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Rediscovering Eden

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

whom shall i fear
whom shall i fear
i am yours

My Identity

Princess of God

Tidings

Monday, 25 November 2013

This is my revelation

Just back from a night's staycation with Adrian, which ended with watching "Hunger Games: Catching Fire" at Lido. Somehow the weekend sermon, living life, together with the experience in the last 2 days triggered very deep thoughts in me...

Firstly, I am feeling more and more that though I may not be rich in the eyes of this world, even taking a paycut to work in full time ministry, I feel my life is really luxurious materially as it is...
The buffet breakfast that was included in our hotel anniversary stay was fabulous. I've never seen a better breakfast spread. It would have cost $94+ for 2 pax if we were walk-ins. After our meal, there was still a large spread there. It caused us to wonder what would happen to these food after breakfast. Adrian asked the waiter, and he replied that they would be thrown away.
Adrian: "What about the staff? Are you allowed to eat them?"
Waiter: "No, we're not allowed to. I know, it's a big wastage right? In other places people are going hungry. But this is the case for all the hotels around the area."

As I thought back about my life, I was really amazed and grateful that I have never really suffered lack materially, even though my family was low-income and we even had to apply for financial subsidies when I was young. God had ALWAYS provided whatever I needed. Maybe that's also why I never liked really branded bags. I just can't imagine spending could feed a family for a month on a nice looking pouch to put my things in.

While this revelation caused me to be really grateful for what I have, it also made me feel a bit guilty. I have the means to stay in a comfortable house, clothes and stuff I like, watch movies, etc. While others may not have the same privilege.

Secondly, I am reminded more and more about the 'end times'. Some call it 'tribulation', others the second coming of Christ. Whichever, it's becoming more and more real...I even recently dreamt of a very vivid dream where the government called for a massacre of Christians in our country, and we had to renounce Christ, escape or die. I was almost caught several times, and just when I thought I was about to be shot, I stumbled upon a secret room where I met some of my ex-colleagues. Apparently, they had to take my blood, and immediately upon taking my blood they knew my identity-I could not lie. It seemed like a room where they were holding the prisoners of war. Then the dream ended. I woke up shivering and traumatized, I remember the fear stayed with me throughout the morning and afternoon that day.

Similarly, I felt the same fear and traumatization after watching "Hunger Games: Catching Fire". It may just be a movie to many ppl, but it set me thinking: "What if this happens to us one day?" Also, similar things are happening to people in some parts of the world today. How often we take our peace and security for granted! I can't imagine having to live in constant fear of being killed. It's crazy.

This fear prompts me of the importance of my family and friends', even strangers' salvation. Life on earth is so vulnerable and but a breath, but it is eternal life after death that truly matters. God, make my life count for others' eternal lives.

Thirdly, the movie reminded me of something I had read in a Christian book recently. "Submitting out of fear is not true submission." It led me to wonder why I submit to God. Is it because I love and trust Him, or because I'm afraid of the consequences and punishment He may bring?

Like, what's stopping me from leaving church, or quitting serving, to live a leisure life, to enjoy the weekends in town, instead of serving day and night, sometimes sleeping only 4h a night to pray for SP or to take care of youths in a camp? I think, it's because I have tried 'the other life' before. And though it IS pleasurable, but its pleasure is temporal. The bible doesn't lie. I've tried and tested it out. It may seem like you are 'living the life', doing what you feel like doing, spending money pampering yourself, but at the end of the day, it is meaningless and empty when life is all about pleasing yourself. That's why Matt 16:25 says, "For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it." True fulfillment and meaning in life is found in fulfilling the destiny of God, not what we foolishly think is best for us.

It's also because I believe with all my heart that the God I know and love is a God who loves me and will work all things out for my good when I trust in Him, even when I do not understand. It is that way with how He used my past wounds to minister to others, how He orchestrated for me to marry the BEST husband for me, how He brought my family back together when I prayed, how He brought my family together again when I prayed many years ago.

The favor that Adrian and I received over the past 2 days reminds me of that. Yes, we may be really busy serving God, but He provided that we could find a common day to claim this anniversary stay on the last day that it is valid. He stopped the rain when we wanted to swim. He gave us movie tickets in the last few rows miraculously though they're were already no more seats on the system-somehow the ticket vendor offered us seats that were vacated because her personal friends were not coming. These are just some examples of many ways The Lord has blessed us and been faithful when we chose to put Him first.

Joshua 24:15 "But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

Kaelyn

Monday, 23 May 2011

Death that sprouts Life

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds."
-John 12:24

This, the life verse i had gotten from the Lord earlier this year.

The process of dying is a painful and arduous one. When all your senses and abilities are stripped from you, when your energy is sapped, when the emotions sear, and all that is left of you is a weak mound of nothingness, drenched in tears.

It's scary.

