me

Gabriel.
September 11
W466 | City Harvest
Pioneer Junior College | 08S32

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provoked

Monday, 26 January 2009, 12:05 am

I've been provoked to write. The same thing that holds me back from past years, and i emphasise years , still traps me like an elephant by a stick. It's so easy to say no to it but yet, it's also exceedingly difficult to say no.
moving aside from this..

Today was tuan yuan fan. And i always as usual dread this occasion. If not for ang pows and the Cash, i wouldn't even like chinese new year. I feel so distant from my relatives they're almost like strangers to me. Now, after a rather uneventful tuan yuan fan and all ( though this year's was slightly more bearable), i'm being drained by this problem again. oh well. Life's like that eh?

Yesterday's service was good. Sang this new worship song in chinese. Very nice. There's something about chinese songs that move you more than their english counterparts. Had some sort of tuan yuan fan also. Though most of my time was spent entertaining Isaac. I guess he's here to teach me long-suffering and patience. Something that i guess i don't possess as a person.

I wanna grow to be a better person, but it seems so difficult. Guess maturity's a by product of sheer determination and a lot of quiet time and moulding. Guide me oh Lord in Your way and lead me into my true destiny.

OK. Damn sad + boring post right? Haha. To end of, i shall just say... 新年快乐！
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ramblings

Monday, 19 January 2009, 4:54 pm

while reading china's blog, i was reminded that i saw jerry on Christmas eve. which means that china must've been there and thank goodness i looked down when i saw jerry cos I WAS IN SCHOOL UNIFORM! I had CIP in the morning and thus explains my dressing. Oh well. Anyway i didn't dare continue reading his posts which explains why I'm blogging.

Today had econs lecture, and now my class has been relegated to the back. It's quite ok actually since now i don't need to constantly strain my neck to see the screen. Anyway so guess what? My class' sitting behind china's class and i can't help but to take an awesomely large amount of glances at china. When ever the teacher says smth, I'll turn , glance and look back at the screen. And just in case you think i wasn't listening, she was going through the lecture VERY slowly that even the blur-est of people can understand! cool eh? and so they say As are coming real soon.

I went home immediately after school which explains why I'm blogging and all, but i haven't start studying. I found myself entangled with PM again and i feel like there's no return. I need someone to help me to not do it anymore. Anyway i realise that people blog about interesting stuff but i don't well guess this is just me. I hope you guys don't leave my blog alone. And thus, to spruce it up, I've changed the colours of the blog to my favourite and a verse that will always remind me that I'm not alone. But even so , i randomly feel that the blog's filled with my school colours. Hmmm.

Ok i shall now endeavour to study. Have a great week ahead!
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January Leaving.

Sunday, 18 January 2009, 11:00 pm

It comes it goes. It's now the 18th of Jan. I'm left with 23/24 of a year to achieve my goals! The first few days were good. everything went well. And then it went downhill after that. But NO! i won't let it hinder me from achieving my goals! After yesterday's sermon plus a lot of thought on my part. I realise the importance of reading the word and PRAYER! My life should always be God first. No matter how tough the situation or whatever circumstance. Guess in life we constantly "forget" God till we're in need. But i believe that as i put in constant effort to remember Him, and to pray to Him, I'll start to grow from where I am.

For many years as i grow older, people say that I've matured and etc, but i feel that isn't really true. I feel as childish as i was, as timid as i was, as gay as i was. AND, I'm seriously frustrated at myself. I know God can change me but i feel weird that i need to break out from my mould to be a Man! to do right things and not constantly rely on people's effort or thought. Truly I'm a MALE BY BIRTH, MAN BY CHOICE. Being born male doesn't mean I'm a man. Being older doesn't mean I'm a man. Today me choosing to put aside childish things and stand up for what's right, that's being a MAN!

I know i need to put myself under people. But the thought of breaking from my comfort zone's not exactly very comforting. I know i know, i need to if not i can't achieve my destiny. Well it's easier said then done. But me typing here, i hope some people can hold me accountable to my words that i want to be a MAN! Since it's a choice, i choose. But i need some people to help hold me up! And to remind me to pray and read His word and start to fast to see breakthrough come into my life! I make the choice to put what's behind and to step ahead, forging new frontiers and to be a better person! Come on this journey with me! Help me grow! Help me to make my remaining part of the year MY BEST YEAR YET!

