Anticipation … I am full of it … for the future, for dreams and hopes, for continued healing and growth and even deeper relationship. A friend asked on my wall the other day, “Freedom from what?” in response to my status post of “Sonya Kuepfer thinks freedom is super cool ... and living in the process is an opportunity to just sit back and say "WOW"...”
I don’t have a simple answer for that question – wish it were an easy response but it’s not … well, maybe I don’t wish it were easy at all. If it were, I wouldn’t be the person I am today, and I’m growing on me! : ) I’m growing up … finally!
So FREEDOM it is – and I embrace it! Freedom from selfishness and self-destruction; from pain and wounded places in my heart; from religion and expectation … the list truly could go on but I want to focus on what this Freedom is leading me into instead. I am marked for LIFE by the gentle hand of a Father who dotes on me, loves me, gentles me … steps into my life with power and authority, reaching in and untangling the mess I would make of things and teaching me to LET GO of how I would attain life for myself, instead showing me HIS way of attaining LIFE.
The Lord’s plan is the one I desire for my life and I am confident that as I learn to just sit in this place … in His presence … and develop a relationship with Him, that He will indeed lead me into the path that He designed from the beginning of time. It won’t always be easy, there will surely be pain – things I will need to give up, let go of, walk away from as I lose my self, but find LIFE. I understand now that His heart for me is GOOD and that I can trust Him with all of it, my hopes, my desires and even those dreams that I barely speak of … and that in THIS place, nothing will ever be lacking … I am FREE…
I am engulfed by peace and awash with grace. There is nothing I have ever done or ever could do to change His love, acceptance and delight in me … it is just the way He is and I can’t WAIT to see what’s around the next bend in the road … Anticipation … and I’m jumping in!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Once upon a time ...
Why am I here? What is this “purpose” that I’m missing? Trust? How? … or better yet, who? I have become quite the reflective soul over the past few years, seeking to understand my place – my purpose here in this life. Dreams have died – hope has been lost and yet I KNOW there is more! And so the journey began…
When I moved to CO in July of 2005, it with a great deal of hope for the future and, frankly, blindly walking forward in my own power. I did not function from a place of trust at that time, but more from a place of disappointment, knowing that if I didn’t embrace the opportunity before me that I would regret it and miss out on that elusive “something” that was just around the corner. I did not set out with the intention of leaving all that was familiar behind and probably didn’t think much about that side of the move. I am, however, undeniably grateful that God held me in the palm of His hand in spite of my willful disregard for his voice. He led me here in spite of myself.
At that point in time I was suffering from an extreme loss of heart. Promises that the Lord made to me over 5 years at two different camps in PA were as yet unfulfilled and I had given up … moving to CO was, in my heart, walking away from any chance at fulfillment of those promises but that was fine with me. It was easier to kill my heart than to deal with the pain of what once was hoped for. Consequently it was easier to move thousands of miles away from those who loved me, than to constantly be subjected to the reminders of what was not or ever would be. I was alone anyway, trusted only myself and so the wild western frontier was a perfect place to start over – to hopefully find a new dream and become a part of something greater than myself, one way or another! I would do it on my own since God obviously wouldn’t do it for me.
Wow! What arrogance! When I reflect on who I was in that moment, I am awestruck that HE has pursued me relentlessly, every single day… He has called me softly with the whisperings of what He had to offer me, roared mightily in the midst of the Colorado summer storms, and wooed me with an acceptance, passion and beauty that I was helpless to resist… I am in love! For the first time … absolutely, truly and hopelessly in love with the ONE who is above all and in all. He is my life and my salvation and I have discovered His amazing love for me in a way I never dreamed.
My deepest questions have been answered by Him … and so completely that they never need be asked again. I am delighted in, and I delight in Him. I am a warrior princess and a part of a story that is SO monumental as to be called a battle. He is walking forward with me, ahead of me, around me and I will never again believe the lie that I am alone. My passions are unveiled, my heart is His and I will live in the here and now … in this moment … ever grateful, humbled and amazed at what He has done. Healing that I have searched for is already complete as He opens my eyes to His truth … to hear His voice. There is no greater gift and I wish it for all of us … do you KNOW who you are in Him? Do you understand this great story in which we all have a roll to play? You ARE a part of this adventure … this story … this battle … we ALL are …
My desires are just becoming known as He awakens me to the first chapter in this new story … and so it begins …
Once upon a time ...
When I moved to CO in July of 2005, it with a great deal of hope for the future and, frankly, blindly walking forward in my own power. I did not function from a place of trust at that time, but more from a place of disappointment, knowing that if I didn’t embrace the opportunity before me that I would regret it and miss out on that elusive “something” that was just around the corner. I did not set out with the intention of leaving all that was familiar behind and probably didn’t think much about that side of the move. I am, however, undeniably grateful that God held me in the palm of His hand in spite of my willful disregard for his voice. He led me here in spite of myself.
