When the world out there is changing, when the people are changing, when I realised I am changing and the changes we've made.

It was supposed to be a happy nice Sunday, but everything was ruined, totally. I'm sorry.



Watched The Last Exorcism with Benjamin this afternoon at century square and it was totally sucks. I don't even know the movie had started till Benjamin told me. Hahaha. Kind of expected the ending, so kinda disappointing. Went to his house to take the wine opener from him and took bus back home.


My ear piece spoilt when I took the bus so I thought of going to buy a new one myself. On the bus to inter, I called my parent to fetch me at inter since they are supposed to celebrate my birthday but suddenly they said dinner cancelled. I don't know how to describe the disappointment in me. Then, many things happened. :(


Met Benny for dinner instead and had mac at 201. Chatted and I walked home! Kevin called me on my way home and chatted with him. Had a great laugh and that idiot kept laughing at me. Told him my problems and sat at downstair continued chatted with him and enjoy the breeze. Phone going no batt so I went home.


Today supposed to be a happening day but it was kind of disappointing. School tomorrow and I must wear formal. Dinner with Benny tmr and I gonna wear that to have dinner w him. I miss Weekhim, like so many things wanna tell him! :(

Okay, I shall continue to post about last night since the photos had uploaded. So, they turned off the light and started singing bday song to me. I was really not expecting it at all, so I was kinda shocked. :)



After singing bday song, they asked me to blow the candles using one breathe, totally want my life man! They wanted me to use the tongue to take out the candle stand. Then the girls started putting the cream on my face! Hahaha.



After long, I managed to take it out. :D



Everything was packed up, the guys washed the plates and the guys were so nice to help me wash! :D Hehehe! Took photo with Anna! :)

After everything was well cleaned, we went to Anna's room to play some game that Idk what's that. Hahaha, drank and Anna's face was freaking red! Qiaofeng send us home! :D

Okay, really a great day spent!

Once in a year, happy birthday to me, I'm finally 19 now. Now, I'm so looking forward to 20 already, hehehe!

When the clock turned 12, Kenneth was the first one to msg me, followed by Jaslyn. Both of them sent a freaking long message to me and I was really happy. Slowly, more ppl started msging me and wishing me on fb. :) Kianloon called me, jiao me and wished me but actually, it was Ben who remembered it! Hahaha, I forgave him.

Rachel was the sweet one that she popped out outside my doorstep and surprised me w coffee club mango cake! :) I was really v happy and wasn't expecting at all. She gave me the prezzie and she went off. Omg, I love her! :)

Frankly, I was like smiling to the laptop for nearly 2 hours, my lip didn't touched each other at all. I was like so freaking happy getting wished by many ppl! :) The feeling was really damn shiok. The internet was giving hell so I went offline 'coz Jaslyn said meet her at 1230 this morning!

Woke up, prepared and this cute awesome zhiyu was so cute that he msged me, "we celebrating meiyan bday, wanna come later?". I was stunned and I don't know should I laugh or cry. When I was about to leave my house, Benjamin called me and said he saw my status and chatted w me. He still doesn't wanna wish me! :( Finished chatted w him and left house.

I put on my earpiece and blasted my music till vol 23. It was playing eenie meenie then. I said background was quite noisy and I though it was the eenie meenie background so I didn't care much. When I finished locking the door and I turned back, I was surprised! Jaslyn, Chuanhui and Caralyn were at my back singing happy birthday to me and I didn't hear it! So summarized, they were like singing to the cake. I was god damn happy and I found it freaking funny can! I couldn't stop laughing, seriously! Made three wishes and blew the candle. :)

They came into my house and rest and opened the present. The present was wrapped w my fav hello kitty and it was freaking big. So initially, I thought it was oven. Hahahaha! Opened the present and there are four hello kitty items! :) Took photos using polaroids and off to tm!

They spin me round and round. I was so giddy and when I opened my eyes, I was at Dint Tai Feng already! Omg, it was my first time dine in at DTF can! Hehehehe. Weilian and Karyaow were late and met them at Manpuku.

We slacked at Manpuku for one hour plus and off we went our own way.

Oh yeah, these are the things they gave me! :) Super sweet right!

