Do YOU hear the people sing?

After many days of waiting my turn to see the "movie of the century", I finally got a chance to see Les Mis.
So here's the deal. I was expecting it to be the most amazing thing that ever happened to my life. From what I'd seen on facebook and in the newspaper, I was pretty darn excited.
NOW. Don't get me wrong. I thought the movie was amazing and stunning, but it was not the best thing that EVER happened to my life. It, like any musical theater performance, had so much for me to analyze. It had weak characters and little flaws here and there.
Seeing it live is JUST as good.
And I'm sort of mad that now everyone will know about Les Mis. As my good friend Heather said,

"Les Mis movie, now overly emotional teenage girls who DIDNT know about the song "On my own" will discover it and we will all be bombarded with 1000000000 of facebook posts containing "without me his word will go on turning" "the world is full of happiness that i have never known" and "on my own pretending he's beside me". I cant even tell you how EXCITED i am."

And let me add on to that, "In my life..there are so many questions and answers that somehow seem wrong..." or "You're here..that's all I need to know." 

Let's be real. When I was in Les Mis, I definitely posted my status as, "In my life.." one time. But that was before anyone knew that I was quoting Les Mis so I'm obviously cooler.

And as much as I loved walking into the theater and hearing, "It's not musical theater, it's an Oprah." No, I didn't spell that wrong. SHE SAID OPRAH. It's OPERA. OPERA. OPERA!! Who are you?? And to be real, it's actually an operetta because there are some lines in it. I'm pretty sure....don't judge.

And it was super fun when the girl next to me was saying, "Yeah, I told my mom I was coming tonight and she said her and my dad were maybe going to come too. But she gasped when she found out it was all singing." 

Phew. It's okay. Not everyone is a musical theater junkie like me. 

That being said, let me give you my basic opinion on the main characters in the show in the shortest way possible.

Hugh Jackman. Marry me.

Aaron Tveit. Marry me more. Plus, I loved you before everyone else even knew you existed.

Anne Hathaway. Far exceeded expectations. Stole the show. Made me weep. Not even real.

Beautiful man who played Marius. If your head didn't shake with your vibrato, I would snatch you up in a heart beat. Your freckles are adorable.

Amanda Seyfried. I wish you weren't cast. Of all our possible options, I'm so sorry, but you were probably the worst. 

Gavroche. HOLY CRAP. Best part of the show.

Russell Crowe. I didn't even think your voice was that bad! You're acting however...not so much. 

Eponine. I respect that. 

Well. There's that. Do with it what you will.

An Aggie?

Well hey there folks. It's been awhile since we've last met. This Christmas break was a much needed one. I have relaxed as much as is humanly possible and have therefore not even thought about homework. Don't tell me to do it yet, you'll burst my bubble.
I've had lots of time to think and reflect and stew and be frustrated. And time to make decisions and have Satan come back at me to doubt them all. That's what a testimony is for my friends, to be able to throw it all back in Satan's face and say, "Nice try LOSER!!!" A wise man once said, "You know where Satan lives, tell him were to go." Touche, right?
People change, circumstances change, nothing is the same forever. But that is what is so beautiful and wonderful about life. People make mistakes. Learn from their mistakes.
We're not on this earth to prove that we're perfect or to be better than someone else, but to make mistakes and stumble and fall and be embarrassed. THAT'S THE POINT.
I've been doing it right all along!
Anyways.
In the middle of a very stressful time in my life called "Into the Woods", college applications decided that they were going to be do. So it turns out that I'm not the smartest person in the world and I thought my chances of getting into BYU were pretty slim. I have a 3.9 GPA, but my ACT score is less than perfect. Last year I figured I'd just keep taking the ACT, do my best, and apply for BYU summer semester. There were a couple of things that I knew for sure.

1. I did NOT want to go to UVU. Don't ask me why, I just knew I wasn't going there and I wasn't going to apply there.
2. BYU Idaho didn't really seem that great either. Just not my cup of tea...hot cocoa...
3. I want to become an elementary school teacher.
4. I was, without a doubt going to apply to Utah State.

I did some asking around and found out that Utah State has one of the best Elementary Education departments in the state. Not only that, but they are great for specializing in something in education. For example, Music Education, Deaf Education, etc.
I did some asking around for BYU as well. BYU, in the past has had a pretty crappy Elementary Education department, but recently has been building it back up and they aren't so bad anymore.

NOW these are all things that I heard from people, so I have no idea how valid or accurate they are. But they seemed to be the same from multiple people so that's the information I gathered.

Back to application time. Utah State started to have this pull for me. It sounded right, it felt right, I knew for a fact that I would get in, etc. Because of this, I eagerly started the application and had it finished before the deadline.
About 4 days before the deadline, I realized I hadn't even looked at the BYU application. I realized I needed to get an ecclesiastical endorsement FAST and I hadn't even given thought to the essays. As I said before, this was right in the middle of opening "Into the Woods." So the night before we opened, I left rehearsal to be interviewed by a member of the Stake Presidency. I didn't know what to expect, my mind was racing and I knew that I had to get back to rehearsal as fast as possible.
The interview was horrible. I felt dumb, I felt stupid, I wasn't prepared for the interview and in all honesty, I had already made up my mind that I didn't want to go to BYU.

I left in tears and started to think. Why even was BYU one of my college selections? It's close to home so that was good. It's cheaper than most colleges since I'm a member of the church..etc. Unfortunately my biggest reason for applying was that everyone else was doing it and I thought I was obligated to as a member of the church.
That night I talked to my mom and dad. We had a pretty heated discussion about my current circumstances and about the future. There were plenty of tears and plenty of snappy remarks. It was really hard for me to hear stuff that I already knew but didn't want to admit to myself.

