i'm shocked...at my reactions...at my maturity..haha...things may go...love ones may leave..i'm still amazed at myself...i'm strong..i shld be studying...but i just cant help it...haha...sigh...too lazy lar...will start soon...

its strange how things go...how pple who appeared in ur life to cheer u up...disappear into a world of their own...the change in them so huge u dun even wanna talk much to them anymore...[impt: i'm not refering to u k] its some one else...someone i treasured as a fren...but it seems we've drifted...i still treasure him as a fren tho...hmm...dunno lar...
and its strange how by fate or coincidence, a new someone just appears in ur life and helps u up...keeps u going...a fren whom u never expected..just fills up ur life and makes u see reason in things...comfort u and makes u laugh...frens are great wonders...i think...friendship is the greatest thing in this world...in giving and not expecting anything in return...a simple greeting, word of concern...just keeps u going...hmm...actually...dun really noe wat i'm saying...like everything interlinked...very scared i say wrong stuff...oh well...i am still firm on wat i decided...may fate be on our side...and make the best decisions..i'm waiting...for a miracle to happen...
hmmm...my heart hurts...when i think of my darling boat sitting on the racks...not being able to roam free on the waters...because its damaged...i'll miss it when its sent for repairs...

new found fren...thanks...despite how much u niao me all the time...jus glad that at least someone was there..through that period..no one else knew...i dunno why i told u..smthing just made me put my trust in u...jus wanna thank u fer being there..and jus being ard...yea..dun say my blog boring liao la...haha...
alright uhs...these few days...wah..poor alan..really wanna copy my work when i never study lar...good luck to us man...haha..tired from training but qt happy...somehow...dun feel so unhappy abt certain stuff anymore...cos i dun see anything wrong anymore...change it maybe...thats why my phone profile name is "evolving". i've been changing so much...seems like its for the better...i'm putting in the effort..whether or not i reap wat i sow..depends on fate..and...yup..no matter how hard i try, if it is not accepted or recognised..i guess the efforts will not help much..but they wun be wasted..because..i'm helping myself..at least i noe i've tried...=)

training...keeps me alive..thanks tigger boat..thanks my dearest partner..thanks my dearest short paddle...haha..and all my teammates man...i feel the old self coming back...the ultra laming ard...the totally crap abt anything..haha..feels kinda weird..but not a bad feeling..hee...cant get myself down to work..feel little urgency somehow...so much time taken up by training..somehow not bothered..haha.weird..but this thing in me jus tells me i can make it...hmm...i'll try to work hard...=)

up down in out...
i'm back...strong eline is back...tired...but back...wat she wants...she'll attain...so long as its within her means...jia you eline...jiayou to everyone...

strangely...something of me is coming back...something i've put away for one entire yr...niao-ing teachers back...find loopholes in wat they say and shoot...first started with the relief tcher calling me "the girl with the red hairband" when my hairband was obviously orange...i jus said "its orange." den today...when mrs goh said.."when u fall asleep u lose ur dignity" i just said without hesitation "but i fall asleep every night"...this is strange...i haven done this for one entire yr...and now its back again...it feels gd..i always enjoyed doing that to them and they usually wun mind cos they noe i dun mean it...its been long since i felt this man...yea...haha...
thinking thinking...numbing myself...removing the feeling of missing someone...trying hard to get it outta my mind..outta my heart...so that it wun affect me...i'm tired...tired of being the one to start asking things...tired of receiving replies which show boredom, or simply a lack of interest to reply...i've given in...stress of work...and having to cope with these negative feelings doesnt help...but it doesnt matter...at least ive got training to keep me sane...i'm really looking forward to training...it makes me a happy person...at least i feel gd...

thanks...for making my day...
thanks for the gifts...=)haha...hope u all dun mind my silly idea of the jigsaw...hee...poor quality...oops..
thank goodness training wasnt too bad yesterday...but was qt tired somehow...but had a nice dinner...and sweet surprises after that...so i think the long trip there was worth it...THANKS!=)u made my day~!
have been tired these days...haha...today is a day fer me to recover..finally=)

listened to yong ye...remind me of those lonely sat i stayed at home alone to mug fer os...watched the mtv on tv...some weekly charts thing...oh well...lonely times seldom come...only when i choose to lock myself up fer mins to sort out some feelings and emotions...think i've doone well the past week...i've fallen in at times...but i've gotten out...i'll perfet the skill soon...i love myself!!!=)

i give up....
haha...
i tried...retards...i tried...
dun care...
haha...
oh yea...listening to some songs...brought back those times when i was silly and thinking silly stuff..now that i've grown outta it...i noe that some things cannot be controlled...wats impt is being happy and enjoying myself why i can...i do wat i wanna do...i love who i love...other things...others' opinions...whether i'm loved back...no longer matter anymore...wat matters is i'm true to myself...i wanna lead a happy life...i think i'm becoming a hedonist too...haha...just wanna give my best in everything now...watever i can give or share i will...watever i can help i will...i dun wanna lead a long but pointless life spent on lamenting and complaining abt the bad stuff in this world...i wanna lead a fulfilling life...appreciating every beautiful moment...every person i love...every one who means smthing to me...the power of my subconscious is surfacing...it wants to get rid of negative tots...i may not be the most happening, creative person...not most active...but i am myself...unique in my own way...i wun look down on myself...i'll just strive to chang ethe negative parts...i cant be perfect...but i'll try to be a nicer person...all these till i put into action is merely words...but i promise myself i will...and i will.

wats up with IT learning...its damn freaking slow...thanks man...for wasting our time...

oopz...just realised i wrote my brain is dead in the last entry...sorry charb...haha...din mean u...haha...
nice question...why do we spend the first half of our lives doing something we dun like, something against our principles...?will it really help shape us and our principles in the future?i doubt so...no fer the education in singapore at least...
realised a lot of unhappy pple ard...but actually all seem normal...
i guess...whether u are happy or not...its up to urself to noe...whether u show it or not, is another case...and prob more impt as it'll affect more..try forcing some lame crap out of ur mouth when u are sian..talk crap...ur spirits will be lifted..somehow...at least it worked this week...everytime i felt sian..i took a rest...den next min talk rubbish again...more relaxed...better..happier...seriously...i shld cont this...its making my life better...=)thanks to u...i shall learn to be like u...i wanna be happy=)

woah...haven written fer an entire week...seriously no time...reach home late everyday..training taking up most of my time...plus lessons...sighz...
a bit no life le...
feels damn gross to copy fer one and a half hours not noeing wat u are copying...it sucks...i felt stupid...serious...
sucks when u have work to do...but ya brain is so dead...u cant do a single thing...hmm...just tired and grumbling...nice day tho...i need to mature...grow up...think...consider...understand...got loads to learn...hmm...