fickle pickle

Sunday, February 26, 2006

reflection

stoning frm the balcony;
across the pool and other blocks to the green of the hill.
the morning air is chilly
and i feel hollow.

the past few days have been fun i suppose.
yes they have been,
bt still,i'm never really happy these days.
i may laugh and i may smile,
but still inside;it's all messed up.
i find it hard to laugh much these days.
as in really laugh at jokes i would have found funny before.
i hate t have to force my laughter.
i miss laughing easily.
i am a sad stony stupid shit.
haha.go ahead and call me weird.

i'm off for a run again.

`i wasn't made for you.
i wasn't made for anyone.
i don't fit your life.
i don't fit in anybody's.
i am meant to be a lone.
just not cut out.
just not good enough.

You- The Afters.

My heart is as frail as a dove
And my spirit is as weak as a rose
See my sorrow, feel my pain
You're my refuge, You're my reason
My strength in this beautiful place
That's where I'll find God
That's where I'll find God ohh

You're in my heart, You're in my soul
You are my heaven, You're my home
You're my best friend, You're my true love
You are my treasure, You're my God

I watch as the mountains fall down
And the rivers part at your feet
Your creation sings Your praise
Even winds obey and angels bow down
At Your beautiful voice
That's where I find God

You're in my heart, You're in my soul
You are my heaven, You're my home
You're my best friend, You're my true love
You are my treasure, You're my God
You're my God...

You're in my heart, You're in my soul
You are my heaven, You are my home
You're my best friend, You're my true love
You are my treasure, You're my home
You are my peace, You are my joy
You are my Savior, You're my God
You're my God

10:34 am
fickle pickle

Monday, February 20, 2006

fickle is my middle name.

i hate being fickle!
but i can't help that i am..
i'm always messing with my own head.
asking myself all the 'what-if' & 'should-i?' questions.
anyyyyhow.

reply to tags:

claire`thanks for the encouragement!!! :D
jerome`HAHA.i don't need the bra kind of support frm you!bt thnx for the concern anw.
ohh!u can get a hug!
i'll give you one at 12midnight,when you sleep;
IN YOUR DREAMS.
lol!
rose`you rock too,rose!it's gnna be damn sad if we end up in diff schools.
kap was fun w you too!!! :D
haha.EMO SPECS!!! :)))

7:08 pm
fickle pickle

Saturday, February 18, 2006

rambles.

i'm getting shit frm my dad nowadays.
he's getting so uptight.more than he ever had.
and it's because i'm staying in cj.
he believes that cj will lead me astray,
so he's holding on tighter.
and f`ck.
i don't have space t breathe like that.
cried like shit the other night.
he says he wants t push me t do my best.
but all he's doing is pushing me to an emotional breakdown..
not motivating at all.
sigh-yaiyai-yaiyai.
my eyes are tired.
and they're already small enough.
now,it's being reduced t less than a line.

ANYWAYS,went for ac funorama tday.
not very fun..bt the climax was the haunted hse!
DAMN FUNNY!
laughed like mad.rolled over the floor!
jerome's super funny too.
my goodness.he's like a walking comedy.
serious.jas and i kept laughing non-stop.
all the way frm ac to david's hse.
had a fun time tday..
mugging allllll the way tmr.yeaa.

`awwwwwwww.jerome,my son,i'll miss you too.
you're mr bean no.2!

11:16 pm
fickle pickle

Thursday, February 16, 2006

the tugging in my heart.

