I wish I am a girl who can controls my emotions and keeps everything to myself. I do not want to be like the past and I wish to change too. Who doesn't wish to change to the better. But our rls just seems so hard. It doesn't work like the past anymore. I really do not know how to express my current feeling but it really really really sucks. :(
Anw, received the posting result at 6am via sms and it woke me up after that. Posted to leisure and resort management, somehow not really happy about it 'cause it wasn't my first choice. Think I'm not appealing for hospitality and tourism already, 'cause they didn't post me in sure have their own reasons. What I hoping now is faster school start and get busy with my school work so I can stop myself from thinking so much. Sigh.
Down to bugis tomorrow with rachel. For like finally, can go out with her already(:
Preservance really leads me to somewhere. :)
Though it is just the beginning.
It flashed passed so sudden and fast. It's already 12am. Everyone went home already. I bought a mag to grandma's house 'cause I am mentally prepared that I will be bored. Was so afraid that dad will be angry. Well, can't be blame 'cause I'm not that familiar with paternal side.
I was busy cleaning up the mess after they left. Haha, it makes me feel like working at nihon 'cause need to clear away the customer's left over -.-
cool right, it's some grape wine(:
was not really happy today, but was not really sad compared to other days too.
I made up my mind, I'm gonna buy more and more nice nice clothes :(
As I expected, this chinese new year isn't a good one. I do not know why but it is just not a nice one. Yes I know I should be happy but the fact is I'm seriously not. I want to make wishes in this chinese new year, but will it fulfil?
Well, sorry friends for not smsing you guys new year message 'cause I need to save sms.
It's my sweetie's advanced birthday celebration! Hahahah, had a real long difficult time to think of giving her surprise and buying her present. However, we managed to succeed. (:
Had girls mini celebration of only 5 pax at bedok ccbox. I'm truly sorry that I lose control and started flowing my tears when celebrating with you guys. I met up with Jasmine and Huishan to buy the small small cake at prima deli then headed to find sweetie. Luckily, she's machiam kok eye, never saw huishan. I was so happy that this surprise succeed la and made sweetie happy. :D:D
Ahhh, I spoilt the pic la.
Our most likable mommy(:
Always complain for not singing properly when she's singing so serious, Jasmine.
Ahlian Huishan, 'cause she dyes her hair.
And meeeee(: 
She must use her mouth to eat the strawberry. So cute la.
ROFL, part of her prezzie.
Sorry Jueying but I still post it up.
This Cindy has many different kind of pose to sing properly -.-
After the singing, we played the photo hunt in the shop. Guessed what? We broke the record okay! (: Then we accompanied Cindy to her grandma's house at bedok south. Had dinner at the 58 market. Went to guardian 'cause I wanted to buy the mask then then then got cheaper la!
This was how many we had brought. Whooo(:
I had fun day with my girlfriends, really. I love them so much. :D:D
But my love for him and my love for my friend is totally different. I never ever had this feeling before. It was so strong, so strong. Love can really makes one person blind.
"Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day." - Nicholas Sparks
我真的不知道我应该怎么做才好。 我只知道我的心和感觉叫我不要放弃。 我是真的不会放弃， 你有可能会觉得我很烦， 可是原因很简单。
My feeling is really beyond description because I have never ever had this feeling before. It's strange but it's all my true feeling.
I accomplished something real great can! I didn't know that my cute photo had cheered up Naqueh day. :D:D:D Cool man.
Watched love matters with my classmates! It was quite great but the ending wasn't really satisfactory. Before that, went for my nihon interview. It succeed but somehow regretted 'cause ehub seems more stricter than tampines one. Everything seemed to change.
Played board games at the nebo cafe and I was somehow too excited for the game. Hahahah, get complaint from Anna 'cause for screaming and shouting too loud. I love the game! Who has nebo card? Ask me out for board game all right? :D Then there was a group having their own forfeit and approached me and jueying. One said ''I love you" to me and I was like heck-caring them and one explained what is love to Jueying. Well, sorry friends if I wasn't concentrate in playing just now.
Tomorrow gonna stay at home and rot and think of him.
I was arranging my pictures folders 'cause it was all messed up. In between, I saw so many funny and stupid photos which was taken one or two years back. HAHAHAH, I can't believe thats me la and I was wondering why there was guys like me when I was in that look.
