Hi friends who still read this,

i wish teachers would just stop asking me 'what happened' cos i swear, i don't know. i really wish i do know what went wrong so that i can fix it in time for prelims and not let it happen again.

Hang in there Hamzah, we're all praying for you.

Oh Almighty Lord of the Heavens and Skies above, please watch over our dear son, brother, cousin, nephew whom we all love so much. Protect him Oh Lord, save him.

i sat for chem paper 1 without any sleep for 46 hours straight. i kinda regret giving up on the paper halfway but then, i couldn't care. my brain just could not focus and nothing went through as i read the questions. even if it did go through, there was this mental block and i couldn't remember anything that i've studied. i felt so damn tired and breathless that i just gave up doing it. when i got home, i think i experienced a mini panic attack. i still could not fall asleep even though i was just so damn exhausted, my heart was racing like nobody's business till i got all sorts of dizzy spells. my hands started trembling whenever i picked up notes to study to put myself to sleep. and i just could not remember anything at all. i was all breathless and restless and could not stop crying for a solid 3.5 hours and i thought i was going mad. i was so close to giving up battling it with myself and i was going to open the door of my room to call for any help that i could get, when i slowly just cooled down. the whole thing was just so damn scary i swear i never ever ever want to experience it again. right now, i have had barely 5 hours of sleep in 3 days and my brothers think i look like shit. and i totally agree with them. how am i gonna get through with A levels? how am i even gonna get through the week? i think i'm suffering from some sort of burnout, but i don't wanna die just yet...
:(

OMG MY CAMERA IS MIRACULOUSLY WORKING AGAIN!!!!! OMG I'M SO HAPPY! :D:D:D

:)

feel a sudden urge to start blogging religiously again. haha, how untimely.

They say that all good things must come to an end.

keep holding on.






















i don't want to lose a friend, not another one.
& i don't feel like sleeping tonight, i have my life to think about.

it seems like not too long ago that i blogged about prelude 29 and now, prelude 30 is over. time flies, no? it's only the morning after prelude 30 and i feel like everything is so bleak already. it feels surreal that it's over. after those weeks and weeks and months of practices, the big big prelude XXX that we have all been so excited and anxious for is over so fast. i must say that i really enjoyed last night. despite of the fact that i majorly screwed up during the first half. i barely played a thing for angels and any song after. everything just went so wrong (from the stand to the score & to the mute...) that i got so upset, i couldn't help but break down during intermission. i was just so disappointed because i was looking forward so much to concert day and when it started, shit had to happen. and angels was like one of my favourite pieces, and that was the last time we were playing it, yet i wasn't able to play a thing. can you imagine... but thanks to the awesome people, bertram, yy, jason, hasia, jitxin and jermaine(though it was kinda his fault that i got upset), who said really really nice things :) & seeing friends & family who came during intermission helped and cheered me up. :) i really enjoyed the second half though! and i love the fab encore piece, i wanna play it again! :(

sigh, so i think i am gonna miss band afterall. thank God for mardigras, i still have about 2 weeks before having to face the harsh reality-- A levels. really wanna thank all those who came to support TJCSB last night!! hope you guys enjoyed it. and of course, thanks to all my friends for all the gifts & flowers!

no pics. lost my camera cable.
:(

TJBAND is LOVE!

i don't want this week to ever end!!! :(

This week’s just gonna be another terrible terrible week, and I don’t how I’m gonna make it. I’m gonna be in a foul mood till God knows when.

