Strange...
I'm feeling strange... Feeling down, sad, hurt, those negative feelings... Dont understand why I'm feeling this way... It happened just like that... My tears just fall like that... Didnt even bother to stop myself. I'm all happy and cherry in the morning and afternoon but now... I dont understand why I'm feeling this way... Am I affected by those feeling around me??? Or I'm just feeling like that? Feel like finding someone to talk to, but none available... Perhaps a hot bath and a good sleep will do me good...

Went to make my spectacles today... Had a hard time picking out a frame that suits me... Still prefer this old spectacles... Still keeping my fingers crossed for the design and quality of the spectacles... Hope it's good...

Went to get some basic make-up kit at Body Shop... And I'm now broke... Some great recommendation from u ar, Qi!! It's so EXPENSIVE!!! But at least the retail assistant was helpful enough... Helped me out with the tones I suit... Well, I never put on make-up before. Worried that I might become a clown after putting on make-up. Hopefully I wont look like one... Anyway, ought to be used to putting on make-up. Heard that it's an requirement to put on make-up for presentations in third years... And more importantly, I'm recently curious about make-up and make-over... Amazed by what those cosmetics can do... Am I getting vain or feminine???

Still trying hard to shed some weights off... But my weight now is stuck there after losing only a few kilos! I'm starting to wonder if my weighting machine is spoilt after the elephant(me, that is) had been weighing every other day... Been cutting down on my jogging sessions as I'm busy with the club stuffs and working... I'm simply too tired and lazy to budge after I got home... But one good thing was, the lifts had been down often.. Hence, I'm been forced to take the stairs... But I hate it when I'm going back home... I mean it's really tiring to climb 13 storeys up u know.... Or should I say it's a torture?? Anyway, I need to lose a couple of kilos more before my next check-up session... I wouldnt want to stuck on medication... Hopefully, losing weight will really help me to lower my blood pressure and increase my confidence level... Really looking forward to that day when I can fix into those 'lady sizes' and shopping for clothes will be pleasure instead of a torment...

A GIRLY-GIRL. You dont have a lot of self-esteem
and people are always bringing you down for being sad. What do they know, anyway? You feel like youre too mature for your age and are frustrated by the trend-followers who refuse to accept you because you're not like them.

Your virtues: Intelligence, understanding nature,modesty.
Your flaws: Lack of social life, inferiority complex, timidity..
You might like this game, but maybe it's not your thing.
Take a look anyway if you are curious: www.life-blood.vze.com

What kind of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Good or Bad
Watched "Around the World in 80 Days". It's the usual Jackie chan type of movie, not bad though... The only spoiler was that that guy sitting besides was snoring away! He was snoring so loudly that I couldnt concentrate on my movie... And what's worse was that he took off his shoes! Imagine the smell!!! Oh my... Well, will be watching that again with Liwei on Wednesday. I'll just pray hard that history wont repeat itself. Got no choice but to accompany him... Kept pestering me... Haiz... Brothers....

Went to Breeks to have our lunch cum dinner... Finally... The food is great... It looks so appetizing that I took photos before tucking in... Perhaps I should post it here... Provided I can figure it out... Haha...


Fish and Chips (Seems that it's not that difficult to post photos after all...)
Fall in love at first sight with that pair of shoes... And it's on a discount! But my shoe size is not available. Why am I so 'lucky'???? Haiz... Went to Crepes & Cream for a rest and to have some desserts... Poor services... I'll never step in there again... Went to Esplande after that... I simply love that place... Feel at peace there... Beautiful scenery... Took lots of photos there... Stayed there for hours... Before my handphone rang... Got home in a hurry and faced the music... But, I dont mind... Ya, got to thank Qi for the treat... Next time, it'll be my turn... Though there's so many 'spoilers', I did enjoyed myself at the esplande...

My mum's a murderer!!!! And I'm the eye-witness!!! I saw it with my own eyes!!! I saw her stabbing him with my own eyes! I could see and feel his pain and terror! There's so many parts I dont understand... I even attend his funeral, cried my heart out there... Wait! Before anyone make a police report, I need to clarify this, all this happened in my DREAMS!!!

I always have dreamless nights... But now, this.... Woke up shaking.... He's the one I love?had a crush on... I really woke up believing all this was true. I was staring at my mum early in the morning... Until she asked me what was wrong. What does this dream means? Does it mean that I wanted him dead? No, no, I mean in my heart. But why my mum? I mean, if I wanted him dead, I should be the one killing him, not my mum. What has my mum got to do with this? I'm confused...

I'm so tired... My cashering balancing is terrrible! Only 20+%!!! What's happening to me??? Maybe i am just tired... Maybe I'm not concentrating... I have a strange feeling... Deep down in my heart... Something which I desire but impossible and unreachable...

Arms aching now... Feel that they are breaking.... Now my back hurts as well... Think it's due to wrong posture. Just got home from Xiao Qian new house... Seems that she move house every semester. And she'll ask for my help every time she moves house... What to do? She's my classmate and since she had already open her mouth, there's no way I can turn her down...

Not willing to go as my arms were already aching from all that carrying of the plastic bags yesterday. Poor me, got to carry 13 cartons of 19 and 20 inches of plastic bags and 9 smaller cartons of the small plastic bags all alone... Was exhausted before I started to work...

Had a tough day at work today... Worked non-stop today as there's only 9 cashiers working including service counters and counter 19... Mine 60 over stamps were stolen... If I had to pay $20 for each stamp, I'll have to cough up $1200+!!!!!! I'll die man!!! I'm feeling terrible enough and that stupid Joan makes things worse!!!

