me

Gabriel.
September 11
W466 | City Harvest
Pioneer Junior College | 08S32

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You're my only (THE SONG)

Wednesday, 29 October 2008, 10:32 pm

When all my hope is lost
I don't know what to do
I cry out to my heavenly father
And seek Him in the secret place

When my heart and soul they fail me
I try to ease the pain
But there is one truth that will always remain
That God is the strength of my heart

Chorus
You're my everlasting God
Who was and is forevermore
Though the world may fade away
Your word remain

You're the saviour and my King
I honour you with all my heart
Let Your glory be know through the earth
For eternity

Bridge
Lord of all the earth
I give it all to You
My everything
Forever I'll declare
You're my only

Yes the song has been birthed out of pain and regret. The pain of sin and the hope for forgiveness. This is my believe, and my hope.
envolution

you're my only

Tuesday, 28 October 2008, 11:49 pm

I know it sounds cliche but i guess it's the best i can come up with as an expression.

You're my only is not a song. I tried to write it but obviously the writing song juice has stopped flowing thus, I'll just write.

You're my only
Salvation
Hope
Peace
Rest
Strength
In times of need i can trust
You're my wisdom, my trust, my confidant. My tower of refuge, the shelter, the shield. All that i am, my faith, my love, is in You! You're my only.
祢就是我的唯一！
Thank you for giving me this life that i live. I shall live it to the fullest!
envolution

results

Wednesday, 22 October 2008, 11:42 pm

many reasons to be happy, to be thankful, but also a wake up call for better results. Yes i've received all my promo papers tday and i guess i'll 90% be promoted. Here's the promo results. Not the overall.

H1 GP: Paper 1: 29/50 ( shocking since i thought i would've failed)
Paper 2: 26/50
Overall : 55/100 Grade: C
H2 Chem: Overall: 43/ 100 Grade: S (TWO MARKS to PASS!!Really angry)
H2 Econs: Essay: 13/25
Case Study: 16/30
Overall : 52.66667 Grade: D (stagnant, not improving. Really pissed)
H2 CSE: Overall: 52/75 = 69.3333333 Grade B ( 3rd in class but ONE MARK to A!)
H1 Math:Overall: 49/75 = 65.33333 Grade B ( quite happy)
Grades in total. B,B,C,D,E (chinese),S
It's ok results. Should be able to promote lah hor?
envolution

purpose

Tuesday, 21 October 2008, 11:34 pm

Purpose has pain with it. Sometimes the pain associated with purpose is when i have to make sacrifices, in my time, my finances, my energy. When i have to say no when everyone's having fun to stay focus to my purpose. Dr. A.R Bernard said this and I'm truly impacted by it. It's amazing how I've got caught up in fun and excitement i lost track of my vision and purpose. It's time to set my priorities right and put God first.

I've been thinking about all my horrendous problems and i guess i thought of a way to get rid of it.
1. Conscious effort- to say NO to falling into the trap of temptation. To say NO even though it means forgoing fun to focus on my purpose
2.Communion- with God, for He's the one who gives strength to the weak.
envolution

again?

9:36 pm

CHINAMENT BEL! get it? aiyoh. Suddenly when i see china, i feel really really happy! hais. That's not a good sign. Anw started watching this PAN SHUAI show and i think the character LAI RUI KE's DARN CUTE!!! other than rainie and wilber and the jia si le, i really think LAI RUI KE's darn cute! aiyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo! ok so I'm at it again God help me!....

anw heard this new song by hillsong London. Could only decipher the first verse and the chorus so I'll post it here. They lyrics' awesome and I'm totally in love with the song! man. This is the first fast song that resonates deeply within me! when the song's out i'll definitely post it online! wahahah

NOW

God of eternity You Reign
His Justice and mercy truth and grace
Gift of salvation to the lost
And by Your word You build Your church
And Your kingdom will know no end

Let Your voice be heard
In all of the earth
Let this generation rise to be
Your glorious church
Hope to the nations
Let this generation rise NOW!
envolution

The God I Know

Sunday, 19 October 2008, 9:55 pm

The God I Know

(Written by:KC Gan)

Verse
When the stage is bare tonight
There's no one else
Just You and me
When the curtains close behind
There's no pretense
I'm on my knees

Pre Chorus
I will lay down my all
For there's no greater cause
Than You my Lord
It's all because of You
It's all because of You

Chorus
The God I know
Glorious and holy
The God I know
Is faithful and true
The God I know
A tower of refuge
Hearts are healed, Christ revealed

The God I know
Light of the city
The God I know
Strengthens the weak
The God I know
Is strong and mighty
As He is, so are we

Bridge
Ho-ly Ho-ly
Is our God
Is our God

This is an amazing song! Totally in love with it. A true expression of the God I know and the God you should know!

envolution

shallow.

