Wow it surely had been a while...

Nothing much has changed in my life. We changed president, we are still trying to get use to the fall back time and I am getting almost close to getting used to drive in the dark with the morons who cant drive in the dark!

Business has been slow...but I learned now, when the month starts off slow, it will take off in the 2nd half of the month. Allah always rescues me in the end.

2 nights ago, I dreamed that I asked Kakak Mas to cook 2 cups of rice. After 20 minutes, thinking that the rice could have been cooked, I opened the rice cooker and it was filled with puffy white rice, filled to the brim. Could be a good sign? Rezeki? I dont know, InsyaAllah.

Gotta thank my husband for buying me a Coach Wallet last night. Aheem, I had to fight hard for it. Yes, we fought over it cos I was rolling on the floor throwing fits saying that I WANT THAT WALLET hehehe. Not that it costs so much to burn a hole in my pocket. He was just being an a*s about it.

In the meantime, I am waiting for my boots to arrive by mail. Cant wait!!!

So I have learned, things do not go my way as I would like all the time. Hmm...I thought I have learned that many years ago already?

Thank you for your IM and emails. Some I tak sempat jawab. I am okay...really I am.

Here's prove that I am still alive...taken on Halloween.

Abang Matt will be 16 in 7 days. Yaya will be 2 in 4+ weeks. My wish for my kids? I wish they know that Ibu thinks the world of them and loves them to death!

And life moves on...
Sorrow one day and happy the next. I have to do that keep myself sane. I know I have people around me who relies on my positive energy.

I have a wish. To have my son here soon. Things have been in a disarray lately. Something happened and my son's intention to come visit SF was 'sidetracked'. It was noone's fault...noone's at all. Maybe we all tried too hard to make things better but it turned out to be otherwise.

I have been coaxing my son...to come see me. I miss him so so much that it hurts. It hurts everyday from the fact that he is away from me. Everyday it hurts. I have never seen all my 3 kids in front of me.

I did my second coaxing already. I would do the third and fourth whatever I can do to let him know that ibu wants to see him badly.

All I can do is hope and pray to Allah, for Him to show me my son soon.

But you know, if he really is not coming soon, I will still love him no matter what.

I keep telling myself
That things will be okay...
It will be okay
But.....................

I am not sure now
I try and I try
I save everyone's feelings
But....................what about my own feelings?

I protect, I am sensitive, I forgive,
But does anyone care how I feel?
Or are their feelings more important than mine?


I would do anything for the ones I love
Would they do the same for me? For my sake?
Or are their feelings more important than mine?

Do I really matter?

Sigh......I do not know

Is this going to be a 'venting' blog entry? I really dont know.

Past weeks had been a daze to me. From trying to keep the whole family back to the pink of health to trying to make my numbers in this slow economy.

At the same time, I had a fallout with my former sales team from my previous office. She accused me of stealing her prospect, who is my current customer. To make the story short, she accused me of being a liar and that I was that desperate for my numbers that I would steal anything to get it. It was okay if she called me a liar (which I am bad at doing so, you can call me whatever you want) but of her accusing me of stealing to get my numbers? I dont know, as much as I have tried so very hard to shrug it off but heck...that was some hurtful statement that she had thrown at me.

She mentioned that if I were her friend, I would not steal from her. But then, if she were my friend, she would have given my customer my current phone number and not go ahead and made the sale for herself no? I didnt say that last statement to her as I was too busy defending myself with the accusation. I am just not good with 'sudden shot' comebacks. But in the end, the customer did get in touch with me and ended up buying second insurance from me.

Sometimes I wonder, when does a friend really become a friend? When does a friend just turn her back on you and stab you in the front?

I guess I will NEVER find out. Life's like a box of chocolates remember? You will never know what you're going to get.

For now, I still could not believe that she had said that to me.

The voice disappeared and returned. Lets see what tomorrow will bring. Enough of being sick at home for 4 days. Time for me to smell the air and get back to work (dangit!).

I keep telling everyone that I am looking for another job. Sigh..I do love my job but I just cant stand the pressure. With my baby growing, I just do not want to miss a heartbeat of her growth and I know that I will.

And sometimes I feel that I do not need this crappy pressure thinking of my stupid job when I should just enjoy my kids as they grow.

Believe me, I have been looking 'main main' at Yahoo hotjobs. Hmmm, I do qualify to be a banker, just add Life and Annuity license and I am good to go, but they also have sales quota. I can be an insurance account manager, an underwriter (again!), an insurance sales manager and maybe a well qualifed housewife hahaha. I know I am not a quitter but who knows kan?

Last night I dreamed that I was trying to ride a bicycle up a steep hill. Berangan aku nak naik basikal tinggi2 hahaha. I managed to cycle part of it but then I started dragging the bike. And then a friend (hes a top rep in northern california) came with his white van, picked me up and my bike. Was that an omen? That he will help me with my fortune? I emailed him today and told him about my dream. He said that he surely has been thinking of me pass couple of days but no fortune to pass to me yet...aiyah!

Anyway, insyaAllah, Allah must have an agenda for me...I just have a good feeling about it. Maybe slowly but surely...who knows!

What am I doing at home on a Monday morning when I am supposed to be at work?

I am swarmed with the cold again...and I thought I had fought it successfully.

I dont fall sick too often. But not this year, maybe due to age (pffftt!) and stress level.

Got a bad cold 2 weeks ago and thought I was done for the season. It came back Friday night from work, on my way to the car. The 'ah chooo' did not stop from there.

I have taken 3/4 bottle of 'daytime' Tylenol, nothing has happened yet.

Now...all I need is rest, which is a sinful rarity when you have Yaya in the house thinking that mommy's home to be with her.

I have a client to meet at 7pm tonight. At least I know that I am selling something even when I am not at work.

So I gave in, woke up feeling so emotional, just cos its Hari Raya. Its hard...when my son is there. I know I sound as if I am in denial, evasive but it hurts when I face it.

Before I went to work, I sat with Yaya in front of the computer, went to youtube.com and listened to Sanisah Huri's raya song. I was laughing and in tears at the same time. Laughing cos Yaya swayed back and forth as soon as she heard the song, she turned around and smiled at me in delight. Sad cos the picture of my son came into my head.

For 30 days I evaded this feeling, 30 days. But I had to give in right?

This doesnt mean that I will start listening to Raya songs again, I might.

Raya is in 2 days. How am I feeling? Hmm…I try not to think about raya as it can be depressing, thinking of my family back there and how fun it would be if we were there this very minute. Togetherness, that’s what I miss the most since I moved here.

Well, to begin, we have an Employee Engagement meeting on that day and I have to be in the office no later than 7:30 in the morning. Baru teringat nak masak lontong on that day. But that’s okay, I just shared with the husband that I will cook lontong the night before.