When I think back at times, we are actually the girls clique only. But because of one semester at sentosa, things changed so fast then the guys clique joined us and we became one big clique. It was so cool, amazing and unbelievable. Well, thanks Zhiyu, Jason, Weilian and Karyaow! :D

Definitely not forgetting my lovely Jaslyn, sweetie Chuanhui, irritating Weiting, sweet Caralyn and lovable Thaijin!

They went their own way and I went to meet Kianloon! :) He accompanied me to ehub to get my pay and since it was quite early then, we decided to catch paranormal activities 2. It.was.freaking.boring.and.it.was.the.most.boring.movie.I.ever.watched.in.my.entire.life! I'm so sorry, Kianloon because I've wasted your time and you still treated me! Benjamin waited for me at ehub for freaking long and we cab to Anna's house!

Reached her house and had few bites of food. Coincidentally, Benny was downstair playing soccer and had a chat w him at the staircase. Went back and they surprised me w the cake! I shall elaborate 'bout the cake when Anna uploads the photos.

Benjamin looks like small kid after he cut his hair! :)



So, it was the first time I took photo w Benny and it was really so sudden that we will took.

Went back Anna's house and continued abit of food and started drinking martini w fruit punch. Played game and Qiaofeng send all of us home! :) Nice Thye Whye walked w me to my lift. Hehehe! It was a great birthday spend, definitely! :)

Thanks Jueying, Huishan, Anna, Kylie, Jasmine, Yiheng, Thye Whye, Qiaofeng, Junwei and Jeff! :D

Alright, my birthday is over and I'm freaking sad now! Still, I wish my wish will comes true!

My heart is pumping so fast so fast so fast now. My fingers are so pain so pain now. I'm using my flesh to type messages. I know I should try to be happy and take SSM as a learning experience but I can't. I am too scared already.

Accompanied Chuanhui to buy some stuffs before school today and had lunch with her.
THANKS RACHEL AND DENISE FOR TREATING ME DINNER AS MY ADVANCED B'DAY CELEBRATION. :D They gave me a list of restaurants to choose and I was really too full for dinner at that time. So, I chose Crystal Jade. Hehehe. On the way to CJ, I saw familiar faces and I went to take a look, it was indeed Yiheng and Thye Whye. I was freaking happy can 'coz damn long never see them already! :D Had dinner and we went to look for jobs around tampines mall. Bought a spag top at cotton on, hehe :D

Okay, it's really late and I should go and pack my stuffs for SSM. :(
BYE AND GOOD LUCK TO MY BELOVED FRIENDS! Let's enjoy tmr.

First day of school, from excited to shag.

Though ssm lecture at 5pm, but I still ended up super shag. Rushed to basic of nutrition lect at 6pm and was quite stunned deep inside 'coz I'm so not a good friend w vitamin, carbohydrate, proteins and stuffs. Good game to me, I'll work hard, some more there's Chuanhui with me! :)

Singtel ppl as well as the connection is really sucks. My internet is really having problem and they called and said there's nothing wrong with it. Worst still, singtel ppl allocated my appointment at 6pm, means 6pm right! The technician kept calling me around 1.30pm, saying that they are free already. But hello, no one at home right! They called again at 3pm and 4pm.

People had SSM today gave positive comment about it and I hope I will enjoy. Please pray that my red lipgloss can pass, if not I'll waste $18. I swear I never feel so sad to study before, it's not because of tiredness or what, but the money that I spend on SSM. It's totally a freak man.'

I am v affected by it when I got such a reply and it made me totally feel like giving it up. I know that this won't lead me anywhere but I don't know why am I keep on continuing this. It brings me pain at times. I guess I know what to do already, :)

It was a real real real bad day today, damn it.

People keep blocked my way, so no choice, I bang them off. Aunty just pissed me off, kns. Yihui accompanied me for interview at Raffles City. First time hate Bugis street so much and finding way out to bus stop. IT'S TOTALLY SUCKS.



Bought the ah ma court shoes at Covet and two tops. That's all. Hopefully I'll find a job asap.