I love YOU!
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I just want YOU!

Saturday, 17 January 2009, 11:14 pm

I Just Want YOU
by planetshakers

VERSE 1
More than a nice melody
More than the sweetest of words
This is love I have found
and with this love I am found.
CHORUS
I just want you Jesus
I just want you my Lord
I just want you Jesus
I just want You.
VERSE 2
Never could I comprehend
The love You so freely give
Never could I be worthy
But Your love covers all of my sin
BRIDGE
There is no greater love than Yours
Nothing else could ever compare
And even if I search all the world
I will never find a love like Yours

I'm so totally hooked on this song. My love song to Him.
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my song. for a friend

Tuesday, 13 January 2009, 10:24 pm

well i haven't been able to crack out a chorus but here it goes.
It's not exactly for you, but it's been written with you in mind.

You are worthy
Righteous and holy
Mighty in glory
You are God

You are glorious
Portion, strong tower
My firm foundation
You are God

Though war may rise against me
With You I walk through the fire
Though thousands may fall around me
With You I'll not be afraid
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ups and downs

Monday, 12 January 2009, 10:13 pm

every time you meet with the highs, you go down low. I've been trying to change all this in the new year but I'm still experiencing it. It's very painful and dreadful. I feel so so so ashamed of my past but i will still continue doing it. argh. and thanks to my friend going ahead of me, i now feel like getting into a relationship whether right or wrong. If you understand what i mean. I'm so down now. I just want to. .....ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life's greatest pain? SIN. Life's greatest gain?My Lord. But i guess i don't treasure Him well enough. I need to but i didn't. I'm such a bad person.

I just don't know how I'm going to pull myself back up. All my hopes for 2009 dashed in less than 12 days! argh!
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eternity.

Saturday, 10 January 2009, 11:42 pm

I don't know if people after today's service felt charged up, but i for one am! and i guess my self-esteem issues shouldn't hinder me from doing the will of God!. This ZERO time that i have determines eternity, so who cares about mian zi? It's better to just be stripped off any mask and be true than to suffer for eternity regretting the opportunities not taken. I guess when God speaks, one better listen. Be the one who answers the call lest someone else answers it and you'll just regret. Man, i feel a sense of urgency and need to do more. It takes just one person to stand up and say, here i am, and the influence that one person can have could touch millions of lives. What if everyone of us stand up and say here i am? Revival will come to this land.

I guess the one thing i felt most challenged is to be eternity minded!
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Psalm 25

11:51 am

4 Show me Your ways, O LORD;
Teach me Your paths.
5 Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
On You I wait all the day.

6 Remember, O LORD, Your tender mercies and Your lovingkindnesses,
For they are from of old.
7 Do not remember the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions;
According to Your mercy remember me,
For Your goodness’ sake, O LORD.

8 Good and upright is the LORD;
Therefore He teaches sinners in the way.
9 The humble He guides in justice,
And the humble He teaches His way.
10 All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth,
To such as keep His covenant and His testimonies.
11 For Your name’s sake, O LORD,
Pardon my iniquity, for it is great.

12 Who is the man that fears the LORD?
Him shall He^[a] teach in the way He^[b] chooses.
13 He himself shall dwell in prosperity,
And his descendants shall inherit the earth.
14 The secret of the LORD is with those who fear Him,
And He will show them His covenant.
15 My eyes are ever toward the LORD,
For He shall pluck my feet out of the net.

16 Turn Yourself to me, and have mercy on me,
For I am desolate and afflicted.
17 The troubles of my heart have enlarged;
Bring me out of my distresses!
18 Look on my affliction and my pain,
And forgive all my sins.
19 Consider my enemies, for they are many;
And they hate me with cruel hatred.
20 Keep my soul, and deliver me;
Let me not be ashamed, for I put my trust in You.
21 Let integrity and uprightness preserve me,
For I wait for You.

This verse was what gave me strength yesterday when i felt like i had no redeeming factor in me.
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drained.

