casanova

Sometimes I hear stories of myself being a Casanova, me liking girls A B C D E F G etc etc..
I don't need to explain myself cos if you believe this bullshit its your fault not mine... I didnt tell u about girls acbcdefgh did I? You chose to listen to these empty fabrications...
If you're one of these airheads...
I dont need your forgiveness, I dont need your friendship.
Think what you like cos i dont care and I know my true friends will stay by my side
and but laugh at the rumors you're about to share.
Feel guilty for judging a friend. But this Christmas, if you were once my friend...
you know I actually do love you all =)

Farmer

What do you wanna be when you grow up?
Well a long time ago...when I was in primary 1, I wanted to be a soldier...
but den what is a soldier without a battle? who do you protect your family and friends against? (the germs in the air? the mosquitoes in the camp?) All they do is collect their salary, and do surface acts that helps them get promoted faster...no guts no glory... (at least not in Singapore)
Keyboard warriors battling it out on papers and reports...nerds with muscles? What more?

What do you wanna be when you grow up?
Long ago...when I was in poly year 1, I wanted to be a manager on board a cruise...
Starting from Superstar Virgo, to Princess Cruises Alaska and one day Queen Elizabeth 2... Arent the seas so blue and beautiful...lonely but peaceful?
But perhaps it was too lonely... the soldier's life made me realise I actually missed home...
We used to sing while marching "I know, I know... you have to go...so hurry back home... cos I miss you so..."
In the times of shit...when home is so warm and welcoming... perhaps being on a cruise ship for several months in a go...was not for me...

What do you wanna be when you grow up?
I want to be a farmer on a ranch...a farmer??!?! you would say... anyone can be a farmer...What a useless dream today...
Well you are so wrong... Everyone might have the cognitive ability to learn how to farm and rear animals...but WHO CAN DO THAT TODAY?
What does society do to you when you do something, that is not encouraged by the government? something not even deviant...but just different?
People will ostracize you and thats the price you'd pay...
But yet a farmer so carefree, with lands with air so fresh, with sights more peaceful than the lonely sea...where life becomes a breeze.
But who I am to be... What I want to be... How am I to stand against, the many (society) in my way?

All I want for Christmas

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I don't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeers click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you

Eye Candy

I thought I saw an angel, thus from the dead I rise.
But when she turned and looked at me, she owned me with her eyes.
She taunted me with her smile….kept running through my mind.
As I fought to keep them off, a desire emerged within.
Desire I wanted to feed, and feelings I wanted to keep.
Beauty was so dangerous, but my heart refused to sit.
She felt so enchanted, was she fabricated?
Though it was all alluring…but were you really keen?

It is possible for you to not realize whats in your heart...
But it is also possible for you to realize it but not know what to do...
What the hell do I want?

Why does she recur in my mind, even though I think I have no special feelings for her apart from the fact shes a friend and pretty?

Exams

I hate Econs, its the greatest regret in my life.
Eerhhhh apart from the regret that I didn't visit my grandma regularly when she
was still around.
Anyway. School is bullshit.
1st time in my whole life I ever felt stressed and lost my inner peace.
Some time ago, I went back to temasek poly to study... everyone looked so happy
and free from worries... I felt I found my lost soul...
This ain't cool. Ima find it back.
Find Ashton back again.

Jaa.

Random

Dear friends,
I apologize for the laziness in updating my blog...but nothing interesting is happening. hahaha. ERhhhhhh for the sake of blogging, NM was tricky!!
MUD - Multi User DungeonS (Sherm says its bcos got S den its wrong) hahhahhahaha!
I'm damn lucky I chose dimension.. upon thinking of it for 10 mins and dropping at least 3 strands of my mega short hair... I thought the s was abit dubious... Hope I'm right!!!

Anyway QET was about premarital sex... In which the paper covertly INSINUATES that we should be AGAINST premarital sex although overtly, they wanted us to make a stand.. DAMN JIAN right? Anyway, being the open minded 20th century ah tiong... Whats wrong with PMS??? I couldnt bring myself to write against it?
Of consequences of diseases and AIDS applying to premarital sex... You mean married alr have sex wont get AIDS or diseases? Or consequences of pregnancy, theres contraception and abortion...of which abortion might be morally wrong but its a open debate on its morality and the topic of PMS is NOT ABOUT morality of abortion...so thats not a consequence eh?
Of which in the end I concluded by condemning premarital casual sex and O.N.S instead... C'mon...see even if your are married but you're unfaithful...the consequences can be as bad or worse right???????

