The second week of engineering, I'm praying that time will pass a little faster. Baby came to find me for lunch and was real happy to see him!



Went to meet Anna and Jasmine at Expo for food fair! ;) Slacked at 201 mac while waiting for Ben to come. Bumped into mom on the bus and told her about my future. She simply said, think of it after you graduate. Omg, I was totally disappointed once I heard it. I'm like down here worrying about my future and planning for it but she doesn't really seem to be interested in my topic. K, I shall stop.

I go and be a singer like Bruno Mars lah!

Behind this castle wall.

He's starting his work tmr as a bartender and means we will be having inflexible timing to meet. But I know I need to support him no matter what. So we spent our day wisely today.

Headed down to Raffles to find him and back to amk for lunch. We're just so flicker minded. Back home and realised no one were at home to help us open the door so we waited stupidly under the block while waiting for his granddad to come home.



He piggy back me and so many people commented 'bout it! Hahaha, all gave funny and basket comments. Decided to have dessert at amk before I head home.



And after consuming so many times at MDH, this is the first dessert that we think is nice.



Baby sent me back and came up to my house for awhile. K, I shouldn't feel upset because he's making the effort to come and find me for lunch tmr! ;) I love him.

And I can really feel the Monday blues.

Hold my hand and walk this with me

I was so tired that when my alarm rang at 10am, I got a shocked and thought I was late for work. This has obviously show how work has affect my life, including my only sleep time.

Supposed to renew passport at post office but they need my old passport and I couldn't find it. Now, gonna postpone my day to jb. Found my way through to california fitness at Novena and met baby. Went to his house and I cooked maggie mee for him! Watched insidious and it was quite a nice movie. It's god damn exciting and ending kind of screwed. Amazingly, funshion has the movie faster than in cinema.

His grandma cooked my favourite dish, ultra touched. Impromptu decision to go prawning again and we caught only ten prawns. People go to prawn, but I ended up hooking stone which looks like shell. Gonna find him after his work and spent time with him more before he goes and works as bartender.

Share your burden with me.

When I thought everything is back to the square one and like the fairytale, that's only when I realised I thought.



Finally endure finished one week of engineering and two more weeks left. Met Anna and Jasmine for dinner and slacked at Tampines. Laughed, joke, gossip and ranting are like part of our life.



And guess what, I need trust from you.

I bet the feeling is getting back shitty again. Maybe it's because I've been like staying in the office for the damn 9.5 hours, with no one to talk to and joke around. I don't know how to say how unhappy I am with life but just gotta tell myself that life is be better, life is great, life is wonderful but know what? The fact that I know myself that it isn't been good at all. I said so much lies to myself.

I said in e journal that working here is a good experience and stuffs but I ain't happy over here at all. I told a lie that my life is happy and great but I feel shit damn inside. I don't know how to hide my feeling anymore. This really sucks and I wanna rant it out. You wanna know how come it sucks? There are many reasons behind it and life just isn't as great as the past. The past is like happy-go-lucky, where I don't have to be sensitive at all. Now, life is like everyday full of regret, everyday is like dragging myself doing stuffs that I don't like.

Shit, this really sucks!

Things are getting better already. ☺



Celebrated fifth months with baby tonight and it was great. Supposed to meet at Bedok point for the chicken pot but changed plan to Ajisen at Bugis. Was real surprised by his gift! *smile widely, with tiny eyes* Shopped around Bugis street and wanted to get a top.



Bus home from Bugis and we had lot of great laugh.

I love you. Once again, thanks for everything.

Compromising is the key.

Happy five months, baby. I love you.



Life's been ups and downs for both of us. We are so close and used to each other in life that we felt that we have been together for many many months, but the fact that is only five months. We don't have honeymoon period at all because first quarrel strikes us hard on the first month.

We always want to pyscho each other mind with our own logics and senses, but we always fail. We are so determined with our own stand and never want to take a step back at all. Then, we will be hurt and unhappy for the rest of the day. Loving someone is really hard, because once you are hurt, your heart really ache fucking much.

Our quarrels are like a daily routine. But it never tears us part. We are still sticking to each other tightly. I really can't imagine that we have only been through for the short five months. This five months are really hard to pull through. So many times we ever wanted to give up, but we didn't. This shows how strong our love is.

I'm thankful for your existence. I'm thankful for approaching me and know me. I'm thankful that you appear in my life. I'm thankful that someone can actually be so worried for me. I'm thankful that you are my boyfriend. Though we always quarrel and I dislike you at times, but my love for you still cover up the side where I dislike you alot.