for the last few months, i’ve been so doing well, telling lies to myself that are so convincing, I believed them. but i cannot take it anymore. i’ve run out of masks to put on, to cover up my misery. i’m tired of having to pretend that i’m happy, that i’m alright. i hate taking it out on other people, but i’m just so so damn tired of suppressing my emotions. Tired of having to hold back my tears whenever I see something/someone that reminds me of you. Tired of having to hold back my tears whenever anyone mentions you and when I’ll have to cook up some story, pretending that all’s well. Today was beyond horrid, cos somehow everything and everyone in school suddenly reminded me of you. I hate this. I hate myself for being such a coward and for being so weak. Why can’t I just pluck up the courage to talk to you? But on the other hand, why must I be the one? I wasn’t the one who stopped talking right. I wasn’t the one who said I was okay when I wasn’t. I know you must hate me so much right now that you want nothing do with me. maybe that’s what’s stopping me. but can’t you just say it then, out loud, to my face, then at least I’ll know and then I can stop wondering and move on with life. or maybe it’s just because… i’m not ready to give my explanations about everything to you. i just can’t put them into words cos whatever i’m going through now is a big jumble of mixed feelings and thoughts. coupled by the series of events that happened, i don't think i'll ever be able to find a suitable explanation for whatever that happened. sigh, i'm sick of having to worry about it all the time, when i don't need to and shouldn't have. i really thought i was getting over it all. but i realized, it's impossible. you can't just delete all the memories of the one you've known and loved your whole life. of the one whom you've had more memories of than your own siblings during the first years of your life. That’ll be like throwing away your childhood. Oh please, help… I need to get out of this forsaken void.

i swear, if i had known that it would last us even for just a little longer, i wouldn’t have said everything that i had. Now, everything that I had worked for, that I had sacrificed so much for- Ruined.

How do I come to terms with this- the awkwardness, the heartache, the anger and the lost.

You were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot
I did
And now when all is done
There is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly,
You have won
You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof top
Write it on the sky lines
All we had is gone now
Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

All the doors are closing I'm trying to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead
My dreams are empty from the day, the day you slipped away

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

That since I lost you, I lost myself
No I can't fake it, there's no one else

can't wait to get over and done with a levels, and get the hell outta tj.

hi. omg, it's 2010 already. & i forgot to post smth in december. yucks.

no one reads this anymore(blaming no one cos i'm just too lazy to update anymore) but for now, thank you ever so much awesomest people of the world, you make me sleep tonight :)

yingying
shuyu
jermaine
nadzirah
marlia
shuhadah
kenneth

<3

after a super extremely shitty day. i know that im not wrong.

so that's it. we're falling apart. were we even whole to begin with? anyway, i'm sorry i'm gonna have to be selfish and take sides now cos i'm just so damn sick and tired of being the middle person, the neutral one. i give up, okay. tried don't know how many freaking times but you guys just don't wanna cooperate, don't wanna listen, don't wanna care. then why should i, right? never knew boys were such pigs and peacocks. im just so damn disgusted. and i actually miss the seniors, cos if the seniors were still here, they wouldn't act this way and i think i might possibly click with the seniors better cos they're perfectly normal, humble people who respect one another completely. and to think that people were actually envious of my section being very section-y. well, clearly they have no idea... i'm having band blues nowadays. and i use to look forward to every single band prac and sectionals but whatever now. i don't care. i don't even want to make things right again cos i'd just be flogging a dead horse.

omg this is so freaking stupid. stupid, brainless people should just go and die. just die. die. everything is so freaking messed up. argh, just DIE.

good times.

die.

hellooo people. im finally online doing smth other than peeedouble eww.
anyway...

went for interviews for pw today. went kinda well i think except that maybe i felt like punching some people in the face along the way. the deaf sch principal was really nice. haha but the doc was abit eccentric? haha the way he talks. he sounded quite agitated at first. but then later he was quite nice too! :) haha we asked him one question and he answered everything else. how convenient! :)
sigh i dont wanna go school tmr! what a waste of time.
buuuut i cant wait for lunch with my aunt tmr!!
hahahaha anyway, crap im hungry. all the time. nowadays.
and my face is plagued with zits. boohooo.
im relatively happier now.
and i think i dont think soooo much anymore. dont know why eh. i dont really hestitate before doing smth anymore. if you know what i mean. it might be a good thing. but it might be kinda bad thing too.
&&&& my phone is maaaaaaaaaaaad. tsk totally cant stand it.

