The Perks of Being a Nanny: Part II

PART II: Moving In

The time between school and me moving home from school and moving out to California was actually non-existent. My schedule was as follows:

Thursday: Last final, choir rehearsal
Friday: Move home
Saturday: Spend every last second with family, pack for CA, cry
Sunday: Perform in Salt Lake Tabernacle with choir
Monday: Leave for California
Tuesday: Move in/report for duty

Gosh. Even just thinking back on it gives me anxiety. Like literally my ear itches and my heart is racing. It was so HARD. I tried to play it cool as a cucumber but guys. I was a HOT MESS.
I don't think I actually really started packing until Monday morning and my dad and I packed up my car and drove to Vegas that night. We stayed overnight there and finished the drive Tuesday morning. I can tell you exactly what I was wearing. Man, the flashbacks are real.
We went straight to my sister's house on Tuesday so that my dad could get to my brother in-law's recording session. My sister ended up driving me to my new place of residence at about 2:30 that afternoon. Though on the verge of tears, I put on my big girl pants and my happy face and walked into my new home. I was welcomed with open arms. A beautiful room was waiting for me, everything was very surreal. I mean...there was an Emmy Award sitting below the flat screen TV in my room. AN EMMY AWARD. I literally stared at it and cried. What was I doing here??? I didn't fit in, I didn't belong, I missed my friends. And then I got SUPER down on myself because I was like "Ugh, I'm supposed to be amazing and perfect and I should love this job because everyone hates me and is jealous that I got this job and this is supposed to be the perfect thing but actually I'm a hot mess and where do I get out." I'm really good at being dramatic.

Later that night, my dad dropped my car and my keys off. I was stuck between this, "Hey stay here forever and meet everyone and we'll have lots of fun," and "Please get out because if you don't, I'm going to start crying hysterically and fall down like a child and cling to your leg." And. That's just a hard place to be in.
I remember unpacking my things that day and thinking, "Oh. So I can't just live out of a suitcase all summer?" And that's when things started to get real. I wasn't just doing this for a week or for a month, this was a whole summer commitment. If you're guessing that anxiety followed this thought, then you are right. But I kept brushing it aside. "It's fine, it's fine. I'm fine. It will all be fine." One hard thing that I learned this summer was that sometimes it isn't just "fine" and that's okay.
Those first few days were hard in and of themselves, but on top of that we were just a few days from taking a 10 trip to Hawaii. And ohhhhh man. Hawaii is a story in and of it self....stay tuned for Part III.

The Perks of Being a Nanny: Part One

Hi America.

 I've taken quite a journey in the past 4 months. I've learned things I didn't even know I could learn about. I've been stretched in ways I didn't know my soul could be stretched in. I've cried and complained and prayed. I have decided to share my experience with all of you. In part because I want to remember it and in part because I truly want to share it.

PART I: Getting the Job

Last summer was hard. I am so glad that I was living at home because I needed to learn some things about myself that I could have only learned inside my own home; but it was hard. When I went back to school in the fall, I knew that the following summer I wanted to be adventurous - do something a little more exciting than moving back home. ((Don't worry Mom and Dad, I really do love you)) In the middle of October, I decided that I wanted to audition to be a Young Performing Missionary in Nauvoo, Illinois through my church. I thought it was the best decision for me. It would fulfill my "Should I go on a mission?" questions and feed my "I miss theater!" hunger. I auditioned knowing that I would AT LEAST get a callback. ((I'm SO humble, it's ridiculous.)) When a callback didn't come around Christmastime, I was pretty upset. Determined that God had a plan for me, I went back to the drawing boards.
In January, I applied to be an Especially For Youth Camp Counselor, also through my church. Additionally, I auditioned for the Nauvoo Pageant (Church again.) The pageant route didn't work and though I got two interviews with EFY, I wasn't hired. By mid-March I was pretty beaten down. My last "go-to" was to perform in Yellowstone but I wasn't feeling green lights with that option either. I was so confused. Why was I getting so many "no's"? Throw in some typical college kid life drama and I was a hot mess.
For spring break, I decided to "runaway" to California to visit my sister. I needed to detach from everyone around me, clear my head, and start over. A few weeks previous, my sister had mentioned that her husband's agent and his wife were looking for a live-in nanny. At the time I jokingly said, "Well if they're willing to just take someone for the summer, I'd do it!" Not expecting them to be okay with that, they surprised me by saying they would and they would like to meet me for dinner while I was in California.
As we were driving to their home, I was completely talking myself out of it. "I'm just going to stay in Logan and work for the summer. It's no big deal. I'll keep working where I'm working, settle in, it will be great! Besides, being a live-in nanny in California isn't really going to happen anyway."
Well obviously it happened. I walked into the house and met mom and baby. I played with baby, I talked with the mom and dad. The thing I learned that night was that this unfathomable thing was suddenly becoming fathomable. Something I only dreamed about doing was actually being dangled in front of my face.
We left that night with no sure plans expect that they made it very clear that they wanted me for the job. They let me know that they would send me an official offer in a few weeks - one they claimed that I couldn't refuse.
And let me tell you. I couldn't refuse. Generous wage, travel, time off for events. I mean there was literally no way that I could say no. It was everything that I needed. And it seemed like the perfect chance to escape and focus on my own life. It was a big move away from home and a brand new world experience that I really felt like I was ready for and that I needed. I accepted the offer and was weeks away from moving out for an experience that would change my life.