So I didn't end up sending the BYU application in. I can still apply, I just have an even more slim chance of getting in. But a few days ago, this little Christmas present came in the mail for me.

My acceptance letter from Utah State :)
Everything felt so good at that moment. I was at peace and was very content. So at this moment in time I can honestly say that I'm an Aggie.
My plan is to attend Utah State in the fall and complete a full year. I'm considering a mission right now, but that decision requires a lot of prayer and fasting and I still have time to work on that.
So there you have it. College is scary and growing up is scary, but that just how it goes. Life goes on and I guess I'll keep moving. :)
Merry Christmas!!

Going to be Desperate

I am in need of:
7 hugs
1 Jamba Juice
1 Snuggie
1 New Head
2 New Vocal Chords
2 Weeks of Christmas Break
1 Apology
19 Boyfriends
45 Dollars for Gas
3 plates of cookies
2 Tutors. One to do my math and the other to write my Current Issues paper.
....And a partridge in a pear tree.

Part 2

I can no longer keep track of what I'm catching you up on....SO I'll do my best.

1. INTO THE WOODS. The rehearsal process was literally the worst experience of my life. It was hard, people were dumb, I felt like I was the only one who cared. I was so upset because I loved the part so much and I wanted the show to be so good. But performance time came and we somehow pulled it together. Being the Baker's Wife was everything I could have hoped for and more. The character growth that she experiences throughout the show is astonishing and heart wrenching. I was able to relate to her in so many ways (minus making out with a prince...). It was awesome.

Basically after Into the Woods was over, it's been non stop Christmas:)

I'm having a really hard time loading my photos, so just imagine me decked out in all my Christmas garb. That's about all I have to say for now! More to come later!

I'm not a ghost...I promise.

Dear everyone.
Contrary to popular belief, I am still alive!!! Miracle, right?
These past few months have been anything but calm. I've literally been running from one place to the next. So I warn you that this post will be lengthy as I try and catch up on documenting my life. Bear with me.

1. Halloween. Somewhere between Political Issues and Thanksgiving...it happened. I didn't actually dress up for school, but I felt the need to be a little festive so I dressed up that night. 

 

2. I quit work at Jamba Juice. Thank the heavens. It was really just becoming a pain to have to balance my schedule across the board. I'm feeling a lot better now. 

3. I got in my first "car accident". Thankfully it wasn't really an accident and it was just my dear friend Claire. It was just in the parking lot one morning, I was pulling in, she was pulling out, she didn't see me, our cars clinked and...that was that. Her mother draws pictures on her lunch bag every morning and this one was on her bag the following morning. Love. 

 4. Haley and I went to an MDT class at BYU to see them perform a condensed version of Into the Woods. It was kind of underwhelming, but I learned a lot. We were less thank pleased to walk up these stairs. 

5. I got bangs. What? It was on impulse..it happened. It's taken me 3 months to start liking them.

6. Into the Woods rehearsals. So weird. So different working with a double. Happened.

7. Chamber Tour. SO FUN.

 Ethan's favorite pastime is to take my phone and take pictures of himself...

The gang

8. Got my Political Issues Paper back. Wouldn't look at the grading sheet for forever when we got it back because I was SO worried about the score. I was pleasantly surprised at what I saw:)

...bad news...the photos won't load. So just imagine seeing a wopping 300 out of 300 right now:)

9. Thanksgiving and Black Friday shopping. Great news.
These photos won't load either...so now imagine the clock saying 12:00 and 6:00...the times that we went out to shop until we dropped!

None of these pictures are loading...sooo...We'll call this part one of my catching up. Cool.

I LIVE for days like this:)

Woke up this morning to my nieces and nephew laughing. Took a shower and got ready for my Sterling Scholar Interview. Looked out the window and saw 6 inches of snow on the ground and was filled with mucho happiness.
Then I had my Interview and felt so good about it. It was one of those moments when all the hard work and tears and poop that you've been through all these years suddenly payed off. Even though I probably won't be chosen, I was so proud of myself and all the things that I've accomplished.
Then I came home and got ready for rehearsal. And I didn't even kill anyone when I got there. I wasn't in the best mood, but I tried really hard. Sometimes people just irritate me. But the show is coming together finally.
And then rehearsal got out early. :) And I came home and actually got to clean my bathroom for the first time in a month...and my room for the first time in....yeah. And I didn't have to go to work and I got to listen to Christmas music and we pulled out our nummy smelling candles and it's freezing outside but it's so cozy inside and my life is good.
And the church is good.
And I have time to reflect and to sit and to be me.
And I feel like I can go to school on Monday and feel okay.
I LIVE for days like this.
Happy first official snow of the year!

I HATE Halloween

Maybe not...but definitely not the best day ever.
You see, I have this 1,000 page political issues paper due at the end of the week...and it's the worst. Today I just felt like this little girl.

Thanks to Miss Kaylynn:)

A million years ago, my dearest friend, Kaylynn nominated me for the Liebster Award! Kaylynn and her husband were my Sunday school teachers way back in the day. These days their just making their own cute little family and I miss them dearly:)

Liebster: (der) n. sweetheart, beloved person, darling

This is kind of one of those experiences where you just feel super cool because it means that someone actually reads your blog!!
So here are the rules:

• Each person must post 11 things about themselves.
• Answer the questions that the nominator set for you, plus create 11 questions for the people you've nominated to answer.
• Choose 11 people and link them in your post.
• Go to their page and tell them.
• No tag backs. 