oh ya and today i found out that my seniors are evilllllll! yeah, right after i was extolling and praising them (to karon). haha nvm... it's okay... i'm gonna start plotting a revenge! tgt with hanif and jerm. hehehe. tsk tsk tsk, evil people. so mean... for spamming fb notications too. haha was mia on fb for like a week or two. and when i went on to fb just now... woah!

what a disjointed post man... haha dont really have the mood to blog anymore.
toodles.

im unhappy. yes, there i said it. maybe, i dont show it thaaaaat much. but yup, im really upset that i dont think there's a slightest happiness in me left. upset with so many things in this world right now that i dont really know what they are anymore. and it just gets worse each day. there'll always be smth to add on to my unhappiness. it's a bottomless pit.

anyway, my bro was real sweet just now cos i think he realised that i've been pretty down for the past few days. maybe cos i didnt want to say much to him. and he surprised me with a kinderjoy! how sweet right? haha it did cheer me up for awhile :) but soon after, it was me, alone with my thoughts again. well, happiness--it's only temporary.

sigh, i need more happy food.



boy was i wrong.

save me, im lost.

just a short one cos i needa spill things out. argh, i dont know why but the guilt of xxxx is haunting me down like mad right now. it's to the point whereby nothing can get it off my mind. i cant even eat properly now. and even while studying, it'll just haunt me and now i can't focus properly. argh, i dont know. i think it's cos i've nvr nvr nvr ever imagined myself to do something so terrible. i feel like a total bitch right now ya know. sigh i just feel so terrible. & i think i can't sleep properly cos of this. but it's been like a week or so, since it happened? i dont know why i suddenly thought of it and i just cant get it off my mind! oh man im so screwed. sigh.

but then again, thinking of the nightmare that i may face makes me feel like it was probably the right thing to do, whatever the outcome will be.
okay, that may be a consolation for me. a teeny weeny consolation.
still, arghhhhhhh.

argh. JCTs.


:(


okay, i'm out people. won't be seeing me online for a looooooooooooooooong time. toodles.





it's late & i'm feeling so tired,
having trouble sleeping~

oh no. oh no. oh no.

helloooooooo. it's been sucha long day today and im super tired! it's feels extra extra loooong cos i barely slept last night, rushing through the seniors' presents! and ytd was a long day too, out the whole day, walk around the whole country, to look for gifts! so two long days without much sleep in btwn just feels super super long. kay actually i dont know wht i was doing last night also, cos like aft everything was done, it looked like got nth much to do. haha, you get what i mean. but i think it's cos im such an art-idiot that i keep screwing up all the stuffs, then havta keep redo-ing. haha. oh well, so took a lot of time. anyway, so today's handover and hanif got promoted from 'Loser' to 'Stupid Loser'. haha no la, jk. hanif's SL!! :) haha, okay hanif, i'll try my best to listen to you now, and not say stupid stuffs to you anymore. yup, i'll try my best. hehehe. oh my, this is gonna be so exciting! i mean like now there's only the 3 of us left? really cant imagine band pracs how. haha. then aft handover, went for lunch at parkway swensens and ya, lotsa silly stuffs happened. haha! :) then i had a major headache, but i still went to meet nadine! :D yay! long time no see and then just talk and talk lor, just like what we always do. then when i went home, actually planned to sleep! but then had to go visit some person who just came to singapore from dont know where. hah, dont even know who. some relative i think. so yah, now here i am, just came back, no idea why i started blogging, still with a major headache probably from the lack of sleep. seriously need sleep now, so, toodles people!