Nope, I have not been listening to ANY raya songs. Have not been listening to any Singapore radio. I just can't do it and have not been doing it since my son lives in Singapore 2 years ago.

But I do remember the time when we did celebrate raya when my son was here. We all had to go to work and school but we had a decent dinner for 4. I was very happy as I felt that my family was complete.

And I remember around this time when mak and bapak would be fighting over just about anything. Its called the annual raya gaduh. Must be the pressure of having to cook so many dishes in one day eventhough I was always known to be my mother's seus chef for raya.

And then we have our open house for our huge family. Yea, we cooked a lot for my 100 something odd multi generation relatives. It was nice…and beautiful.

Anyway, Selamat Hari Raya to all of you out there. Enjoy your family kat kampung or whereever they may be. And stay safe!

Maaf Zahir Batin...

Someone says that I need to update my blog more often so that she will know what is happening on my side of the world.

Sigh...nothing but alot has happened. Moved to a new office, not used to the slow foot traffic, my numbers hit the bottomest in history.

You see, when I wanted to move back to San Francisco, I had an ultimatum. Wealth or happiness, no compromise. I chose the latter cos I truly was not happy in the Daly City (yes, the office where my numbers boomed like fireworks). How can I not be happy when I am making all that money right? But I never fit in that office. This office is like family, the people I had been working with for the past 6 years. Of course my numbers and paycheck will hurt at least for the first couple of months. I was depressed, devastated cos I am going to hit rock bottom numbers and lose my Silver status. I was in total daze for the past few weeks until last weekend.

I was at home and had Suraya with me for 3 days...and I still wasnt happy cos I was clouded by my work stress. Then I thought. Money can't buy happiness, there is more to life than work, like this baby sitting in front of me longing for love.

So I snapped out of depression (for now!) and said to myself 'Screw it, I have a family to be happy with'. And my production got a little better I think....still will be the worst number ever but heck! this is my first month being in a new office.

Anyway, Raya is in a week. Sometimes that adds on to the depression. Miss my son, my family back home. Kak Jah will be cooking lontong for us on the 2nd day of raya. So I must go there at least to feel suasana raya.

I hope my twin will recover soon from her back ache. Kesian aku tengok kau...cepat sembuh ok.

Here's Yaya at the aquarium...

Current state of mind : Frustrated and stressed to the max!!!

New office has been wonderful but business has not. The company has clamped down on a lot of new business guidelines which makes selling to be very very tough. To make things worse, I was not credited on the production for some policies that I sold...6 of them. I threw a fit and demanded that they better pay me for this coming pay check.

I know...being in a new location can be trying for a business. It takes time. But I am not patient enough. No...I dont have the patience at all!!!

I keep telling the husband that maybe I dont need such stress right now. Maybe I shoud jusy stay home and vegetate and not think of work.

I am in a panic mode. If I dont make my numbers in 3 months, it would be time for me to say 'bye bye' and stay home eh? Some say that its better to get fired and claim unemployment than quit and not get unemployment.

Please ignore what I just typed...I am in an insanity state of mind.

I have finally adhered to my twin's and other girlfriends' advise...to go to the MAC Costmetic counter and get consulted by the overly made up sales people.

It was a quiet Sunday morning when I decided to drag the 2 girls to the mall to get makeup. So excited, not to get a makeover but to finally get a good makeup that will hide my tiny zits that I earned on my last days working at the old office. With age catching up, I do need a foundation and powder that can cover flaws and hold up, plastered to my face for at least 8 hours a day and hide my still populating freckles (YES, I do wear SPF moisturizer, if you need to ask).

20 minutes later, I spent some chunk of my dough on the makeup, I bought from a 'he/she whatever you call it' person. Whoelse could give me the best advise on beauty eh? I almost bought that goat hair foundation brush that costs US$44, but but but, I resisted temptation eventhough I am still thinking of buying it.

So now, no more wondering if my zits are covered, makeup still holding up after 6 hours cos I know that I still look like a doll at 4:30pm hahahaha!

Twin, you're not the only one telling to go to MAC, a few others did too and some of my friends even tried asking me to buy the goast haired brush!

Next mission...MAC goat haired brush and the 'Charged water revitalizing energy' spray.

Sometimes I think and wonder. No...MOST times I think and I wonder...have I really done something offensive to have pissed people off so bad that they would think its more worth it for them to ignore me? Hmmm...

I try not to think of such things, but each time when I do not think about it, that would be the first and the last thing I would think of during the day. I get irritated, cos people can would prefer to not deal with a problem and act as if nothing had happened but they would once in a while show signs at you that they actually do still have a problem with you.

I do not care who they can be in my life but such hyprocritism in turn has offended me so much that I would rather not have communications with them until they decide to talk about it.

Its not that I am being adamant or arrogant but it is very hard when I always try my best, my very best to heal matters with no bad conscience but it in turn comes back like a twisted knife stabbed on my back.

I am not a hypocrite, what you see in me, is what you get. If there is something that I could be offended over something, I usually talk about it and forget about it. I can be overly honest with my feelings that I tend to offend others too eh.

I am very tired of this. Maybe the problem will resolve my itself. All I want is truth and confronting with our feelings.

Will I offend anyone with this posting, I dont know, what can I say, I can still be considered offensive even if I didnt mention anything.

Twin, manerlah kau dah menghilang....I miss you!

Salam Ramadhan to everyone!!!

How do I cope with Ramadhan being away from home? I am talking about coping emotionally during this time. You see, the husband knows that when Ramadhan comes and is almost going, I would get weird, like something would possess me and I would get weepy, sad, sensitive and all. After being married for 7 years, he totally understands my emotional roller coaster around this time.

One way for me to cope with Ramadhan and Syawal when I am away from home?
- I do not listen to any Raihan songs
- I do not listen to Singapore malay radio channel
- Thats cos I do not want to listen to raya songs
- Which will make me feel weepy 'to the max' (now I am sounding like Arifah my niece)
- We break our fast privately at home and go to Kak Jah's house for raya (I am in charge of her cili kering and ikan bilis or she threatens to not cook for us)


I know, do I sound evasive yet? Its better to be that way then thinking of home, Geylang, ketupat, bazaar, kueh, bubur masjid...adoi! Air bandung time buka puasa pun sedap eh!!!

Leaving that stupid office makes me feel liberated. And I really mean liberated...from scrutiny, hostility and 'say but not do' management. I set my workstation in the new SF office. Nice, new and peaceful! It feels like I am back home, where I belong. I just have a feeling that my fortune will grow in that office, insyaAllah.

Life is finally back to normal. It had not been for 3 months. First, Mak was here to visit for a month, then Mas went to Singapore and then Bapak came to visit and not we're back to just the 4 of us. I am glad that bapak had a good visit with us.

