MY. LIFE. SUCKS. SO. BADLY. RIGHT. NOW.
I. SERIOUSLY. WANT. TO. KILL. MYSELF.

hmm. i must say things are kinda better now as compared to my previous post that time. i don’t dread going to sch so much anymore. maybe cos like not enough time to think about all those crap anymore. with school work and everything. so overwhelming. sigh. tutorials can be quite fun too sometimes when you have people like BFE to laugh at cos bfe’s so comical all the time. and when you have people like karon and eunice to laugh with till your tummy aches. :) haha. anyways, i think im back to my low self-esteem state. where i start thinking too much all the time and start to constantly get headaches. this is when my “Don’t Be Sad” book comes in handy. haha.

argh. i don’t want to think of the term ahead. my hair will all just drop again and im gonna be bald. cos i’m sure it’s gonna be much worse with pw coming and everything. i swear im going to die. oh ya and did i mention that im in band again? haha so much for being so positive about not joining band again in jc and telling everyone so. oh God, please don’t let me regret this. of course, it’s been really depressing so far. i mean everyone else is like so bloody good and everything, i feel like i don’t deserve to be there in the band playing. oh well. on a brighter note, my love for trumpet playing has rekindled cos i sort of can play now? considering i haven’t touched my instrument for 9 months before this, im quite happy with how i play. i'd always thought that i had to like restart all over again. that’s why joining band in jc wasn’t on my list at all. but ya, still can improve more right and i am ever so determined. haha. and i suddenly miss csb like crap a lot. i can’t believe this man. i never thought that i would miss csb this much. i never thought that i would miss csb, period. this sucks okay. it’s when you no longer have smth with you when you start wishing you had treasure it more and value every second you had then. i know i had my terrible times in band, like the way ms sia treated me, as though im invisible or smth. but i certainly had my good, happy and memorable times too. & it's those memories that i had which only makes me miss csb more and my section most. sigh. i really miss syf07 that period. so God has led me to join band again and i guess all i can do is to make the best out of it. i know He has a plan for me here. i’ll just continue having strong faith.

but seriously, i have never ever felt so stupid in my class and lousy in band in my entire life before. i have no idea how im gonna pull through these two years. it's gonna be one hell of a challenge.

im really sorry if my posts are all like so depressing, boring and everything now. Well it’s cos my life’s really like that now. I need something good and happy and EXCITING to happen to me now please…!!!