Chatted with Jaslyn on the phone just now and shared so much problem! :) Like it's been so long since we had last chatted can. Now chatting with Kevin and he is freaking funny. We were like saying about different ways to woo people and the ideas. Like cool only sia! :) Okay, tomorrow school start and I'm awaiting.

I wanna make myself busy! :)

It's 5.20am now and I ain't asleep here! :)

Freaking zai, isn't it? I'm so hungry now that I can't sleep now. Was kinda bored at 3am so went to dad's shelf and took a dvd to watch. Watched shoot 'em up and it was freaking extremely nice! Thumb up! Junxiang told me that he was watching paranormal activity and it was scary and he was god damn funny sia. I think he freaks me out instead.

Okay, I think I need to sleep. I still need to wake up early to go and alter my blazers and go see ah ma shoes at Bata. Goodnight everyone! :D

Nose blocked made me didn't sleep well last night. I was feeling so freaking terrible that I woke up several times. Suddenly received Benny calls and he was sharing his joy with me that he caught a super big fish this morning. Then, he woke me up. Ate my kokokrunch while waiting for Zhiyu's msg.

Prepared and met Zhiyu, Jason and Karyaow to shop for our stuffs. Whole day and I bought a blazer only. Was so glad so glad that I didn't buy my blazer from G2000. It's freaking freaking freaking exp. I bought it at Bershka instead. Walked round and round and we didn't buy our shoes. I must definitely buy it tmr if not I will kisiao.

Gonna shop for shoes tmr w Yihui. Die die must buy if not, wed I will die.

I wanted to post my letter but I gave up the thoughts.

I've finally made up my mind to find a part time job if possible because I know it's really hard to survive with such high expenses every month. All thanks to the bloody ssm that my mom had to find her way to give me money for the blazer and shoes and everything. I really feel like scolding them for all I can but I know I don't have the ability. You sucks. Seriously, not like I will be waitress in the future right, bloody ass.

Though I am contented with my timetable, class, everything but I'll definitely not looking forward for wed. I know I have to endure it for one whole sem. Listening to Kenji's song and it's freaking nice, like singing out my emotion now. Going to buy blazer and stuffs tomorrow w Zhiyu and Jason at town. It's all about money, again.

Nose blocked, runny nose, sore throat, headache, restless, all these are making me feeling so miserable now. Mom sleeping next to me and I think I am super noisy 'coz of my nose. I love you, mom. ;)

Oh haze, you make me headahce. Oh haze, you make me sore throat. Oh haze, you are making everyone feeling terrible now. Oh haze, when will you stop?

I'm feeling so terrible now as though I am going to faint anytime soon. It was pouring heavily and I got woke up by that. Watched tv and there wasn't any nice movies at all. Stoned and quickly checked my time table and I am contented already.

Met up with Zhiyu at Tampines Mall and had dinner at Century square then accompanied him to Twister for hair cut. He looks okay with that short hair but I wonder how Jason will looks like. Hehehe.



Took this photo when we went to watch Child eye. :)


I miss them leh, like super long never meet up with them already :(

I've decided to find a part time job to cover up my expenses and save money! :( Have to buy blazer, shoes, and etc tmr already if not I don't need to go school already. Goodnight, I'm feeling miserable now.

This is the dim sum that we ate during Jason's birthday and most of the dimsum are prawns prawns and prawns.

Couldn't think of where to go so we went to Pomo for pool and I'm totally sucks at it. Benjamin was nearby at the same time so he came and find me.



Took clique photos with Thaijin and Weiting, then we seperated. Accompanied Chuanhui and Jaslyn to have dinner at Just Acia and I went home after that.



I was totally not in the mood at all, even some of them can feel it. I don't know why but this year is really a sucky year for all of us. I am sure that I ain't happy at all most of the time. I'm so sick of putting on the fake smile, whereby I ain't happy at all. I'm so sick of giving in most of the time, whereby I wish I can just be myself. I'm so sick that I must always spare a thought for others, whereby no one spare a thought for me. I'm so sick.

And all thanks to the freaking Sumatra for burning their forest or whatever shit and ended up, Singapore is so hazey. Now, my throat is freaking pain because of the freaking haze. How long will this stop?