Liberation, knowing me, I always say what I feel. I dont keep it in my heart. Maybe its just how I handle my stress and the feelings deep inside. But sometimes, at work, or even somewhere (or everywhere), I feel that my 'extrovertness' is offensive to some. I am not confrontational but I am very honest with my feelings. Fighting is not my agenda in life but fighting for my happiness and truth is something that I stand by to.

Aper yang aku merepek nih? I dont know lah. Its a 3 day Labor Day weekend. My brains are on hiatus I guess!



Heres Yaya, visiting her relatives at the zoo. The sheep was baaing at her and look what she did...

My meeting with Ms Hope and our 2 hour long chat at the taqueria had given me a reflection on myself. I shared alot about myself shamelessly to her, with both of us confirming that we all have a life history. Coincidentally, her life is almost similar to mine, her marriage style is like mine too. Maybe thats why we had connected so easily, since we 'met' online.

It is a comfort to know that my abnormal life is actually normal and others do experience what I had in my life before. But then again, my point of sharing is to share with others that life after divorce is not 'over' but could be a beginning of a better life.

We also agreed that marriage is a 'will'. You must have the will to make a marriage work. You have to love the marriage to make it work both ways. If not there is no will, the marriage would not work.

Marriage is alot of work and is not a breeze. I shared with her that if my marriage were to ever fail or my life partner goes to heaven before me, I would prefer to stay single and concentrate on my career and my kids. It is very tiring to keep a marriage. Not that I am tired of my marriage, dont get me wrong, my marriage has been very beautiful and our 7th anniversary is just around the corner, but marriage is hard work. I love my husband so much, that noone can replace him...cewah!

Geez, what have I been talking about eh? Cakap orang giler ker? Hahahahaha....

It is good to once in a while to meet new people and have these people really 'click' and understand our lives and what we are going through and confirm that we are indeed normal.

I miss my twin...girlfriend, hope that you are doing well, huggs!

Ms Hope, have a safe trip back to London and, Malaysia and back okay! You have been so awesome and cant wait till next year!!!! Next time, I'll take you to the outlets babeh! We will plan it perfectly okay!

Bapak is leaving in 3 days. Its been 3 weeks since bapak first came. It had been a good visit. This visit has been all about Suraya. Bapak is captivated by her, how she acts, how she walks and babbles. Suraya has so much energy, most times, bapak does not have the speed to run after her.

Few more days for me before I move to the SF office. Nope, my production has been bad with a capital B! I am so unmotivated and I can't stand that office....urrrghhh!!!! This also means that my paycheck is going to be small.

But I have great plans for when I move to SF. Great marketing plans!

I love visitors! Ms Hope flew in from London on Wednesday and I managed to do a sneak preview with her yesterday.

2 hours of meeting was not enough. We shall try for dinner with the whole family tomorrow and another meeting before she leaves next week.

We have so much in common, we went through the same situation in life before and we clicked almost instantenously.

Cafes, here we come...again!

Pics taken from the husband's cell phone, not too great but the next one will be better I promise. Yaya could not stop moving, thats why her face was blurry!

I have this sudden urge to shop! I havent done so in 3 weeks and it hasn't been a good feeling. I think I need to earn my money first in order for me to shop with confidence.

But what am I craving to shop for? I really really dont know. I do want those new sunglasses. You see, I have had my sunglasses for 7 years. My DKNY sunglasses that had stayed true to me no matter what comes. But...this pair of sunglasses had disappeared on me since last week. I cant live w/o my sunglasses. Each time when I threaten to buy a new pair, I just could not bring myself to spend alot of money on another pair...sigh!

Dont mention Crocs cos Makcik Hope already says they're not safe. You see, we have the Crocs outlet here and they cost only US$19.90 for a pair of them Mickey Crocs and I bought a pair for myself and Yaya has 2 pairs already. No Makcik Hope, Yaya doesnt ride the escalators, theres hardly one here. Actually, I have 2 pairs of Crocs, one immitation to wear at home and another to wear at home (and when I have my selekeh mood on Sundays).

A pair of flats? I am craving for one more pair of them BUT so far, have not found any that make me drool. Still love my BCBGirl flats that I got at 40% off last fall.

A laptop bag...not the one that I already have which has wheels and lightweight, this 'never happy with what she has' woman thinks that she deserves a ladylike laptop bag? Pfftt...maybe a Coach one? Hah!!!

This one can? $498 only what!

Forget about what I just mentioned, maybe its my PMS...I am going to pour myself a Coke Zero and lay in bed instead!

Note to self : Need to sell another $22k by end of next week in order to make this shopping fantasy come true.

Nothing to talk about really. I am just cruising this month as if I am not in the sales job. This month is called 'low profile' month which means that I will have to hit target but not hitting the stars. I have 2 more weeks to go before I move to the SF office. Cant wait!!!

In the meantime, I was called to the Dr's office again for a follow up checkup...after they extracted my blood 3 days ago. The nurse says that my blood count is a little abnormal? Maybe this job is so cekik darah that I am losing blood? Dont know. I had been feeling dizzy lately and I amnot sure if I am experiencing anxiety attacks which I doubt cos I had been playing more than working. Farting around at work can be pretty fun you know hahahaha.

Its the summer but so darn foggy here. The husband says that if I were to drive 8 miles southward, I will see the sun. So there, we are getting ready to go to the mall and then the zoo which is really not soutward but more INTO the fog hahaha. Aaahhh, Suraya just ate our paper temporary zoo membership card. Oh well, just tell the staff that my baby ate the card.

Here is my new business card with the photo which I will be giving out. Sorry, had to cut out the vital details, dont want no stalkers nor paparazzis stalking unless they want insurance from me.

Then there are more pics. Heres the one of me with the top that my Twin has gotten me. No figure showing cos theres nothing to show really.

I have a mission, to gain 2 lbs. Am I crazy? I think I am cos I lost 10 lbs in 8 weeks and I feel that I am looking too old for my looks. Yeah, eksen kan? Time gemuk nak kurus dah kurus nak gemuk balik.

Stress, thats the reason why I lost the weight. Well, its true that I am closer to my dream weight but not through stress! It makes me feel unhealthy. Imagine, I have lost about 25lbs so far since I first diet and I never had time to exercise. Ahemm, my body jiggles when I get in the hot tub okay! Not funny man!

So far since Monday, I have been eating whatever (ok ok, ALL) junk that mak had sent through bapak from Singapore. Popiah kecik, epok2 kecik, kerepek ubi, tapai, kueh baulu and more and more and more. You see, when I dont work, I eat...when I work, I hardly have time to eat! The adrenaline rush of the sales world keeps me going and sometimes I go without food for 8 hours straight.