the irony.
haha.
in the end,i'm really staying in cjc.
gosh.initially,i was totally convinced that i was gg t ac-
regardless of all the rumours abt how horrid a place it is.
but somehow..
after school ended,
ppl kept telling me to stay.stay.stay.stay.
esp shamir and gareth.
made me feel so pressured.
shamir,"time is ticking.you only have an hr left."
it kinda made me rethink the whole thing.
like why did i choose ac.
then i mulled over it for a long time,
and decided..the only reason why i didn't want t stay in cj was cz i was afraid i wldn't be able t study well.
bt then,i realised,i can do well wherever i want.
i just have t work hard.
that was pretty much what changed my mind.
oh,and thankyou david,for trying t help me decide by flipping the coin.
HAHA. :D
and after my dad gave me his support(FINALLY!)
i ran to amend my application..
which was abt 5 mins before the system shut.
thankgod i rmbred my JAE pin.
and it's not everyday i rmbr passwords.
it just flashed in my head.
it's fate i guess.haha.
i still rmbr my password --> HMD49449 :))
i'm a happy girl. :D

`my decision wavered.
my thoughts wobbled.
my heart tugged.
so i stayed.
i hope there won't be regrets.

7:40 pm
fickle pickle

Monday, February 13, 2006

tangled thoughts

i've been thinking..
and i discussed with rose for one whole night..
12+ am to 5.20+ am.
i've reduced my options t 2 places.
poly OR acjc.
why not stay in cjc?
my heart is not in the studies there.
the only place my heart is,is with the friends in cj.
but,i doubt things'll be as good as the first intake.
i just see everyone breaking t small cliques.
which is already happening.
and i can't imagine cjc without rose.
i suppose,after so many yrs tgt.
year after year.we see each other.
we're there for each other.
and if we were t suddenly part diff ways..
it'd be hard.real hard.

so there.i've made up my mind abt cjc.
it tears my heart to a certain extent..
knowing that i'll be leaving alot of great ppl and friends i've made there.
bt i just feel that,my future is bleak in cj.
sorry..

to jas`you've been a such a GREAT girlfriend.
don't know what the 1st intake wld be like without you.

to glen`thanks for everyth!
thanks for the laughter and thanks for JUST BEING THERE. :D

to the rest`i LOVE YOU GUYS HEAPS.
you know who you are (:

gosh..i'm so tired.gg t school at 3pm t make v'day gifts with jas.
till the next time. :D

11:55 am
fickle pickle

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Bohemian Rhapsody (:

ooo lala.HAHA.bohemian rapsody is nice song. :D
i've got nth much to blog about.
and for the BENN-efit of benn.
i shall blog abt my valentine.
which is NO ONE.
HAHA :D

to benn:
`have a very very sweet&romantic valentines w your ONLYONE!!! :DDD

10:49 am
fickle pickle

Saturday, February 11, 2006

JUDGEment day.

10feb.woke at 9.43 am.
ponned school.
fretted over results till 2.30pm.
and finally.
8points.
i guess that's nth much to be proud of.
i'm happy.bt i'm sad.
i'm sad when i see my other friends cry cz they didn't do well.
god bless to all those friends.
and CLAIRE scored 8 too.
there you go claire,i blogged abt you.and your name is in CAPS&BOLD.
haha.
yea,anyways,after collecting results,went t town with sam&ys.
talked for a while,then i met up w cherlynn&wanqi t eat dinner.
saki sushi.then DEBORAH joined us!!!
i miss deb so so so MUCH!!! :DDD
saw celeste,then saw jas,david,glen,ronald,gareth,mich and the rest.
bt was rushing off t crescent band-choir concert,so didn't stay t talk for long.
the concert was reaaaally boring.BUT only the first part.
cherlynn knows why.HAHA.and she totally agrees.
BAND was good. :D
went out t play pool with rose,dom,ben,cher and chunyu.
went home past 12.
thankgod i did well,so my parents didn't say much.

`ohh,tell me where to go.
i'm so lost.

2:12 pm
fickle pickle

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Exhaution&myboredom.

i'm so so so so tired nowadays.
i wake every morning wishing i didn't have to get up.
how nice it wld be,to sleep and never wake up.
oh wait,no,that wld mean dying.
school's not getting very exciting either.
i think t10's actually pretty much chopped up.
like,we aren't really as united as we said we were.
and that makes me wonder if i shld stay.
and i think,if i really do stay,it'd only be for odac.
yea.
today's the last odac training before results are released.
we ran 6km and then this odac guy frm batch 5 or is it 6? came to run 2.4km
haha..had t pay one buck t watch him run.
but it was worth while.he was so freaking fast!
his pb was 7.43 mins and he ran 8.04 mins today.
truly godspeed.

