**I just want to preface by saying I wrote this only a day or two after having her so things like grammar and my writing are not great (I was a little delusional after having her... hormones?), I am not opposed to things like epidurals or hospitals, and it is graphic and very long. This is just my experience!! I do not think there is a "right" or "wrong" way to give birth!!
I took about 10 pregnancy tests... just to be sure.
On November 14, 2013 (My due date by the way!!) I woke up at around 3am feeling some
cramping, but this had happened a few nights before also so I decided to go
back to sleep. After waking up to this cramping 2 or 3 more times, I decided I
should wake Nolan up and let him know what was going on. It was about 4 am by
this time and I kept thinking “there is no way I’m in labor” and “this is just
false labor.” People say “oh you’ll know when you’re in labor”. I certainly
didn’t! I didn’t actually believe that I would ever give birth to the baby that
had been cooking inside me for the last 40 weeks. The contractions just kept
coming and were preventing me from sleep, however, so we decided to get some
stuff packed up in the car, take Nayla to doggie daycare, (did I mention that in May we got a dog?! We love her!! More on that later) and pick up a few
things from Target that we had been meaning to get, but I guess I needed to go
in to labor to actually do it.
We had called Cossette (one of our midwives) earlier that
morning and she suggested I get up, get going for the day, take a walk, and eat
a breakfast with lots of protein. So during our outing we went to CJ’s bagels
to get a breakfast sandwich. There my contractions were about 8 to 10 minutes
apart and not very intense, but still intense enough for me to know they were
“real”. Walking around Target made the contractions stronger and I was getting
anxious. With each contraction I would have to stop and take a breath. On our
way out of Target we saw a lady that I would see at the dog park almost every
day and told her I was in labor (because after a few weeks of her asking me when
that baby would come being in labor was actually fantastic!) We were both
excited to get this going so we walked to the park nearby. We walked the stairs
and walked around the playground twice. When we got home we turned on How I Met
Your Mother and I was feeling tired by then and wanted to take a nap. I figured
I should rest while I could.
Cutest dog ever. Her name is Nayla. She is a vizsla.
When I woke up a couple hours later, the contractions had
slowed way down and were not nearly as intense. This was discouraging for me.
We took another walk around the bank and things started picking up again. I
tried to keep active during this time so things wouldn’t slow down again. Soon
I was craving a salted caramel hot chocolate so we went to Starbucks. By this
time the contractions were about 6 to 8 minutes apart. We called the midwife on
call, Kari, and she said she had been watching her phone diligently waiting to
hear from us, which was surprising because Nolan had texted her twice that day
and never got a response. She said she had never gotten the texts and told
Nolan that I needed to get as many calories as I could right now. No water
unless I also had a drink of juice or something with calories.(These are probably unnecessary details, but I wanted to remember everything!) She also said to
head to the birth center when my contractions were consistently 5 minutes apart
and more intense. We headed home to watch more TV episodes and wait.
At around 6:30 pm we decided to call my doula, Kim, to come
over. The contractions were getting more intense and I had to breathe through
them. Kim and Nolan were doing what they could to keep me comfortable. We
decided at about 7:30 it was time to head to the birth center so we called Kari
and told her we were coming. Before leaving I had a little bit of a melt down
because it was all becoming so real. Was I really ready to have a baby? On the way to the birth center I had three
contractions and driving during a contraction is extremely uncomfortable. We
arrived at about 8 pm and I wasn’t sure what to do next. The contractions were
still manageable and I wasn’t sure what we would do for the next few hours, so
I paced around the birth center and walked the stairs. All of the movement made
the contractions much stronger, but I was still able to breathe through them with
the help of Nolan and Kim. I found that walking around made them easier to
handle.