Last weekend, we had a large pizza, lasagna, hot chocolate, pretzel, bubble tea, and all that crap that I could find just so that I would not lose more weight when I started working last Monday. I havent gained anything yet but I am sure its on the way.

My watch doesnt fit me anymore, my right hand rings turns round and round my finger, my wedding band is being held down by my engagement ring which was refitted. My jade bangle slides out of my wrist...kesian aku.

Again, time gemuk nak kurus dah kurus nak gemuk balik...manusia manusia!!!

I have lost touch...on how to blog like a normal person. Eversince what happened 2 years ago and having a baby who always disallows me to use the computer, blogging can either be a chore or something that is less personal.

So I decided to look at my old blogs. Back in 2005 when I loved to blog, got hooked on it and just would not stop blogging. Always something to talk about. Unlike now, nothing really to talk about. Hmmmm....

Or maybe my life has become overly complicating that it would be too long for me to blog about if I were to release my heart feelings on here.

Let me see, over a span of 2 years, alot had changed in my life. My son had moved back to Singapore, our relationship was snapped in a million pieces and I was pregnant at that time. And then Suraya was born, and our family crisis mended by itself. My kid headcount increased by one but also decreased by the same number.

The husband started caring for the baby full time when Suraya was 4 months old. Turned his life totally around. From a stepdad to a full time daddy...how brutal is that? Now? He is very proud to tell everyone around him that he is a full time dad and is loving it.

My job took a turn in a differently positive aspect. I am making more money than I used to and I realized also that in order to gain, there is the PAIN. Result from the pain? I lost about 30lbs. Yea, I am one of the smallest in the office. No...I am not a size 2 or whatever. But I if you mix me with the other co workers, I am called the Minnie Mouse. Dont be fooled, people here can be big.

Kakak Mas is going to high school this fall...high school in the US is something that I have and never will experience personally. Clueless as I can be. But from what I heard, she will have fun in high school.

Back to me, I think I have changed. Besides being older (dang, I am old!), I think I am more patient, intelligent and get tired easily. I am more tolerant with others, I do get stressed up easily but that only makes me want to solve problems quickly too.

I think I have learned to treasure the people around me and the family who is far away from me.

I hope my family far away knows that I do think of them all the time and miss them dearly. I love my life here very much and my marriage is the biggest blessing in my life that Allah had ever given me.

Sometimes people do not understand, how your life partner has great influence on you. As for me, the husband does have a great influence on me as well as the other way round. I learned to be more independent in terms of emotionally and financially, that paying the bills is top priority when I get paid and that we only have each other to trust and turn to when we are in need.

I have never had a man (who is not my father), who takes care of me, my kids and is very proactive in a marriage and relationship before. I used to depend on my family alot before I married the husband cos either at that time, I either had a dormant ex husband or I was divorced.

But I am happy, with my life. Does not mean that I have forgotten my family back home. I hope that someone would understand what I mean.

Kakak Mas came home with gazillion pictures. Will upload some here when I get the chance.

I was called into the office for the second time in 2 weeks last week...for soliciting 'out of territory' markets. I did not get any disciplinary action for that but the manager wrote an email to my SF bosses about my misdeed, including the 'verbal counselling' that I received 2 weeks before. To cut the drama (ooooh heck...tonnes of drama), I 'worked from home' last Thursday and Friday to create a 4 day weekend thinking that I could clear my head, but I was wrong. My anger over that incident grew even more. 7 years in the company, NEVER have I gotten any corrective action before.

But isn't it right that when you have a growing anger and fear over something, you have to face it and not avoid it? I guess I got tired of avoiding it over the weekend and I went to work last Monday to face it. I know that I am an honest employee who is in sales and is a go getter...well, I just a teeny bit excited with what I was doing that I forgot my boundaries.

My name came up as one of the top producers in my region (Market 5) for the month of June. How did I do for the month of July? Pfffttt...$20k less that June. With Kakak Mas not being around and being called into the office twice in 2 weeks, really dampened my drive. At least I hit my target, only that now, I will have to work double hard to retain my Club status.

Makcik hope (refer to my last 2 posts) had been with me online to give me the rah rah and comforting words. She knows she can get my attention even when I am sound asleep (my YM is turned on my cell 24/7, my cell vibrates when I get YM msgs). At least I know that someone's thinking of me :)

This month of August looks promising, Alhamdulillah and insyaAllah, it stays this way. Seems like lady luck went on vacation last month and decided to come back. I have achieved 1/4 of my goal for this month already. I have 4 more weeks before I leave this office, I could take vacation time to 'not endure' this office scene but I have my numbers to maintain. I also want to prove to this manager that I am an honest employee and whichever angle I choose to sell, I will still be good at what I am doing. And when I hit that high numbers again (insyaAllah, Ya Allah I know that you are listening to my heart...hard), I can tell him to kiss my butt before I leave! *Sorry guys*

It is hard when Kakak Mas is not here. Just the husband and me to care for Yaya. We hardly have time to clean. Well, each time we try, yaya messes up again. Each time I lift the broom, yaya wants to sweep the floor too. When I try to vacuum, she pulls the cord. Sigh...

Last weekend, I brought Yaya to see her long time friend, Scarlet. Scarlet is my co worker's daughter. My co worker (daddy) is american and wife (mommy) is chinese malaysian. 2 mixed kids sitting at the playground.

Suraya went to the San Francisco Zoo to visit her goatie relatives...videos taken from the husband's Blackjack II.

Am I over the depression yet? Yeah, kind of. The monthly best friend came and is almost leaving. So one monster down...so my husband says.

Like I said in my previous post. ALOT happened this month, most of them not too good, more on my career. As we sell more insurance, more cant afford to pay for their insurance and cancel eh? This means that, as policies cancel, they minus my production. So this month had been so trying for me. But I managed to hit $10k above target but still not my best, sigh.

When all these happens, I could say that I am still not over the fact that I have a very good close friend who is thousands of miles away from me. Would we ever be physically close friends (as in real time best friends lah not what you think okay!)? Not sure, unless her husband decides to move to San Francisco and then we could be neighbors. Neighbors, thats our fantasy each time we chat.

Its very weird this friend of mine, my twin. I always feel how she feels, I do not expect her to feel like I do but when she knows that I am feeling down, she is always here to hunt me down. She knows she can find me on my cell as my messenger is always turned on. It is always nice to know that someone thinks of me almost all the time. My phone vibrates at 4am, her IM buzzing me that a tiny Hermes purse costs $23k hahaha.

Her last posting, of her song in Juara Lagu TV3 for the week, the song, I know she did not have ME in her mind when she composed it but heck, it felt as though it was composed for ME. I get teary eyed when I listened to it. Of course, my favorite singer pulak tuh. I am so proud of her.

