Thursday, October 8, 2009

A momentary blessing ...

It is amazing to me how the Lord just reaches out and TOTALLY blesses you when you’re least expecting it! I’m sitting here at Whole Foods on north Academy, waiting for my car to be done at Pep Boys and as I glance up from the book I’m reading, there at the check-out station closest to my table is John Eldredge! Yup, no lie!

Of course, not wanting to be seen as a groupie, I squelch my immediate response to run over to him and gush about how much their ministry has changed my life … I take a moment to pray about it and tell the Lord that if he walks past my booth, I’ll take the opportunity to introduce myself (knowing, of course, that the main doors are in front of him and therefore NOT the direction for him to go). As he finishes up, the cashier points down toward the other door and he heads my direction.

So, up I get, introduce myself, telling him what a blessing attending the Captivating retreat was, and how my life will never be the same … and thank him for the openness that both he and his wife embrace as they minister. He is as engaging in person as he is in the DVD’s … lives real and in the moment and I so appreciated his response to me … as I’m sure I’m not the only person who disrupts his day in this way.

What a trip! This was the highlight of my day and once again I am completely humbled by the timing of the Lord … just to bless me and encourage me! The Lord truly DOES want to bless us. It is His desire to give us these little gifts … moments in time … where we become completely aware of His hand in our lives and how much He truly does love us! Oh how I wish I could see what is coming around the next bend in the road, but at the same time its SO exciting to be surprised like this … and guess what, ladies? He bought flowers, presumably for Stasi! A pretty cool guy who has taken the time to understand what makes HER day!

LOOK what the Lord can do!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Are you a tweeker or a seeker?

I am amazed at what the mind keeps locked away in the recesses … I’ve had some pretty interesting dreams over the years, but last night (9/29/09) was one of the first times I’ve been so thoroughly challenged by the Lord in a dream, with just a simple phrase. I don’t remember much, but in that haze between sleep and wakefulness, realized the Lord was asking me a question … “Sonya, will you be a tweeker or a seeker?” And that is a phrase that will stick with you!

Of course, as in all dreams, I immediately knew that what he was asking was, “Will you turn to me whenever you need a ‘fix’, or will you trust me in all things, spending time seeking me every day?” For those of you who don’t watch as much TV as I do, tweekers are meth addicts … no idea where that came from in my brain, but likely from one of those NCIS or CSI shows that I like to watch … so there it was … a word just waiting to be used by the Lord to really challenge me where I am at TODAY!

I’ve had some truly amazing breakthroughs and healing in the past month and a half, and yet here I sit, with the Lord calling me to Him in a dream, and asking me if I will become a seeker instead of just a tweeker, getting my ‘fix’ whenever I need it. And I find myself not wanting to listen … I don’t want to have to be responsible for what I now KNOW. It is so much easier to simply continue doing what I think I want to do without really having to invest in this life the Lord is calling me to. Is this laziness? Not at all – I’m not a lazy person … but I am VERY accomplished in the art of avoidance!

I had a mentor last fall/spring who said to me, “Sonya, you say ‘it’s easier’ a lot. Have you thought about what that means? What do you mean, it’s easier?” Okay, so here goes: It’s easier to keep going to all my substitute “comforters” than to let them go and surrender to God; it’s easier to go home and watch TV or read a book at night than to risk ‘engaging’ with other people, or God, both of whom will surely disappoint me (a lie to be sure, but intrinsic for many); it’s easier to not be involved or committed to anything, than to risk the pain that will surely come when that thing or person is taken away from me … it’s just easier … WOW! Talk about an eye opener … when you take the time to put it into words, you see the truth of your thoughts and the reality that it is, in fact, NOT easier, but simply an insulator that helps you believe the LIE that it is easier.

Now, I can choose to live the rest of my life, insulating myself against pain, disappointment and hope, keeping others at arms length and only showing that part of me that I have perceived to be “acceptable,” being a “tweeker” who only turns to God in those moments that I need my ‘fix’ in order to keep on going. In fact, I have chosen this life for many years, functioning on the premise that this is the EASIER way to live. However, “easier” is just a perception and only works for as long as I am able to insulate myself from the pain that lies under the surface … and when something happens to bring that pain to the surface, I have to choose more false comforters to feel better, or face the pain and tweek for that ‘fix’ to get me through the day… once I’ve gotten the fix, then I can go back to that sub-par existence, hiding my true self from everyone.

Wow! So, will I be a tweeker or a seeker? What will I choose … or better yet, what will you choose?

Life is such a trip!

I am completely overwhelmed at what the Lord has done to bring me to this place I am in today. There is such a deep peace and complete knowledge and awareness of His love … and not ‘cause everything is going ‘my way’ … its there in spite of the reality that it’s not … that there are things I wish were different in my life.

But now I wonder how I could ever walk away from this new way of living. Of course, I am aware that negligence will lead me away faster than you can blink … neglect of my relationship with the Lord and the intrinsic need that is within all of us to connect deeply with Him, will effectively separate me from Him, and I do NOT want to go back there – too many years wasted that way. THIS new way of living is the only way I want to be!

It is amazing that the more control I surrender to the Lord, the more freedom that I encounter … freedom from habits and compulsive sin … from ‘needing’ affirmation from others. It is a paradox for sure, but one that I am embracing today. I WANT less control and as I give that up to Him, He is so faithful to show me how to be released from those things that I have ‘thought’ I needed to escape the pain … and He is healing the pain and heartache in miraculous ways. The POWER of the Lord transcends ALL other power available … and walking in THAT is where the freedom comes from.

I am humbled at the way He has wooed me to His heart, and OHHHH so grateful for His patience and passion for me … for ME! I truly am a daughter of the most high God, and He IS my deepest longing … I am complete in Him as I allow Him to complete me!