SSM is another freaking freak thing that make me super fucked up. Now, because of all these freaking shit stuffs, I think I really need to find a part time job to cover up my expenses. Thanks SSM. Seriously, it's not like I'm gonna be waitress when I graduate from this diploma right. So, what for doing so such on these?

I really don't understand a single shit.

It's such a happening day! :)



I really wanna thanks Yixian and Jieqi for the ticket to Vogage de la Vie show at resort world just now! I went to collect the tickets from Jieqi at Yishun this afternoon and went round searching high and low for a wrapper for Samuel Ng and ended up, he said he going out so I didn't give him the wrapper. I just passed him the cigarette box.



Met Rachel and she accompanied me to buy 4D for my brother. Went to her house to use com while waiting for her to get prepared! I went to 7eleven and bought the combo set for dinner, cup noodle + gulp = $2. Ended up, I super hungry when we were on our way back home.

Rushed to vivo and met Chuanhui and Jason outside the sentosa express. We chiong in to Festive Grand and just nice the show started! :D It was really cool though I nearly fell asleep in the middle 'coz I was too tired already but I stay awake, especially the swinging part.

Overall, it's nice! :)

Now, I'm freaking sian 'coz I'm working 12pm tmr and I will be all alone! How pathetic can I be? :( And, I'm not meeting Chengwei on Fri alr 'coz he is busy so I shall nua at home.
Hehehe.

SHOULD I GO SPOOKTACULAR AT SENTOSA? damnit damnit damnit!

I can't stop laughing when I see this picture drawn by Chengwei. It's a inside joke and now, I'm afraid of karma for laughing. Finally meeting him on Friday for dinner, after so long. Had a great nonsense chat with him now and I swear this conversation isn't going anywhere.

Asked Hongjun if he believes in karma and I agree what he said. Now, we are learning in a hard way. Supposed to play badminton tmr but could not manage to book court so postpone to next week! Going to watch circus at resort world sentosa tmr with Rachel. Gonna wake up early to collect the ticket from Jieqi tmr. Going back to watch kungfu soccer, fucked up life.

One more week of holiday left for me and I have to go back tp, gel up my hair, put on the red lipstick, wear the ugly uniform and ah ma cock shoes, carrying bricks and plates, be a dishwasher, serving and opening wines. Benjamin accompanied me to get those ssm stuffs just now. I dyed my hair black already and it's freaking disgusting. I had hard time washing it just now and it totally stinks.

Shopped for Jason's present with Jaslyn today. I guessed it's the first time that we were so shag to shop because we were so broke that we don't have money for ourselves. I've been working like a slave to buy present for friends, what a life I have.



Kianloon was at tm too so we met him for awhile. He bought almond milk tea and it was my first time drinking it! Kianloon and Benjamin are so irritating that I kept forcing them to take photos w me when Kianloon was smoking. I seriously don't know what jiao face he gave. Can you believe that we are nine years of friends already!



Hehehe, Benjamin finally took photos w me after I complaint about the prawning photos! They gave me excuses that we always meet up often so we don't have to take photos! What logics is that but never mind, I still love them as much! :) I won't be seeing Benjamin that often when school reopens 'cause I will be at tp and he will be at Sentosa! :(

I'm so freaking bored now and I went to search for dvd to watch. I took Crayon Shinchan and it was too bored already so I changed to watch 2012 now! :D Okay, I going to watch already. Celebrating Jason's birthday tomorrow at Vivo! He really zhuan dao sia! He really has to appreciate all of us! Blog tomorrow again!

I guess it's karma for doing all these. Now, I'm regret and trying to make it up but it seems like everything is too late. I hope that you are doing well now and everything is going smoothly for you. I blame myself for not cherishing, for taking granted of you and I admit it. It's too late to regret now, because time will never turn back, isn't it? I'm sorry.

I can almost see it, the dream that I'm dreaming. But there's a voice inside my head saying, "You'll never reach it". Every step I'm taking, every move I make feels, lost with no direction, my faith is shaking.

Watched Child eye with Joyce and Yihui at Cathay. I was shocked quite a few times but overall, I seriously think this movie sucks. Dinner at Pomo subway and I was so full that I feel like vomiting. Jaslyn came and find me and accompanied her for dinner at 313. Walked around and sat outside F21 to chit chat. And suddenly, I was wondering how Zhiyu, Jason and the rest became a clique w us. It was so amazing.

