Yes, I believe everything turned out to be fine after that. Approaching to a new brand year in few hours time. It feels real great.

Rachel, you don't have to feel bad or what. At least you picked up my call and consoled me. I really feel touched and appreciated. Yes, at that time, I was sitting alone at the voiddeck crying nonstop. But I managed to calm down and thought deeply. Now, everything is fine back. So, you don't have to worry okay? I miss you real badly. I am sorry that I didn't go to countdown with you and Denise. :( I should be the one who feel guilty and bad la.

Hey, Happy 2009 :)

2009 is heading soon, real soon.

I don't know should I be glad for the new changes or should I be sad about it b'cause it's parting. Ha, I know it's foolish but what can I do? I really think this song is nice and beautiful. It's Taylor Swift - Love Story.

Wishes for Y2009:
#1. Be real damn happy and will cry 90% lesser than Y2008.
#2. Learn to be a strong woman, in order not to let people think that I'm weak.
#3. Wonderful O's result which gonna release in few days time.
#4. Treasure all friend/family-ships.
#5. Get into my ideal course in TP and strive hard for it.
#6. If manage to promote, will have excellent result in academic.
#7. No one will dislikes me/find me irritating.
#8. Everyone will loves me and treasure me, no matter is in term of friend or someone special.
#9. Outstanding performance.
#10. Everything to be different from Y2008 'cause it ended badly for me.

What I want now, is to start afresh. Buddha, trust me that I can.

:)

It's only 29 dec and everything of my life changed. I never expect there will be a drastic changes in my life but it just happened this way. I cried, depressed and hurt but there was no way I can change it.



With only experience on ourselves, I can finally how hard Anna had tried to overcome the past. She was alone, trying very hard to fight with her mindset to overcome everything. I realised I ain't as brave as her. I cannot overcome it with such a short time. It is hard and painful. I kept on crying and crying and crying, till my whole bolster was wet. I scolded myself not to tears but I can't. Siying told me that after everything, I will realised how foolish I was. I really don't know. I did so many things. Is our character do not match or it's feeling fades. I'm sorry.

At first. I thought you guys are great people but I was wrong. I know I am irritating but when I was helpless, I chose to message you guys but none of you reply. I know he is your friend and obviously, you guys will wants him to be happy. But no one has ever thought of my feeling. It is really sucks.

Everything happened is exactly same as my previous incident which happened 2 years ago. I believe my close friends will know what happened. After 2 years, I had grew up. I understand alot of things about this. I had suffered real lot in my previous one. I thought I could have a happy ending for the current and will never have the next one in my life, but I'm wrong. I'm truly hurt. This is the one which make me think for future, to work hard with.

Zsq, maybe this will be the last time I will be talking to you but it's okay. It's part and parcel of our life. Don't be afraid that you will hurt me and make me sad 'cause it's the most obvious thing that it will happens. I know you have no choice and I understand your situation. For this past one year, there was really lots of joys we shared and sorrows. Despite of so many arguments, we still stayed firm. But it seems that it does not apply to the current situation. I hope you can stop asking me to make any decision 'cause you had always made the decision already. Since you have made the decision already, why do you still ask me to make any decision? It will definitely affects it. Now, you told me that you can't bear to let go. But what you had done, does not show that you can't bear to let go. You always did something which made you regret. But why can't you change and do something that you confirm want, instead of regretting times and again? Whenever I tears, you said I was acting pity. Whenever I wanna spend more time talking to you, you will said that I am prepared to do stunt. It's countless that I had been crying in the room alone. I know that friends are more important than me. But I was always hoping that you will treat me as nice as you treat your friend but it's always no. Yes, it's a fact that I am easily mood swing, but it needs time to control and at least I am trying to change now. I will not be guilty and regret for not trying 'cause I did. Frankly speaking, everything I do, I do with no regret. B'cause I had do it my all my heart. I thought you will give me an extraordinary rls but the ending is exactly same as the past. I know you will be mad when reading this post. It's okay b'cause I just want to let you know. Once again, you had pierce the heart with the knife.

I will not be so devoted in relationship anymore. Instead, I will not believe. Perhaps I will, but it needs time in order to trust a person all over again. Hope time can heal my wounds. It's just so foolish of me to step into the well again, having a great fall and die.

I'm just so helpless. :(

Seriously, things wasn't working as what I want. Tired, restless and helpless but none can help at all. The feeling was beyond description. I've told the true fact of myself. We struggled for so long. For so many times, I had ever thought of giving up but my mind still could not do it.