OH YA HAPPY BIRTHDAY AQILA! :D even though i wished you already. but it doesn't hurt to wish again, right? :)

SPECIALLY FOR JASMINE! :D
hehehe

so prelude's over! after many days of never-ending pracs, reaching home late in the night, burning lotsa holes in my pocket cabbing to school & back home, skipping dinner, skipping school, not doing homework, flunking tests after tests. but no no, im not happy about it okay. in fact, im really sad. believe it or not, im gonna miss all those late night practices and stage band! haha i know i complain a lot about how exhausting it's been and everything. but it's fun too la. so yeah. and im gonna miss not doing tutorials, sleeping during lectures and not knowing what on earth is going on during lectures too, haha.

i have finally snipped off my hair! no more hair swishing like a horse's tail whenever i walk! yay! :D
but i have extremely short ugly fringe now, again. just aft it grew and started looking better. :(

it's brain exploding time!
argh.
=/

i don't know what to write for my PI!!!!!!!!!

i really really really cant wait for friday. you know im so sure of my decision of going. its like suddenly im no longer the insecure person i would have been last time, when it comes to this kind of stuff. cos i simply cant wait to run away and escape from the crap even though it's just for a few hours. hmm blame this on jc life. see what it can do to you! hahaha. but but but can you imagine all the crap i have to go through this week before friday comes??!!

something i stumbled upon,

If God brings you to it,
He will bring you through it.
In Happy moments, praise God.
In Difficult moments, seek God.
In Quiet moments, worship God.
In Painful moments, trust God.
In Every moment, thank God.

hmmm i find the first line really, really comforting. :)
today's a relatively good day. started out with band in the morning. so had sectionals in the canteen and guess who i saw? mr goh walking in the school with the badminton people. haha. okay this sounds stupid but i got really happy seeing him. i mean like i really miss cedar so much right now, seeing mr goh made me really really extremely happy. haha and then i waved to him. i was kinda afraid he wouldnt know who i was or smth but i think he should atleast remember my face right since he taught me before. and he waved and smiled back so happily! :) hahaha jasmine, remember porcudog? we forgot to take a pic with mr goh doing the hand thingy.
:(

then aft band, went for lunch/dinner with yingying and arina and we chatted like till 8plus plus? omg so fun la cos we were talking abt so many different kinds of weird things and laughing our heads off and totally didnt realise the time! im so glad that i can like pour out stuffs to them and share with them stuffs cos they can like understand what i feel and they share the same opinions as me. really thankful for them cos everytime i feel sad or miserable, they will remind me that we're all in this tgt. :)

cant wait for this sunday. there's finally gonna be a family gathering aft a loooong time! :D
alright. toodles people.

i know look bald alien and basically bad here. but who cares. i miss my bro a lot a lot... boohoohoo.

vjc rejected my appeal. hah. i feel sadder than i thought i would feel. like i said before, i know that it's impossible for me to get in but i just refuse to believe it somehow, at the back of my mind. so that's why i end up disappointed. argh i should just forget all about it and move on. there's nothing i can do. okay, my back's aching like shit now. and i wish i was still staying in bedok.

:(

sorry. have been mia for quite awhile. cos i’d made a pact to not blog anymore unless i get into vj. jasmine found that scary. haha. oh well, im here not cos i got into vj la, but i figured that im still gonna do whatever i’d made a pact not to do. like blogging, and starting a fb acc. hah.

yeah, im sad i didn’t get into vj but i think i’ve gotten over it alr. it was kinda expected actually since i missed the cop by one. it’s just that i was the one who really refused to believe that i couldn’t get in. sounds so loser right? HAHA. and now to think about it, i really believe that God has His reasons for placing me in tj just like He did when He placed me in cedar, band, 4N, xx, xx and xx. You may be surprised to know how much i disliked getting into those at first(well i didn’t really say or show or tell anyone) but yeah. now, im surprised at how much joy i’ve found in them and find myself thanking God for them. hah. so maybe it will be the same for tj and i may find myself thanking God for placing me in tj later. just not yet. im not keeping my hopes up too high for vj anymore or else i’ll just end up utterly disappointed again. my chances are like so damn slim since i was like the 203rd on the appeal list. so, i might as well start thinking of the next two years of my life in tj. guess have to bear with the journey to and back the sch. just for two years, which would probably past in a blink of an eye, so wouldn’t be so bad, i think? well, everything happens for a reason and im sure it’ll all be clear to me soon.