SO here it goes!

11 things about me:)

1.  I HATE when people say shhhh to get people quiet. Seriously, the worst thing ever. It just makes more noise and is the most annoying sound...ever.
2. I constantly make references to my birth or my birthday. The solution to everything is my birthday. I LOVE BIRTHDAYS. I blame Laurel Peacock.
3. I am the youngest and most spoiled child in my family and not afraid to admit it:)
4. I want to become an Elementary School teacher. 
5. I LOVE little kids. I have a million nieces and nephews. All of which are adorable and love me. I am, and always will be, the favorite aunt.
6. I've always been interested in going to beauty school and ever since they announced the new missionary age I've considered postponing my Elementary Ed degree until I get home from my mission and go to beauty school before instead.
7. I don't have a single scar on my body. Didn't realize how weird that was until our whole seminary class had to talk about it and I couldn't give an answer.
8. Everyday I wish people would bring my cookies...I'm kind of obsessed with them.
9. I sing every second of everyday. When I walk down the hall at school and I'm singing a song, people always turn around and say, "I KNEW it was you!" How embarrassing..
10. I'm kind of obsessed with the reality television show, Dance Moms and the show Once Upon a Time.
11. I do not like drinking milk. On cereal it's fine, anywhere else..not so much.

Kaylynn's Questions

1. What is your name?

     Oh I've got this one!!! Emily Erdmann:) No middle name for me.

2. What is your quest?

     Ah well...never seen Monty Python so....cough...to um....have a man sweep me off my feet....Naw.

 

3. What is your favorite color? (haha - ok, enough Monty Python, I'll do real questions! Promise!)

     Don't have one...the worst! I really like fall colors :)

 

4. If you could marry (or date) a celebrity, who would it be?

     Robert Downy Jr. mmmmmm

5. What's your "go-to" nail color? (and no cop-outs saying you go with the season!)

      Clear. I know that's kind of the worst, but I always have to have nail polish on my fingernails but I can never decide what to do so...clear it is.

 

6. Who is your favorite actress and why?

     Audry Hepburn. She's gorgeous, talented, charitable, and loverly 

 

7. What is your biggest dream?

    To be the primary chorister. For real.

 

8. What is your favorite clothing item? 

    Scarves. By far the winner.

9. What is your most favorite dessert? 

    I just keep thinking of pumpkin pie these days so that one wins today.

10. What color are your eyes?

    Eh...who knows...gray/green?

 

11. What words best describe you? 

    Hate this question....umm....the best. Win.

 

My Nominees

Caroline @ Carolina 

Katie @ ketyaboo 

Becca @ my JOYous life

Amy @ Amy Alysse

Laurel @ Holey Shamoley

Andrew @ Andrew

Emilee @ yours truly, emilee

Emily @ DIFFERENCE

Haily @ The Superb Sixteenth Year

Rian @ Rian Nicole

Olivia @ rollerpants

Questions for said Nominees

1. If you could construct your own dreams, what would they consist of?
2. Would you rather shave your head, or shave your head for a million dollars?
3. Creamy or Crunchy? 
4. Biggest pet peeve?
5.  If you were stranded on a desert island with one person, who would it be and why?
6. Where is your dream place to live?
7. If you only had four days to live, which celebrities would you meet?
8. If you had 3 wishes, what would the be?
9. What is your favorite song?
10. What is the last thing you watched on T.V?
11. What color are your socks today?     

 

Inadequacies

This week was equally as hard and as stressful as last week. And newsflash, this week isn't over yet. Last night was our first choir concert of the year. This is my third year in choir and this year I have the awesome chance to be one of two "Student Directors". We're essentially the leaders of the choir. We direct some pieces but mostly focus on unity. It's kind of time consuming.
But lately I feel like I've been running out of time. I am the world's champion procrastinator. Hello world. Sue me.
So I've been slacking off as the student director. Letting other people take over my responsibilities and just being poop head of the world. Woot.
But then I have this issue called I complain every second of every day....awesome.
So choir. Is hard. I really enjoy Chamber Choir, but when I walk into A Capella I just want to throw up. It is SO hard for me to be in there. I always wonder how I'm supposed to lead these kids if I can't even like them.
Last night before our concert I was LIVID. I had SO much homework, had been at rehearsal today and A Capella choir WOULD NOT SHUT UP. And here's the deal. I know how easy it is to talk to your friend in just a whisper and not even realize it, but there is a line that I draw. If you can't show someone respect, you need to get out of my life. Brat much? Yeah. Like I said. Very inadequate.
So then I quieted the choir and said in my best "I'm going to treat you like a child" voice: "Excuse yourselves. You WILL respect Haley and I tonight. I know that we have the potential to be the best choir there ever was. But right now, I have never been more terrified to showcase talent. You KNOW better. Shape up or get out."
And then I felt like a brat.
So I didn't talk to anyone else the rest of the night.
Except for Aaron Nelson who wasn't even there for that little speech.
Yeaaaahhh......
And then at rehearsal today I yelled at people.
Dear Emily,
If you want anyone to ever be your friend, get more sleep and shut your mouth.
Stop thinking bad thoughts about people and get a life.
Stop procrastinating.
Love,
Emily.
Today..I just feel a little inadequate. Do you measure up?

Before My Day Gets Crazy

Hello world!! This week had lasted seven million years...
It was crazy busy and CRAZY stressful. But with the help of the best Mom and Dad in the world and the Priesthood, I made it out alive.