One more week of holiday and I needa buy wax soon to gel up my hair. Thanks to ssm, making me feel so miserable and waste money. Okay, goodnight! Tuesday will be another day that need to spend alot, totally shit it man!

You spin my head right round right round.

Had my kokokrunch for my brunch again, :)
Met Liangyi at platform and we went to Suntec 'coz I went to surprise Jaslyn! It was damn weird when the exhibition is for those elderly and we have to register to enter inside. Chatted with her and update each other. Liangyi and I searched high and low for a perfect present for my two bros but I only managed to buy one! We had dinner at Hans and I couldn't finish my porridge, feeling so wasteful can!

Trained to Bugis and meet Chuanhui and Zhiyu! Chuanhui's voice totally cmi and she is so stubborn that she doesn't want to go and see a doctor! Shopped around and back home! I felt so sticky and smelly but I definitely smell nice after showering! :D Movie w Joyce and Yihui tomorrow!

Gosh it man, with such situation, I am feeling real confused. I don't know what's on your mind at all and I feel like a fool. It really spins my head right round right round. I dislike this type of feeling, I don't know where I stand. Perhaps, it was only a dream.

Just finished chatting with Jaslyn on the phone for 98 mins! :D Update each other again and had so much laugh about vulgarities! We were like knn, nb, cb, wahpiang, wahkao, wahlan, walao, simi lan, each other! I swear both of us had a great laugh and in our own xiang ba lao world. Sometimes, we really wonder if we're living in the kampong, 'cause the world out there is really changing now.

Well, this is life.

I don't know why but I'm feeling extremely tired today! Yunhuang was so funny and nice! I met him at Macpherson and we went to take bus to the main office. It was so hot so hot that I kept complaining and he took out his umbrella and shelter me all the way till bus stop, making me feel as though I'm a princess can! When we alighted from the bus and wanted to go to the opposite convenience store, he also took out his umbrella! Hehehe!

Finished work and meet Thaijin, Chuanhui and Zhiyu at City Square Mall. Had Ishi Mura for dinner and I finally had my mango milk after nearly eight months since I last drank! I still love it so much! Back home and had a long journey train ride! I'm feeling so restless now, okay goodnight!

Meeting Liangyi tmr to buy some stuffs! :D

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. - Confucius

Surprisingly, I woke up before my alarm rings. It feels good when you wake up and you see your phone, you received several messages. After replying all the messages, I fell back asleep. Had my koko krunch with hl milk as my brunch!

Met Jason at Paya Lebar and we went to return our sandwich boards at south buona vista. It was so hot as though the sun was like few km away from us only. I'm looking forward to the winter season. Worked as surveyor after that and I was so sick of it! Well, going to work as telemarketer tmr and it will be a brand new experience for me! Rushed to Cityhall and met Jaslyn for dinner at subway and Benjamin joined us. Benjamin, Chuanhui, Kianloon, Zhiyu and I went for k at 10pm and I went off at 12am!

I'm not a perfect, but I keep trying 'coz that's what I said I would do from the start.

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. - Maria Robinson

Dragged myself off the bed again and I was so reluctant to go and bathe. Thinking why life's like that and I sighed. Collected ssm uniform w clique at Sultan Plaza and had late lunch. Off for work and managed to finish it within 1 hour. Benjamin joined us for dinner at Suntec Aston and had grilled fish w herb! I'm so in love with the iced lemon tea over there but Chuanhui and Ben said it isn't nice at all but Zhiyu and I think that it's nice! Hehe.

Bought my koko krunch at Carefour and took train back from esplanade station. Discussed about next week plan and thought of going prawning. Chatted w mom when I got back home and in the midst of our conversation, the tears rolled down my cheek. It seems like many problems are suppressing deep down.

Going to collect my pay w Jason tmr and off to work. I haven't been seeing Thaijin for freakinggg long, gosh! Friday will definitely be the day! Ciao.

There was a time when time did not yet exist.