Anyway, twin, I know that we will be BFF (Best Friends Forever), thanks to technology. You will always be close to my heart and mind. Thanks to my Palm Centro, at least now I can chat with you when I am at a restaurant, laying in bed with breast latched on to the baby or having breakfast.

You are awesome and I love you!!!

You do not hear this from me too much....but...I am feeling rather depressed lately. I dont know why. Could it be because Kakak Mas is not here and I am in dire need of a good friend at home when the husband is at work? Or is it cos I am just so sick and tired of my current office situation and this month, I am behind in my numbers?

My boss had decided to keep me for another month in Daly City before I transfer in September. He had put up some restrictions in writing new insurance which had cut back my business quite a bit, just so that I would not get in trouble or 'canned' by not following HIS guidelines. On top of that, the other manager has been so passive in helping us to fire up for more sales.

Why am I feeling so depressed and unmotivated? Maybe its my PMS. I am having major major PMS this month. I am moody, irritated and do not feel like coming to work.

I am making kind of up to par with my production but I know that I will not hit the fantastical phenominal numbers like the past months. I just want to get out of this freakin' office....sigh.

Kakak Mas...come home quick!!!

How does it feel to be #1 Rep in the office for the month of June? I did not expect it. It was scarey. Being a rookie rep, this was not suppose to happen....right?

Contrary to that, this month started off very very S-L-O-W. The 1st week of July I could understand due to Independence week but week after that? Hmmm...I think I am a little behind with my numbers. I hope lady luck will come back from her vacation or wake up to sit on my shoulders like months before. I am very good at freakin' out before the finish line. I mean, its not even the 15th and I am freakin' out. Must be the kiasu syndrome embedded in me hhahaha.

In the meantime, my decision to move to the San Francisco office still stays very strongly. I was offered the sales rep spot, now the managers will have to fight as to when I can transfer to SF.

We are all missing Kakak Mas very much. She is having a good ole time there. She better come back or I would fly there and pull her by the ear back to SF!

I think I have made up my mind. Wasn't that a contradictory statement? 'Think' and 'made up mind' all in the same sentence?

I have made up my mind, I think (hahahaha)....that I am moving back to the San Francisco office.

5 minutes further from home, won't make or break me.

I think I will be happier and be more successful going back to San Francisco.

So Kakak Mas, if you're reading this, dont be confused as to which office I will be driving to when you get back here.

In the meantime, weekend without Kakak Mas sucks...big time! The husband works, I have noone to talk to...well Suraya's here but she can't communicate like her sister. On the up side, it makes me do more chores and quicker too!

For once, this long July 4th weekend is boring me to tears!!!

Dearest Mas,

You are right now flying in the air on your way to Singapore
But we are all here thinking of you
Its only been 8 hours since you left
But my I had been feeling so sad, lonely and missing you alot since I left you at the airport
Noone for me to argue with, noone to pick on
Suraya has no idea what is going on but she surely has been clingy to Paps and me

Its almost 8pm now, usually thats the time when we watch tv and talk about stupid stuff
5 weeks of you not being around is a long time, but we shall live
Make sure you spend good quality time with you brother as your time with him is very limited
I wish I was there to be with you guys as I miss Mat so very much

Keep me posted on happenings
We are all thinking of you here...

We love you!!!

Love...Ibu

If you had money to spend, what would you spend on? After spending so much...wait...TOO much on Kakak Mas for her Singapore trip, when it comes to my turn, I do not know what to spend on.

At first I was thinking of a pair of Oakley sunglasses that cost $185. But I just could not get myself to spend that much money on a pair of sunglasses, though I know that I deserved it. How about a Coach wallet, like the one my cousin asked for me to buy for her (with her money of course) when mak's here? But again, can't part $198 on a wallet.

Its like, boy...I do want to splurge on something tiny and nice for myself but what eh?

BTW, I hit the Silver Club end of this month which means I will be getting a hefty bonus in July and August and September...now for that, I am thinking of upgrading my blings that I have had on me for 8 years. But wait till the money's in my hands, would I really do it? I don't know.

Its frustrating sometimes cos we live for our kids. They get priority when it comes to spending, and when its ibu's turn, she doesnt know what to do!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Oh yea, last Thursday, the husband and I had a date night. Yes...a date night. It was weird. I told a co worker that the husband and I have not gone on a date since Suraya was born. Felt so eeewy cos ...date, almost non existant.

But, we did it. Ahemm, the husband picked me up from work, and we went to Hot Tubs!!! People here will think that Hot Tubs can be sleazy, generally where the men take hookers for a 'soak'. But it can be as sleazy as one wants it to be right? Just like motels and hotels and what have you.

Sushi for dinner after Hot Tubs was great. We had a great time together and we got home nad bakc to our 'normal lives' by 8:30pm. Not bad eh? 3 hour date, very very nice...we needed it!

Don't know when our next date will be. Next month? Next year? Sigh...

Here are more pics taken from Kakak Mas' brand new camera.

Kevin, Kakak Mas and Andrew

Yaya Ramen

Its been a weird summer here in Daly City. This city is known to be cold like winter when its summer. Past fiew days, it was hot hot hot. We had to get out of the house during the day just to avoid the heat in the house. Who needs AC here when you can just open the windows? But this time, we all wished that we had AC!!!

In the meantime, office politics has been brutal. Being a high numbered rep has a price to pay. The existing reps took the chance to look through my sold policies to see where I get my clients. Someone called me to give me a heads up on what was happening. I was mad...mad that they actually had the time to look through my stuff. But thats what it is, as you get higher, you get lonelier. I sounded like I was not bothered by it? I had been getting nightmares about it since Friday night. But Allah knows best, I had dreams last weekend which said 'not to trust anyone' and that something which is not to my liking will happen and that I will have to use my inner skills to deal with it.

Anyway, enough of that. Here are pics of Suraya and us at the Shoreline park in Mountain View.

Finally Kakak Mas graduated from middle school. She graduated with flying colors...GPA of 3.96.

Last week was her graduation ceremony, I cried. Cos I was so proud of her. Her friends, all grown up and some moving on to different high schools and leading their own individual lives.

With Mak

Summer break started 2 days ago. Kakak Mas will be flying to Singapore in 2 weeks when Mak leaves. We will all miss her so greatly, especially Suraya.

In the meantime, work has been great. With mak being around, forces me to leave the office on time and not work on Saturdays and still make my numbers. Maybe its mak's blessing of being here with us.

CONGRATULATIONS KAKAK MAS!!!

With Gabby

'Too cheap for caviar' bff's group...Nikki, Mas, Salam & Elenna

Of course, I have to be in it...hahaha

Got my Palm Centro and I am so in love with it! It makes text messaging a breeze with the keyboard. Yeah it does look small but trust me, it works like a wonder!

My favorite part of this phone is actualy the calendar organizer. As know myself so very well, I am a very forgetful person. With the calendar, I date and mark my calendar for busines, on when I have to call my customers for follow up, to send them cards, etc etc and I love it!