Among the piles of things I had to do this week, were auditions for Into the Woods. All my life I've dreamed of being Little Red Riding hood. When my sister did it, I just thought it would be the funnest part and I thought I could be pretty good at it! See below:)

 

But as things time went on and it was announced that we were doing Into the Woods I started to dream of being the Baker's Wife. She has such a beautiful part and I really wanted it. There were a lot of people though who also wanted to be the Baker's Wife and since everyone already thought I'd be Little Red, I kind of just kept it to myself and went on. However, I purposely chose a classical piece to audition with so I could show the director that I CAN do classical. (She's seen me do belt many a time)

SO. I got called back for Little Red and Baker's Wife. Best of both worlds, right? Sang for both of them, but really wanted to be the Baker's Wife. And then the cast list came out and my wish came true!!! I'm going to be the Baker's Wife!

The cast is really fantastic. We're doing something a little different this year though and it is double cast. Thankfully my double is one of my really good friends and we sound very similar so it's really nice. It is a challenge sometimes though. I didn't realize how selfish I was. I really don't like sharing sometimes! And the Baker isn't single cast, so we have to share him which sometimes is hard. But overall, it's just a great learning experience. 

I am so very happy!!

So here is a song that I will get to sing in the show:)

Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. Stay tuned.:)

Blogging is Hard

For those of you who have been patiently waiting....and those of you who have not :) 

 My monologue:) So many hours of work...so many tears, anguish, bad words. And this is how it turned out. I had the awesome opportunity of being in the Showcase (that is what this video is from) AND I took 2nd place!!!

Our ensemble scene took 1st place! It took a long time for people to actually love it, but in the end it was so much fun.

Our Madrigal didn't place BUT we did get into the Showcase. Performing this was so much fun. Kudos to Ashlee for making it that way. :)

1,000 lbs of Panda Express and a Frosty

Tonight my lovely A Capella choir sang with William Joseph.
William Joseph is a pianist. He's very attractive, LDS, married, and has like 3 kids. No big.
We sang a song that he composed. It was for a political fundraiser or SOMETHING.
I think the experience was supposed to be a lot cooler than it was. I'm pretty sure we sounded really bad and there definitely were only like 20 people for us to sing to. But what the hay. Free trip to SLC? I'll take it.
It was a very interesting trip, however. Being a senior is still so weird to me. And sometimes you feel like a major loser when you sit by yourself on the bus to and from SLC and just listen to podcasts on your iPod about how they're trying to make an elevator from here to space....
ANYWAY. The plus side to having no friends (we see this evidence from sitting by myself like a loser as aforesaid) is that you get to hop around to different groups and meet all sorts of different people. For instance, today I learned that Martin likes to fly, Avi's middle name is Django, Sam plays tennis, Megan dances, Miranda's cheek turns red whenever she eats fruit...the list goes on and on!
But the downside to this is that you get to know everyone's DRAMA!! Everywhere I went there was a different situation, a different obstacle course. It was so very awkward to only be able to say certain things to certain people.
This person was mad at this person but really they weren't mad at each other at all, and her best friend likes the boy she likes, and she just broke up with her boyfriend, and blah blah blah blah blah.
I LOVE people.
And I love listening. But I never realized just HOW much was going on around me.
NEWS FLASH. The world doesn't revolve around me. *GASP*

Anyway, it's whatever. I'm just so very very very glad that the drama is not about me this time!! Knock on wood? WHATEVER.

After singing and avoiding walking on eggshells, we went home. But for some reason we had to stop for dinner. At 10:00 at night. I would have rather died. But we stopped. And I ate Panda Express. I hate Panda Express. It always makes me sick. So basically the ride home was spent praying that I wouldn't barf on all the lovely people. I didn't barf.
But now I'm home and I kind of wish I would barf so I don't have to go to the choir car wash tomorrow. I can only take these people in small incraments of time.
YOLO.

And now, enjoy this picture of my good friend Eva who decided that she would be all smartical and not take choir so I have to suffer by myself. The nerve. Playing boggle by yourself is no fun Eva. No fun at all.

So uh....yeah. Have a good night!

Blog?

I obviously haven't blogged for awhile. Through a series of events...I really started to question my motives for blogging. Why do I even blog? I originally started a blog to help my family keep up with my life. I'm the youngest of 8, and sometimes having to call everyone to tell them how my first day of school went can be a little draining. Here I could type it once and life would be good. 
It was only last year that I really started to love blogging. I blogged consistently and it was so much fun. But somewhere along the line, I became painstakingly aware of my readers and suddenly wanted to cater to them. If I wanted to impress you, I'd do it on my blog. If I wanted to make you feel bad, I'd probably try to fit it in the blog post somewhere. 
The thing is, these emotions that I wanted to get out by writing them down, were too private for a blog and so not only were my posts confusing and lame, but I just sounded like a moody, bratty, teenage girl. (But let's be honest...I kind of am one.)
And that, my dearest friends, is why I have a journal. That is just for me and my feelings. 
BUT this blog is just for me too. If you have a problem with what you read here, then stop reading. I am not here to please a crowd of viewers.
I'm a little conflicted. Not sure if I should make my blog private or not, and wondering what I am to post about. 

Anyway...it may take awhile for me to feel comfortable with this keyboard again, but for now, I pose this question to YOU.
 Why do YOU blog?
Please comment below and let me know. I'm a curious cat. So please, indulge me. 

Word Barf.