The life.

This week. Whew. Am I glad that it's over! These past few weeks have been incredibly challenging. The beginning of the semester was pretty tough. I became super stressed as I tried to figure out my schedule and get back into the swing of things. After a week, I thought I had it pretty well figured out and then my little world got turned upside down again. I will not go into the details of what happened, mostly because they unimportant. What is impotant, however, are the things I have learned in the past few weeks. God's hand has been very visible in my life. I have been very humbled as He has carried me through these struggles. 

One lesson I have been taught through this experience is a great lesson from Mary, found in Luke 2. You may be familiar with the story of the birth of Christ found in this chapter. My favorite verse is 19 which reads, "But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart." I love the lesson that this teaches. I love to talk and share all the details of my life with people. The fact that Mary had such a wonderful, marvelous event in her life must have been something that she wanted to talk to so many people about. And yet, she chose to ponder the things in her heart out of love and respect. It shows her faithfulness to God and is a great measure of her character. As I review the events of the past week, I have chosen to set aside many of the details to ponder in my heart. This way they may remain private and between me and my Father in Heaven.

Lesson number two comes from the example of Sariah in 1 Nephi 5. In the beginning of the chapter, it talks about Sariah's suffering in the wilderness. Verse 3 says, "And after this manner of language had my mother complained against my father." Lehi responds in a completely different "manner of language." The scriptures say that he comforts Sariah and after this, she changes her "manner of language" and even goes on to share her testimony. Understading the importance of changing the "manner of language" has been crucial to me this week. It would be so easy to complain or put the blame on other people, but I am striving to watch the manner of language that I use. This way I can uplift myself and those around me.

Last weekend I was able to sing with Latter-Day Voices at a stake conference in the area. The notes I took at that meeting have been an immense blessing and comfort. Some of my favorites include:

- The Lord has made promises to you. Keep doing what you're doing and He will bless you.

- Trials help you help others.

- We have to be obedient and obedience takes work.

I am not 100% back on my game, but that's okay. Because I'm still moving. Even though I feel like I keep getting knocked down, I am so grateful for the knowledge that this is Heavenly Father's way of refining me and making me the best Emily that I can be. 

Thanks to everyone for the thoughts and prayers. I am not lying when I say that I have been carried throught these weeks. If I look a little down when you see me, just know that I'm trying and just give me a hug.

Peace and blessings.

A Year in Review

Alright friends. As this year comes to a close, I'm just in awe over all the many things I have learned this year. Time has flown and yet I feel like January happened years ago (well I mean...it did...it's kind of an annual thing) Anyway, this post is merely for me to review all the things I've done this year so I can feel a little bit better about my life. 