Doing shopping is easy too, pull up the memo and type whatever I need to buy. Don't feel like typing, then use the voice memo. Typing is not a chore anymore on the cell phone cos of the keyboard.

Some of you might be able to see me signed on to my Yahoo! IM almost 24/7. Thats cos my cell is connected to it. Since its the weekend, you guys will see me more :). But dont expect me to come on when I am at work cos you will be badly neglected hehehe.

I have never ever fallen in love with a phone before but I guess this is it! So twin...get it, you will not regret it!

I am learning how to download Suraya's videos and voice memo from my phone, I shall upload it here when I have the time.

In the meantime, work is great. I finally hit silver last month. The aftermath of it? The last push last week was a torture to my body an dmybody hurts!

Who would want to be flying internationally when gas prices are crazily increasing? If its not business, its not cost effective to fly right....wrong!!! According to my mother, no matter what comes, she will be here on Tuesday. Who cares if shes paying double for the ticket (actually, I am repaying her the ticket fare!)...but her heart is set to come to see her 2 grandkids here.

Sigh, which means that I am going to book a return SIA flight to Singapore tomorrow for Kakak Mas so that she could fly to Singapore in July. The cost??? Hmmm, I'd rather not say lah. The most expensive air ticket I have bought to Singapore EVER....and thats after the good 'got connection, kita orang melayu' discount.

With the economy so bad and everything is expensive, I hope we can afford to buy the 4 tickets to Singapore in December. December is getting closer, which means I have to chop chop and think of my financial planning. Gulp...

Oh and a special message to my beloved twin...

We've been friends for more than a couple of years
But it seems like just yesterday that I have known you
I met you here on cyberspace, just like the husband
We became close friends so fast, cos we have so much in common
When we first met, it was like we have known each other for the longest time
You were there for me everyday at that time
We are so far apart now, all the time
But we both know that we are very very close at heart

Sometimes when you are sad, it bothers me
Not that you tell me so, but my soul searches for you
Most times I am right about you
You have been a truly great friend
Would never trade you for anything

Happy Birthday My Dear Nazrah
My talented, beautiful, funny, entertaining, songster, confidante twin best friend
One day...who knows, we might be neighbors, maybe in our retirement years
Who knows....who knows...
I LOVE YOU!!!

Dang, I get teary eyed when I saw these pics...sigh...

Kakak Mas had a Fiesta concert. She played the guitar on a GreenDay Cover song. Shes the one on the left. Elenna is the singer and Nikki is the one in the center.

Retail therapy is always catogorized as the best therapy when you're super pissed, upset and stressed to the limit. I then realized another kind of therapy when I feel the same way...Housework Therapy!!! I know, I do say eeeewww, when someone mentiones it but, when I feel that way, I tend to lipat baju, gantung baju and vacuum ever so fast like a lightning! And then if that doesnt work and you're too tired to go shopping after all the housework, I recommend ONLINE retail therapy. It can be safe, even if you hit the 'add the cart' button cos...when its time to buy and then realize that the shipping and handling charge are too much, you can cancel and log out :)

I think I have done both last weekend. Fast quick laundry, quick pickup under the computer table (the husband loves to leave worn socks under there, sigh) and I had the time to decide which phone I am going to upgrade too. Kakak Mas recommends that I we upgrade our service with unlimited text msging with online IMs. Not that I love to IM when I am out and about but I think that would be a good communication tool for Kakak Mas and me and maybe the husband. I am not a fan of text msging cos its faster to call than pressing the letters that takes longer (I cant text with my eyes closed) but I am willing to give it a try.

This phone enables me to check corporate email, at least when I am away from the office, I wont be backed up with emails. I have contemplated for 2 years, should I upgrade from my Razr...or time to move on? Black or white???

Kakak Mas and her friends, Nicki, Mas and Elenna

.

And life goes on....well, it has to right?

Next week is the last leap to make numbers. It had been a challenging month for me. I did hit target 3 days ago, now if I am ambitious enough, I might hit the Silver award. With Monday being a holiday and Ely is so not working this long weekend, after being well rested, I do not regret having 4 days to hit Silver.

A Malaysian friend called me last week saying that she has new contacts with some professional malaysians and singaporeans and that would be a good network for me as they are requesting for an insurance presentation. Who knows, if I can sell the Singapore embassy my products, maybe I can to them too yes?

Its Sunday, husband has to work, again. Looks like the weather is wonderful out there, We just might go to the beach this time!


I am having major PMS. I have been eating whatever comes my way, no holds barred. Diet? Diet can be on hold for a few more days. I am craving for Krispi Kreme donuts, hot chocolate, Thai food cooked by Aminah and more food...I guess??? And I am in dire need of good sleep!!!!

Back to being psychic again. Last weekend, I dreamed of something weird, I could not remember what it was about but it meant that I needed to be very careful one of these days as someone whom I thought I 'trust' would be my enemy (as in backstab me). Well, I really do not have any enemies.

The dream was correct. Someone did start a rumour in the office that I had said something about a co worker...and added more juicy spice to it (imagine how brutal products rumour mills can produce).

This co worker who was the 'victim' was full of sarcasm when she came into the office yesterday which got me baffled. I knew there was something wrong but I let it go. Today, this co worker who was affected by what she thought I had said, confronted me and asked me if I really said it.

I truthfully said that I did mention something about about her but was nothing bad. I mentioned it to highlight how incompetent our management is BUT someone who started the rumour said that I said this and that which were not true. I asked this co worker (victim), why didnt she ask me yesterday instead of being sarcastic to me all day long?

Knowing that she had thought wrong of me, said that she did not think of that (duh!). She said that she likes me and why I had said such bad things about her.

Well, here's what I told her 'You and I have our numbers (production) to deal with. I dont have time to say anything bad about you. If I am not happy with you, you know I would say it out to you'.

She did not apologize for thinking wrongly of me but I guess she was kind of embarrassed that she did so.

Me? I was unperturbed by her actions. You see, I come to work to work. Sure, I dont shut up when I am frustrated with work and I do not reserve myself from that. But to speak ill of others? Hmmm...not my cup of tea.

People can be weird at times. I am glad that this 'victim' co worker came to me to clarify cos if she kept up with her sarcasm towards me, I would be asking her if I had said anything wrong. In the end, she gave me a hug, I was not emotional about it. Why? Cos sometimes I tend to not trust someone who trust the rumor mill...am I making sense?

Sales world can be so brutal. Sometimes when they cant get you, they use others to get you.

Anyway, Allah has given me this great gift of pychic in me. I thank Him for this 6th sense. At least I wasnt caught in this drama by surprise.