I told myself I only had 10 minutes to come up with this post. But by giving myself ONLY 10 minutes, I suddenly don't remember what I had to say.
Maybe that's the problem. I take too long thinking about what I want to say instead of actually saying what I think or what I feel.
Mr. Downs made me cry today. I think I got in a fight with him. Well first I was so embarrassed because I spelled ANTITHESIS wrong on a handout that was supposed to go to every person in the class. And then my example didn't work. And then he said that I looked at the book and not my notes which made me very upset because I'm NOT a liar and it wasn't until after we'd had our back and forth banter that I realized we'd actually kind of had a hissy fit and realized that probably the whole class felt awkward and then I felt stupid because I'd already made a fool of myself enough for one day. So then he kept me after class and told me that I was on his list of favorite people in the world and then....I went to choir. And Mr. Keyes wouldn't go over the soprano part because we should have known it and I suddenly felt responsible for every single soprano. And I felt like a failure.
And Brother Carter is gone. He didn't even get to say goodbye and just when I was liking Seminary again, that luxury is ripped from my hands because nothing in this life gets to be easy. Ever. And sometimes I hate that. And Brother Means is nice...but...he's still a new teacher and it's a little hard.
Then in drama I went crazy and I am so worried about impressing people and worried about what they think of me.
And my senior pictures will never be what I want them to be so I might as well give up on ever liking any picture that is taken of me. Either that or undergo massive amounts of plastic surgery. Hey world. Just be confident with your image and then you won't end up like me.
I wish I could be a little more like Emilee Keele.

...If you made it through this post..I definitely owe you cookies.
My 10 minutes is up.

Fiddler on the Roof

I am very much in a grumpy mood. And I was going to dedicate this post to every snark, rude, sarcastic, horrible comment that I could make to everyone in this world. But I decided to shake things up on my blog because let's be real. When do I NOT talk about that? Right? SO here is a late post about a lovely thing that happened to me this summer called Fiddler on the Roof.

I wasn't sure that I was going to audition because I didn't know if it would work out with work and all the other things I had going on this summer. I was really nervous and really skeptical. BUT all worked out well and I was asked to play the third daughter, Chavela!! It was the best experience of my life! I loved every minute of it :) So here are some pictures to help you grasp the feelings.

What would a show be without two of your best friends???

...Also Claire..don't know how I didn't get a picture with her.

 This adorable little girl played the youngest sister. She was my FAVORITE!! She always brought a smile to my face:)

 And Hannah!!! Where would I be without Hannah? She's amazing.

 That awkward moment when your friend who is a boy has shinier lips than you....

This is Kristian. Basically my BEST friend. So cool, so inspirational, so understanding, so talented. Look him up!

 Alexis was our "fiddler on the roof". She is easily the sweetest girl I know. Always handing out compliments, so easy to get along with, love her.

 Our family :)

 My favorite girls on the earth.

 Agnus!! Best stage mom ever. She brought roses for all her 'girls' on closing night. She is so fun to work with and a joy to be around.

 Another sister. She was so sweet and so funny!!

 Ammon is super taller than me. Hence the awkward angle of this photo. But he's pretty cool too:)

 Lynne is AMAZING. Enough said.

 Andrew and I adopted this cute girl:)

 This is Ray. He has some mental issues so somedays he was hard to work with. But everything he does is so heartfelt and he is an awesome guy. So willing to help.

 And of course, my bff Andrew. He's pretty cool. We were very precious. 100 percent of the time. We even got claps and fans every once and awhile. Good times.

And this...adequately describes my relationship with Christian Wawro. 

And that is that!!

Dear World.
I strongly dislike school photos. Especially senior photos that you have to put in the yearbook. Here's the deal. Most days, when I smile, I just reallllly look Asian. And as much as I'd love to be Asian...I just don't have the hair or skin tone to match it.
I also have grown up in the world of digital photography. So when you take a picture of me, I will request to see it and make you take a new one if I don't like it. So mostly when I saw my senior pictures, the ones where I'm just sitting formally...I cried. Because I hate pictures of me. Especially these ones. Because I'm vain. And I hate when I look ugly. Or feel like I look ugly. It makes me want to...not say nice words. And punch things.
So basically....I just want someone to take a picture of me where I look pretty...and feel pretty...and can rock my Asian-ness instead of just looking like...poop.

Dear World.
On the plus side, I found out today that I will be competing at this year's Shakespeare competiton. I will be performing a monologue from The Merchant of Venice, Act 2 scene ii, portraying the role of Lancelot Gobo. So stoked, so intimidated, so excited, so nervous. Don't look up any videos of the monologue...because they all suck. Just watch me when I rock it. Deal? Deal.
K bye.

1. Red jeans are NOT hipster. Red jeans are mainstream.
2. Red jeans look cute enough on me that I could care less about how mainstream they are.
3. Shakespeare. Causes me anxiety. Makes me nervous.
4. Drama Retreat. Suddenly hit me that I'm the oldest. I'm kind of a brat. I like to just be friends with people who are older than me so I can aim to be as old and as cool as them...but then they grow up and suddenly I have to try and make friends with everyone younger than me but I don't actually know how to do that because I've never had to do it before.
5. The lake is NOT full of leeches.
6. I have a hot date with a hot boy from New Jersey. He's kind of weird but....it's all good. Please enjoy this picture that I stole from facebook.

Not too shabby eh? Don't worry, the girl is only his sister.
7. A man came into Jamba Juice today and this is the conversation that we had:
Me: Hey Landon! How are you doing? (I obviously had just read the name on the screen that had his order....not that hard, right?)
Landon: Oh hey! I'm doing well..*awkward pause as he sort of props his head on his hand, leans on the counter, charmingly says..* Hey..uh..remind me of your name again?
Me: Uh....what? *frantically searching my mind for how I know him* Do I know yo-- OH! No! I don't know you, I just read your name on the screen thing...yeah. Oh. Awkward.
Landon: Oh! I was trying really hard to figure it out!
Me: Imagine if I'd been wearing my name tag (I'd forgotten it at home) and you had just pretended to know me! How embarrassing!
Landon: Oh yeah. Good times...well, see you later!
Me: Marry me.
Okay. That last part was a lie but...still pretty great, right?
8. .....yeah...I don't have anything else to day. PEACE

My last first day of school....publicly at least.

