10:56 pm
fickle pickle

never back down

guess what?
the people at the national health group or board or whatever asked me to stay to do data entry for these two current weeks.
must be outta my mind if i agree!
hence, i didn't.
okay, i guess it aint that bad when all you have to do is just type in a lot of the same stuff and earn 6 bucks an hour concurrently.
i don't know.
i think i have developed a kind of a phobia for office jobs.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
i am pretty darn sure i'm gnna be stuck with an office job after i graduate from..God knows where.
which, thus, brings me to the fact that i have signed up for SIM's business and psych double deg.
well, honestly pray i get in.
else, i'm gonna be a ship with no sails- drifting off like a sampan in a big ocean where the tides are mighty and the tempest never ends.
went to train at swirl after doing data entry today.
aw mah gord!
it was pretty scary!
i really didn't expect it to be this demanding.
i mean, hey! how hard can scooping ice cream be?
but turns out that the guy who trained us (the boss' brother) was kind of an anal perfectionist.
he's just a tad older than ceets and i, he's nice and all, but whoa!
i really didn't dare to do anything wrong under his constant critique.
well, at least i learned how to make real coffee, cappuccino, and a latte today-
with a coffee machine of course.
but still!
it was pretty much manual.
most of it anyway.
so, gosh, i really hope working there won't be too hard.
i'm having a shift on friday.
3pm to 11pm.
good luck to me! 8hrs!
that aside, whilst training at swirl,
i started to reflect upon what i wanted my life to be.
i haven't quite figured that out yet (of course),
but i know what i DON'T want to be.
i don't want to be stuck having a low paid income mandatory job.
(i.e. scooping ice cream!)
i don't want to key in data from 9am to 6pm, 5 days a week.
so, finally, i have found my drive.
because i don't want to be all these things,
i'm gnna slog my guts out to be the best darn student in getting my degree so that i'll get a good attachment somewhere.
actually, i just don't want to let myself down anymore.
i've had enough of my not trying hard enough crap.
i keep doing this to myself.
i realised that i have never once given my best shot at ANYTHING.
never.
it has always been half way, not there, or almost there.
NEVER there.
it's high time i set my priorities right.
time management baby!
and procrastination has got to be sent to the dumps.
'cause it's high time i stop living my life vicariously through tv shows and fantasies spurned from my head.
on an absolutely different note,
i am really glad i called.
i was wayyyy relieved when i heard your voice and not the silence i thought i'd receive.
it makes me overjoyed to find out that you weren't actually ignoring me.
it was just that my msg got lost somewhere out there and you thought i was the one avoiding.
well, i'm not,
and i can't say how much i miss us.
most of all,
i miss being friends.
i miss making silly stupid lame jokes.
saying the most retarded things and poking fun at whatever.
i know i wasn't sure then, but letting you go made me realise i should have stopped looking for answers.
afterall, you can't rush clarity.
it does come in time.

`
peek-tures from cambodia!

Angkor Wat!

Boo!

`
i seriously would love to go back to cambodia.
perhaps if i ever turn filthy rich one day,
i want to set up an orphanage there.
Or, myabe if i can't have my own kid,
i'll adopt one from there.
it's inexplicable, but i somehow felt connected to that place.
it's awfully odd.
in anycase, it has been a looooong day and a really loooooong entry.
good thing nothing much is up tmr.
i can sleep in!
I BASK IN SUCH LUXURY!
i love you, World <3

1:20 am
fickle pickle

Monday, June 23, 2008

this is the start

got a job!
data entry.
well, luckily it's only for a few days.
whoohoo!
have been transcripting and typing and typing non-stop today.
it's a wonder i'm still typing here.
my right elbow hurts.
anw, gonna work at swirl as well.
it's damn empty.
at least bobo tan will be with me ((:
alright, for a monday-
this is a wonderful start.
i will be building my little bridges,
back to you.