But den again, that ultra conservative aunty in the tudung* who has very strict moral values...if she was to mark my paper, she would be biased and FAIL me cos i went outta the "INSINUATED" topic of being against premarital sex right??? But the question of "All/Most teens who engage in PMS will end up with severe consequences later in life, do you agree?" being the OVERT topic...(in which they have secretly desired covertly that you agree with that statement by giving us suggested points like consequences and ways to deter PMS) ... kk as i was saying... by answering the OVERT topic i did nothing wrong and deserve an A for my argument!

(*Disclaimer: I'm not racist and I wouldnt say that Chinese aunties are not conservative...incase you decide to try to sue me)

Kk the most scary thing now is... maybe the gahment is gonna put me in jail cos i made a remark saying the aunty in tudung has strict morale values.. (true what, come sue me, i fear nothing...and theres nothing offensive or racist about it cos its a FACT that some of those aunties wear headdresses and are very morally strict" Now where has our freedom of speech on the internet gone to?

Anyway...if i go missing, pls find me a lawyer...or please know that they have secretly imprisoned me using their ISD act that allows them to detain people indefinitely for political safety reasons. Let the world know why Im missing and perhaps they have no choice but to free me! Now CNM has made me skeptical that what we've written is being highly regulated by "them".

Ok enough crap. I shall end by encouraging all of you not to give up on your studies.
Cos I havent...even though I've lost count of the no. of times the thought of quitting school brushed passed my mind.
Jiayou!!! The happiest thing for me... is to see all of you succeed one day. All of you that I care about. =)

Love,
Ashton

CNM

CNM's a bitch!! I DEFEATED IT!!! HURRRR FINALLY I'M NOT STUPID. ROARRRRRRRRRR.
BRING IT ON.

Dear Grandma, Dear God...

Dear Grandma,

You've showed us the way you lived... how you've always cared about us more than you've cared about yourself...
You'd always send us to the station and made sure we were safe. Today, as I sat on the bus alone...perhaps you were sitting beside me too...
Despite the pain... you held on dearly... as we celebrated your birthday a few weeks ago...you smiled so gently...
And suddenly it turned for the worst... yet you waited for us all...
With your only strength left...the only thing you said was...thank you all...
You didn't want to see us cry...so when the nurse told us to leave temporarily...you left us discretely...
The way you lived... will be the way I learn...
One day perhaps...I'll be a good man...just like you.
Of course I love you.

Love,
Your Grandson

Dear God,

Have you been busy? I prayed never... For the results on my test. Nor for the love of the girl of my heart. Not to take my pain away... but for her to be painless everyday...
But as I see her... looking so frail... can't help but ask... Have you been busy lately?

Love,
Your Son

Econecons

I received econs results today.
29. I couldnt believe it . i was quite expecting at least 30.
I went home and checked. indeed i answered those questions wrongly.
I shall no be a loser and comment on whats over.
But what comes in the days ahead. I'll make these econ bitches pay me back double for the insult they dealt me today.
Ok!!! disappointment aside!!!
Myyyyy cutest friend has found her bliss! =D

Friday

Everything else didn't matter today. Not the 3 tests. Nor how crappy the jap test might have gone.
When I received a gift from the lil silly and sweet mouse... "For you...all the best for your test later..."(knowing i had 3 tests today), suddenly I found my inner peace that I was trying so hard to find.
Thanks minnie! you're my happy fruit! =)

To the others reading this. DONT THINK TOO MUCH. lol.

Take it off

Someone take off my mask... and award me best actor please.
Let my mask crumble. I cant hold it up anymore.
How can i still pretend to be happy.

Stirred.

Love can bring a fire to your heart...
and peace to your mind...
Yet why has it...
Stirred a storm in mine...
Some are dirty, some are clean
What does it take for me to win?
A mask too many,
A smile too faint...
Have you noticed that I'm in pain?
Sometimes i ponder why we don't say the things we want to say...
Now time has taken the chance away.

Let the fire Burnnnnnn

Once upon a time there was monstrous beast, heart of ice yet burning eyes of fire.
Its destiny was to meet a fair lady, whose kindness would touch its heart and tame the beast.
So she came…and it did bring… a fire in its heart…but peace to its mind.
The fiery anger it stopped to breathe.
But one day, the beast was forsaken…
It thought that it had met its destiny… but destiny was but a fickle bitch.
The heart of the beast froze again…
The beast having once experienced warmth, no longer sees meaning in the cold.
”I just wanna sleep and never awaken

Nothing in this world can replace what you’ve taken”
So the dangerous beast did… fall into eternal slumber…

Never wanting to be awoken again...