Driving Thelma...WHAT?!?

Bless my heart

Yep...I'm absolutely that cool. 

Today was great! I honestly felt like school never ended. That feeling is a little bittersweet. But going back wasn't very hard. I made a fool of myself and felt so okay about it! Just one of the perks of being a senior I guess.
And yes. I already have senioritis. Woo!

My blog is strugglin!! I don't have any pictures and I don't have anything to say.
Except for maybe this cool picture of a license plate. Is it cats wag? Or cat swag? Either way, I'm kind of obsessed.
School starts on Tuesday. Let's be real though. School actually never got out for me because I've been planning for it all summer SO. No big changes. Thankfully I have restocked my closet with lots of clothes and shoes and underwear and socks.
Sometimes I forget that school has an academic aspect as well...
Sometimes I'm going to go see Wicked tomorrow. STOKED. Peace out.

I'll be home come sundown

What a bittersweet week it's been. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday were mostly spent cleaning for a dear friend who is moving to Europe for the next few months with her husband and two adorable girls. (The ones I nannied for) Tuesday also included a Seminary council meeting, some tears (more than I'd liked) and rehearsal. Wednesday I was able to go boating with my Young Men and Young Women for about 2 hours before I had to sneak away, once again, to rehearsal.
Thursday was the Choir Council retreat. We hiked to Timp Caves at 8:00 am, went to Zupas for lunch, and spent the entire afternoon planning out the year. Thursday was a really good, but really rough day. As we were hiking down the mountain, we received word that Emily Austin, one of our choir members who had been fighting a long battle with Leukemia, had passed away that morning.
Something told me every single day last week that I needed to go see her. And I didn't.

Emily kept me going most days last year. She always radiated the light of Christ and the light of life even though her body restricted her from doing most things. She touched the lives of so many people, especially mine. She will be missed. But I cannot wait to see her in heaven, no longer bound by the disease that she battled her whole life. I have no doubt that she is already bringing to pass the Lord's work. I love you, Emily.

So Thursday was hard. In addition to Emily's passing, I was exhausted from getting home from rehearsal at midnight each night and getting up very early the next morning to work hard. I'd just hiked a mountain, and spent 4 hours debating with opinionated people. And I had to go to rehearsal for 6 hours with puffy eyes and billions of overly dramatic people who like to pretend they understand. And some people do understand. But it just didn't sound pleasant.
Thankfully I got to go to rehearsal and spend my time with Katie and Hannah. I have never been so grateful to see their faces. Katie had a box of tissues, I had a pillow, and Hannah had a fan. We sat in our bloomers in the dressing room. We avoided putting eye make up. We knelt in prayer. We mourned the loss of a friend together.

I have the best sisters in the world. Our performance that night was more real than ever before. it suddenly became beautiful. Truly a part of each of us. I love these girls more than anything. And I love this show.
I made it through the night and spent most of yesterday recuperating. Last night we opened the show. It was awesome. I've never felt so good performing. It wasn't my best performance, but I think I finally understood why I perform. It just felt right.
Church is true. Come see my show. Go Ye Now In Peace.

just a sad post before i decide to be happy

WHOA. Here's the deal folks. Boys are DUMB. And I hate them...a lot. But I don't. And that's why I'm so upset these days. Someday I'll be glad that I have a bunch of guy friends that are my best friends, but today I'm not. Because today I'm emotionally attached...but left in the dust. It's really not a big deal. And it's totally fine! I'm just upset that I'm upset.
So sometimes I go to Malawi's with my family last night for dinner. And on the way home I see something that makes me sad. And I sit on the couch and watch Pride and Prejudice and cry a little. And go to bed and have nightmares and wake up late. And then I have to go to work and that requires me to be happy and then I have to go to rehearsal where I can't be grumpy. And sometimes I hate my life and can't wait for school to start so I can actually be involved in things that I love again. And I can actually learn things so maybe I won't feel so stupid anymore.
But I'm freaking out because my life is somehow coming to an end just because I'm graduating and I don't know if I should be a teacher or a beautician and I don't know what college to go to and I don't want to take the ACT and I hate Financial Lit.

Someone bring me cookies.

WHEW! Now I can be happy! This is going to be the best day EVER!!! Do you know why????? Because of thiiiiis:

Only 3 more days until my KERI comes home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Praise the Lord :)

Also, enjoy this song. Ignore the fact that it's from Dance Moms..and just listen to the song:)

Be Happy For Me:)

When I Look at You.

The Scarlet Pimpernel - The Musical.

Best musical EVER. 

I've killed 2 ladybugs in 2 days..

Yesterday I was at work.
I was washing the windows and observed a bug on the window. I assumed it was on the outside...but realized I was wrong when I swiped my squeegee over it. It was a ladybug. And despite my efforts to set it free, it died.
Today I was driving to work.
A ladybug was sitting on my windshield. My first reaction was to turn on the windshield wipers. I don't think I'll be seeing that ladybug anytime soon..
I am a horrible person.
BUT I've decided there is only one reason why these ladybugs are following me everywhere.