Woke up early today and accompany my dad to the Serangoon Gardens Food Centre (Chomp Chomp) to get breakfast for the prince and my mum. There's goes my jogging plan... Excuses... *Haha... But at least got a chance to have a short chat with my dad.

Met up with Jiahui, Liyan, Wee Liang and Yuyan at THPZ. Kind of reluctant as I cant see any fun in going back to the place I'm working on my non-working days. But since Wee Liang need to go back to return his uniform and it's an excuse to pull Yuyan back to THPZ to visit the aunties... Didnt really do anything except to take photos and take photos... Haha... Something which I used to hate most...

After which I got home, and after a bath, I went to Shu Yun's birthday party cum gathering... Left there after a while as I was really bored there and felt that I'm just an extra there... I'm not so close with them and we have nothing to talk about... Or I'm too anti-social? She had invited many of our secondary school friends. But I simply feel awakard there... She didnt change much, she's still that friendly wild party girl which I had knew then. But Crystal, Siew Ling, Grace, Benji and a few others had changed a lot... Just couldnt recognise them. Well, it had been near 3 years since we last meet... But anyway, perhaps I should be glad that they still remember me?

Woke up so early today... Went for a jog at the 'hill top'. Felt refreshing yet real tired... It's really boring to jog alone especially when you hated jogging. Got home and waited for my IS web enrolment... The system speed was still acceptable as I used my laptop. I even manage to help Zhai Yuan to enrol. Learnt my lessons last time as I simply couldnt get into the system at all using that antique computer of mine... Couldnt get the modules and the time slot I wanted hence I just sort of any-how choose. Monday lessons will be 10am to 5pm instead of 8am to 3pm the time slot which I wanted. Well, at least I wont have 2 hours of break this time round. Ok, ought to get something to eat. My stomach is growling now... Haha...

All in a Day
Felt so many different kinds of emotions today... All in a single day... It's a little wonder that I'm acting a little strange/crazy today...

Went to send glad off today... She's off to Taiwan for a youth exchange. Really envy her so much... How I wish I could go too... But... Anyway, will be waiting for her imported salted fish *grins Went to find Yue Bin at terminal 2 but only to find out that she's working in the night shift... Got tired trying to find the way... Well, as usual, I lost my way at the airport... I had to kept asking the way around...
Emotions: Sad + Envy + Disappointed + a bit of jealousy and happy

Went out with Belfred, Jiahui and Wee liang in the afternoon. Went bowling at Marine Bowl at East Coast Park. It was enjoyable despite the poor facilities there. It's a pity that Belfred cant join us. Think I had improved a bit since my last play... Got a strike and a spare. But my overall score still s****. Got the strike and spare just by luck... Haha... Anyway, who cares?? As long as we enjoyed... But it will be months before my next game.... I was so disappointed as there's no sunset today...(At least we didnt manage to catch it) Tried out the cakes and double chocolate at the MacCafe. Just felt that it's an imitation of Starbucks or Coffee Bean... But the food is not too bad though... Had a talk at the beach... Not those serious heart-to-heart conversion but it was relaxing and enjoyable. Love the beach... How I wish I can stay there forever... But like they say, 'tian xia mei you bu san de yan xi'... Who knows when we can afford the time to have a gathering like this?
Emotions: Happy + Disappointed + Uncertainty + Relax

"Feel like an endangered animal... Closed in a cage in a zoo with security guarding me... Feel like a baby... So helpless, so useless... No control over my life, what I want, I could only cry cry cry... Hate myself for being such weakling... Hate myself for always listening to what they say... Did that to save my ears???? Or I just dont have the courage to stand up to my rights??? You cant do this you cant do that... I'm going bonkers!!! I'm 19 not 1!!!! Cant they stop treating me as a baby??? You need ask permission before you can go out, you need to report who you are with, where you going and with who... You need to call back and report and hear his scolding... You need to be fetched home at night and you need to reach home at god-knows-what-time... "Know ur limits! Come back early, give me a call" that's what he always says. Ask him to give me a limit, let me know what time I need to be home but all he said was: 'what do u think?' Came back at 8pm, which I consider is real early but his face is super duper damned black and long!!! It's the best that I dont go out, stay at home... that's what he wants... You cant surf the net for long hours but your brother can! He wants to control what type of friends I had, who I hang out with, the amount of money I take from my own account, own money. Now I cant even control what time I want to sleep!!! Felt so frustrated so helpless!!! I want to get away!!! I want my freedom!!!!!!!! I want control!!!!!!!!! Been fighting for it for years but in vain... All I got was scolding, scolding and accuses... Been accused of being defiant, been accused of being bad, accused of 'wings becoming harden', etc... I had enough!!!!!"

That was what I typed in my laptop yesterday night, with the lights out. Full of frustration and I thought I could just let it all out just like that... But instead it make me feel worse... Felt my anger and desperation building up... Felt so terrible... Anyway, Wee Liang, thanks for chatting with me... Though it may be crap but it really made me feel a whole lot better... THANKS A LOT!!!

Finally I made up my mind to buy the digital camera from Yue Bin... Finally... It's a great deal!!! Really cant believe my luck! Cannon Ixus IIs, which she bought just weeks ago... It was good enough for me, and she's going to charge me at a cheaper price given it's "second hand"(she havent really used that camera) and she's my cousin...(ought to give me some face ar?) ;p My aunt had got her a Sony digital camera, which costs about $900. It's no wonder that she wishes to sell off that camera that she had just bought. Been playing with that camera and I simply like it...

I'm done with the keychains... Wrote the names on it already... My chinese words look ugly... It's been ages since I write in chinese...