do you believe
i need to find a new perspective.
a rosy one, maybe.
i'm tired of raking up what i have so painstakingly tried to bury.
oh, talk about the awkwardness and facades.
pretentious. That's how i find myself infront in front of her.
and i condemn how this is the way i have to be.
but i know i don't want more awkwardness, so let's just pretend we're all alright.
and maybe after a while we'll believe we are.
make belief and believe.
this is how it's going to be.
it's going to be the way to fill that void within.
tell ourselves that long enough, and we'll think it true.
and i suppose this is my choice.
i want this to be as rosy as possible,
because i don't want to end it ugly.
If you have to ask about her,
i would say, i don't really care if she's alive or dead.
what's the point in making things up?
there's nothing to save because there was nothing to begin with.
if you thought we had something deep,
you were wrong.
you have been tricked, as i have been.
i have been lying to myself so long.
but i've woken up to see the truth.
and i'm gg to continue this lie mildly,
because i can't be bothered to deal with how upset she becomes if she were to find out where the real problem lies.
call me cruel, heartless, bitchy, i don't really care.
because a part of me has rotted.
a part of me wonders what i'm doing in school.
a part of me wonders why i'm still running.
a part of me wonders what i'm running for.
a part of me hates what i'm doing.
a part of me wants everything to work out the way it should have.
but such a huge part of me have lost the taste and passion for everything.
so i'm trying.trying trying trying trying.
i'm just trying to live this jaded life of mine.
`
Listen,
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home, in my own home
And I tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believin you
You don't know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice
you gave to me
But now I gotta find,
my own.
