FATIGUE FAILURE
I'm tired... Simply tired... I dont understand. I seem to be so fond of sleeping. I can simply sleep anywhere, anytime, any posture. But I hate this tireness!!! I can sleep for hours but waking up feeling that I had never sleep at all. I am exhausted. This is affecting me... Far too much... I cant study, cant listen in class, I'm moody... Haiz... How can I change this???

Tomorrow's event is cancelled. The VP and the others cant handle this project... Those projects organised by Brainclub are very small and simple yet there are so many problems...

This particular mooncake festival celebration was given to them by the President... Told her that we need to guide them along but she just couldnt listen... Ok, fine... Let them do and nothing come out of it... Be it the food, tickets, booking of locations, all not done!!! So now, they are all finding people to blame.... President expect them to ask, they didnt... But did she take the initiative??? No. So, both parties are at fault, stop blaming each other!!! I'm tired... Will be having a meeting next week, so i got to be prepared for the war that's breaking out...

I just cant understand... How can she be the president??? No leadership skills, no initiative, poor in handling the members, not organised.... The last event, she didnt do anything and we were all doing it... All she did was to submit the proposal. Asked us to go ahead with the event when the proposal isnt even approved... *sigh... All were planning to quit this club after that bbq event and she didnt realise that... I had to try and talk to them... Being 'splashed by cold water' everytime... Lots of conflicts in there and I have to be the peace maker everytime.

Total Breakdown....

One Cambodia trip and I got to know what my parents think of me... My heart is totally broken.... Guess what they told me today? The reasons why they dont allow me to go... I got some of them listed below.

• Irresponsible
• Dependent on others
• A spoilt brat
• Defiant
• Inconsiderate
• Spendthrift
• Disrespectful
• Someone who couldnt be trusted
• Someone who will definitely get into trouble

So... This is what I am to them... I now really begining to doubt myself. To think I thought I am a obedient and good girl. How wrong I am.... When I saw Belfred's blog and Jiahui's email, I totally breakdown... Why??? My brother and sister treat me so much better than my own family.... Or maybe, I am really what my parents had said....

Memorable Day...
Today is my last day at work... Didnt really opened counter yet I got a excess of $25. *sigh... I just stayed inside the office helping Iris with the documentation stuffs and bonus stamps thingy... Iris and Wan Joo treat me with such kindless that I really feel gulity for leaving when they are short-handed.

Perhaps since it's my last day of work, Joan and that Moh Thye Fong aimed to make it memorable??? Thye Fong made a huge damn stupid mistake of any-how scanning the barcodes and gave us a great headache... She was saying, "Tomorrow when the reports are out, they'll know what the customers had redeemed. Or I'll go home and think which one the customer redeem then I'll let you all know tomorrow. But she dont understand, all those need to be sorted out by tomorrow and the voiding can only be done today!!! No matter how hard we tried to explain to her that the reports are according to what she scanned and the computer is not that clever to know what the customers took, nothing got in!!!! She really made a huge big mess and her attitude damn S**ks. Joan asked me or rather ordered me to work OT just to sort out what Thye Fong was trying to do, her stamps, the rest of the cashiers' stamps, count money, packed floats, basically anything that she should be doing while she went out and complained to Miss Lim and Miss Koe... How clever she is???

Despite all that, I'll definitely miss that place, the people there....

Yesterday, went to remove the stitches early in the morning. Waited for nearly two hours just to see that doctor. (Wonder: Why so many people sick???) Ok, when I say see, I really mean see literally as that doctor cant remove the stitches as the wound haven heal yet... She was like poking the wound here and there before bandaging. She's so damn rough!!! I was trying hard not to show that I'm in pain while my mum was right behind me, adding all the sound effects... With all the "Eeee", "Ai yo", "Sssss", "Ouch..." it make me feel worse!!! It feel more painful!!! Asked her to wait outside but she insisted of going in... Oh well...

Rushed to school with my elephant and was basically panting and out of breath when I reached. (Note: time to exercise) Had to climb over the bridge, walked a distance and had to climb 5 floors up before reaching. I had to kept carrying the laptop on my left hand which is my weaker hand (in fact, I didnt really use my left hand in the past), it was in fact trembling when I reached... Ok, finally went on to the projects... Had to juggle 2 projects in a single day. Met 2 groups of people for discussion. Was in school canteen till 7 plus when all the lights out...
I H-A-T-E PROJECTS!!!!
Woke up with a sore throat, husky voice, heavy head and a running nose, think I'm catching a cold soon... Cant afford to be sick now... (Die, I'm back to becoming a stress-eater again!!! Had too much junk food...) Ought to complete the touching up and better send the projects to them by afternoon before going to the meeting. Wonder what time will the meeting ends??? First time to a Leo meeting after secondary school times... Dont know if I had done the right choice but no regrets...

"祸不单行"
Just as when I thought I can relax and get a breather, things crop up. *sigh... Like the chinese saying "祸不单行" which literally means diasters dont come alone, the site which I had choosen for OCC project underwent a major change and my comments and analysis for that stupid site are no longer vaild. There goes my efforts... The presentation and report is due next monday!!! Oh my...

2 of my tutorials are behind schedule and I need to submit them latest by tomorrow. Otherwise... Simply hate writting now as my finger is giving me troubles.... Hope the wound heals real soon!!! There is a change in the WISP topic and we need to write reflections after visiting the ISD exhibition... Haiz... Hate that module! It's taking up too much time. As for logistic, our proposal was rejected... It was done wrongly.. Hence, we are now back to square one.... =(

I had listed the things to be done at the side, just to remind myself. See sleepless nights ahead...

Life is a Rollercoaster...
Been having severe mood swings lately... What's happening to me???? Perhaps I'm suffering from depression or some mental problems??? I want control!!! Hate all this mood swings!!! What can I do??? Perhaps I'm affected by my surrounded friends??? Felt useless as I really cant help them... I dont know what to say to them, how to console them.... I can only provide my ears to them... Been thinking a lot these days... Thinking of what I really want... Made some decisions but it's only a matter of whether I can set my mind and heart in doing so... Need some determination and courage... Any help???

Cut my finger, had 3 or 4 stitches. But only through this, I realised how much my mum loves me... I really gave her a bad scare that day... I should learn to express myself more... Open up, like what many told me... Stop being like a clam... Give me some time, I'll try.

I'm currently reading a book, "Follow your Heart" by Susanna Tamaro... Recommended by my cousin... Reading it on my bus journeys... Though I just started reading but some phases in that book really set me thinking... Made me think of my relationship with my family, especially with my grandfather...