January- Logan visit from Aaron, new semester, surviving

February- Solo in Assembly Hall on Temple Square, started work at Macey's, began mission papers, still surviving

March- Logan visit from Katie and Rach, spring break, put mission papers on hold, decided on beauty school, learning how to thrive

April- 19th birthday, 2 Logan visits from mom and dad, Easter dinner with the roommates, life changing seminary visits with Latter Day Voices, spring show and tour with Latter Day Voices, work crushes, finals, moving home

May- Home for 1 day, jumped on a plane to North Carolina, spent 16 days in the most beautiful place with some of my favorite people, temple visits, Segway dates, preschool graduations, Eva's farewell

June- started work at Farr's and Eden's Landscapes, boating with Daniel Bean, Mom plays organ at tabernacle, secure housing in Logan, work festival with Damsel in this Dress, Dad has heart attack, Ben's farewell

July- Carly's farewell, so many tears saying goodbye, 1 week in Logan training at ASSERT, got the job, lots of joy, lots of work

August- Time with family, camping, more work, trip to St. George with Katie and Rach, moved back to Logan (finally), did hair for a wedding, Rachel's farewell, 3 semester of college begins!

September- LDV retreat, lots of school, Ogden Temple open house, dates, Peach Days, Hymnfest, fall approaching and it is so wonderful

October- 4 babies born (3 nephews, 1 niece), conference weekend, cabin weekend, boy drama, fall break in Yellowstone, in love with Logan in the fall, blows to the self-esteem, Halloween at ASSERT and at home

November- Retail therapy, run away trips to Kaysville, photoshoot with Chelsey, seminaries with LDV, friendships formed, Thanksgiving with the fam, auditioned to be a YPM in Nauvoo

December- Christmas LDV show, no callback for Nauvoo, Christmas outfits with Alyssa, finals week, work, switched apartments, home for Christmas, time with the family, CHRISTMAS!

This year has been long and hard, but I have learned so so much. I have gained such a strong testimony of the Atonement. I feel so blessed that I have the ability to start over clean slate when I make a mistake. I am grateful for the ups and downs that life brings and that I've learned more and more to accept them and learn how to work through challenges. I have gained such a strong testimony of the temple. I love that place more than anything. I consider myself so blessed to be as close to a temple as I am. I have learned that the sweetest blessings come from hard work. I have become so grateful for my eternal family and am I so grateful that we were all able to spend time together this year.

I am not where I thought I would be one year ago, but I am so glad that I am where I am. I am so excited to see what this new year brings!

Finding Joy in the Journey

"All that is unfair in life can be made right through the atonement of Jesus Christ."

Today feels so good.
I'm learning that winter isn't so bad after all.
I'm remembering that I like sweaters.
I'm remembering that I'm not perfect. And I like that.
But I'm also remembering that I am of great worth.

"As you submit your wills to God, you are giving Him the only thing you can actually give Him that is really yours to give. Don't wait too long to find the altar or to begin to place the gift of your wills upon it!" - Conference Report April 2014

Being Flooded in a Desert

I've been planning on writing a post for the past 4 weeks. But every week something drastic has changed, something that would change the whole mood or purpose of the post. So I come to this blank post now with NO idea what to write about to explain what has happened in the past 4 weeks. So I won't say anything about it at all. Except this: Once upon a time Emily's dating life was like a desert. And then all of the sudden it was like a flood and she had to learn how to build an ark REAL fast. And then the one person that she actually wanted to keep on the ark got nervous and jumped ship. That is all.

Moving on.

I've been in complete denial that winter is actually happening right now. It has snowed quite a bit up here in Logan the past few days,yet I keep expecting to wake up and the snow be completely gone and the weather to be all warm and balmy. I know that's not going to happen....but I'm still in denial about it.
I was discussing this with a good friend last night and I had a sort of realization.
This past season, I have been stretched and grown in so many wonderful ways. From spring to fall I have really changed. Or maybe not changed, but slipped into the skin of someone that I really love and want to be. Me. I'm finally comfortable. But, just like the seasons change, so does life. This season of my life has served its purpose. I've grown and stretched in all the ways I've needed to. Now it's time to move on. I have to completely let go of that old me and get to work with the new me. It's time for a new season where the sets of trials are different and hard. And let me tell you, that is HARD.
BUT.
If there is anything I've learned through all of the above things that I'm dealing with, it is that my Heavenly Father loves me and is aware of me. Countless times these past few weeks I've received calls, texts, and little notes of sweet people telling me of their love for me. All of these have been tender mercies. All came at perfect moments when I really needed to feel loved. So thank you if you were a part of that.

On a completely, not so unrelated note, I have decided to stick with Elementary Education and a minor in Theater! For now.....;) #collegedegreeprobs