`there's just so much stuff gg on my mind that i can't say.
and i wish i cld tell her what i think abt her,bt it wld just turn out..
i don't know..mean.
i just don't know how to react to her.like,when she's looking at me,expecting me to laugh..
i just can't.i can't force it out.
and i feel so bloody two-faced.
ergh.i hate it this way.
i shall reslove t be a nicer being tmr.
till then.it's time i hit the sack.
gladly.

10:25 pm
fickle pickle

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

my metal-mouth

went for dental yesterday!
i love dr poon!she's so nice t talk to :D
anyways,i'll be taking out my braces soon!
24 feb!
think i'll miss the metal in my mouth though.
sighhh.
oh wait,there are still retainers.
haha.

yea,today was reallllllyyyyyyyy boring.
had chinese for 2h.nearly died. :X
and jerome seems very dazed today.
cheerup alright!? :DDD
oh mann..i haven't done so much hw.
i'm such a slacker. :|

replies to taggies:
[nicholas]`YEA!WASABI CHALLENGE!you are on!
[sondra]`hey babyy!LOL.colourful(if you get what i mean)
[christy]`i'll miss you too if i leave! (:

oh,and i can't believe the tag board censored my name agn!
HAHAHHAHA.
i shall change my board.hmmph. -!-

11:16 pm
fickle pickle

Monday, February 06, 2006

surf&sweat`06

how should i put this.
lets just say the whole event and the whole day turned out alot better than i expected it to be.
i'm just uber glad the whole compt is over.
and it was a good experience with no regrets.
i just wished more of the girls had participated.
thennn..i wouldn't feel so odd and lonely.hah.
i don't have much to say abt the surfing bit..
but the running part..i felt that the 5km wasn't 5km.
it felt shorter than that,somehow.
the route had many up slopes.esp the bicycle trail part.
and when i finally saw down slope i was damn happy! :D
so i picked up pace..and then i saw alot of the fellow cj odac ppl standing and cheering.
i thought it was the finishing line so i sprinted faster.
but i felt so cheated!there was actually 50m more to go.
cz i didn't see the signboard they held that said '5om more'.
hahah.alrightt..i wasn't cheated la.i guess it made me push myself more.
larissa's very pro.so happy for her!!!!10th place!!! :)))
and cj odac won the overall institional award thing!!!it was nice seeing everyone so united. :)
it was lek's b'day today too!he got 'taopok-ed' <--new word i learnt!!!
haha.they smashed the melted cheese cake into his face and dunked him into the sea.
poorthing.bt almost everyone else got dunked.so it's okay.
i got dunked myself.my fav woman and a few others threw me in.haha.
coldddddddd.and salty;the sea water.
had sand fight w yiliang.i ended up having sand in my mouth! :X
but yiliang ate more sand.HAHA.
went for dinner at the hawker opp harbourfront after that.
and gareth was making fun of may ding's name.
he said it sounded like mating.hahahah.
crazy.
oh and i realised,almost all the odac ppl either live in the north OR east OR north-east.
and i live all the way at upp bukit timah.
so far frm everyone.poo. :|
anyhow,all in all,it was a fun day :DDD
thankgod for everything.

i met cherlynn on the way backk!!!miss her heaps!<3

4:29 pm
fickle pickle

Saturday, February 04, 2006

laughing.fits.

school felt bloody long today.
and i'm starting to get a tad annoyed at a certain someone.
nevermind that.
it was circuit training for odac
plus ROPES (:
knots are fun:
reefknot,bowline,clovehitch,highwayman,sheetband.

went to seoulgarden for lyn's farewell dinner.
mygod.ronald,gareth&alvan are really ULTIMATE meat eaters.
they really ate their money's worth.
i am absolutely sure ronald ate at least one whole cow.
haha.madness.
laughed alot.ate mint icecream.and laughed alot.

it's surf&sweat on sunday.
celeste can't particpate :'(
i'm damn sad.
i'm also damn scared.
hai yai yai.
i just wanna get done and over with it.

results are coming out soon.
i don't know whether t wish for it t come out faster or later.
i don't know,bt i can't imagine myself staying in cj.
i can't picture myself anywhere anymore.
my mind's messed up.

to esmond: -.-
haha.