and somehow, the saddest thing right now for me is not being in the same sch as WONJJ? hahaha. weird but im sad. To WONJJ if you’re reading this. i don’t know why but im feeling super duper sad. hahahaha. see how much you mean to me? HAHAHA. x) can i ever find another kindred spirit? oh ya and i wanna request to add the letter E in front of my name. hehe.

okay, so now… sort of cant wait to start sch.

oh and something random. was looking through my primary sch report book just now and found out that i had like 223 cip hours for p6 alone! crazy man. haha i remembered i was like super active in primary sch and i volunteered for practically everything then. even for things like demonstrating line dancing?! hahaha. no wonder 223 hours. i’m really amazed man. haha but things changed drastically in secondary school. i became such a lazy ass. So 23 cip hours in total for 4 years. tsk tsk tsk. Hahaha.

what a lousy day today.
where the hell is everyone?

hahahaha.

okay i feel like some crazy person cos i have the tendency to get certain names stuck in my head especially after i first hear them. then, i would usually just keep saying/singing the name when i have nth else to say. hahaha. yeah, weird. first it was peyton. then, marcheline & john taylor. now it's lila dash, some person from desperate housewives. hahaha.

here, a big, big thank you to...

shuyu(who nvr fails to be the first to wish me every year!), liwenn, nadine, shyaza, aqila, ava, jihan, jasmine, marlia(who's in thailand and yet i still received her wish hahaha, figure out how!), yingying, yasmin, hafsah, ni'mah, shehnaz, xinyi & gurvin for the wishes!

and to queenie for the very very specially gift which means soooo much to me. it's really nice and i like it a lot!
:)

and again to nadine for the fuzzy slippers. hahaha. somehow you knew i really wanted them.

to my bros for completing my twilight series collection and for the gloves! hahahaha

and of course not forgetting my parents, bros, aunts, uncles and cousins for my birthday celebration ytd which was a whole lot of fun, for the cake and food, presents and money and everything.

to my cousins for the shopping treat ytd!

and my mum & dad for dinner today!

to everyone, for remembering my birthday which was real sweet and making this one of the bestest birthdays that i have ever had!

today is THE DAY. after waiting for a very very very extremely long time. today finally arrived. and it was super fun okay. walked around vivo and orchard for like 9hours with jasmine and marlia, and i didnt even realise that i have blisters only till i reached home. haha. oh ya, we watched madagascar 2 too. it's hilarious! but in a lame kind of way. so if you can't appreciate such humour then maybe you wouldn't like the show. haha. but the rest of the audience were being such a bore la. it was practically only the three of us laughing our asses off most of the time. haha. or maybe, we're just that lame. the rest of the time we just went shopping, eating and everything. haha. really wanted to buy something cos i was in the mood to spend but there was nothing worth buying! so i ended up not spending so much except on food maybe. realised that shopping is a really good exercise. now i keep feeling hungry even though i had my dinner already! okay, im like super dee duper excited for every other post-exam activities. like kboxing with jasmine, marlia, shyaza, aijia they all. hopefully, i can go! then, eating spree with xinyi! haha! and many many more. seems like i'll be spending lots and lots of money this hols. not good but yah. cant wait for tmr also. mph sale, where i can finally get new books to bury my face in this holidays. but before that, i'll be going to my bro's prize presentation ceremony cos you know what, he got first in class! i cant believe it man. haha. okay. so a psp for himself, copic markers, what else are you gonna get, spoilt brat? hahaha. jk.


the christmas deco at wheelock place was so pretty! wanted to take a pic with the deco at the background but we kept failing. in the ended we gave up and just took our faces. hahaha.

uh, camilla belle?! omj! grrr. but i like camilla belle and i dont want to mess with her so....
WONJJ, i think you better beware of me...
cos im gonna move on.
hehehe.

BORED.

-Have You Ever-
Broken a bone: yup. tailbone. haha.
Been in a hot tub: uh, think so.
Swam in the ocean: yup.
Fallen asleep in school: yes.
Broken someones heart: i hope not.
Cried when someone died: yeah.
Sat by the phone waiting for someone to call: yeah.
Saved e-mails: yah of course.
Been cheated on: uh, no.