At that point in time I was suffering from an extreme loss of heart. Promises that the Lord made to me over 5 years at two different camps in PA were as yet unfulfilled and I had given up … moving to CO was, in my heart, walking away from any chance at fulfillment of those promises but that was fine with me. It was easier to kill my heart than to deal with the pain of what once was hoped for. Consequently it was easier to move thousands of miles away from those who loved me, than to constantly be subjected to the reminders of what was not or ever would be. I was alone anyway, trusted only myself and so the wild western frontier was a perfect place to start over – to hopefully find a new dream and become a part of something greater than myself, one way or another! I would do it on my own since God obviously wouldn’t do it for me.
Wow! What arrogance! When I reflect on who I was in that moment, I am awestruck that HE has pursued me relentlessly, every single day… He has called me softly with the whisperings of what He had to offer me, roared mightily in the midst of the Colorado summer storms, and wooed me with an acceptance, passion and beauty that I was helpless to resist… I am in love! For the first time … absolutely, truly and hopelessly in love with the ONE who is above all and in all. He is my life and my salvation and I have discovered His amazing love for me in a way I never dreamed.
My deepest questions have been answered by Him … and so completely that they never need be asked again. I am delighted in, and I delight in Him. I am a warrior princess and a part of a story that is SO monumental as to be called a battle. He is walking forward with me, ahead of me, around me and I will never again believe the lie that I am alone. My passions are unveiled, my heart is His and I will live in the here and now … in this moment … ever grateful, humbled and amazed at what He has done. Healing that I have searched for is already complete as He opens my eyes to His truth … to hear His voice. There is no greater gift and I wish it for all of us … do you KNOW who you are in Him? Do you understand this great story in which we all have a roll to play? You ARE a part of this adventure … this story … this battle … we ALL are …
My desires are just becoming known as He awakens me to the first chapter in this new story … and so it begins …
Once upon a time ...
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I am Captivating ...
As some of you know, I went to the Ransomed Heart Ministries "Captivating" retreat for women this past weekend, and what a blessing it was! My deepest desire, and the desire of all women, is to know that we are a captivating part of a big adventure - to know that we are delighted in and have something of value to offer that will make a difference!
The retreat was so well orchestrated that they took you through the process of recognizing your wounded heart (past and current), understanding WHO God created us (woman/Eve) to be and the heart He gave us ON PURPOSE!, understanding the fight for our hearts and the battle we live in every day, embracing the role the Lord wants to play in each of our stories and finally and fully realizing/seeing/KNOWING the truth of God's love for each of us.
It was a time of freedom, healing, embracing, trusting ... TRUSTING ... truly trusting the Lord for the first time in my life - a totally NEW thing in my life.
As the weekend progressed I was stirred from the deepest part of my heart and soul to allow the Lord to touch me in ways that I have never allowed Him to touch me before. I let down the walls and opened my heart to him --- FULLY! I finally understand His true heart for me and I am speechless, struck by wonder and amazed at Him. I am a woman in love, for the first time in my life. Fully awakened, full of desire and in LOVE! The pain of my past/current life is not MY fault and neither is it HIS fault ... it is a result of the battle we live in every moment of every day as the enemy desires to steal, kill and destroy, using any means possible to kill our hearts and deaden our souls to the TRUTH of who our Lord is, HOW His heart is FOR us and what He will do just to LOVE us! I am broken, humbled and completely overwhelmed and the more I talk (write) about Him the more I desire to BE with Him in every moment. Perhaps you have experienced this side of loving but it is new for me and I AM IN AWE! My life will never be the same and I am SO grateful that He has brought me through these last three years of "process" to get me to this point ... in this moment ... in HIS plan!
What a blessing - and my deep desire is to see each of you blessed as well. Grace and peace be with you today...
The retreat was so well orchestrated that they took you through the process of recognizing your wounded heart (past and current), understanding WHO God created us (woman/Eve) to be and the heart He gave us ON PURPOSE!, understanding the fight for our hearts and the battle we live in every day, embracing the role the Lord wants to play in each of our stories and finally and fully realizing/seeing/KNOWING the truth of God's love for each of us.
It was a time of freedom, healing, embracing, trusting ... TRUSTING ... truly trusting the Lord for the first time in my life - a totally NEW thing in my life.
As the weekend progressed I was stirred from the deepest part of my heart and soul to allow the Lord to touch me in ways that I have never allowed Him to touch me before. I let down the walls and opened my heart to him --- FULLY! I finally understand His true heart for me and I am speechless, struck by wonder and amazed at Him. I am a woman in love, for the first time in my life. Fully awakened, full of desire and in LOVE! The pain of my past/current life is not MY fault and neither is it HIS fault ... it is a result of the battle we live in every moment of every day as the enemy desires to steal, kill and destroy, using any means possible to kill our hearts and deaden our souls to the TRUTH of who our Lord is, HOW His heart is FOR us and what He will do just to LOVE us! I am broken, humbled and completely overwhelmed and the more I talk (write) about Him the more I desire to BE with Him in every moment. Perhaps you have experienced this side of loving but it is new for me and I AM IN AWE! My life will never be the same and I am SO grateful that He has brought me through these last three years of "process" to get me to this point ... in this moment ... in HIS plan!
What a blessing - and my deep desire is to see each of you blessed as well. Grace and peace be with you today...
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