Mankind celebrated. Their haughtiness clouded their minds.
In circles they danced… around the sleeping beast
Poisoning the air with mockery.
The beast was asleep, but it’s pride wasnt
What wrath would one incur…

To kill a man’s pride…

Yet to threaten that of a beast
It just wanted to sleep and never awaken

Yet again its pride was taken.

A fire in its eyes… and hell on its mind.


The mugger toads have awaken me.
Challenge me and... watch them burn.

The Ugly Duckling

Do you remember the story of the ugly duckling?

the poor duckling was driven about by every one; even his brothers and sisters were unkind to him, and would say, “Ah, you ugly creature, I wish the cat would get you,” and his mother said she wished he had never been born. The ducks pecked him, the chickens beat him, and the girl who fed the poultry kicked him with her feet. So at last he ran away, frightening the little birds in the hedge as he flew over the palings.

“They are afraid of me because I am ugly,” he said. So he closed his eyes, and flew still farther, until he came out on a large moor, inhabited by wild ducks. Here he remained the whole night, feeling very tired and sorrowful.

out oOne evening, just as the sun set amid radiant clouds, there came a large flock of beautiful birdsf the bushes. The duckling had never seen any like them before. They were swans, and they curved their graceful necks, while their soft plumage shown with dazzling whiteness.

“I will fly to those royal birds,” he exclaimed, “and they will kill me, because I am so ugly, and dare to approach them; but it does not matter: better be killed by them than pecked by the ducks, beaten by the hens, pushed about by the maiden who feeds the poultry, or starved with hunger in the winter.”

“Kill me,” said the poor bird; and he bent his head down to the surface of the water, and awaited death.

But what did he see in the clear stream below? His own image; no longer a dark, gray bird, ugly and disagreeable to look at, but a graceful and beautiful swan.


Do you remember, this story? were you born ugly too? but even if you've truly become a swan...
Somewhere in your heart, don't you still think that you're still the same ugly duckling too?

Fire and mind.

Her playful brown eyes met mine
I stopped for a moment..
Suddenly everything seemed so fine

She strikes a fire in my heart
Yet bringing peace into my mind

Her tired but cheerful smile caught my eye
I stood there silly
Den I couldnt get her off my mind

She strikes a fire in my heart
Yet bringing peace into my mind

A fire she ignited
A world awoken
And den I felt alive.

Ashed.

Presenting to you...
Fabrication of lovely words.
Compilation of Ashton's creations.

I am a nobody

I am a Nobody
(in a certain place (army) ... I am a Nobody)
Inspired by "The Fool", who composed the poem;
Are we all fools?

These eyes they look me up and down
But I am not the one they see
For I am but a nobody
But I wasn't meant to be

As I drifted by pass many
All they see are the wrongs and flaws of me
Oblivious to my blood and tears
Shed for reasons unrelated and unjust

These hearts they beat so fast with fury
But against my pain they feel no guilty
For I am but a nobody
But i wasn't meant to be

As I reached my hands for mercy
All these others ignoring me
Pretending not to hear my pleas
While trying not to seem like beasts

These voices they wound me with their words
And den they said this ain't the worst
For I am but a nobody
But i wasn't meant to be

Mama used to say to me
You're my pride & the world to me
Thats when i knew i was never nobody
For they're that ones who're meant to be

(Another ending line for thought:
Thats when I knew I was somebody
For nobody can ever be me.)



Loneliness

"What is this tinge of loneliness that im suddenly feeling?
Cornering me, like a bully on a helpless kid...
Pushing me to the edge, till I almost slip...
My heart struggling to keep warm by forcing other happy thoughts...
But a struggle is still but a struggle...
I pretend to fill my heart with memories of you...
Only to find out the more I do...the emptier I feel...Without you...
The sky is grey, my heart is pale...
Without you...Im falling ill...
Living without u is my greatest fear...
For your are the only one worth my tear...
The brightest star has failed to light my sky...
The most beautiful rainbow has failed to catch my eye...
For the world i see is totally dark...but the bleeding of my heart..."