Have I ever mentioned that I am psychic? Not that I can read your mind but I can visualize future comings through dreams? Sometimes I can connect to people who are close to me and know if they're sick, unhappy, depressed or anything else. Makcik Melopong and mak had sent me messages through my dreams. Yeah, I know, I am THAT weird but I think its a gift from Allah.

So last night I dreamed of the ex husband. You know, I have dreamed of him quite a bit recently. Not that that he's my 'dream man' anymore (geddit, dream guy? eeew) but something tells me that he is needing some closure since our break up.

Why did I say that? Cos 9-10 years ago when I told him that our marriage was over, I never told him what was wrong. I just told him that I quit. I did not tell him that I was tired of being the one who wore the pants in the house, getting him out of debts...when I was not working and on top of that, being controlled by his ego maniac attitude.

He did not come out of the divorce well. In fact, I think he was emotionally crumbled (I heard that he was in deep depression)by all this, he chose to detach himself from any contacts with his kids, even when they were still living in Singapore. As a result, my kids now are not that close to him...although they hope everyday that their father would sometimes have the sense to call them or send them letters.

Each time now when I dream of him. I did not know how to feel. Noo...I dont have feelings for him but, should I feel guilty for turning him to this kind of situation? Was I selfish when I made the decision to end the marriage? I do feel bad for him as until today, he is still a lost individual.

He is currently living with a girlfriend (Yea as far as I know he has not married her yet), who is 10 years older than him and has 4 kids. My kids said that their father devotes his time more on his 'step' kids more than them (is a phone call that laborous?). I think he is happy...I hope he is cos at least I would feel that I am continuing to put him in depression. But why am I still dreaming of him?

Each time when that happens, I dreamed that he was running after me and trying to give me a hug, asking me to reconcile with him. And all I did in that dream was to be mean to him, yelling at him to stay away from me, or to get over it, etc etc.

Have you heard of this song called Cenderawasih by Dikir Temasek? You see, I played my bunch of malay songs this morning when I was doing massive cleaning. This song came out. You know, when we were going through the divorce, he loved playing this song. The lyrics...its like 'loser' lyrics to me but maybe he was that hurt. Of course my big munchkin does not like this song as it reminds her of him.

So am I feeling guilty for his feelings? I dont know. Maybe I am feeling guilty for not expressing or addressing the real reason on why I wanted out of my marriage. I feel guilty for not providing him the closure.

Does it matter now if I were to ever tell him? Maybe if I did tell him he would do a self reflection and treat his girlfriend better? Or would a World War III break out as always when we speak to each other as he likes to throw cheap shots at me?

I dont know...really. But for now, I hope this dream would stop buggin me.

Dont like this song? Lets be happy and listen to this song instead hehehe...

Okay okay it was I...I did it!!! Hahahaha, the husband and I would laugh each time we see this picture.

My sweet big munchkin posted something on her blog on Mother's Day. Abang Mat wished me happy mother's day, when I called him. You think he would remember? Yeah right!

Heres what Kakak Mas wrote on her blog.



Sunday, May 11, 2008



Happy Mother`s Day!
[to all mothers out there.]


So you know what i did for mother`s day?
Made my mom brownies.
BUT. it came out hard.
NOT burned.
Just hard.
Still edible.
But not my best work.
Hahhaa.



So an hour ago mom & sis & i went to the mall.
She bought me my softball stuff & whatnot.
Im such a loser.
Im suppose to buy her stuff not the other way around!
Every year during her birthday & mother`s day,
i end up broke.
Or almost broke.
That`s just sadd.
So i bought her 2 cupcakes from Mrs. Fields cookies.
To replace the hard brownies i made.
I feel bad.
I wanted to buy her a diamond necklace that costs $100+
But im ALWAYS broke.



Ibu, if youre reading this, im sorry.
I couldnt get you something besides those cupcakes.
It was all i could afford.
I know you always say its okay.
Every year i say " oh ill buy you these & these ..."
But i never keep to my word.
Im sorry.



Youre the best mom i could ever have.
You put a smile on everyone's faces.
You make my problems go away.
Youre always there when i need you.
No one can ever replace the love you give/show me.
I love you with all my heart.
Even when I die, Ill love you eternally.
Im so thankful Allah made you my mom.
I cant thank you for more.
Youre the best of the best.
I love you sooooo much.
Even if i look like you.
Hahaha.
Love you Ibu ♥
Happy Mother's Day!!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL MOMS OUT THERE...

Being a good mom is not as easy as others would think
We had the baby for 9 months in our tummy,
Hours of labor, months of hormone readjustments, months of breastfeeding for some (like me) and droopy breasts thereafter hahaha.

To those who had adopted your child, you are a mother too
You dont have to bear a child to be a mom
Your love, attention and feelings that you give to your child is enough to make you a mother.

Being a mom is hard hard work....and I love you all for that!

To my mak, you know I love you so much!
Muahs...see you in 3 weeks!


============================================

Mothers day weekend is like any other weekend to me. I feel happy. I dont know if its me or I could just feel the love floating around. My customers who called me wished me Happy Mothers Day. How nice...some would give me a hug (the ladies) and wish me a happy weekend.

I had to work today, Saturday. It was nice to be alone in the office at times when noone was overtalking you. But it was shortlived as another co worker came in an hour after me...and thats when we both get sidetracked...on office gossip lah whatelse. Last week was an 'in and out' week for me. Suraya was teething, she took a work day out of me, yesterday was Kakak Mas' Track event and I left the office at 3pm. Funny how when you're not in the office, people start looking for me. When I am in the office, they don't visit me right? But I am all updated with my office gossip hehe.

I told the husband that I wouldnt mind buyng my own Mother's day Mrs Fields Cookie cake. Not that I have given up on the husband to buy me a cake but, I love to pick my own cake for my own occasion...besides being able to pick which restaurant to go to tomorrow. The restaurants that I picked are usually no that packed. Who would take their moms to indian food anyway yea? Thai foods good too. I dont know, but my plan is to bring munchkin to the beach tomorrow.

You know, its high time for anoter new coach purse. But I dont have any model that I am salivating over.

Anyway, here are pics of me when I had munchkin and of me and my bigger munchkins.

Whats there to update about? 3rd day of May. Sales has been good so far, Alhamdulillah. I can't explain the miracle of rezeki Allah. I work for it, He gives whatever deems right for me.

The weather has been wonderful here. Bought munchkin a bikini set for her beach outing tomorrow. Last weekend, she soaked herself in the waves with sand in her pockets. The cold water left her unperturbed but happy. This time we shall revisit the beach prepared, with a camera, her bikini and sun block spray.

Mak is coming in a month. I know that she can't wait to get here, not to see me but to see the girls. I am just the bearer and the feeder of her grandkids so I am not the priority which is fine :)

Monday, May 5th, the husband will hit the big four O. Ahemm, Happy Birthday my best friend (just in case I forget to blog about it). Told you many times already, its not easy having a toddler when you're that old hahaha. Sushi buffet on your birthday okay!