But in the midst of the dying, there remains a comfort, a hope within me. Like a flame that never burns out, but burns bright in all circumstances. And i cling onto the Lover of my Soul, the One who would never leave nor forsake me. The One who loves me with all His heart, soul, life, even if i am now reduced to my original state, a mound of nothingness. He remembers that i was made from dust. He remembers moulding my unformed parts together in my mother's womb. He remembers me before life was breathed into me. He knows me completely, flaws and flairs, and He loves me, just the way i am.

And His love sustains me, in the midst of the pain. I know that even if i were to crumble and collapse, He would love me just the same. For my service for Him is not an attempt to gain His love, but a response towards His love.

I firmly believe, my God who works all things out for the good of those who love Him, has a purpose for this season of my life.

"I am the vine, you are the branches. If a man remains in me, and i in him, he will bear much fruit. Apart from me you can do nothing."
-John 15:5

A painful lesson, but a necessary one.

Lord, i commit all that i am, all that i have, into Your loving hands. As i die to my own agenda, my own striving, my own glory, may i be emptied to be filled with You. May my death bear much fruit, not just in my life, but the lives of Your sheep You love.

"Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed but alive in Your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever i am changed by Your love
In the Presence of Your Majesty"

Kaelyn

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

My Lunchtime Rant

This season has been a really weary one for me. On the surface i'm fine, but within me I feel like i'm reaching my melting point. I'm still going on, still fighting, because I know God's grace and strength is new every morning. And I live on that promise, daily.

But deep inside i feel that something is missing. I crave for extended time alone with God. I need to find back that deep intimacy, that strong faith, that sole purpose for all that i do. I need to find rest and refreshment, i need a renewal, a reformatting (D's word).

I know I will find it, if i continue to persevere. With suffering comes perseverance, perseverance character, and character, hope. Lord, I claim your hope and victory in Jesus's Name.

Daddy God, come and take over. I give up, surrender. By my own flesh i cannot accomplish anything. Help me, Lord. It's all about You. All about You. I praise You God, for You are faithful. I praise You, because You are my comfort and my help in times of need. I praise You, for You are worthy. Hallelujah!!

"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." -Psalms 55:22

Kaelyn

Saturday, 1 January 2011

The Balloon

I have never regretted any single countdown party i have gone to for the past 7 years. Yesterday, i've had the privilege of hearing from many powerful truths and reminders from the leaders and pastors. But the one which God used to speak to me most was...The Balloon.

There were a lot a lot of beautiful helium balloons at the party yesterday...and throughout the entire party, The Balloon was dancing tirelessly to the King at the ceiling. Other balloons were inspired and came along to dance, but they soon got tired and discouraged, and stopped. But the Balloon never did. It just continued to dance for Jesus, from 2010 to 2011.

It reminded me of my journey in ministry. Often we start out like the Balloon, excited for God and His people, filled with desire to worship. But along the way, we see people come and go. Lives saved, and then sucked back into darkness. We run programs after programs, make phone calls, plan cell groups, cell outings, congre meetings, prayer meetings, leaders meetings, worship services, etc, and we don't see the fruit we desire. And we get tired. We get frustrated. We lose the passion. The reason we serve.

There are times i feel this way. And yesterday i felt God speaking to me. When we were asked to write on the cheque to Jesus, He prompted me to write

'To seek His approval above all else'.

Like The Balloon. Not focusing on its own fatigue. Not looking at others who seem to be doing better. The Balloon was able to last the race because it fixed its gaze on JESUS, and cared only for His approval.

God revealed to me that there were 2 things that makes me feel weary of serving at times..

1. Focus on Self- Conceitedness

I realised that everytime i grumble, or feel dissatisfied, it is when my gaze is on myself. I lament that i do not have enough sleep. That i do not have enough time for myself at times. That my members, or the people i'm trying to reach out to, reject me. That i have to keep playing Amazing Race even though i'm 23 and honestly do not enjoy running around with the teens in the hot sun, going from one station to another.

Me, me, me.

Sounds like a certain fallen angel.

Lucifer felt that he was above serving man, whom he perceived as inferior to himself. Afterall, he was a distinguished ArchAngel, one of the 3 chosen by God to lead the angels in worship. So he complained. He petitioned. He rioted. And he fell from Heaven to Hell.

2. Focus on Others- Comparison

Then there are times when it becomes performance based. I don't know about you, but sometimes i would look at others' gifts or success and envy them. I'd lament that my cell is not growing as much, whether in numbers or depth. And i'd start to wonder if perhaps i'm not as gifted a speaker as others, perhaps i don't have as much skill in building rapport, perhaps i haven't done enough to bond the cell, perhaps perhaps...I'm just not good enough.

