Sunday, May 20, 2012
another trace of memory @ 10:59 AM
Sunday, January 01, 2012
Stop holding on to the past...2011 was rewarding in some ways, but frustrating in others. i'm definitely glad it is over and hoping that 2012 will be a much better year for me!
most of my running goals were met this year. finally broke the 1h 50min barrier for the half marathon with a timing of 1h:43m:31s (net) during the Army Half Marathon and then broke the 4h barrier for the full marathon with a timing of 3h:56m:53s (net)for the Standard Chartered Marathon. I also attempted my first trail race with my running buddy during The North Face 100 race. it was a challenging 25km, but a great experience!
career wise, i've finally completed the two-year program and looking forward to a permanent role and adding more value in whatever way i can. deep inside, i feel that the corporate world is really not for me. i can never be as good as my peers in knowing the right things to say to the big shots to give the impression that i am smart and brilliant.
on the psychological front, things aren't going straight. sometimes, my mood swings really go wild and i just sink into this depression mode when i think that the coming 'end-of-the-world' in 2012 is actually a great escape for me. the lack of self-esteem isn't improving... i've been struggling with this for years, and i really wonder whether i am really going to be able to get rid of this problem! :( BIG SIGH! i truly hope 2012 will be a better year and i will be able to stay happy for longer periods of time without feeling worthless and sad. will also need to learn how to stop hanging on to the past and stop worrying about the future...
may 2012 be yet another fruitful year - hope to achieve some PBs in my races and start to make my money work harder to accumulate some wealth... :) also to do well in my job and progress faster! :)of course, i hope to keep my close friends close to my heart in 2012 and be a better communicator in the family as well.
another trace of memory @ 11:19 PM
Saturday, December 17, 2011
just need to document my 2011 marathon timing here for my future reference.
NAME: ELINE OH
EVENT: Marathon
DATE: 4 December, 2011
BIB/DIV: 621310 / Female 20-29
TIME: 3h:59m:37s (gun) / 3h:56m:53s (net)
another trace of memory @ 10:37 AM
Sunday, November 20, 2011
it is always easy for me to feel angry and unhappy about things, but are these the emotions I want to leave this world with?
if i were to leave the next moment, i would rather have spent the day feeling contented and happy with the ones i love most.
i really need to do more to show more care and love to my family. i spend most of my time outside the house, i hardly speak to them at all. am i going to wait until it's too late before i start making more effort? i seldom look at them, hence i also forget that age is rapidly catching up with them. will i look back in the future and regret how i failed to be filial, how i went against their wishes? but what really is right? are they right to stop me from loving someone whom i am so comfortable with? society might judge and disapprove of such a relationship, but am i wrong to find someone i can be comfortable with to spend the rest of my life with? does dating him make me less filial?
i am often told that i should always believe in my values. i believe that i should be grateful to those who gave me my life and who gave me everything in my life. but am i really wrong to love someone much older than i am? they might say i don't know what love is, that i may get cheated, etc etc... but three years should be sufficient to show that he is serious about me, shouldn't it?
my biggest worry in the past three years has been that if they found out, they would be very very angry. it doesn't matter if they are angry with me, or they want to disown me. what i am really afraid of is that my actions would cause their health to deteriorate, particularly my dad who always doted on me the most.
God, why did you have to make me choose between my parents and love? how do i choose? what can i do?
another trace of memory @ 3:03 PM
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
i know i need to leave. but where to?
another trace of memory @ 9:32 AM
Tuesday, November 01, 2011
I just returned from a super nice and chill trip to Phuket! this trip seems quite timely for me as it made me realize how and why some people remain in our lives. it's pretty amazing that people from entirely different fields can come together and still have topics to chat about all day. and we have proven once again that we are 'ridiculously harmonious'..... it was a fun trip and we pretty much just did whatever we felt like doing... lazing by the pools, walking along the beach... and of course taking a super long and tranquil boat ride in phang nga bay...
and it made me realize that i really need to find something i like to do... something i am passionate about... but what is it?
another trace of memory @ 12:21 PM
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
i dunno what i have done wrong. why is it that this house is so hard to live in? when can i afford my own place? i'm sick and tired of bad air. i do everything that i think i ought to do, but somehow, it never seems enough. seriously, what else do i need to do? should i give up my life? is that considered enough? or give all of my pay? what is enough?
nothing i do seems to be right, nothing i do seems to make me filial, nothing i do seems to be appreciated. maybe, just maybe, i should just stop doing anything at all. i should become a selfish person, only caring about my own enjoyment and ignoring anything else. maybe life would be better.
i'm just freaking sick of everything! and last but not least, damn the bloody weather!
another trace of memory @ 10:24 PM