Thursday, 8 January 2009, 11:19 pm

thanks to open house, i'm super duper drained! and school hasn't even started. i guess i better get in shape and really be focused on my studies. the band's going through a rough patch and i feel extremely irritated by the insensitivity of the people it concerns. Also they're thinking of band on fridays till 930! this is crazy! if it were to really happen and cell group's gonna be on fri, i might just quit band. i'm really not happy about it but everyone in band was like ok, ok it's a good option. argh. moving on, i feel really lonely suddenly. even though i'm surrounded by people. but i guess having self time's better. I can re-evaluate myself and my attitude towards people. oh well.

Everything by: 王力宏

故事里的 起承转合 有一些忘记
做了多少错误的选择
原来波折 才暗示着 该走的方向
指引你我来到这一刻
　　
就算别人都说 我们没什么出息
不可能会这样轻易放弃
　　
Cause You're My Everything
就一个原因 让我勇敢面对这个世界
想给你Everything
不管用多少个明天 永远从此刻开始算起
你的爱是我的Everything
　　
遥远天际 巧合相遇 有多少几率
多少烟火 坠落无痕迹
因为幸福 没有捷径 难免要绕道
不被看好总是要走到
　　
就算别人都说 我们没什么出息
不可能会这样轻易放弃
　　
你就是Everything
就这个原因 让我勇敢面对这个世界
想给你Everything
只要你说一声愿意 所有的未来才有意义
你的爱是我的Everything
　　
Cause You're My Everything
就一个原因 让我勇敢面对这个世界
想给你Everything
不管用多少个明天 永远从此刻开始算起
　　
你就是Everything
就如这个原因 我会永远记住这种感觉
想给你Everything
只要你说一声愿意 所有的未来才有意义
你的爱是我的Everything
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Your love is BEAUTIFUL!

Monday, 5 January 2009, 11:27 pm

You surrounded me with songs of praise
You have bought me to this place
Where your love and grace, move within my life
Now Your message is my light

Your love is beautiful
Your love is beautiful
It's the reason why I sing
All around the world, let the praise begin
All around the world, let the praise begin

I am planted here by the waters and I'm living for the King
I have found my peace in the house of God
This is where I'm meant to be
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just some thoughts

Sunday, 4 January 2009, 10:52 am

Was reading a friend's blog. this person was talking about how he doesn't wanna be dependent on others and some other stuff. when i read that, i was rather provoked.

Yes in life we can't be too dependent on others but i believe we should have some ppl to fall back on. I thank God for Him. Cos even if the world fails me, i can fallback on someone who's faithful always. Which makes me provoked because a friend doesn't know who this God is.

Thus, reflecting on this, i guess 2009 is a year of harvest. The fields are white longing for a saviour yet we are not doing anything to press in and reach out.

Was reading In POWER and GLORY yesterday and i feel a sense of urgency now. Time's running out and well if i don't start moving myself be His hands and feet, then I'm really going to regret it for eternity.

Which brings me back to the context of self where i need to be more faithful in what i do, and to love him even more.

2009's going to be a good year, but i don't know why ppl face it with pessimism. It's only a beginning and whatever you focus on it's gonna come back to you. Focus on the best! and it will take you higher!
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2009!

Thursday, 1 January 2009, 12:16 am

well new year, new post! haha. how cliche.
Anw to me 2008 has been a really rough ride. with many ups and many downs. But i believe the experiences from 2008 will make me a stronger person, truly i'll learn from it and grow as a person spiritually and be more mature. I've decided to make learning my commitment and the fact that A's are less than 11 mths away, I NEED TO STUDY!!! haha.
I shall commit to no PM and to have a regular secret place thing going.
I need to start to serve the people around me more. Not just church ppl but EVERYONE!
I need to lose weight and do PULL UPS!!! argh! actually to get flat haha.
I need to CUT DOWN on my spending!
I need to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!!
Btw me putting it on my blog means you've got to help me be accountable for it. Tell me if i'm breaking it! haha
well there's going to be more but, i shall post it up later. haha ENJOY your new year!
Happy TWOTHOUSANDNINE
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