Poem 2, Imagination of a Helpless mute and handicap

Nobody understands how I feel…
So useless and so unreal…
Words are always spoken and forgotten…
Promises are always made and broken…Words are always taken for granted…
But for me a chance is never granted…
What a privilege the world does not see…
They see just a stupid and useless me…
To speak is forbidden by God…
And to work forbidden by Society...
I’m like a torn teddy abandoned by a child…
Just like a dull flower unnoticed in the wild…
Hope is dimming like a bulb…
And my heart the battery to this bulb…
Love is all I wished to have…
But sympathies are all I ever had.

If She Loved Me…

If she loved me…the rain would stop…
If she didn’t…my heart would drop…
If she love me…the world becomes beautiful…
If she didn’t…I will just become pitiful…
If she loved me…my heart turns red and warm…
If she didn’t… my life is howling with callous storms…
If she loved me… I live like a king…
If she didn’t… I can’t even sing…
If she loved me… I will put in my everything…
If she didn’t… to begin, I didn’t have a thing…
If she loved me… you will see me smile…
If she didn’t… You’ll never find that in a thousand miles…
If she loved me… She’ll be all I ever needed…
If she didn’t… To be miserable, I’ve succeeded…


Happiness ?

Happiness brings a smile to our faces…
Makes us forget about unhappy places…
Derived from not me but you…
By the little meaningful things you do…
Happiness conceals ugly the traces…
Of our past that the shadow embraces…
Happiness appetizers our worldly desires…
And lights our vision with passionate fires…
A happy man is relieved of stress and tire…
Like a flying balloon free from strings and wire…
However, happiness does not appear simply…
For the path of searching is crooked and slippery…



Insanity

Your eyes are for despise
Your words are for malice
Your strength is for your tyranny
Your think you are always right
Your hands are for your greed
Your skin is just too thick

Your actions make my blood boil
And your life I will deny

My eyes they hunt for you
My words are sent to kill
My strength is for the injustice
from the things you thought were right
My hands they lust your blood
And to tear your skin apart
Your reactions when you scream in pain
Brings me back my joy again

Song of Warcry 2

Continued from the previous post...

My friend "The Fool" the angsty man wrote the second part of my poem
for "The Song of Warcry"
Haha its good but i feel that it doesnt work together with the one i wrote
cos theres too much anger in his words.
Anyway here it is:

Take a stride, march forward
Strike your enemies where it hurts

String your arrows, arch your bow
Unleash your fury and let them know

Face your fears and blow the horn
Make them wish they were never born

Break the chains, tear the cage
Bring forth your unbridled rage

Taste the freedom smell the scent
Wonder not where the years went
After all this is what your life was meant

Song of Warcry

Today at level 4 i had nothing to do again.
den i suddenly thought of
This phrase
"struggle free, flap your wings
Break away from their strings"

K den heres the whole inspiration...!

Open your eyes and see the light
Wake up from your awful plight

Struggle free, flap your wings
Break away from their strings

Dare to fly, dare to dream
Swim against the river stream

Flex your muscles, clench your fists
Feel no pain but feel the breeze

No room for losers, no prize for fear
Raise your shield and trust your spear

Remember their faces, forget your tears
Hit the drums and break their ears

Are we all fools? By: The Fool

This is a poem about the ill treated lives of certain soldiers...
Composed by my camp mate...
I find it really full of anger and helplessness at the same time. Perfect finish!

I sit here in silence
Feeling upset and dejected
Like sheeps we are compliant
Like criminals scorned and objected

I stand here in silence
Feeling angst and revolted
Like martyrs I felt defiant
Like guns put on loaded

Sometimes I'd like to ponder
Why we do the things we do
For Pride and honour I wonder?
Or are we just a bunch of fools?

Unappreciated as we are
We take it in our stride
No heartfelt thanks or gestures
Guess we'll swallow all our pride

Treated like a workhorse
We deserved more than this
Yet unreasonable and coarse
They treat us when they're pissed

Oh why endured such unjust
When its promotion that they lust
Like tools for their future
Them savage wild creatures

So take your time and ponder
Why we do the things we do
For Pride and honour i wonder?
Or are we just a bunch of fools?

Running...

Why do you run?
Do you run away from the past?
Do you run away from your problems?
Or because you’re lost and cant find your way out?
No I don’t
No I don’t
No I’m not

Why do you run?
I can’t stop running because you’re gone
Even though I know you’ll never be back

Nor though I not know where you are…
But I just can’t stop running…
Cos my heart is aching…
And I don’t know what else to do…

I can’t find you yet I can’t keep you…away from my thoughts.

If I keep running wishing that you’re are not too far away

One day…if I will never stop… will I find you in my path...?

If I never stop running till the day I die…
Will I finally see you waiting for me at the end…?