I believe we will pull through all the hard side of our relationship. I know we are both doing our best job as a girlfriend and boyfriend. I know we can. Hold on to this relationship tight k. Let's go pa tor tmr and sat! ;)

I love you.

& it's the rainbow colour combination, telling you that you are my rainbow that comes after the rain. Thanks baby!

Compromising is the only key now.

Desperate. For the past old feeling.

I'm thankful for all the friends that have been my side when I was down. Be it your sarcascism, or truthful concern, I'm still happy that I weren't alone afterall. Because of my past relationship, I grow to be more stronger. Because of you, I know who really treat me the best with his heart.

Despite all those quarrels and unhappy moments that you gave me, I would still like to say a thanks and I love you. I believe things will turn out fine for us.

Never will I wanna feel so inferior, never will I wanna be so competitive, but because of your words, you make me wanna be more perfect in your eyes. You made me becoming someone that isn't myself anymore.

There are so much things running through my mind now but it's all so not convenient to type it out. My feeling, my thoughts, everything in my mind. This is real god damn sucks and shitty. The first encounter in my life.

And Chengwei is really a lame crap. Alright, like finally gonna meet him after real long! ;)

It's recovering but what hurt has been hurt. It's just like a vase breaks and the crack will always be there. You get what I mean?



Working was really making me feel smelly. Rushed down to amk and met Jiale, Shirlene and Kenze for prawning at Bishan.



This time, we caught 29 in total! It's all small but better than nothing!



Shirlene and I were more slack because we just kept sat at there and waiting for our turn. Kenze and Shirlene kept helping me downloading the apps in iphone!



I might be smiling so widely but it doesn't mean I am really happy from the bottom of my heart.

Tomorrow gonna be the last day of housekeeping day!

I'm so sick of thinking what to eat for lunch everyday. Now, I don't have to think for tmr because I've alr made salad for my breakfast and lunch! ;)



Wanted to go home after work and rest but Yihui suddenly called me and wanna meet me for dinner. Went to surprise Joyce with cupwalker.

Life can actually be so simple. :)

It's fucking ache in heart now but gotta keep telling myself to hang on and be strong. I'm at the peak of jumping down the cliff, and no one is holding on to me. All I know is, it's fuckingly aching inside.

I didn't know that heart can be this aching. I feel that your hand is letting go, and things aren't the same anymore. I need your console, I need you to dote me, because afterall, I'm still a girl that need love from you. I'm not as strong as you think. I'm like a snail. You step on my shell and I'll just be dead. I'm feeling real weak now, I afraid I can't hang on anymore.

Fuck, it's aching, it's aching, it's really aching deep inside. I feel like I'm breatheless.
It's really aching.

I hate the feeling of being neglected. I know I shouldn't feel so stubborn but in the world, no girls will wish to get neglected. The fact is not even one. I have to face the fact that some thing has to change one day, and nothing will remains the same forever. I don't wanna lose you, so I need to remain silence and kept it in heart.

I'm gonna set you free. At least I will try.

Today housekeeping was kind of slack, so basically I'm blogging, looking at hotels, resorts in S'pore and twittering. There goes my one day ~

Four days of off-days just ended like this. Disappointment much? Yes and no.

Been with baby throughout this four days. There was happy moments, like fighting around and making salads together but there was upset times when we quarreled at Lau Pa Sat. Someone actually walked towards us and asked us for direction in our midst of quarrelling. There was lot of mixed feeling throughout this four days. You're hot and you're cold.

Yesterday wasn't well-spent and I've kind of ruined today by sleeping in his house for whole day and watch teevee. But, something cool was we made delicious salads tgt, with the help from his grandma. ;)

It looks simple though.

Now, I wanna make this relationship more colorful and memorable. But, now my feeling is really shitty when I know tmr gonna back to work. Three more days of housekeeping and I'll be wearing boots to engineering! ;)

Your house tv spoil? Call me and I'll be there.

Your aircon is leaking? No worries, a call away and I'll fix it.

Your lightbulb flickering? Nah, it's just a small case. I'll settle it!

Call me, the technician Tay. ;) In a week time.

A real confusing day

I don't wanna rot at home so decided to visit grandparents' at Holland Village. Went over alone and Yihui asked me out before I wet over.