"There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them" 1 Cor 12:14

The same Spirit distrubutes them. Our gifts are not our own achievements. They do not come from ourselves, but are given by God. Some are given musical talents to worship God, others the anointing and charisma to preach, still others the gift of evangelism, etc. We are to thank God for the gifts we have received, and spend our time developing them, instead of looking at the ones others have and lamenting that we are not given the same. The devil is smart, he would often make A envy B for a certain gift, and B envy A for another. As a result both are dissatisfied, feel inadequate, and do not focus their efforts and energy on developing what they are best at.

Focusing on what we do not have obstructs God from developing the gifts He has given to us.

This year, i want to start the year afresh serving God out of just one motive. Just like The Balloon, i don't want to place my attention on myself, my rights, my comfort. I don't want to compare with others the external fruits of my work.

I want to fix my thoughts, my gaze, my all, just on one question alone:

WHAT WOULD JESUS THINK?

Lord, Your approval is all that matters. I do not need to be the most inspiring cell leader, have the biggest cell, etc. I know You're a God who sees the heart. I just want to please You, in all that i do. I want to be like The Balloon, free to worship You with all i am. This year, i want to spend each day making You smile. =)

Kaelyn

Thursday, 30 December 2010

THANK YOU GOD FOR 2010

Review goals for '10:

1. To have 10 stable sheep by June'2010.
(Done-Mulitiplication!)
2. To bring 1 person to church every month.
(Didn't manage to...but lots of salvations nonetheless!)
3. For my sheep to start serving God.
(Done-some!)
4. To see my dad and sis come to know God.
(Believe they are one step closer)
5. To finish reading the Bible.
(Didn't manage to-but will do so by 2011)
6. To read at least one Christian book every 3 months.
(More than done)
7. To have confidence in work and ministry.
(Improved greatly)
8. To jog at least once a month.
(Think got...and completed Stan Chart 10km!)
9. To play guitar for worship.
(YES!! Praise the Lord)
10. To grow in wisdom and the fear of the Lord.
(I believe so. =))
11. To save money.
(Hmm...not a lot but got...)
12. To bring my family on a holiday.
(YES-Taiwan trip 2010!)

THANK GOD FOR THE GOALS FULFILLED!!! =)

Thank God also for:
1. New r/s =)
2. My mom's baptism
3. Cousin's salvation
4. Favor at work
5. Many many many many more..

But most importantly, thank God for Him. For always being my Joy-giver, my Peace, my Comfort, my Encourager, my Companion, my Empowerer, my Daddy, my Lover, my Friend, my
Counsellor, my Master, my Purpose, my EVERYTHING.

I LOVE YOU, JESUS.

Looking forward to entering the new year with you. Where Your Presence does not go, Lord do not send me.

Kaelyn

Sunday, 26 December 2010

My most memorable Christmas

"When was your most memorable Christmas?", he asked. "It's okay even if it's in the past, before you knew God".

I couldn't think of any particular one. But as i thought, i remembered that Christmases before i met Christ were not special, or memorable. I could only vaguely remember squeezing in Orchard Road trying to protect ourselves from being touched by guys in the crowd, smsing each other "Merry Christmas!" at 12am, exchanging gifts. And in the midst of all that, not quite knowing what we were celebrating.

Then i recalled the Christmases after meeting Christ. I recall the carolling, the 'Matthew and friends' parties, inviting friends, making doorgifts and cooking with the cell, preparing worship, all in the hope of bringing the gift of God's love to the people around us. I remember showing the video of Kelvin Soh to my parents, sharing my testimony, and then kneeling down to apologize for all i'd done wrong in the past, and washing their feet.

I remember inviting one of my best friends, J, to Christmas service. I remember the beautiful Christmas decorations and lights, the heartrending songs, the testimonies on stage. But she was late. So late that she missed all of these, and 80% of the sermon. I fretted at first, but God spoke to me. "Jenn, don't worry. It's not all these that would bring her to come to know Me. Salvation comes from Me alone." And i felt a great sense of peace flood my heart. She finally came. I didn't expect much. In fact, i was so tired from running so many Christmas parties that i fell asleep during the altar call. But when i opened my eyes, i saw her raise her hand. Joy exploded within my heart. I knew it could only be God. Then there was the time my mother came to know God, the times people received Christ, Christmas after Christmas.

Christmases after knowing God have become a lot busier, but every single time i see someone come to know God, broken hearts healed, lives transformed, my heart is flooded with joy. And i know, that is the reason God has sustained my life for. To bring the message of Christmas, of Christ, to the world.

We shared about how God had touched our lives. It was a deep, memorable sharing. And then he played, "When God ran" on his phone, and we just closed our eyes and visualised our Heavenly Daddy run to us. No matter how far we stray. His arms are always wide open. And we prayed.

I think, this is my most memorable Christmas. Spending Christmas talking about Christ. Thank you, dear.

Thank You, Jesus.

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."
-Isaiah 9:6-7

Kaelyn

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Which way are you facing?

I think...i'm facing the wrong direction, too. God help me make a 180 turn. =)

Kaelyn

History

June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 December 2010 January 2011 May 2011 November 2013

Holler