Chatted with Jaslyn on the phone halfway and it hung up. Called her back twelve times and it couldn't get through. Well, meeting her, Chuanhui, Zhiyu and Jason to collect ssm uniform tmr and working after that.

Went for the coke interview and we were asked to go all the way to Tuas for the interview! I can smell the johor bahru sea! Butt hurts when I was supposed to take the train back from Boon Lay. It reminds me of yog period. Msging with Benjamin and told him what my mind was thinking and talked crap. Bought carrot and green apple juice and back home to cook maggie! It was so bland! :( Once again, I ain't selected for the coke lah! IT'S TOTALLY WASTE OF MY TIME TRAVELLING BACK AND FORE FOR THE INTERVIEW.

Okay, I'm freakin' tired now. Gonna write diary, read 8 days and rest! :D

After working so many times as the surveyors, I'm totally dead beat. Standing under the hot sun, approaching people and got rejected. Worst still, kena sunburn, totally not my day.

Met Jaslyn at Bugis and was supposed to look for my three birthday guys prezzie but ended up, we bought our own things! She bought me a hello kitty pen! :D So sweet, and the one that Thaijin gave me was spoilt 'cause my bag dropped on the floor! Jaslyn is damn zai, 'cause she helps us cut price from 25b to 20b can! Walked and explored Haji Lane and like the clothes over there but it's too overprice so gave up the thoughts of buying. Wanna do henna but Jaslyn doesn't want! Walked back to junction and street and continued our shopping! Out of three birthday guys, I only managed to buy Samuel's one.

Walked to Bras Basah station and saw many many buildings that I never see before. Okay, share w her so many problems and we really talked about everything under the moon! Guess the next time I see her might be Sat or next week!

Done blogging and I swear I am still being very affected by it. I dislike this feeling and I thought I wouldn't experience such feeling after seven months back. But surprisingly, this feeling came back. So, what is it now?

Looking at my belonging, I think I need to grow up and be more mature. I can no longer behaving like a small kid, I wanna be an independent woman! Staying at home for the whole day yet I am still feeling restless now. Working tomorrow and I really wish to get occupied by many things to stop myself from having spare time to think of other stuffs. I can't allow myself to think of other things.

Two more weeks to school reopen, ain't lookin' forward. K, in fact no one is looking forward. Wanted to webcam w Ben yet his connection sucks, so goodnight! :D

Let's runaway for the day, don't need anyone around us. When everything in love gets so complicated, it only takes a day to change it. Well, I have to say, I can't wait and all I need is a day. So let's runaway...

Dinner with some of the 5As over at inter and headed to Benjamin's house for card games 'cause we have nowhere to go. What a steady peepo! Played dai dee and monopoly deal and I've got so fed up w monopoly deal 'cause I am still clueless about the game. Just nice, Jaslyn called and we chatted on the phone. The night is so torturing. Thinking whether to initiate or not, and Ben said just go ahead. I hate myself for doing that, but my determination isn't that strong afterall.

The 567th post, a thank-you post to you.

I'm really wanna thanks Jaslyn v much for all the simple thing she does as what a best friend will does. Being a great listening ear and gives me all sort of advice. I kept hanging on my mouth that I am very stress, frustrated and confused, yet, she still stands by me and guides me thru'. Was freaking frustrated and she asked me to call her. Chatted with her on the phone for two hours, telling her about my problems, talking anything under the moon. It's really a good feeling when you can talk basically everything w someone close and there's endless topics for us to talk about. She helped me thru' my toughest time, telling me what to do, and now, I'm pretty sure that I've think thru' and definitely feeling better! Thanks girl!

Working w Weiting, Jason, his friend and Yunhuang. I was, again, perspiring under the humid sun. It was fun working with her because she will makes me feel like singing w her, especially Jay's songs! It's a must must, especially ge qian. Our favourite song now!

Oh yeah, thanks Thaijin for your sweetest concern last night and gave me advice too! I really haven't been seeing you for god damn long and I really got no idea when are we meeting! I miss the time when we laughed like mad for small things, like lame only but I miss it! I definitely miss the time when you always sing the hokkien songs, though it's freaking irritating at times! Hehehe, I miss you girl!