Once upon a time I was in Disneyland. I lost my favorite pair of earrings on one of the rides. My BFF Andrew decided he would be cool and buy me a new pair. This new pair happened to look like ladybugs and I happened to wear them yesterday. Coincidence??? I THINK NOT!! They think I'm their queen bee. Obviously. 

Unfortunately I just keep killing them. Shoooot.

I hope she doesn't mind! :)

There is this most adorable girl named Emily..who is not me.
She was in my P.E. class with Haily Leavitt and I this last year and I just think she is the coolest EVER. So sometimes on summer days when I don't want to go to work, I stalk her blog. I'm just a little creepy. It's fine. BUT I found this lovely post and I wanted to post it. READ HERE
Modesty is something that I am very passionate about.
I went to Savers the other day looking for a pair of shorts. All I wanted was a pair that was shorter than all my other pairs. I didn't want them to be booty shorts (heaven knows I don't have the legs to pull those off) but I didn't want them to be knee length. I wanted to push my standards as far as I could. To "be modest" without really being modest. And I found the PERFECT pair! They fit perfectly, where the perfect short shorts for me! And then I looked in the mirror and a little voice said to me Seriously? You know better.
So I sent a picture to my mom.

Me: I need to know what you think about the shirt..and if the shorts are too short.
Mom: They're a little on the short side. If you need to ask, they're probably too short.

THAT was the line I needed to hear. IF YOU NEED TO ASK, IT'S PROBABLY TOO SHORT.
My mind was made. Why did I want to be immodest? Because it was so dang cute! But that's not a good excuse. Which is why I loved Emily's post because she found ways to still be modest and cute.
Don't fool yourself, don't make excuses. You have no idea how modesty influences other people, especially men.
So lets all be modest okay?

My name is Emily Erdmann, and I'm okay.
I really kind of hate when I read people's blogs and they're ususally pretty funny or sarcastic, and then they kind of just go all spiritual or tender and you just kind of feel awkward. I mean, not that being spiritual or tender is a bad thing, but we all know the feeling, right?
So...how do I say I HAVE A TESTIMONY!!! without making all my readers (all 8 of them) feel awkard?
BUT
Here's the deal. This blog is for ME! Not for you:) So please, feel free to skip this post while I reflect on the more spiritual side of my life.
I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. That doesn't make me perfect, and that doesn't make me better than you, but it sure makes me feel a lot better sometimes. I am safe. I am loved. And I'm going to be okay!!!
So...um. Yeah. I'm awkward. But I don't care. Because I have a testimony. And that rocks my life right now.

Usually I hate Vocal Point. But this one is pretty prime. Definitely worth listening to.

Church is true.

Famililes are FOREVER.

Forth of July

I had to work.
At the Freedom Festival.
From 4-Midnight.
With my new best friend.
We almost died. But it was a blast.
"If you like my dress, you'll LOVE my pies." Yeah. We almost killed the lady in the booth next to us.
The end.

Debatable?

So here's my deal. People always say, "Don't text on dates." Clearly that is an obvious rule.
But are you allowed to say, "Don't text while hanging out with firends?"
So texting is rude, but...isn't reading kind of rude too?
Okay. None of this makes sense, but bear with me. I know this kid who whenever they have to wait for something (long bus rides, wait for a movie, etc.) they bring a book. Which is totally fine, right? Because it is always so nice to have something to fill your time. That is, if nothing else is going on. In my opinion, it is NOT okay to just plop down in the middle of a social experience and absorb yourself in your book. And maybe it is, but when people want to talk to you and have to literally pull  your nose out of your book so they can even just say hello, that's where I draw the line.
But then I have this problem. Because some people text when they're with friends and it's totally fine with me? So what's the difference? Should I still be having an issue?
The answer is yes. Because if you text someone while nothing is going on, or there is spare time, that's fine. Just like with a book. You can pull it out if there is nothing else exciting happening. BUT if you have your full attention glued to a screen or a page, you have a problem. Seriously.
BE WITH THE PEOPLE YOU ARE WITH.
I don't care if you'd rather text or read or check your facebook or snog in the corner. But just be with the people you are with.
Clearly some people drive me up the wall.
Peace.