Monday, 13 October 2008, 9:22 pm

OK! I'm blogging in less than an hour after my last post. Reason being, i think i have horrible English when i write my blog. It ain't poetic enough, it ain't interesting enough, too long, no paragraphing, lousy punctuation, too much circling and not going right into the point. OK I'm so frustrated cos when i see other people's blogs, I'm jealous cos i can't write good stuff. I know, I'm not a writer, i just can't write that much crap, only when I'm in crap then can i write crap. Guess my creativity needs some workout! just like my fat bottoms. The fats accumulated on my butts, thighs, and stomach can feed at least 5 hungry African kids for a year! dang! why am i wasting my life? I need to do better! i need to work harder! I need to be a person who 20 years down the road turn back and say, thank GOD i worked my butt off to get to a place where I'M not struggling anymore. I need to pray more, read more, interact more, step out more, be more active as a whole, more intellectual so RAFFLES people don't scare me. Be a person that shines! Who cares where i come from eh? Pioneer JC's good enough to become who i can be! City Harvest is where i can see my dreams take root! Who cares what you think about my church eh? I thank God for it and sadly i don't worship my pastor or his wife. Ok it seems far but i read this in a forum claiming how churches like mine worship our pastors and not actually GOD. This is such a stupid mindset. Get ahead with times. The methods change but the message is forever sacred and divine!

I admit I'm a jealous person. I get jealous easily. I know I've not let my true feelings show. It's my fault. Now life moves ahead. Full of regrets, yet full of hope. For a better future!

I don't care who you are, but if you're interested in making the world a better place, let's focus on the right things not on trivial matters that's so foolish, kids don't play it anymore.
envolution

there's actually this other island.

8:26 pm

ok so it seems like pity party's back. But no. Just a slight metaphoric confession that i hope at least someone understands other than God. ok so here goes. To set things straight, this other island's not a person.*whew...i can hear the amens from afar!* but well it's a thing. I've had this thing for many years...i guess since sec 1 or 2. I've struggled with it. At times, I'll feel very remorseful for holding on to it, sometimes my heart's cold as winter snow. And so i struggle and struggle to get rid of this island but to no avail. I did mention it hear and there but it makes me really embarrassed. HMMMM.... I need to fight it but oh well it's still here and seriously, I'm not really sad that it's still here. There's just no violent objection of it's staying today. Or should put it, since yesterday. Oh well. This is really frustrating. It's wrong and i really want to get rid of it unlike the human island, but it's just hard. I've grown accustomed to the guilt and shame and then i go back embracing it like a dear friend. Oh God! now I'm just still a mess though I've picked up some of the pieces, this plague constantly defeats me and I'M still unable to stand up and be who i am. The thought of it just kills. anw, did i mention this thing comes in 3 parts? Fighting it isn't very easy. But i hope confessing it would bring damage to this problem so that i can improve and move on doing better things.
Ok enough of sad stuff. I shall fill you in on my life
I went sentosa a few days ago, malaysia weeks ago. All were fun but it sort of jeopardised the sense of belonging i felt towards the cell group. but thankfully, i manage to salvage it back and i guess I've learnt to take a balanced view on my friendships. Life was tough when pw and that other island came about but i guess i grew stronger. I was reminded of my best friend and the times i used to think differently and how grateful i am that this friend's still around to hear me whine. *hope your ears haven't bled out*. There's also these other growing friends where i guess they've given me good advice and well I've benefited from their acts of kindness towards me supporting me in my darkest hours i guess. oh well pity party or not. Life's like this comedy series that just keeps on running. I guess it's whether i pick up the slack and start doing something, or else, I'll just let the world take the better of me. I guess, with people whom i believed has been placed in my life, I'll just pick up the slack, suck up and continue running this race of faith, to reach the ultimate goal. HIS goal for my life. Blessed to be a blessing eh? Trying to work on that! (:
envolution

coming out stronger.

Saturday, 11 October 2008, 11:34 pm

yes I'm still alive! and kicking. Yes the week has been long, and it was one of my most horrendous week. My life seemed to collapse in front of my and it seems there was no light at the end of the tunnel. I was faced with a dilemma that should never happen and all i could do was just cry out for help. I didn't know what to do. But i can say, I've come out stronger. Truly I'm more than just this ISLAND. WR was horrible too. I was freaking out and i didn't know what to do. Thurs was the deadline but on wed there was so much to change. Thank God Erin stayed up to help me till 3 in the morning. Though it wasn't a perfect one, but it was better. I thank God i didn't quit or give it all up, i was so broken but all was not lost. I was not defeated. When it seems like nothing could save me, his love saved me! I'm forever grateful!

