most dreaded diseases had done nothing to lower his joy.
He was, in effect, saying, "Nothing - not even a potentially fatal disease - is going to rob me of the overwhelming joy of living. Life is not over until it's over, and it never will be over!" What a powerful belief this is in relation to contentment! Jim is affirming a deep belief in the continuity of existence beyond the death of his physical body.
I have consistently noticed that contented people have a huge time perspective. This broader orientation wrestles the threat of physical finality to the ground. It takes the severe anxiety out of this experience with which all of us must contend on some level from birth to death.
Contentment Thrives When You Can Frequently Say, "I Love You"
Literally everyone yearns to be loved, but most people are not aware that becoming masterful at loving others is central to a life of enduring contentment. I have never met a person who genuinely loved many other people whose life was not overflowing with contentment. Your smile gets wider, your ears become more attuned, and you become curious about what is happening within the heart and soul of others.
You simply become intent on loving them and, suddenly, your life is overflowing with contentment.
Contentment Grows When We Learn to Take Good Care of OurselvesContent people are highly attentive to the important aspects of their lives and not just keeping their bodies in shape. They are responsible for a self-directed kindness and sensitivity. They see to it that their social calendars are well planned, that their spirits are well-fed, and that their bodies are cared for. Contented people can almost always say, "Don't worry, I'll take good care of myself."
Source: http://www.thirdage.com/news/articles/ALT03/05/02/15/ALT03050215-01.html 
