Being married to a person who has a totally different culture does not mean a bed of roses all the time. People think that being away from home, having someone to care for me and the kids and having a new life is like a life of a dream come true. Sometimes its not…
The culture. Being the 'orang melayu' who doesn’t have the foggest idea about what 'social grace' american version is all about, tend to sound so square and ignorant. Not being permitted to even step into a bar and clubs or even an all night concert when I was young also did not make me feel as if I was missing something when growing up. I think I have gained strong family relationships with my family, and that my parents at that time were my loyal companions. Yup, my curfew was 5pm on weekends.
When I moved here, the word 'clubs' and 'bars' and 'going out drinking and dancing' sounded pretty offensive to me. I mean, I was not brought up with all those. But I learned, as I get exposed with co workers who love to party. I learned to mingle and get to know the concept of 'having pure fun'. The visit to the bar was like an 'every 2 months' or celebration venue for birthdays, going aways or just pure innocent de stress. Yes, I have great fun when I go there. Being there for just an hour is always enough for me, when the husband would be waiting outside the bar an hour later (please, you might think that I would be too drunk to be going home by myself? Diet coke for me only please). I feel that I really do not have to drink to have fun…but sure is fun watching co workers get tipsy after a few drinks hehehe.
Another is…being 'clingy' to my husband. Yes, I am clingy to my husband. When I moved here, I could not be left alone by myself (the kids were still back in Singapore then). I would demand to be taken everywhere the husband would go. I am still not use to not having the husband next to me at bedtime and not having him around me when I am back from work. Sometimes I would get pretty irrationally moody when he has a task to do, like watching a musician friend perform at a local club or down in LA or even taking pictures of musician friends who are doing recording in the evening. But I am still not as bad as before, sometimes I would appreciate him not being around for a couple of hours in the evening :)
Emotional grief. Would that make you nervous? Back home, it is 'taboo' to show your emotions to others. You're to be seen and not heard. Keep feelings to yourself and deal with it yourself..but not here. People here tend to tell you when they don’t like you, swear at you when they hate you or even shove you away when they don’t want to see you. Rudeness? To asians, yes, way beyond rudeness, that’s what I call sometimes macam orang hutan, tak pandai mengawal emosi (cakap melayu supaya tak kena pelangkung dengan sang suami, but I didn’t mean him, you know what I mean). It can be a rather common scenario to find that some asians who don’t know how to speak up tend to get 'trampled on' by others. Lets exclude the 'nyonyas' who physically trample on others in the market Jadikan, sesungguhnya kita orang melayu sungguh berbudaya, bercakap halus dan kekadang sensitif. Samada kita suka atau tidak, kita harus memberanikan diri kita untuk 'put your foot down and tell them that we're normal beings like them'. Did you also ever hear that asian wives tend to look nice, gentle, docile and charming in public but can be such terrors in the house? The asian wives kalau dah naik loktang, that we're worst than the demon? Hehehehe…enough said about that.
In a nutshell : Beng married to someone who is totally different from my culture takes 200% effort to make a marriage work. Macam barangan 'made in China' versus 'made in America'…one is tougher than the other, one is totally different from the other. I love my 'made in America' husband and will always do :)
If I were to factorize every element here, this entry will be a 10 paged one. Lets stop here and let me think of more to share. Readers, do not hesitate to share if you have any in your mind!
The culture. Being the 'orang melayu' who doesn’t have the foggest idea about what 'social grace' american version is all about, tend to sound so square and ignorant. Not being permitted to even step into a bar and clubs or even an all night concert when I was young also did not make me feel as if I was missing something when growing up. I think I have gained strong family relationships with my family, and that my parents at that time were my loyal companions. Yup, my curfew was 5pm on weekends.
When I moved here, the word 'clubs' and 'bars' and 'going out drinking and dancing' sounded pretty offensive to me. I mean, I was not brought up with all those. But I learned, as I get exposed with co workers who love to party. I learned to mingle and get to know the concept of 'having pure fun'. The visit to the bar was like an 'every 2 months' or celebration venue for birthdays, going aways or just pure innocent de stress. Yes, I have great fun when I go there. Being there for just an hour is always enough for me, when the husband would be waiting outside the bar an hour later (please, you might think that I would be too drunk to be going home by myself? Diet coke for me only please). I feel that I really do not have to drink to have fun…but sure is fun watching co workers get tipsy after a few drinks hehehe.
Another is…being 'clingy' to my husband. Yes, I am clingy to my husband. When I moved here, I could not be left alone by myself (the kids were still back in Singapore then). I would demand to be taken everywhere the husband would go. I am still not use to not having the husband next to me at bedtime and not having him around me when I am back from work. Sometimes I would get pretty irrationally moody when he has a task to do, like watching a musician friend perform at a local club or down in LA or even taking pictures of musician friends who are doing recording in the evening. But I am still not as bad as before, sometimes I would appreciate him not being around for a couple of hours in the evening :)
Emotional grief. Would that make you nervous? Back home, it is 'taboo' to show your emotions to others. You're to be seen and not heard. Keep feelings to yourself and deal with it yourself..but not here. People here tend to tell you when they don’t like you, swear at you when they hate you or even shove you away when they don’t want to see you. Rudeness? To asians, yes, way beyond rudeness, that’s what I call sometimes macam orang hutan, tak pandai mengawal emosi (cakap melayu supaya tak kena pelangkung dengan sang suami, but I didn’t mean him, you know what I mean). It can be a rather common scenario to find that some asians who don’t know how to speak up tend to get 'trampled on' by others. Lets exclude the 'nyonyas' who physically trample on others in the market Jadikan, sesungguhnya kita orang melayu sungguh berbudaya, bercakap halus dan kekadang sensitif. Samada kita suka atau tidak, kita harus memberanikan diri kita untuk 'put your foot down and tell them that we're normal beings like them'. Did you also ever hear that asian wives tend to look nice, gentle, docile and charming in public but can be such terrors in the house? The asian wives kalau dah naik loktang, that we're worst than the demon? Hehehehe…enough said about that.
In a nutshell : Beng married to someone who is totally different from my culture takes 200% effort to make a marriage work. Macam barangan 'made in China' versus 'made in America'…one is tougher than the other, one is totally different from the other. I love my 'made in America' husband and will always do :)
If I were to factorize every element here, this entry will be a 10 paged one. Lets stop here and let me think of more to share. Readers, do not hesitate to share if you have any in your mind!