-What is-
Your room like?: really messy for now. cleaning it up soon...
Whats right beside you?: fan on my right and wall on my left.
What is the last thing you ate?: chicken porridge, if im not wrong.

-Ever Had-
Chicken pox: yup. when i was in p3.
Sore throat: yup. duh.
Stitches: no.
Broken Nose: nope.

-Do You-
Believe in love at first sight?: erm, maybe?
Like picnics: kinda.

-Who Was-
The last person you danced with?: my youngest bro. HAHA.
Who last made you smile?: some person on tv.

-Random-
What are you listening to right now?: little of your time - maroon 5
What did you do today?: study. shop with mum.
Good singer?: who?
Diamond or pearl?: diamonds!
Are you the oldest?: yup.
Indoors or outdoors?: both.

-Today did you-
Talk to someone you like?: of course.
Kissed anyone?: no.
Get sick?: no.
Talked to an ex?: no.
Miss someone?: yes.
Eat: DUH.

-Last person who-
You talked to on the phone: yasmin.
Last person you txted: liwenn
Made you Cry?: _fill in the blank_
Went to the movies with: nadzirah.

-Have you-
Been to Vegas?: no
Been to New york?: no

-Random-
Crushes?: jb, milo... just to name a few.
What books are you reading right now?: time travellers wife. again
Best feeling in the world?: i don't know... being happy, i guess?
Future kids names?: joseph adam is one. HAHA.
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: use to, years ago.
What's under your bed: lots of boxes.
Favorite sport(s) to watch: dooonnntt knoooww.
Favorite location: dreamland. hah.
Who do you really hate? right now, selsel. haha.
Ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with?: huh?
You lonely right now?: yeah. everyone else's asleep...

grrrrr. this is so pissing me off. i was really excited after geog today to quickly get home and catch the latest heroes episode, only to find out that it hasn't been aired yet. gosh, now i have to wait till next week! how disappointing. hmm.. i wonder why they didnt show it this week though. election day, probably? haha. i think heroes is losing its appeal(not to me) since the number of veiwers is decreasing every week. and it's been getting quite bad reviews especially for this season. that's really sad. nevertheless, i still think its the best show in the world. esp with a milo to keep you to your seat.
:)

realllllyy cant wait for Os to be officially over!(today's the unofficial day. haha.) there's a gazillion things that i wanna (re)do! like re-watch the enitre heroes series, re-read all my books. haha. cant wait for the mph sale where i can finally get my hands on new books! argh, so exciting! and i cant wait for tree top walk with cousins on the 16th! so not my thing, but who cares, anything's fun with my cousins!
:)


CHARLIE!CHARLIE!CHARLIE!CHARLIE!!
that's like stuck in my head right now. haha. yes, i watched hide and seek....


ps: taylor swift's the biggest loser in the world.

once upon a time, liwenn and i were hanging out at the wooden playground at tampines park with our very dear best friend, selsel. selsel was such an awesome company as she filled our ears by talking obsessively about her bf, nickj. And to our horror, she started bitching about her so-called best friend, demi, and told us how everything was just staged and was for publicity. we had a great time with selsel. great time indeed. the best part was, before we left, she promised she would bring us to newyork, her hometown(so true mannn)! liwenn and i became really excited. we left the playground and headed down to a restaurant for dinner where liwenn disappeared(something cropped up probably). thanks man. cos i had to sit with selsel where she continued dronning on about her life. and then she suddenly talked about how much she loved s'pore(yeah right)and everything and how she would like to come here again(*rolls eyes*). after dinner, we went to catch a movie(great fun). this is when liwenn appeared again(probably came back after smth). we watched sawV(yeah and we're all sixteen. we probably sneaked in or smth). selsel kept saying "awesome". which annoyed the hell out of us cos she's obviously trying to copy her "bf". yeah and sawV was great. or atleast selsel enjoyed it very much. later on, we went straight to the airport where selsel's going to bring us to newjersey(yeah, somehow the destination changed). but unfortunately were we stuck in the airport due to bali bombings which occured and we had to stay overnight at the airport.