LOOK AT THIS! CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT THERE WAS A GUY WHO LIKES ME?
BLIND!
This was sec3. I was the class chairman by that time okay 'cause I carried the attendance book. :D
Yufang, don't get angry yea! HAHAHA
The cute guy was Jiarong :)
My hair style was so fasionable la.
Then slowly slightly better till,
We took this when we were half-drunk.
People changes from ugly to handsome/pretty, but Zoucong changed from handsome to now, machiam like ahpek.
But frankly speaking, I miss the time I spend with my red cross friend. Damn shiok :)
Naqueh, Anjali and I will always made the stupid trip down to HQ.
How I hope time could reverse.
I will definitely promise to cherish him and be an understanding person. My decision still stand still. I miss him.
Met up with Huishan, Bingkun, Yiheng, Jeff and Thye whye to buy for Jueying's present. We bought something real cool. Will post the picture up on Saturday. :D:D:D
Then, Jueying joined us after that and we headed to friend's house for monopoly game. Well, I think I'm the wealthiest 'cause Yiheng gave me all his money and one pathetic Ang Moh Kio station.
At the later part, I started to be emo so went to the room to find Jueying and Huishan and started writing. Ahh, tomorrow having interview at ehub nihon. Damn, I miss him real lot. :(
Tried to occupy myself with things to stop irritate him. But no matter how occupied I am, my mind is still thinking of the some thing.
It's really torturing.
I'm sorry. I'm not a girl who's easily get over with something. I'm one who is determine with something I want, just like now. It's first time I'm so determine in getting back someone. I know only with hardwork, I will gain it. It applies to the situation now. I will definitely work hard to win him back. I dare not think of the result but buddha, please grant my wish. He's really really very nice and caring. After so many incidents, I then realised that it's all my fault for all this ending. Buddha, will you grant me this last chance?
Jueying: thanks for supporting me when I'm down.
jueyingg says:
i support you to wait for him
Your words let me move on. My mind is really blank and confused now. Though you said that you aren't good in consoling but all these are really enough. I know you are worry about my health but I will try to cry lesser. Every now and then, all the sweet or bitter memories really just flash back my mind every minutes. You words really encourages me alot. Yes, I believe he isn't same as dc. Well, just enjoy your birthday all right? :)
Huimin: I'm sorry that I had disturbed you again. I always told myself not to disturb you and solve every problem myself but I realised I can't. I really need someone for listening ears and to cry out to. I know you feel bad that I always cried on phone. You told me alot of things, some encourage me, some made me tears. I really feel bad to disturb you because you are busy with your projects, like him, yet I just can't be a understanding friend. I really don't know what to do. But thanks for the listening ears.
Weekhim: It's you who let me know so many things that I do not know in the past. It's you who be frank to me about every little things though you know it will hurt me. Thanks for the listening ears and giving advise. I remember alot of phrases you told me, which made me to move on these few days. Like "as long as there's one person who's supporting you, you mustn't give up". Before I and him get together, it's you who I always approached to. Now, it's also you who I always approached to. You might find me irritating but I'm really sorry about it. You let me realised that I, as a girlf, had did so many mistakes in a rls. However, I have fully realise the mistakes, it seemed too late. Really thanks alot. :(
For now, my life is full of regrets.
It may not be a nice and romantic one but for one year relationship, we've been there today. Though things seemed to be more complicated and stressful now but I will try to make it simple and understanding. I said I will wait, no matter how long it will be. I will follow as my heart goes and I will not follow as what my friends say. I have finally assured of this. It is worth waiting because of the three simple words. The three simple words make me willing to wait.
I'm not to make anyone of us to be stress. I'm truly sorry that things had ended like this. I'm truly sorry that I had kept on breaking my promise to you. Frequent occasion made our rls became like that. I know you have lose trust in me. From the start of everything, I know it's all my fault. Now, I just want to get back what I want.
And my answer will be always waiting. I believe the day will comes, with my determination. :)
Dearest rachel, thanks for accompanying me tonight at the playground. The weather was so windy yet you willing to accompany me. We've chatted alot about our own problems. I'm happy that you supported my decision and encouraged me to do so. I'm happy that you understand my feeling that it's not easy to let go. I'm happy that we are able to sit down and chat about our problems. I'm happy that you willing to lend me your listening ear. :)
Thanks for everything. I will stay strong.