Now, everything will be different for what it was. After 2009, everything will change, so as my life. I believe that it will.

BBQ was quite fun today, especially when I got to know two girls. Watched a few minutes of stars with him today. There were countless of stars twinkle in the sky. :)

Post some pictures that was taken on Monday, when out with girlfriends.







Haowei's chalet and class chalet was on tues. Had some fun and enjoyed thru-out but was rather emo too. I'm sorry to those people who concern me and kept asking me but I ignored. :( I'm truly sorry.


This was proudly done by me despite many attempts to make it fall by Weekiat. :)


My hair lookedddd flat right? Sian, 'cause I wore cap. Hahahaha :D


The best photo taken on that night with rocker. \m/


I don't know why but Hongwei just looked sad. :(


With Jueying and naggy Cindy.


This peppermint kept making can't take a good pic.


Anna acts cute and she thinks she's cute. hahahah, she is for once. :)


See! He looks miserable for taking pict with me :(


Trios.


Girlfriend.


Estee kept one of my ugly photo :(


Random


Retarded Kian loon


Yasmin makes me and Anna am-chio.


We rocks, baby.


Banana, thanks for the concern. :)

Hey pretty and handsome, I'm slightly better than yesterday. Thanks for all the concern, greatly appreciated. I love you all. Greatly thanks to Rachel. Once I saw her just now, I walked to her and called her name and I started letting it all out. Thanks for your hug, it's warmth! :D

Sorry Denise that I didn't celebrate your birthday with you 'cause of my personal matter. I seriously feel guilty and sorry about it. I will repay it next time when we are out yea? Hope you will like the soft toy 'cause I hugged it all the way till I met Rachel. I bet you guys had much fun yea. I really want to go out with two of you real soon. :( I miss you girls, badly missed by me. Muackz! (Y)

Friday will be going to Joyce's bbq party. Okay, going to sleep. I'm tired after a night of tears flowing. Goodnight.

Byebye.

Worked in the morning and was feeling unwell in the midst. Asked for request to see the doctor. It was just a mild flu, runny nose and headaches. Felt a strong cold in guardian when working and hands were numb. I was totally restless. Plus so many unpleasant things happened recently. I can't stretch my hands to anyone. Everyone has a limit in helping me or I'm too irritating?

I had ever wonder that for all what I had done, does it make people dislike me more. There's so many things I had to take note about. I cannot be selfish, I have to be generous. When I'm out with friends, I have to maintain myself and control my emotion. I can't let it out. Friends keep asking me if I'm all right, I will definitely said I'm okay. I will easily get affected and start crying when friends started consoling me. I guessed it happens for everyone. No matter where I am, where I go, my mind wasn't concentrate. I really had to buck it up and be focus. For like quite a few times, I had even forgot to give back customers' changes. It's so serious. Sooner or later, I will definitely get a real good scolding from 'em.

Anna called me today. I was shocked but was quite glad. I'm sorry that I can't go to class chalet with you 'cause I do not know my schedule tomorrow. Thanks for asking me how am I feeling. It really feels good to receive call from you. :]

Class chalet tomorrow but I will only dropped by then followed by Haowei's chalet. I'm in a daze right now. :(

After seeing the doctor, asked girlfriends out for singing. They said that I sang till so emotional and nearly cried. hahahahah, didn't know that my singing was great. -.-

Really thanks everyone. The world still revolves with me or even without me. So, it makes no diff.

Byebye.

For this post, I will say it out with my true heart.

Rachel: Girl, I'm really appreciated it for your accompany. I know I am bad and overboard like what uncle had said. When I had him, I neglected you and Denise. But this year, I really had no time 'cause of my O's. Now, I want to concern my beloved friend. When there's trouble in you, approach me, come to me, share your burden with me. I will not neglect any of my close ones 'cause you are one. :) Thanks for lending me a listening ear to rant it out. Greatly appreciate it.