The messages in cell group and service was amazing. Especially Cell group. I'm not alone! yes i walk with my rod who comforts me. The testings i go through is to make me not break me. I now know I've emerged to be a better and stronger person, willing to face greater obstacles in life! And i now understand that these testings are meant for His greater works. That in our weakness, God is made strong and His perfected love i shown to all!

2 Cor 4:7-12

7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. 8 We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— 10 always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 11 For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus’ sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 12 So then death is working in us, but life in you.
13 And since we have the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, “I believed and therefore I spoke,”we also believe and therefore speak, 14 knowing that He who raised up the Lord Jesus will also raise us up with Jesus, and will present us with you. 15 For all things are for your sakes, that grace, having spread through the many, may cause thanksgiving to abound to the glory of God.

The Message has put these verses more aptly

7-12If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us—trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us—he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best!

envolution

spiral

Tuesday, 7 October 2008, 10:06 pm

ok so i told candice and sam my prob. i hope they took me seriously. Didn't know how to better express myself. Keep it to yourselves k? Candice said it was another stage in my life but it's like is God playing a fool with me? I feel like I'm in this never ending spiral down to the deepest valley! Oh God save me! i don't know what to do or to say. Why do i struggle with such trivial matters? Isn't there more to life than this? Maybe it's to build strength of character, or maybe my own pure foolishness. I can discern between right or wrong now. I've been blinded by my short-sightedness. I don't know how to continue, but pray for me that i can be able to even come out of this ordeal at all. I feel trapped, hard pressed on all sides, I'm exhausted, i don't know how to continue.
envolution

explicit

Monday, 6 October 2008, 11:06 pm

to me i feel like I've explicitly laid down the best hints to my problems but obviously now one gets it. It's ok. I'm too embarrassed to even admit my problem so I'm like wallowing in self pity. Guess no one has even close to facing the problems I'm facing now. It's really really horrible. I feel like breaking down. It's so wrong but there's this part that wants to continue living this lie. Hais. Anw, my class seems to be more separated now. It's like there's this clique thing going on etc and it's really really getting ugly. Really ugly. hais. PW's horrible but I'm not just stressed over this. It's this ISLAND thing that has been weighing me down. I really don't know what to do. Guess avoiding is my best move for now. HELP :"(
envolution

Islands and sharks

Friday, 3 October 2008, 11:02 pm

Ok to put things straight. There is an island. One thing. The sharks are like the values i grew up with, God, close friends who are like minded, who share the same values. They are the ones protecting me by this close a margin from doing something that is horrible. Thus, it's all this island's fault. All sentosa's fault. Argh. It's alright, it isn't v obvious. Try finding my LJ bah. he'll tell you everything.
envolution

worse

Wednesday, 1 October 2008, 10:22 pm

ok so now china and 11 and what not are not important anymore. There's just this island. This sinfully wrong island that i desire so much to go. Even better than Sentosa! I can only swim there but it seems sharks are there to prevent me to go further from achieving my sinful desires. So i'm grateful yet dying for it. GAB SHUT UP!
envolution

falling deeper.

12:21 am

I'm going berserk ! I'm really frustrated and i don't know what to do. I'm falling way to deep already. Miriam Webster's songs are just helping me to reduce the speed. Praying is really going no where and I'm falling deeper in to blindness and i don't want to care. The feeling of pain and anguish and lust all mixed together. HELP! I'm very irritated now. I really can't see an end to this long and winding tunnel of hopelessness. But when i am experiencing this problem it's really good. but knowing that it's wrong and trying to do the right thing is causing such pain. But i can't lie to myself and continue doing the wrong thing! anw these are the songs that have been keeping me

Dedication
Miriam Webster

I will go anywhere I know
You go before me
Jesus I have made the choice
I will live to know your voice
and follow you
Any burden I've held dear
I come and lay it at your feet and trust in you
for this life is not my on
and i dedicate my all to follow you

I will give everything O lord
To have your presence
Jesus You have paid the price
Now I'm loving not my life, loving you
Any treasure in your place
You have given me the grace to let it go
For this life is not my own
And i dedicate my all to follow you

All You Are

Here i am again
hungry after you my lord
here i wait on you
longing for your touch right here, right now
you are my song ,my joy
I'll bring this offering of all that i am

all you are is wonderful
all you are is beautiful
here i worship at Your feet my Lord
And lavish You with praise

Jesus You are mine
tenderness Your eyes
love captured me
i am overwhelmed that You've forgiven me
You said "go and be clean"
Now You are me song, my joy
And I'll bring this offering of all that i am

All You are is wonderful
All You are is beautiful
Here i worship at Your feet my Lord
And lavish You with praise

All You are is all I need
Your forgiveness I receive
You have washed me clean with Your own blood
And now I'm Yours
completely Yours
and all my praise is Yours
envolution