Cloth diapers

Have I ever said before that Marsi is huge?  I am sure I have with her being exclusively in 3T clothing now and randomly 4T.  This means that our one size (OS) fuzzibuns, OS Blueberry, OS Alvababy, size1 and 2 OS Sunbaby diapers all got too small for her massive legs a while ago.  I stuffed her into them longer than I should, but the poor red marks on her legs consistently starting to get a rash made me make a choice; potty training, disposable diapers or another investment in larger cloth training diapers for big kids.

I went with potty training first while using disposables.  Big, epic FAIL.  She is so not ready.  Nothing I did, no treats or incentives I tempted her with gave her any interest in the potty.  So, we started buying disposables.  After I bought 3, yes only 3 large boxes of them I rolled my eyes and said WHY? She isn't ready to potty train.  I can buy a whole stash of cloth diapers for 3 months worth of disposables.  Marsi isn't going to be trained in 3 months.  It just isn't going to happen unless a huge miracle strikes.  So, I bought the stash.

Yes, I am a nerd.  I am excited to get Marsi back in cloth!  I am sick of literally throwing money away.  Even with the cheap diapers, it is too expensive.  So, I have a newborn stash, baby stash and toddler potty training stash for up to around 45 lbs. Marsi even saw one of her cloth diapers and was begging me to put that on her instead of the disposables.  She knows what feels good on her tush!

Rough Week Ahead

This week is going to be a rough week.  I am having dead baby nightmares in preparation for my appointment on Wednesday. They start about a week before every appointment.  I am also coming up on the estimated due date of the baby I lost in February.  I would have been due on Monday.  On Tuesday, it is the annual pregnancy and infant loss wave of light I have participated in for 4 years now. Wednesday I have my regular 15 week appointment where I can only hope the baby is well.  Thursday, of my own choosing, we are feeding the sister missionaries.  Busy could be good, but it doesn't take away the fear and aching.

Reason for my absence

Yes, I have been gone from blogger for a while now.  I didn't want to rain my depression on anyone who decides to read.  Endrit and I had a pretty hard time STAYING pregnant again.  Since I found out I was pregnant when we moved, I found a wonderful midwife in an OB practice that I am going to.  She did bloodwork and determined that I was in fact loosing that baby.  I had my suspicions, but having it confirmed was a killer.  She was wonderful.  We did an array of blood work and tried to figure out what could have caused that baby to be lost as well as try to keep me pregnant in the future.  This started the 8 month long journey mixed with another 2 early losses before me getting to where I am now.

We are lucky because it is a progesterone problem with me that makes me loose the baby.  So, taking progesterone starting at 3 days after confirmed ovulation  fixed my problem again.  At least I didn't have to do the baby aspirin as well that we had to do to get Marsi.  She fixed that problem.  So, now here I am at almost 10 weeks pregnant. (10 weeks on Wednesday) I am happily taking my progesterone every day to keep this little one with us.  I have only had 1 appointment with the midwife for this pregnancy at 6 weeks 4 days.  It isn't the best picture, but it is the only picture I have of our baby.  Strong heartbeat and all :)

And, here is the bonus of Marsi wearing her big sister shirt :)

Wildcat Glades

We also went to the Wildcat Glades nature center. It was Marsi's nap time so we didn't get to hike around, but we had fun in the visitors center here as well. She loved to sit on this frog.

Grandpa was silly with her as well.

Grandma liked to show her the turtles.

She also loved the lizard there too.

Neosho

When in Missouri, we went to the Neosho national fish hatchery.  Marsi has always loved fish since her first visit to an aquarium.  This was n different. She was even able to feed the fish there.

While we were there a train passed. The conductor saw us and gave a nice toot of the horn for her.  It was really fun.

The magnolia tree was in every stage of bloom. I think that it is a beautiful tree, even if it has a plastic look to it.

Marsi loved to be in the bubble under a fish tank to be able to se the fish all around her. This is in the visitors center.

Pool

When Marsi and I went to visit my parents in Missouri, I bought Marsi a little backyard pool.  She loved swimming in my parents's pool and I hate having to drive to the municipal pool so this was the best alternative.  She loves it.

Locks of Love

Locks of Love donation #5 happened this morning. I have been having the "it is summer and my hair is thick and hot" itch to chop it all off...so I just did it.  I am loving my new do.

And this is it styled in all its glory.

Fire Season

One thing that scared me when I found out we were moving to Colorado Springs was fire dangers.  It seems to be starting up early this year for us as well.  Endrit has to come home early today because the person he carpools with needed to get home since the wildfire was in his neck of the woods. He has to prepare just in case he needs to evacuate.  Not the way I really want him to come home early, but it is nice to know he will be home.  Here is a view from my neighborhood.

She is still a baby

There are a lot of days that I look at Marsi and realize how BIG she has gotten.  When she starts to use simple sentences, says her ABC's or understands what 1 minute means when I ask her to be patient the right way.  And then there are times, her most vulnerable times, that I look at her and know that she is still my precious little baby.

Memorial Day weekend.

Marsi took her first Instagram selfie today.  I thought it was cute.

We had Nana and Gjyshi over for the Memorial Day weekend as well.  I think they had fun with their grandbaby.