Definitely, gonna thanks Chuanhui too! I know you have your own problem to brood over w yet you still willing to lend me a listening ear. I know you'll definitely hope the best for me. You should always know that I'll be by your side, lending your my listening ear too and it's freaking long since we last went out! I miss you too!

My awesomest, Zhiyu, thank you for being another nice listener, listening to me complaining about my troubles despite having own troubles. It seems like both of us are undergoing the same situation. I know you aren't feeling any better but this is life and we got to suck it up. I don't want you to get so trouble over it because I remembered on the train back home, you told me confidently that you know what to do. You must always remember that you can share your things w me yeah!

Benjamin, thank you too! Although you're so so so busy with your work, I still wanna thank you for being sucha nice buddy!

The last one to thanks is Weekhim, you got to be honoured 'cause you're the last one and you are the one who have being my listener for about three years. Three years back, you told me what to do, helped me and him get together. Whenever we faced any problems, I'll definitely find you. You guided me thru' those darkness times, hearing me crying on the phone almost fortnightly. I'm really appreciated every little things you did. Now, I faced another problem, you're here for me again! Thank you Weekhim, for all these while!

I'm sure, I'm pretty sure, I'm feeling better! Heheheheh.

For the first time, I really want to stay at home and not going anywhere. Even Haowei asked me accompanied him to buy perfumes, mom asked me out for lunch, I am just too restless to go. For the first time, I have the strong urge to end it off. For the first time, I feel that time seemed like stopped till I don't even know what's the date. For the first time, I really don't wish to fall for anyone. For the first time, I wish I never even replied you that time. For the first time, I realized it can actually made us moodless. For the first time, I feel that life could be so boring. For the first time, I feel that I'm a grown up kid. For the first time, I felt deeply hurt by many people within months.

For the first time, I feel like running away.
For the very first time.

Again, this continues to drag and drag, like it's endless. Dislike the feeling of hanging it there for long. Wanted to let it go, but something seems to be pulling me back. Sinking deeper, I shouldn't have any regrets. Yet again, is this what I really want it to be? Heart is contradicting, but mind has actually made up the decision. Despite knowing the outcome, why I still chose to walk this path. I need a listening ear, I really need.

Thanks Zhiyu for being my listening ear and give me advise just now. Now, three of us have the same troubles. I'm really hoping that all these nonsense will be over soon. It's torturing us and I swear it really did. So, screwed this 2010 and I hope 2011 wil be better.

I'm so gonna nua at home tomorrow! The feeling of tiredness I got is really beyond description.

This music video is freakin' not that cute but the song is not bad leh! :D

First day working as a surveyor and it's really what a small world to bump into Kylie at Raffles and it's more what a small world that we are actually working the same job! What a small world, afterall! It was really damn hot today then I perspired and sun burn! For the sake of money, I'll endure!

Tried my best to hit 30 ppl for the afternoon shift and I did 39, to replace for the morning shift! Finished and met the rest at City hall! Walked around Raffles City, Marina Square and dinner at Qi Ji! What a sticky day today! And I'm drinking some tea now and it tastes really sucks, I really vomit can! Working tomorrow too and really thanks Marc for introducing me the jobs! I haven't get my lancome and jobscentral pay, better don't scam me, if not I'll definitely sue!

Okay, finally called Singtel and complained about the internet connection, finally it's better now! I'm going to rest in awhile time! :D
Goodnight everybody !!!!!

A day out with Yihui to town! :)

It was the only day for me to sleep till I shiok but still, I was being called to wake up by my mom to accompany her for lunch. Initially, I really wanted to sleep longer but I realized I haven't been accompanying her for v long so I sacrificed my sleep. What a nice daughter right. Lunch with her and went to see the c&k shoes that I want and ended up, a wallet caught my eyes too.

Marc msg'd me and told me that tmr can start work for the surveyor! I was like so excited 'bout it 'cause this means that I will have income! It seems like I'm working for the sake to buy friends' birthday present. I need to buy things for myself too! Met up with Yihui after that and we went to FEP 'cause I was still thinking whether to do manicure. After much consideration (like ssm period, whole period of next sem can't do manicure at all), I've decided to spend a lil money on myself! :D Did a french manicure and I swear that the manicurist isn't professional at all.