Grandma cooked my favourite dish, tomatoes fish. And, she gave me drank bird nest. Their house view was real cool. It's cooling at night and it's so tall that I can see MBS from their kitchen!



And my grandpa looks so cute when he cut botak. His previous hair was stylo mylo one. When I looked at both of them, I suddenly think that they are really very old already. They will tend to talk to themselves and stone in the air for very long. It aches seeing them like this.



Went over to meet baby at night and he brought me to prawning because he made me angry. Ended up, he kept attitude during prawning because he didn't catch much. Went home to sleep and accompanied him to work at juggernaut.



Quarrels are unavoidance.

I'm forever late for classroom session. This is the third sessions and I'm always late for the three sessions. And, I actually late for more than thirty minutes. I'm so sorry, Trevor. I'll try to be punctual for the July session. I'll try.

Went over to Jiale's place to find him and have lunch with him. Bought him bubble tea and his sis gave me a top 'cause she thinks she can't fit in. Then, I think I can't fit in even more.



Met Jaslyn, Thaijin, Zhiyu, Jason and Silas around evening at Cine. Watched them have their meal 'coz I wasn't hungry. Walked to fep to have dessert and chit chat. We can laugh for very minor thing.



And, I miss Chuanhui alot. It feels weird without her being around with us. Nvm, three more months of endurance for sip and she will be back to s'pore w us. Gonna meet Jaslyn for dinner on Wednesday.

I'm disappointed with you because you show me that you aren't someone who can keep your promise. No wonder, I've got your genes. Hey, stop treating me as 18 years old because the fact is I'm 20 and I'll be an official adult next year. I can vote for election and even participate in the parliament. Don't judge a book by its cover. Stop treating me like a small kid just because I have a kiddy face. I'm trying to survive on my own. This is my life, I wanna control it myself, at least whatever I do, I won't feel regret.

I'm not a toy, to be controlled by you. I know you're the most important person in life but this doesn't mean that, you have to control me till I die. One day, you still have to let go your hand and set me free. I have to get marry one day and you will need to give my hand over to my partner. How many years you wanna control me?

I'll never learn to grow up.

Life has a turning point.

Survived through my day at housekeeping dept today and the most screw thing is the classroom session tmr early in the morning. I can't have a good night throughout. Gonna find baby after my session and should I buy A1 bubble tea for him. I'm a random woman that went to self-dye my hair just now when I bathe. It's just a slight different, damn shit.

I'm utterly disappointed today and this proves me right.
Gonna rest well for this four days off and struggle through housekeeping for one more week before transferring to engineering dept.

The comeback.

Things are slowly turning better, at least there is what I think. Be it relationship or work, it's getting better. I shall not mention what I've done in my blog but close friends will definitely somehow know.



Went over to his house to find him and slept throughout the afternoon. It was a real humid weather and I bathed twice at his house within hours. I still couldn't stop perspiring. We were like small kid and threw ice at each other. I kept running towards his grandpa.



He bluff me for the dessert and asked me accompanied him to have his hair cut at FEP. He had a new hairstyle this time round and we had lots of jokes bout it.



I dragged myself off the bed this morning to go for work and it was real tiring. Time pass real slow this time round. And, I think I shall have beehoon for lunch tmr!

Oh I had a lot to say was thinking on my time away,
I missed you and things weren't the same.
'Cause everything inside, never comes out right.

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue, I'm sorry about all the things I've said to you, and I know I can't take it back.

And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry.

I'm not a good daughter, nor a good girlfriend. I lied, I hurt every of my love ones. I'm selfish, I ain't caring, I never ever thought of their feeling. I'm kind of the worst off daughter. That's how I've thought for now. Meiyan, this shall be your last time taking mc. Endure, it's just three more months, stay strong! :(

It's like time has finally reached the lowest period in your life, and you can just break down any single time, hearing any hurtful words. I want to drink till drop dead, to forget all my sorrows that I'm facing. My only pillar for me to hang on has already fall. I'm left all alone, no one to turn to, no one to cry on, I'm alone.



This hurts, way hurtful than the past. My love isn't any way less than the past but one sentence, shot me dead. This is my consequences. I feel like hanging myself up, and die. I feel like getting sick now and lie on bed forever, and keep crying till there's no tomorrow. Because I know that all the physical injuries will never feel as hurt as my heart.



And, I'm a fucking cheap maid.

General election is really a serious matter and decide on someone's path ahead.