Surprise!

Endrit surprised me with roses when he came home from work.  I have the best husband ever.

8 Years

Thanksgiving 2004 our first picture together.

8 years ago Endrit and I took a huge step in our lives.  We had been best friends for only a few short months and we were getting married.  I hadn't even been out of high school for a full year.  

We were so in love...we still are.

In the past 8 years we have accomplished TONS!  

I graduated.

He graduated...3 times!

Endrit got his US citizenship.

We have a beautiful baby.

We are still in love as ever.  It has been a wonderful past 8 years.  Full of happiness, successes, achievements, challenges, hardships and love.  Here is to many, many more years to come.  Happy anniversary to us.

8

I have lost 8 pregnancies.  I have been asked several times about my losses.  I wanted to make a specific post to address some of the concerns that have been directed at me.

Yes, my losses were early.  But, each of those pregnancies were very much wanted.  Just because they are early, doesn't discount the fact that I actually lost a pregnancy.  It is definitely different emotions to go though than later losses, but don't try to one up me when it is a completely different set of circumstances.

Yes, I test early, before my period is due.  I ask, if you had losses like mine, wouldn't you want to do all you could to try and keep the next one?  One way to do that is early blood work for progesterone.  I was able to keep Marsi because of early progesterone intervention.  If I hadn't tested early with the losses since Marsi, I would still be struggling with loss.  I wouldn't know that my body chemistry got completely out of whack after Marsi.  My thyroid levels were such that it causes non viable eggs to be released and progesterone levels to drop.  My doctor was able to figure that out because we knew that it was yet again multiple losses and did more exploratory research into what was happening in me to figure it out.

I don't apologize for my passion about my losses.  I want people that go through this that they are not alone. There can be multiple reasons why and resources available when you lose a pregnancy.  I wouldn't want my worst enemy to have to go through the things I have gone through.  Walk a mile in my shoes before any judgement is passed my way.

Life is Good

Really, it is good.  Endrit loves his job.  I love being a mom for Marsi.  We don't have another one on the way and we are good with that too.  The kitties are fun.  Marsi is getting tons more words and amazes me all the time.  She started to name more specific characters that she likes on her favorite 2 shows (Princess Pea and Abby).   We are learning more and more about her lactose intolerance.  It is sad, but it is something that we figured we would have to deal with because of Endrit's family history.
I got my first sunburn of the season, and hopefully my last.  Lesson learned, again.  I am trying to learn some Albanian words to teach Marsi.  I am working on body parts right now.  3 down, a few to go.
Marsi got to experience her first Colorado thunderstorm.  She absolutely loved it.  She splashed in the puddles and went "oooh" when she saw lightning and heard thunder.

 

Official Bed

We decided to forego a toddler bed and just got Marsi a twin bed today.  I am so happy that she is so happy to have this bed.  She wanted to go to bed before her bath tonight, even though she was naked.  She wanted to go to bed right after her bath and I had to remind her she needed to drink her bottle.  After her bottle, she ran to her room to get in bed...without Clifford!  Clifford is her lovey, and she forgot him!  Needless to say, she is extremely excited to be a big girl with a big girl bed.

Daddy likes the bed too.

For the hard days

Anyone who has ever been a parent knows that it definitely isn't all cupcakes and sunshine when you have a child.  Today for me was pure exhaustion wrapped up in a migraine.  It was really hard to see the joy in motherhood when Marsi refused to take her nap.  But, when she learns new things, or gives me the most precious smile in the world, I am reminded every second is worth it.

Flash Cards

Marsi is getting so much better at learning her letters.  It is so much fun to watch her learn.  As a teacher, this is fascinating to me.

Big girl

I have been toying with the thought of transferring Marsi into a big girl bed for a while.  She woke up in the middle of the night a couple of nights ago because she had thrown all of her binks out and she was sad.  So, today I did a test run to see if she might be ready for a big girl bed.  She loved it.  She loves to be able to run around the room and jump on the bed I set up.  She even fell asleep on the bed when all was said and done. So, Endrit and I decided that this Saturday, we are heading to Denver and getting her a twin bed with a railing.  She is growing up so fast.

At night, it was a little more of a fight.  She fought sleep for a long time.  But, we survived and she fell asleep.  She will get used to it and it will be perfect.

Debts

Something that both Endrit and I agree on is to get and stay out of debt.  We are very lucky that I was able to pay my student loans of really quickly.  Endrit graduated 1.5 years ago (right before Marsi was born) and today, he called the loan holder, got the payoff amount, and made the final payment on his student loans!

It is so nice to have that debt paid off.  Next debt payoff will be in a few months when we finish paying Endrit's parents for our car.  Then, it will only be our house payments.  It is SO nice!

Now we will be able to pay cash for our iPads at the beginning of next month :)

3T

Marsi now wears 3T clothing for the most part.  She is just a big girl!  This means most of her Sunday dresses do not fit her anymore.  I went shopping this morning and absolutely fell in love with this dress combo! 

Hair!

Marsi was born with an AWESOME head of hair.

It hasn't ever changed from being awesome.

I love how it curls when it is wet.

And now a picture from today.  So cute, so long.