Before I knew it, the contractions were no longer mild, but
very strong. I would hold on to Nolan and Kim would rub my lower back to help
with the pain. I was already feeling tired and I wasn’t sure how I would make
it through the night, but I had no idea of how much time had passed. (There are no clocks at the birth center because they do not want a woman to focus on how much time has passed. I was so grateful for this!) I was
still pacing around and Kari suggested I lay down on my left side to get some
rest while I was having contractions. I laid down and would fall asleep between
contractions, but wake up to them. It was excruciating! I could feel my body
tense up and I would hold my breath with each one and Nolan and Kim would
remind me to relax and breathe. I remember thinking about my birth class and
the instructor said relaxing helped with the pain. What a load of crap that
was! It made my entire night when Kari
asked me if I wanted to get in to the tub. I felt myself practically jump with
joy. I undressed and got in. I have never felt anything so wonderful in my
life. It made the contractions bearable again. Too soon Kari told me it was
time to get out of the tub. I was angry with her, but listened because I
figured she knew what she was talking about. So I got out and started pacing
around again. I went from the bathroom to the bed and tried sitting on the
birthing ball. Nothing seemed to make the contractions better. I laid down
again and would shake vigorously during the contractions. I didn’t want anyone
to touch me and I would get mad when Nolan would try to breathe with me or tell
me to breathe. Kim and Nolan were doing everything they could to help me, but I
just wanted to be left alone. I was standing by the bed when I felt liquid
trickle down my leg. I thought my water had broken which sent me into sort of a
panic. I walked to the bathroom and more liquid came spilling out. Every time I
moved more would come. I remember feeling bad because I was making such a mess
everywhere! This only made the contractions worse and it made me so sick I threw up. I asked if I could PLEASE
just get back in the tub. Kari said I could (thank goodness because I thought I
would die if I didn’t) and I soaked again for a while. I couldn’t sit still and
every time they would try to check the baby’s heart beat it would make me so
mad. (I was not attached to any monitors so they used a hand-held doppler.) Finally I told them to leave me alone. How did they expect me to sit still
when I was in so much pain? (The nurse that was trying to check baby's heart beat later told me I "alligator rolled" away from her!) Kari told me again it was time to get out, so I did
and started pacing again. I found it the easiest to sit on the toilet and labor
with Nolan standing next to me. I felt like I was all over the place, from the
bathroom to the bedroom. Kim suggested I try the ball or lay down again, but I
couldn’t. I just kept walking back and forth. Finally I just stayed put in the
bathroom with Nolan next to me.
After laboring on the toilet for what felt like 5 minutes, I
felt the urge to push. To describe what that feels like is impossible. I more
just started pushing, but I didn’t fully realize I was pushing. I heard someone
say “Is she pushing?” and when I looked up the midwife (Kari), the L&D
nurse (Maridith), my doula (Kim), and Nolan were all watching me. I’m not sure
how long I pushed there for, but eventually I ended up back in the tub. I have
no recollection of actually walking to the tub or getting in. I found a
comfortable position and pushed more. I reached down to see if I could feel the
baby. I couldn’t and that was extremely disappointing. Kari asked if I could
feel her and I told her no. I wanted to cry. I felt like I was making
absolutely no progress and I voiced this to Kari. She very calmly said
something like “you are listening to your body.” She also told me not to push
in between contractions, and to relax. It was hard to relax between
contractions, but she continued to remind me. Kari told me she was going to
check me (she didn’t ask at this point, because I think she thought I would say
no. I hadn’t been checked once my entire pregnancy or labor, so I probably
would have said no. Smart woman.) (I didn't want to be checked for dilation or effacement during pregnancy because I didn't want to be disappointed if no "progress" was being made. I didn't want to be checked during labor for dilation because I was in so much pain that what if I was only at a 4? How disappointing that would have been!) She checked me which was extremely
uncomfortable. I had a contraction in the middle of her checking me which made
it worse, so I grabbed her hand and told her to stop. She said I only had a
tiny bit of cervix left and my bag of waters was in the way. (It had only began to leak earlier, it did not actually break yet.) She suggested I
try squatting in the water. I really didn’t want to and I remember thinking (or
maybe saying, I can’t quite be sure) “I really don’t want to, but I guess I’ll
listen because so far you’ve been right with everything else.” So I rolled over
and squatted. She suggested I hold the side of the tub and lean back while
pushing. There was so much pressure I thought for sure the baby was coming. I
did this for a while and soon found myself holding on to Nolan and leaning
instead of on the tub. It was so great having his support. I don’t remember
looking at anyone at this point. I was so focused on the task at hand. At one
point Kari said I should get out of the tub. In my mind I very admittedly said
no because I wanted a water birth. Finally I felt a ‘pop’. My first thought was
“I broke her head!” But I hadn’t. (Obviously.) The bag of waters had finally broken! I
reached down and I could feel her head. I heard Kari describing the fluid as
clear. Her head felt pointed and I could only feel a very small section of it.
