Haiz... Sad to say, I cant go for the Malaysia trip. I had expected this, but I was hoping for a miracle. Well, no miracles, all i got was like banging my heart against a glass wall. Bleeding profusely and there's still pieces of broken glass stucked there. Qi, Glad and Ming, I'm sorry. I'm still stucked in the cage... Though I can fly out of the cage at times, but my legs are firmly tied to that cage using metal chains. I'm being controlled, I can never fly far. Once my owners pull the chains, I'm being pulled back to the cage. I'm NOT going to fly out and never come back. I will definitely come back, for that's my home, though I cant say that I love it but it's where I belong... I just want to fly further, longer... Am I asking for too much?

Life at work s****. Highly-stressed up environment, unfriendly people and the heavy and demanding work scope.... Too much for me to bear. I'm at a total loss. With 2 projects on hand and a pallet of FQA failures to verify and clear, he's asking me to start on a 3rd project which I have to decide on my own. For those two projects, I thought it was case closed and I can wrap it up but he's not happy, not convinced; he made the problem worse and dumped it back to me. . I'm now back to square one. I'm given one week grace to finish up on those 2 projects and to start on the 3rd project. A challenge... A big challenge... Can I do it?

My night classes will commence on next thursday. Taking Six-Sigma Philosophy which is taught by an "ang mo". Something to face and adapt; the accent, the slang, the teaching style, projects, tests, exams... Can I do it? I'm not sure.

Did regret taking IAP, taking up the attachment offer at M, taking Advance Diploma. When I can easily make my life easy by taking the usual route; study 3 years, have 2 months attachment and finally graduate. Why did I take up night classes for a Advance Diploma, clamped all my modules in 2 and a half year, so that I can suffer a 6 months attachment? But since I chose this route myself, there's no looking back... Move on and move forward.

Over the Weekends...
Met up with Qi, Glad and Ming after work on Friday. Had a tough day on Friday, almost burst into tears, tears of anger, lost and frustration but there's no way I'm going to do that. I'm no weakling and what's the point of tearing? Held back those stupid tears that are threating to fall at that point of time. Qi thought I was about to bash someone when I met her at Yio Chu Kang. Haha... I do admit I felt like bashing people. But upon seeing Qi, all those negative feelings, thoughts all vanished... That's her magic. Went for the movie "School for Seduction" after dinner. Had a hard time understanding their english. Too "chim" for me. Fell asleep at some point. But come to think about it, it's the first time we four went for a movie together. Haha... Chat at Starbucks or was it Coffee Beans? after the movie. I'm really looking forward to the Malaysia trip. Pray hard that I can get approval. Though chances are not high but I'm craving for a get-away....

Went all the way to NYP with Jiahui on Saturday to find that the shops there are closed on saturday. Went to Courts and the MP3 that's on promotion are all sold out. Thought of getting the MP3 for ah wei, he's pestering me for it... Brothers... After which, we met up with Wee Liang and we went back to THPZ... I simply miss there... Though there are a lot changes there, some things will never change. It simply feel good to go back there once in a blue moon... The place where I got to know some great people there, a place full of memories...

Went for lunch cum dinner at Pizza Hut, a treat from Jiahui. *Grins... We sort of forced her to treat us... Haha... A good opportunity to bully her when Bel's not around. *opps...

Today my relatives came down for my grandfather's birthday. Made a big mess and din before we went for dinner. I could still sleep like a log in my own cozy room with the din that they are making. Perhaps it's the medicine that made me sleep so soundly. It had been some time since I had a good sleep. Seems getting sick is not a bad thing after all.. Haha...

Anyway, sort of forced myself to join them for dinner. Dad was mad that I locked myself in the room to sleep so I cant say I'm not going for the dinner as well. Once again, I saw their ugly sides, kept telling myself that I ought to learn to accept it. I know that nobody is perfect, but they have this personality or rather the character which I hated and despised most. Today is also the first dinner I had with my fourth aunt and her family. They seems so awakard there... Guess if likewise they dump me in some high class restaurant, I'll look as awakard as them. Somehow, I'm glad that they are going back to Hong Kong on Tuesday. I still feel strange at the fact that I got a fourth aunt in Hong Kong. An aunt who I never seen until last week.

Insomnia
Oh gosh... I cant sleep... Been like that since attachment starts... My system is in a mess... I can go to bed at 9+, wake up at 11pm and never get back to sleep again. So damn sleepy at 9+, basically nothing can get me awake. I can even sleep on the sofa... Otherwise, I can wake up every 1 to 2 hours. I need QUALITY SLEEP! What's happening to me?

Hmmm.... Attachment is tough, especially under him... Haiz... Faced lots of problems there... Dont expect an easy life there. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD, XINYI!!! Had the image that an evil-looking guy was telling me that with a smirk in his face.

Have to decide a project for myself, he said he's not giving me one... I got to have the initiative to come up with projects on my own; it has to have impact on the company and has to be within my capabilities and most importantly, I got to do them fast. Engineers cant drag, especically on the production line. Said that he's not going to spoon-feed IA students anymore, he's going to see what NP students are capable of... Told that to me and my LO right in the face, he's a tough guy. Got an email from my LO; said that though it's tough, I got to give in my best and to uphold NP's name... Things like, this is the first time a company decide to let a QA IA student do on-the-job based attachment and I can expect lots of excitment. Die! I can feel the pressure already... I feel so small there, so so small, so alone... Is that what working life all about?

He's pressing me for my project and so is Patrick. Said that I'm dragging far too long. But I was at a loss... All alone... Asked Patrick but all he said was, "As an engineer you got to think." Though now i got a brief idea but if my deduction is proved wrong, I'm back to square one!!! Still got another assignment on hand and it's so time consuming... He's waiting for the results too. But, I'm just like a stain, a dirt there. Especically at the production line, they are so busy and I had to disturb them in order to do my project and assignment. The way they look at you and it tells it all. Being chased around... So helpless... Beginning to doubt my abilities... But I have to face all these problems and obstacles. Well, see them as challenges and conquer them all. Otherwise I wont be able to survive till march.

Experienced so much in this few days. Ups and downs... Simply dont know how to put it into words...

Well, perhaps I'm being too pessimistic. Perhaps things are not as bad as I thought. Even though it is, I can handle it. Though things are not in my favour, not what I had wished and planned but I cant be depressed forever! Isnt what the world is? Full of problems, troubles, sadness, regrets... But I need to stand up, look up, face it and conquer it. Hate being a tap, a broken tap. Ought to repair it now... No use crying right? Am I right? RIGHT!!!

A week had passed.... Still got a long way to go. I was shag during that week. All that loading and unloading, tedious job of measuring 170 thousands of battery.... Oh well, this is tougher than I thought. But I'm going to survive this! Just you wait! I'll prove you guys wrong! I may be weak in practicals and electronics and slow in learning, but I'm keen to learn!!! You are suppose to guide me and I'm suppose to follow you around and learn. Or even given a assignment or a project. How can I learn when you dump me aside, asking me to do operators' job while you do your work? I may be a burden and hinder you now, but do give me some time and do guide me along and I can be a help someway, somewhere. But maybe I'm saying things too soon... Well, we'll see as the times goes...