He accompanied me thru'out the manicure time and helped me to reply my friends' msges. I finally tried pink grapefruit juice! :D Walked around and actually wanted to make a cake from icing room to give Haowei but he kept didn't reply my msg so forget it. Walked around 313 and bought a tee for him from Vintage as his present. Gonna pass it to him when I go down to tampines mall! And I swear it was freakin' funny when Yihui stepped on my slipper and it came out and I was god damn embarrassed!

This is the third or fourth time that Yihui and I went out alone and 'm glad that he's going to work w me tomorrow! At least he can accompany me for lunch and break. Both of us seems like money faced kids.

Please tell me what to do to end all these unwanted feeling. I swear it feels sucky in my heart and I'm pretty sure that this ain't going anywhere. Clinging on yet it's hanging there. As time passed, we'll only realized that we have been wasting our time because this is really going nowhere. Trying and trying to understand yet a barrier is always hard to cross. It sinks me deep down and I'm strugglin' and strugglin' to stay alive. Now, you had really spin me round and round till my heart goes hard and soft. Make your stand right and show me what you want. It makes me feel like ending it.

It's like finally, finally, finally the last day of flyers work. I've been waiting for this day for freakin' long. It's really a torture to wake up so early everyday to rush for work. I haven't been sleeping for long hours after since yog ended. I need a rest real badly. That will be tomorrow!

Jaslyn called me during work and she came down to find me! 'm so happy can. She helped me to distributed some of the flyers. She wanted to do manicure and we went to find Chuanhui! She looks real sick, :( Chuanhui, take good care of yourself yeah. We'll be meeting on Tuesday already! Hehehe. It was a great night with Jaslyn 'cause we kept telling each other about our problems. I told her mine, she told me hers. And we actually thought that the two of them are of the same birthday! We chatted about relationship, family, friends, many more. I enjoy the day with her. Oh yah! And I fed her dinner can 'cause she did manicure so can't eat. Haha, 'm a sweet gal tonight! Uh huh uh huh~

After that, met Deerick 'cause he helped me to buy 4D. Thank you much! But still, never strike at all, kinda waste money. Okay, back home and happy to see mommy and daddy! I'm pretty sure that I'm not gonna have inconstant meal 'cause it hurts my stomach! Okay, it's 12.13am and I haven't bathe!

BYEBYEBYE!

I can't waste time so give it a moment, I realised nothing is broken. No need to worry about everything I've done, live every second like it was my last one.

When I thought it was over, it was actually the start of the game. You spin me round and round, like I'm a fool to you. I'm sick of all these insincere and I'm sick of all these. I wonder when, when will be the time when all these heart-bleeding feeling will stops.



Managed to give out 1000 flyers today 'cause we've found a good spot. Yihui and I were so restless that both of us just kept crapping. I hate myself, hate myself for being so weak, hate myself for being unable to make decision, hate myself for making myself suffer from all these bloody nonsense.

Damn internet connection sucks my life up. It's giving me problem, freak. Life sucks, internet sucks, working sucks, everything that happening now just sucks.

The 560th post

Distributing flyers at the escalators of Raffles place and this time round, it's much better than the Lancome one. But it's really god damn stupid to carry the sandwich board. My mom told me that my grandma and the maid were like discussing how come I ain't embarrassed by that?

Who says I ain't? I am, but what to do? For the sake of money. When you have no cash in your bank, you will realized that money rules the world. Whenever you step out of your house, you are prepare to spend your money.



Jaslyn came over to find me and Jason during our three hours break and she accompanied us for lunch and walked around this cbd area. Both of us bought this cute handphone pouch! :D Accompanied Yihui to DBS bank and met him after work for dinner at Bugis! Hehehe.

Raffles place has alot of cute shops can! :D I'm so fascinated by those hello kitty stuffs! Me love me love! Waited for Benjamin at station for half hour, I must say this out to make him guilty. Hehehe, but never mind, I forgive him 'cause he's my buddy.

AND I THINK MY HAIR FREAKING LONG NOW CAN.

Okay goodnight, meeting Weekhim after work for dinner. :) See him tomorrow.