Understanding people

I have had 2 amazing experiences with people interacting amazingly with Dorian. I got Dorian a watch the other day and it came with 2 charms. The check out person got the watch out for us but didn't see the charms were also zip-tied in. We had to pick up a prescription at another store and Dorian asked the check out person if they had scissors to free them. They didn't but they made a great effort to make sure they got us scissors. I didn't ask them to go above and beyond for us. They did anyway. The person even made sure to talk to Dorian about paw patrol and looked at his watch after the charms were on. That seemingly little thing made my life so much easier. I was prepared for screams and instead I got amazing service from a stranger.

The second was today in the pick up line for Marsi's school. Dorian has never met anyone that wasn't a friend. That means he has zero qualms about going up to random strangers and grabbing them or pretending to bite them like he did today. He decided to do a 6 step routine over and over the 8 minutes we were in line before the doors opened. Walk to the fence, walk to the building, walk to the tree and bite a leaf, walk into stranger #1 pretending to bite his hand, walk into stranger #2 pretending to bite his shirt, then walk to me for a hug. The first round was pure torture as I tried to stop him and apologize. They all just laughed. My favorite response was "We all have kids. We get it.' And that was that. It helps that most of these people have seen Dorian's antics the last couple of weeks while in line. The stranger #2 said "Sometimes God makes us special and full of personality." Yes. Yes He does.

Yes, these are little things. Those people probably already forgot about their kindness. They don't understand how big it is for me to have understanding people around.

"Don't let them pout a label on him!"

Today I had one of my first non supportive comments out in public (or the wild as I call it). The change of Marsi going to school has been incredibly hard on Dorian. He misses his buddy most of the day. I have tried to get him into more things like swimming lessons, rock climbing, gym daycare, and extra library trips to make up for it. Nothing can replace his sister. So, when we are waiting outside the school before we can get her, he gets really loud and excited. He sings, yells, climbs, screeches, tries to hit at me, runs into the door, and creates general mayhem. Most parents have been amazing. One even let Dorian walk into her leg over and over once. I was mortified but the other parent was amazing. Today the person in front of me asked if he was autistic since he acted like an autistic family member they had. I told him that Dorian would be getting testing. The lady behind me, who up to that point had been chatting with me about how Dorian was just like her son and smiling at me, said, "Don't let them put a label on him!". My response was, "well, I have the diagnosis and it has been incredibly helpful for me to understand myself". It didn't shut her up. She talked about how the school has wanted to test and label her son since kindergarten and she refuses because kids should be kids and there is nothing wrong with a little more rambunctiousness from a boy.

I don't disagree with her. Dorian is amazing and he will always be amazing. He is our little engineer.

But, I also know that hindsight is 20/20 as I think of who I was pre vs. post diagnosis and understanding. I know the benefits of having someone to talk to to tell you strategies to help with sensory overload. I know how it is to figure out better ways of asking for things. I know the benefits of a speech therapist that helped Dorian find his voice. I know a behavioral therapist would be invaluable to me if we could find a way for Dorian to use words instead of screeches when he is particularly upset. I don't want the label. I want help. I want Dorian to have the toolbox I got at 25 by the time he is a teen so he doesn't have to go through some of the things I had to go through.

My poor high school boyfriend. Sometimes I just want to write the biggest apology to him because I was terrible. One "hindsight is 20/20" conversation I remember was when I asked him why one of his friends didn't like me. The answer....when I get something in my head, I won't give it up. I laugh at that now because that is a basic tenant of autism.

If Dorian could have strategies and tools to use to find amazing friends who accept him wholly, my heart would be full. I have 2 people from high school I still talk with periodically. It wasn't until my diagnosis and me accepting myself for everything I am that I finally got more than 1 or 2 lasting friendships.

So, yes, I will label my kid if it helps him. It doesn't make him less. It will never make him less. It won't change the neurodiversity that makes him him.

It will give him better access to tools I never had.

I love him wholly. There are parts that are challenges. But damn, I love that boy and will give him everything I can to make him the best person he can be. And he is already a pretty awesome person.

Visitors...

There are many ways I know God knows every detail of my life. As time goes on, I gain more stories and a better understanding of just how involved He is. Today was fast Sunday.  There were 2 baby blessings scheduled. There were lots of visitors. When I came in and found Endrit, the row in front of him were talking to the people in the row behind him. The people on both rows were visitors. Dorian was having a very symptomatic spectrum day with flappy hands, penguin step walking, constant movement, etc. He was wanting to flip over my legs into the aisle before the first announcement so I told him, "It is way too early in the meeting for you to be this antsy." To which the whole row in front of us turned around chuckling. I apologized and informed them of his spectrum tendencies. Come to find out 1 lady has been a special educator for 20 years and her daughter was in the process of getting licenced as a special educator this year. The best part was when the older lady told me , "This is a church for families. If they can't handle that, they can go elsewhere." I almost started crying then and there. It is truly the little things in life. The small kindnesses. The looks of Christlike love instead of judgement. My life has changed so much since becoming a mother. I have seen what Christlike love looks like in practice. With the challenges of Marsi's birth, heart issues, and Endrit being unemployed post-PhD, and now Dorian's tendancies, I am finding myself constantly coming closer to Heavenly Father. His love and care are so apparent in these simple instances. So, to the wonderful visitors in the chapel with me today, Thank you for being amazing Christians.