Anyway, here are pictures of Yaya at the zoo, feeding the goats. This girl is not afraid of anything. The cats at home must have given her training on how to feed animals! Now, each time she eats her snacks, she would feed us too, she thinks that we're goats at the zoo...

And here are pics of us feeding the ducks. Gosh..don't we just love feeding the animals! Oh and we bought a playhouse for her too, so there's Kakak Mas and her in the playhouse.

Sigh, here I go again with this song from Avenged Sevenfold...Seize the Day. No wonder I love metal music, they express how I feel. I love metal since I was 13. When I feel angry or emotional, I have it at full blast. I remember going to work on the train in SF, with metal music blasting in my ears. Love it!

I feel do emotional today. Not the emotional cry baby feel but I feel that I miss everyone in my life today...EVERYONE...even the husband who's working right now.

I miss my son
my mak and bapak
my sister and nieces
my twin nazrah
my cousin Aliah
my relatives in Singapore


Have you ever felt like when you live so far away, one day, you wake up and miss everyone? But you're not sad, just have this sense of longing. Like you wish they're a phone call away and then tell them to meet you at pasar Geylang for some nasi padang in 30 minutes.

Many a times when I drive home, drive by the school the son used to go to, I see the teenage boys, how I long to just jump out of the car and hug one of them, any of them, like my son.

Many a times, I wish I could just pick the phone and tell Nazrah my twin to get ready cos we're going to color our hair today and lets eat lunch before we do that hehehe.

Maybe I am just going through this post-PMS crap.

Note to self : I hit Target yesterday, wooohooo, few more days to hit achiever target. Not sure if I can hit it.

Bumped my head against the edge of a metal shelf yesterday at work while bending over to grab my laptop bag. I thought I was going to pass out when that happened. A co worker came up to be from behind to say hello and when I turned and told him what just happened, he said that I literally had a dent on my forehead. Painful??? Can't explain. Walked back to my desk and told my other co worker what happened, she was so concerned and started checking up on me every few minutes, just in case I turned to be delirious. No...I did not speak Russian after that but I saw stars and was sore for hours.

Another co worker told me that I might have a minor concussion. She said that if I went home, not to go to sleep as that would lead to coma if I really had the concussion...thanks for letting me know! This morning, another co worker who works in the city messaged me. I told her what happened to my head yesterday. She said 'You better go see a Dr, Elly. My aunt passed away 12 mths after she hit her head, she had clood clot'...I panicked and made an appointment to see the Workers Compensation Dr.

The Dr saw me and started laughing. She said that I am fine. Just a tiny bump, yes she squeezed the damn bump like a zit...OUCH...I said. She said 'its nothing!'. She dismissed me and said that I do not have to panic.

Who knows that a dent on my forehead would attract so much attention in my office.

Sales this month has been pretty slow, but I am hitting target. A couple for thousands to go and I'd hit that bonus target. I sound so calm eh? Heck, I did not behave this way 2 weeks ago. I was neurotic, so afraid that I would be below target. Alhamdulillah, Allah seems to love me and my family. Apart from the rezeki thrown to us, He managed to keep this 'hamba' sane!!!

Pampered myself a little bit today. Eyebrow and lip wax, pedicure. No shopping...can't think properly when I have this 'dent' on my forehead.

Suraya is learning new things now. She whimpers like a little puppy when she wants something. So irritating that I had decided to let her know that it is not okay to whimper. Amazingly, she listens...at times, okay, most times she listens. She has learned a new way to express herself when shes mad. By throwing her toys everywhere on the floor and then looks at me. What an angel!

Nothing much to blog about really. Nothing eventful has happened. Just stress and more stress from work. Sometimes I ask myself, why lah I decided to go into the Sales force when I have a baby force at home?

I dont know. Its not like I work till 8pm everynight. In fact, the latest I get home is 6:30pm and it takes only 8 minutes for me to get home. But I sacrifice at least 2 hours on Saturdays to go to work just to make phone calls. 2 hours does not seem alot but it is enough to make me feel guilty for leaving my kids.

Some single agents think that married agents like me have balance in our lives. We work hard and play hard. We have 8 hours to make the best out of a day and come 5:30-6pm, we force ourselves to turn our laptops off, bring our laptop home and spend time with our family. 90% of us who have families do not work from home (how to???). As for the singles, sometimes, they do work from home, work till 7pm and half of Saturdays. They go home, think about thier production numbers (I do too!) and then feel miserable. Good thing the kids makes it impossible to think about the numbers.

Sigh...maybe I am going through a transition. I have a history of moaning and whining through transition, kicking and screaming when it gets hard but always manage to hit the target.

Maybe next month, I can handle this stress crap better...InsyaAllah.

In the meantime, I am so happy to have spent the entire weekend with my girls without working on Saturday (next week must work Saturday tho). 48 whole hours of being surrounded by my girls and giving them unconditional love...priceless!!!

Also in the meantime part II, the husband has been working ALL weekend. I hardly see him. But we do talk on the phone a lot. I do miss him so much but what to do. Work is work, at least he came back from work with chocolate covered donuts this morning.

My daughter is in awe, as to how I have lost this much weight (30 lbs or more?) by eating junk all weekend? Take a doze of stress, sure to burn your fats and brains!

Suraya is a pro in walking now. This morning, I forgot to put the gate up by the kitchen entrance. I came out of the bathroom, she walked out of the kitchen and handed me a glass that she had taken from the glass cabinet. She was smiling and I was freaking out! Dont know why she loves the kitchen. If the cats love the kitchen why not the baby eh?

Kakak Mas has been such a couch potato since spring break last week. But she is making good money babysitting Suraya. So much money that she went on a shopping spree last weekend and I just watched, my money gone to her babysitting fees! Perfect sister she is...wish her brother is here too.

Abang Mat is doing very well in school. We are surely on the road to recovery in terms of relationship. We talk on the phone at least once a week, email once a week. He speaks to everyone at home. The other day, he called and said that he was out sick from school. Sakit kepala, so he said. But all was well my dad said, Mat was just getting the blues we thought. We all miss him to death. Believe it or not, he has a girlfriend now. Very mentel right? A girl from CHIJ, her parents are police officers. Good, at least I know he will be in 'good hands' hehehe.

My kids, believe it or not, I miss or should I say LONG to have the 3 of them in front of me....sigh!

Here's Suraya taken last weekend. Isn't she an angel? How to marah her when she does something bad? Those angelic eyes.

This is how you drink bubble tea from the straw...geddit?

Shes a pro in book flipping, she loves to read!

Tell me, how to get mad at her with that face? She smiles 24/7!