10:11 pm
fickle pickle

Saturday, June 21, 2008

6th avenue heartache
by the wallflowers

Sirens ring, the shots ring out
A stranger cries, screams out loud
I had my world strapped against my back
I held my hands, never knew how to act
Chorus:
And the same black line that was drawn on you
Was drawn on me
And now it's drawn me in
6th Avenue heartache

Below me was a homeless man
I'm singin' songs I knew complete
On the steps alone, his guitar in hand
It's fifty years, stood where he stands

Now walkin' home on those streets
The river winds move my feet
Subway steam, like silhouettes in dreams
They stood by me, just like moonbeams

Look out the window, down upon that street
And gone like a midnight was that man
But I see his six strings laid against that wall
And all his things, they all look so small
I got my fingers crossed on a shooting star
Just like me-just moved on

2:28 pm
fickle pickle

Friday, June 20, 2008

frosted chocolate malt

rollerblading, east coast,
sentosa, supposed sun tanning, rain,
city square, F.O.S, american goose,
stayovers, people.
i love it when the week flies by so quickly.
beat it!owww!

2:23 pm
fickle pickle

Monday, June 16, 2008

monday reveries

i reflected,
and i think, it is my fault.
i screwed up again.
well, guess it's too late.

mixtape
butch walker

You say hello, inside I'm screaming I love you
You say goodnight, in my mind
I'm sleeping next to you
You drive away from my car crash of a heart
And I don't know

But you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you

You talk to her, and it burns me like the sun
You talk to him, and you say that you feel like she's the one
I talk to me, but you can't hear the pain I feel
You don't know

Cause you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the sad songs ain't so sad
I only wish that there was more than that
About me and you

[Bridge]
Oh, don't turn around and say bye again
Yeah it crushes my head when you call me
Your friend and I'm not the same person
From back in the day in the back of the class
That you thought was gay
No I can't find the words cause I lost them
The minute they fell out of my mouth
And it's love and I'm in it, so give me your lips
And just let me kiss 'em
And let's get messed up and listen to probably...

The best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you

10:30 pm
fickle pickle

Saturday, June 14, 2008

the vacuum drone

i should like a silent vacuum cleaner.
wonder if there's such a thing.
anw, celebrated lalee and huixin's birthday the other day.
glad they liked their presents!
went for a blood test yesterday.
and holycow, it costs me $150+
have another check up on monday.
they'll tell me the hormonal activity in my blood then.
in anycase, maybe i'll just make myself scarce.

2:57 pm
fickle pickle

Friday, June 13, 2008

resignation

i guess this is just it.
i shall thus embrace spinsterhood,
for good.

10:14 am
fickle pickle

Thursday, June 12, 2008

what i miss

it doesn't matter what i say anymore.
does it.
still, i'm going to keep saying.
say till i run out of breath,
i'll still be saying.

i am a million things right now.
i am upset,
i am angry,
i am dejected,
i am broken(again),
i am worried,
i am hoping,
i am not good enough.
i am still missing you,
but i have been for so long
maybe it's time i really stop.

you coaxed me onto your path,
then left me wandering in the dark by myself.
for that,
i am confused,
i am fuming,
i am frustrated,
i am scared,
i am neglected,
i am forlorn,
but still,
what does that matter.
you still won't say a thing.
you're invisible,
you're missing,
you're avoiding,
you're escaping,
you're never coming back.
for that,
i hate you.
i hate that you made me love you,
and then disappearing just like that.
you are such a coward.
but still, i don't know why i care so much.
above all,
i am hating myself.
i loathe myself.

1:18 pm
fickle pickle

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

one hand in my pocket

ay, what a horrid day it has been today.
things always never turn out the way you imagined it to happen.
i am apologetic,
i am sorry,
nonetheless.
there are just so many things i want to say and ask,
but i doubt you'll say anything.
you might never talk to me again for a long time,
i suppose.
i did love you but smt just happened along the way.
it's no longer the same.
i feel it from the way you talk to me.
`
where are you clarissa tan!?
i miss you so much and i can't wait for you to return tmr!
i need to talk to you.
even if i don't say a thing, i wish you were here ):

`

one hand in my pocket;
everything will be alright.
say what you need to say;
say what you need to say-

8:52 pm
fickle pickle

Friday, June 06, 2008

warwick avenue

no es bien;
yo no soy bien

1:32 pm
fickle pickle