Huimin: Thanks for that help yesterday. Without you and hj's help, I don't know how I will give that stuff to him. Thanks for lending me a listening ear, share my burden, help me solve the problem. He's your friend, thats why you are helping him to say good things. But things are really complicated. I tried my best, I know it. :)

Yiheng: Thanks for being such a nice brother. You are really a nice male friend that I had ever met. You rocks! :)

Someone: Thanks for accompany me to talk tonight. Luckily you didn't reject me for coming down. It makes me feel much better after the long chat. Greatly appreciated. :)

Yes, I ain't in the mood. Maybe it last for few days, or few weeks or even few months. But I promise all of you that I will overcome all these by myself. All I need is time. It happened again after that painful incident, even worst. Waited for 3 hours in a cold weather, I made me wake up. I will never trust it again. B'cause of my give in, I hurt myself. I want to stand up. Thanks for the night.

Right now, it's 1.37am. Just came back from work not long ago, had a chat with him over the phone and I realised something. I'm hurt. After the painful incident happened in sec3, I thought I will be happy and had a wonderful time after that. The whole incident just happened again, with different people performing it.

I will never believe in fate again.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRO HENG :)

Celebrated Yiheng's birthday last night with peeps and Rachel at Bedok 85. Felt super guilty 'cause I didn't contribute money but I ate alot! Haha. The stringray was not bad! :) Bought 2 small cute cake from Yiheng but forgot to take the picture.


Thanks Rachel for accompanying me, you are greatly loved.





I took this when we walked back to Tampines from Bedok. It was great. After that, we went to the Bedok reservoir and had some true or dare game.






With my brother Henggggg. :)

Walked back with them and reached home around 12.

Now, I'm all alone.

Thing becoming worst isn't it or I was thinking too much? I seriously not sure. I need someone to help me. Yes, I asked around but no one helps me. I'm helpless. I do not want to think of so many things.

Working at guardian for about one week. It's tiring thought I only worked for few hours. Next week will be a real damn busy week for me. Haha. Working on Monday then maybe out with tzz. Tuesday will be kboxing and class chalet at pasir ris. Wednesday, a kboxing again with tzz and peeps followed by denise's bday celebration at sentosa. Well, mini celebration of brother heng at bedok 85 tomorrow after work. 'll try to take as many pics as possible. :) to lighten up this boring blog.

Buddha, tell me what to do. I'm out of control. :(

I'm sorry, I realised that I ain't that good like how you mentioned. I'm not, am I?

As per normal, worked at atrium this morning from 10 till 5. Worst was that I've got no break at all. Stood at the enclosed sweet house for 7 hours, it made me emo. Luckily today wasn't a bad one compared to the previous 6 days. Sweet darling Cindy and Jueying came to find me, Pretty Rachel and her hunk dropped by too and bumped into talkative Desmond Ng. Chatted with him 'bout his work at Breeks Cafe and can see that he does not really enjoy it. 'Cause Cl and Jw pangseh'd him last minutes and caused him to work from part time to full time. Haha. As for Cindy and Jy, they are still hunting for jobs.

Last day at atrium, didn't had a real nice goodbye to those aunties and promoters. I also forgot to buy the honey sticks. :( Thinking that tomorrow back to basement, what will it be like?

Things nowadays wasn't that good. Is it 'cause of working that make us think too much? I hope there's nothing changed. I will stay firm. I promise you.

Sorry Zuanzhe, Huili and Rachel for the late wishings.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LOVES.

I'm finally able to touch the computer after so so so many days. Working at Guardian straight after tzz's chalet. It was somehow a torture to work at Guardian. Not knowing the people well, hard to communicate and most importantly, it's real boring.

It's a torture to work at the atrium too. 'Cause I always saw so many ah gong and ah ma trying to waste their money to buy those not meaningful things like the snow man. Frankly speaking, it's spoilt and can't glow at all. So please, do not waste money at stupid things. Luckily they do not sell the snow man thingy, if not, I will definitely tell those ah gong and ah ma, not to buy. Working at atrium will also see alot of ah gong and ah ma buy those big soft toys for their grandchildren. Hais. It really makes me think and miss my ah gong and ah ma.

But guardian do not give me the off day that I want to visit 'em. I miss 'em like hell right now. Will definitely visit 'em on Tuesday and buy 'em the nyonya kueh. :D :) :} :] :B Wait for me yea!

Today working at atrium was not that boring 'cause got the strawberry shortcake performance. But there's something which made me piss'd off was that got small girl called me aunty can! Luckily I told her that I'm ''jie jie'' and not aunty, then she called me ''jie jie''. :D
Overall, the atrium promoters were quite nice so it's still all right for this week. But for next week, I might be back to alone. Gah! K, got to buy Rachel's birthday present!

Byebye.