This gave me a burst of energy and I began pushing with all of the force I
could muster. I continued to feel her head pulsing in and out. I just wanted
her to come out. I could feel my body stretching with every push. Stretching,
stretching, until, her head was out. The moment her head came out, I almost
went into complete panic mode. I suddenly wanted all of her out and the next
contraction couldn’t come soon enough. I wanted to push but I knew it would do
no good without a contraction. It felt like forever, but the next contraction
came. Kari reached down as I pushed and she pulled the baby out of the water. I
expected the baby to come out much easier when the head was out, but I had to
work just as hard. My first thought was “well… is it a girl??” Sure enough, she
was. I was expecting to feel immediate relief, but I still felt a lot of pain.
She handed me the baby and I felt a lot of confusion at who this little person
was, and Nolan kept saying “Wow she is so big!!” which made me mad because I
didn’t want my first thought about her to be “big”. She said I wasn’t bleeding
which probably meant I didn’t tear. The
cord was still attached and Kari asked us if we wanted to feel it pulsing. With
my baby on my chest, I reached down and felt it. Then I followed it down where
the placenta was still inside of me. It was such a strange feeling. Here I was,
holding my baby, who was essentially still attached to me. I’m not sure if the
cord finished pulsing or if it was clamped before, but Nolan got to be the one
who cut it. Someone took her from me and Nolan held her. Kari needed cord blood
from the placenta side of the umbilical cord to check her blood type, so she
had me stand to collect it (I have a different blood type (A negative) which requires me to receive RhoGam and they needed to check baby's blood type.)
After she was finished with that she told me it was time to deliver the
placenta and I was terrified. I did not want to deliver anything else. I was
done. But the contraction came anyways and my body pushed it out. It was
surprisingly easy, which, after a long labor, I was not expecting. I stood up
again and when I looked down there was a fountain of blood pouring from me.
(This could be an exaggeration, but that is what it looked like to me.) I
stepped out of the tub with help from Kari and Maridith and walked to the queen
sized bed. It was a great feeling to be able to get up and walk immediately
after giving birth. The baby was placed back on my chest and all I could do was
stare at her, because I still hadn’t processed what had just happened. Kari
asked what time she was born and Maridith said 6:26 and 55 seconds. I couldn’t
believe it! I didn’t realize that much time had passed and I thought it was no
later than midnight. I wanted the baby to do the breast crawl and breastfeed
for the first time on her own, but Maridith came over and placed her directly
on my nipple. I appreciated her help, but this is the one thing I didn’t like
about my labor. She nursed right away for a long time on both sides. The baby
was taken away so Kari could check me over. It was so painful and I didn’t want
her to touch me. She said I had a small tear but it approximated well and if
she repaired it I would need the epidural. (She said this as a joke because I was practically begging her to get away from me! She did offer to give me a shot of lidocaine, but I didn't decline, I REFUSED because I was afraid of more pain!! Sorry that wasn't clear before!!) I said I didn’t want her to repair
it and I promised I would do whatever she told me to do to avoid getting it
repaired. I was still in so much pain. So she didn’t repair it and I promised I
wouldn’t walk much or use stairs for at least 10 days. (Also probably an unnecessary detail!)
their I-just-had-a-baby-look-like-hell picture... right?
What a proud daddy Nolan is!!
When it came time to check the baby she was 9 pounds 10 ounces, 22 inches long, and had a head circumference of 14 inches. (Kari said I had a "proven pelvis." A huge baby, minimal tearing, and NO pain meds?!) She got an APGAR score of 9. I left the room while she got the Vitamin K shot. We declined the eye ointment and the Hep B shot. (I work at a pediatricians office and discussed this decision at length with the doctor that I work with. He agreed that it was not necessary for my situation.) We named her Nora, but hadn’t decided yet what her middle name would be.
I sat in the bathroom for a long time trying to pee, but my
bladder just wouldn’t perform. I thought I was dehydrated, so I drank about two
bottles of water and a Powerade. We tried everything: sitting on the toilet,
spraying warm water on myself, sitting in the bath tub with warm water. Nothing
would help. At around 9:30 am that morning we were sent home. (Yes, 3 hours later!) I was told if I
still hadn’t voided within a few hours I needed to call the midwives and get a
catheter. We arrived home with our new baby at around 10:00 am and I
immediately went to the bathroom.
After all was said and done I was in labor for about 27
hours and I pushed for 2 ½ to 3 hours (depending on who I asked.) It was long
and hard, but I would not have chosen to do it any other way.
And that is how our Nora entered the world!