12:15 pm
fickle pickle

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

musings

lets start on the EVE of the EVE of CNY.
had school.
the drama performance was funny!!! :D
good job drama ppl!
anyways,headed to town with jas,ian,claire,ronald,peiwei,sondra and michelle.
but sondra left to meet her other friends.yea.
we actually intended to go kbox,but somehow..we didn't.
jas needed to do CNY clothes shopping
so i decided t accompany her.
bt jas felt weird with the rest coming along
so we practically ran away from the rest!hahahaha.
no hard feelings though. (:
later,ed and michelle came to join us.
mich and i felt as if we were playing gooseberry,
so we went back t find the rest.
ate MUACHI! (if tt's how you spell it)
damn nice!!!the auntie who made it was really sweet please.
she gave us A HUGE SERVING EACH.
nice auntie! :D
then went to cine.
HOLYCOW la.haha..the whole world was there.
saw so many people i knew.
it was really nice.
met jerome.THE IRRESPONSIBLE PE REP WHO PONNED SCHOOL! :X
haha.
the rest of the day was just walking.walking and MORE WALKING.
lol.bt i didn't really mind la.
claire&i were in mango..and we saw this ac couple stringing saliva,oh-so-passionately!
HAHA.claire was like..OHMYGOD!YUCKS!
her reaction damn exasperated.
bt i don't know why,i found it alright.
it's just like watching a really bad movie that's all.
anyhow.david came and we were looking for a shirt for him.
ian and i had enough of walking so we decided t chill at coffee bean w a few other cj ppl.
the rest went on t scout for david's shirt.
in the end,i didn't go for dinner.
met dominictan on the bus back home.
what a coincidence!!!
had a good time chatting.
and dominic,DON'T reserve the triumph fun-o-rama tix for me pls!LOL!
that's pretty much all for the EVE of the EVE.heheh.

the EVE was far from exciting.
basically just went t watch memoirs of a geisha with my bro then headed for reunion dinner.
oh.memoirs of a geisha's a really great show!
just that all the old jap ah peh were trying to eat the young geisha's tofu all the time.
sickkk.
reunion dinner was..alright,i suppose.
i was really ecstatic that i got t see my cousins after so long!
bt other than that,everyth else was boring.

alright,on the day of CNY itself.
went to m'sia t visit my mom's relatives.
her hometown is in muar.
wherever that is.haha.
last yr i went back t hack COCONUTS!fun fun! :D
bt they didn't have any this yr.so sad.
bt my uncle grew a dragon fruit plant in his backyard where all his chickens reside.
haha.
my cute nieces kept feeding the chickens,it was so hilarious! :D
i love my nieces,germaine and alicia (((:
my sweetie pies!
yea.went back home that evening.dead beat.

the next two days didn't do much.
oh!went t christy's hse!played a game called "stupid" which was really stupid
cz i got scratched all over. :|
went to watch 'i not stupid2'.
i cried.alot.how embarrassing! :X

okay.TODAY.
had odac.
ran to macritchie frm cjc.
ran the guys cross country route there,
then ran back to cjc.
10km in all.
i've never ran so much at one shot.
haha..bt it was nt bad la.

CHERLYNN!of course i'll love you more than cj!
benn;what's your blog??
oh,and hello claire (:

NICHOLAS.do you want your sushi or not?
haiyo.
haha. :P

8:45 pm
fickle pickle