Camping With Girls

This year was my last year at camp. (Insert bittersweet feelings)
I feel like I've had quite the journey with Girl's Camp. My first year we were snowed in and just became living popsicles for a week. My second year was Trek. My third year, my sister was a YCL and it was technically my first official year of camp. My fourth year, we only had 7 girls in our ward. Fith year I was a ward YCL and we doubled our numbers (14 girls. woot.)
And let's see....my very last year I was a Stake YCL, watched the tire on our trailer blow up, packed and unpacked said trailer 9 times, was evacuated from Shalom, and stayed in a million dollar cabin for the remainder of the week. Yep. This week was a winner.
So this whole "getting away from society" thing didn't exactly work out the way I had hoped. Camp was not what I imagined it would be. And I won't say it was better, because I'm not sure that it was, but I know that it happened exactly how it was supposed to.
SO on the way to Shalom, the tire on our trailer burst into flames. Awesome? Yeah, check. So we had to haul the rest of our belongings in the suburban and truck that we had. It took us two trips. We carried 7 million coolers, 500 hundred camping chairs, 3 canopies (that number is actually real), and a billion sleeping items up the mountain. We became very tired and were relieved when we were all settled in and could actually relax for the first time all day. At least that was what I thought.
We went to Waterfront and Confidence Courses, ate some dinner, bonded. Things were going great! I felt like this was the best year of camp ever!
PSYCH!
I woke up at 5:30 the next morning to a loud male voice in the cabin. Scary? Yeah, just a little bit. He said, "Is there a leader in here?"
"Huh...what?" was the obvious 5:30 in the morning reply.
"Is there a leader in here?"
"Huh? No..next cabin."
"Okay, well we're evacuating the camp. The stake president decided the fire was too much of  a threat. We are not in immediate danger, but everyone needs to get out. Get your bags and sleeping bags and go down to the bus."
Awesome. Bain sort of sits up and says, "Is this real life? I mean, I just want to make sure this is really happening before I get up."
But guess what. It was really happening. That morning was so surreal. We just sort of went through the motions. We sent the girls off on the bus, packed the trailer...AGAIN. Realized that we hadn't even been there for 24 hours, and then left.
The ride home was long. It was just me and my daddy in the car. I felt sorry for myslef. I didn't think our ward would do anything to make up for it. I just couldn't believe it was all over. I came home, got in the shower, and before I could drift off to sleep, my Pa told me that they had developed a plan b afterall and we were going to stay at the Thompson's Cabin! WOOT!!
This cabin is HUGE, super luxurious, and pretty legit. And then I heard that the other wards were staying in people's back yards and stuff...and I didn't feel too bad for myself.
We left at 4:00. We got there and just enjoyed the luxury of it all. We started a movie (classic camping activity, right?) and then had some delicious dinner. That night we put together a "non-talent show" that included Rachel and I wearing mustaches and a sick....routine. That was great. We had a little devotional, watched Despicable Me, and went to bed.
The next morning we woke up, had French Toast for breakfast and then went on a nice hike to Stewart Falls. As we approached the falls, we met up with the 6th ward. We felt kind of sheepish when we told them we were staying in a fancy cabin and they were staying in someone's backyard. It's fine.
After the hike we came back and watched Confessions of a Shopoholic and followed that up with some quality girl talk. Basically my life is super dramatic, boys are dumb, and....life goes on. I'm pretty sure I told the same story 17 times. And that number is NOT exaggerated. Then we played in the bonus room. I'm really bad at pool...it's fine. Then we had some dinner, coregraphed a little dance to put on for our leaders, had a Bishop's Devotional, testimony time, delicious cookies, and then it was time for bed. But instead of going to bed we played Sardines..in the dark...with glow sticks. Yep. We rock. And just as we were going to bed, Sister Woodbury came in and told us the story of her and her husband. And so we stayed up until 2 in the morning:)
This morning we came home and I basically slept all day.
So...yeah. It was pretty legit. It was crazy, but it was fun. We made it. I still had a great time. And I know that things happened exactly the way they were supposed to. Of course it wasn't how I planned or imagined, but that's okay. I still learned, I still grew, life goes on.
So my friends, the moral of the story is: if you ever get evacuated from Shalom, ALWAYS go to a really nice cabin instead.
Oh, and P.S.
Showering when you get home from camp is NOT a debatable subject. Especially if you're going to be spending time elsewhere...with people..in public...in a nice cabin. Hygiene. Gotta love my beehives:)
That's all for now!

Holy Love

My life is officially CRAZY!!! I worked a TON last week. And the AC in Jamba is broken. So it was like 89 degrees...awesome..awesome. Not awesome. But I am getting payed money so that I can have a   prosperous life..so all is well.
On top of work I had plenty of rehearsal. I'm really excited to do this show. Don't miss out on seeing it! August 3-18.
BUT. I am mostly just excited that in a little more than 12 hours, I get to leave my crowded schedule behind and go to Girl's Camp. No cell phones, no facebook, no dumb boys, no worrying about appearances, no impressions to make. Just me and my favorite girls, in my favorite place, working on my relationship with my Father in Heaven. If you asked my if I was excited for Girl's Camp I would tell you no. Because it is such a hassle and a stress and a big commitment, obligation, etc. But deep down inside I just can't wait. I've been stuck in a rut lately. Nothing is going wrong in my life, but nothing is going right either. I am so ready to separate myself from the world and just focus on me. My testimony, my relationship with God. Mine. The time is now.
Pray that the wildfires stop so we can actually have a campfire. Pray that I won't die of heat exhaustion. Pray that Mom and Dad won't miss me too much while I'm gone...;). Pray that the potguts will be extra fat this year.
Darn..just remembered I've got to get stuff together for Snipe Hunting. This year we're going backwoods West Virginia (that one was for you, Natalie)
See you in a week! Praise.

Nannying and Fiddling

Whoa. This summer has been CRAZY!!! Probably I just need to accept the fact that I'll never have a life and move on haha. All of last week I got to nanny THE MOST adorable girls. It was every day from 9:30-4:30 and it was great. The pay wasn't the best, but it was totally worth it. We played dolls, had tea parties, went to swimming lessons, and I did LOTS of hair. It was great. 

I stayed busy after nannying too. Monday night I went to work at Jamba, Tuesday I went on a hot date with Andrew Olsen, Wednesday was a YCL meeting and then Mutual, Thursday I auditioned for Fiddler on the Roof, and Friday I had another shift at Jamba.
Daddy was out of town this week. He was in California helping Melia move. So Mommy and I had some great bonding time. An Iceburg Chocolate Shake, good long cry, Laverne and Shirley, and a sleep over. It was the best. :) I love that lady.
So there you have it. I wish I had more to say..but I don't. So...go read someone else's blog:)
PEACE.

OH WAIT!!!!! I totally forgot the most important news of ALL!!!!!!
Remember how on Thursday I auditioned for Fiddler on the Roof?? Well I got in!! I will be playing the role of Chava! (The youngest of the 3 daughters) I am SO excited!!! Come and see it!