hmmm. what a..er, fine dream. selsel was dead annoying though. haha.

sorry people, if you're even reading this, for the weird blogpost.
but im bored you see. dont feel like studying geog. argh. haha. im pretty much slacking already even though Os only ends next weds. haha. oh wellll.......

once again,
nonchalance envelops my mind
i'm struggling in the dark
wringing my shrunken body
my pleas goes unheard
lost in the deafening silence of the dark

im lost again

or is it just that its who i am that is not acceptable?
so what now?

there's nothing you've ever been successful at that you didn't work on every day.
-will smith

hmmm...

i know it's late and there's geog tmr but im almost done and im going to bed soon.
hah. decided to blog smth out of the blue. but nth to say...
oh yah! thank you God for protecting me today and letting me regain my composure. thank God i managed to calm myself down after freaking out for a long long time after ________ and concentrate on the paper. haha. it's a dark dark secret that only nadzirah, liwenn and xinyi knows. hahahahah. and for the rest of the time, i was just, in the words of khairiah, panicking calmly. smth bad had to happen man. i was just recovering from the shock after my specs lens came off and smth else had to happen. i could've died man. seriously die.... actually now, it's quite funny to think about it. haha. oh well...
alright. toodles people, i'm off to bed.

so today finally came and passed in a blink of an eye. it’s unbelievable how fast the last four years passed by. it feels surreal isn't it? that everything's over now.

i miss the four of us... ahh i'll always remember the good old sec 2 times. the wonder of friends lies in their ability to bring out the best in you. and how despite the number of years of friendship, conversation never cease to be a delight. how the laughter still remains sincere and the kinship tight. hmmm.
:)

Decided not to go to vj open house cos I felt a lil tired after grad. and since my dad came back from work just in time to fetch us home, it made me even more reluctant to go.

later at night, went dinner with my family at jalan kayu. it's been awhile since i've hung out with them so why not take a break from studying and join them?
i'm glad that my family is so much fun hang out with.
the day ended gorgeously with a drive around the city.
:)

the best thing about family is that you know no matter how much they annoy and frustrate the crap out of you, they'll never leave. no matter what you do, they'll always stay with you. there is no one else whom you can say the same about.
Blood is thicker than water.
:)

Next up, the most dreaded O levels.

i ain't giving up quite yet,
i've got too much to lose.

I realised that people are not who they seem to be on the surface. The saying 'What you see is what you get' is hardly reflective in many people nowadays. Which is very depressing and disappointing.

Oh, love and faith is what we all need to get through.

Imagine knowing someone all your life.
Loving that person all your life.
Then, someone comes and tells you that its ending.
That in a couple of months, she may not be with you any more.
What do you do then?
How do u let go of her?
When I think of my earliest childhood memories,
my mind is filled with memories of her.
My first visit to the wet market.
My first time helping out in the kitchen.
When I was too scared to ask from my mum, she bought all those forbidden treats without me ever having to ask: Mamee, Sugus, Tictacs.
Whatever I liked, she always knew.
In the afternoons it was just the 2 of us watching Japanese shows in Malay on RTM.
At night, she'd cuddle me, tell me stories of my grandfather and pat my bum till I fell asleep.
There's so much more I want to tell her, I want to show her, I want to do.
Do I resign to fate and pray for it to end painlessly?
Or do I pray harder and fight it?
Either way,
my heart crumbles.


I wonder,
how many other grandchildren can say the same?

There are things that you loved and you showed
them to us and we loved them too. And there are the
memories that were yours and you shared them with
us and now they are ours. They are heavy in sight and
sound; in fragrance and sensation. They are your life
and our childhood. They are your accomplishments and
our inheritance. They are who you were and who we've
become. You fought against the coarser and baser parts
of our nature with a refining hand and a classic elegance.
We have always known this; always appreciated this;
always recognized we would be but shadows of ourselves
without this, but rarely have we dwelt upon the regal
influence that was your life.


oh mak, i love you so so much.