Everyone went to have a poll early in the morning. Though I'm in Tampines GRC but I hope that PAP will win the Aljunied GRC. It's like George Yeo has been doing a great job as a foreign minister yet he doesn't derserve all these consequences. And our PM smiles till very cute! ;)



But on the other hand, I've read news 'bout G. Yeo that required apology to the public. So what's exactly wrong?

Had unpleasant morning again. Went over to his house and have meal. His mom kept offering me food. Waited for him to finish his tuition and had dinner at 829 before heading home. Gonna go out w Yihui tmr, goodnight!

I'm gonna jio people to watch Tampines GRC rally with me five years later. ;)

You're nowhere to be seen, when I need you the most. Assumption kills deeply. I thought you understand me well, I thought you will know what I am thinking. Envy of how others can happily blog 'bout their happy life yet I can't. I feel that my life is dead already. I feel hurt, I tears but I got over it fast because the feeling is numb.

I need to drink to get this night off my mind. You said you will be there for me, but where are you and what you are doing when I need you most. You have totally prove to me that all these are just fairytales that always happen. Today was just a fairytale. Nightz.

Hoping and hoping, but the fact has always been hurting us.
I feel the pain in you.

Eyes are red and you biting on to your lips, trying to smuggle through my question. I kept quiet, and I know I should leave you all alone. Loving someone is really painful. Don't keep everything on yourself, because I understand your feeling and I know it's really hurt. I'm in your shoes. We're wiping our tears now, and many things running through our mind. I guess we are good at keeping things to ourselves. I'm feeling headache, seeing you like that and having my own problems. I feel useless for not being able to do anything to change the fact whereby I know the fact always hurt.

Now, I understand your meaning.

Strong, a word that I'm lacking in life.

Keeping things to myself really doesn't feel good. Been constantly reminding myself to be strong no matter what, because in life, you can only rely on yourself. Days been real miserable for me. I couldn't adapt to the changes. You're the only source of my motivation but now, I know I am breaking down soon.

Once I stepped into housekeeping dept, cup noodles are my best friend. They filled my stomach for hours, giving me energy to pull those heavy mattress and change the bedsheet. They give me strength to mop the floor with the heavy mop and to sweep the dirty floor. They replenish my energy.

Been missing you day and night and kept hoping to receive your text, showering concern when I am working very hard to be a maid. I know things have been going very hard on both of us, but I know I need to stay strong to keep this going. I miss you.

Thanks wind.

Unbearable.

I know we have tried our best. I know I have tried to control my paddle of water. Exhausted.

When I thought when I go to a new place, I will have a better day,
but it doesn't seem to be the way. I know it's part and parcel of life.

I struggled through this afternoon, with my giddy and heavy head. I felt so heavy that I wanted to knock my head hard against the wall. It's driving me nuts. I know when I am attached here, I have to take all the hardship. It makes me feel like a cheap labour, despite knowing that it's all the experience that counts. It's really making me felt so lethargic. I felt so smelly and dirty but I can't complain at all. We sat at the linear store to have our small break. It's life.

Have to continue to clean the rooms tomorrow. I'm mentally prepared to get sticky, dirty and smelly. Once again, I'm room stewarding.

Been thinking of him all day long, keep looking at the phone hoping to receive his msges. Sometimes, it's still best to be slightly independent.

If we are going to talk about long run...
How will it be like?

It's not easy to make this work, and make it go on smoothly. We've been trying hard to make it work but whenever we tried to solve it, it only makes thing worst. I feel so lost and helpless at times. I feel like working it out with you but both of us have different opinions. All we can do is to take a step at a time.

We walked in the house and all eyes were on us. I saw smiles on everyone faces and everyone has good comment 'bout him except for one. I really hope that this will works. Had our meal over at the kitchen balcony and the cheesecake tastes bitter. Everything wasn't my preference. I'm not picky, just slightly troublesome. Met baby this afternoon after his gym at california fit. He has a real bad temper when he's not enough of sleep. He's like a small kid but I know I need to accept him no matter how bad his stupid temper is.

I hope the love in us will overcome it.

Just the way you are.

I know I must love you for the way you are. I shouldn't get so picky over little issue because ou are who you are. I should accept the clumsy you since I love you. I didn't want to change you, I didn't want to control you, I want you to be yourself, for who you are.

Prawning at Farmway is the real bad decision, because we ended up spent lots of money, especially baby. Alright, going to doze off. He's coming over tmr for dinner! ;) Love him the most!