Ministry Should Be More Than A To-Do List

It was a productive night, but was it a fruitful one? If Your presence is not with me, I will not leave from here.


Lord, my God, please help me to come close to You. Without You, I am lost in the tasks, powerlessly striving, joylessly studying, desperately praying, sleeping without rest, and waking without truly opening my eyes. God, come and be my King, come and breathe in me.


God, connect my heart to Yours, as best as You can. I know there is still a great gulf between us, but still bring me closer to You. In Your presence - even if it is a short 15 minutes - there is life. Help me to understand what You meant when You invited us to take Your yoke upon us, for it is easy and Your burden is light. Help me to truly understand, as a workman of God, how work and ministry is not a mere job I do, with its deadlines, with its assignments and little projects. But help me to really begin to see Your hand at work, to marvel at the magic, miraculous way in which You soften hearts, till the ground, sow the seeds, reap the harvest and gather each one of us back to You.


Come, Holy Spirit, fall on me now. I don't want to be one of those workers without anointing and without heart. I don't want to be one of those students with knowledge but not truth.


"Hover o'er me, Holy Spirit, bathe my trembling heart and brow. Fill me with Thy hallowed presence, come, O come, and fill me now."


Hear my desperate pleas for fellowship, and even though I began with my need, let this prayer end with Your kindness, mercy, grace, goodness and love. At the end, Lord, be glorified, be praised for Your faithfulness, be lifted high - You are greater than my emotions, fears and fatigue. You are God. You are God. You are God.

Moon in the morning

There was a moon in the morning - a sight I rarely see, but one that always fills me with a mixture of awe and assurance. So often, we forget that something is there because we do not see it.
So it is with the indelible mark a teacher leaves on our hearts.

Today, I saw my teachers again.
Mrs Seah, I saw as she turned to smile at a colleague. Miss Sam, as she was walking to a sharing session on teaching mathematics.
In that instant gasp of surprise and joy, I am turned once again into that awkward teen who was loved by her teachers nonetheless. Even if she was the quiet one in class. And even if she couldn't do Integration. Or differentiation. Or draw a nice graph.

They remember my name and the names of my friends, the way we were in school; and they think of us often, wondering how we are right now.


In the smiles and the hugs and the catching up, there is so much I want to say, but can't.

"Why did you become a teacher?"
"Oh, because I think it's meaningful."

Overwhelmed by the blinding light of self-confidence, and in the heat of the day, we forget the pull of a quiet teacher's wise words, warm hugs, and patient counsel on the ebb and flow of our preoccupations and plans.
We go on to take to the sky, doing things we never thought we would achieve, breaking records, living out dreams.
But there is an invisible bond, tethering us to them, keeping us grounded even as we soar.

"Why did you become a teacher?"
It was because of you.

When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "One thing you still lack. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." (Luke 18:22 ESV)

OK, then. This is it.

I'm quivering slightly with the finality of it. With the certainty of it. With a trepidation and fear and excitement and wonder that only You give. Not my ways but Yours, my King.
Don't worry about the judgment, the comments, the battles that will come.

For now, Lord, You know what I can bear. Help me walk to You.

Sunday blues

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. (Matthew 6:30-34 ESV)

Had two conversations about anxiety over this weekend. One with Vicks, the other with Siwen.
I encourage then suitably, quoting the oft-quoted verse from Philippians: "Do not be anxious about anything..." You know the drill. Then Xiao Ben sends us a reminder: My ways are higher than yours. So, I thank him for the reminder and I think that's done with, until I do my quiet time and You come again, in that way You always do.

Now I'm confused. Was it me You were trying to teach?

I see the connections only now. It had taken three reminders but only till I sit with You does Your voice really become audible.

And even now, I hear You, but I'm like... Ok, sure, I get it. You love me and will provide for me. Cool. But I don't see how that relates. I haven't been particularly anxious. Well, perhaps about saving up for school, and about whether I will be that socially-awkward unmarried auntie. But ok, if that's what You want, here You go. Take the worries, help me to put them completely in Your hands, not worrying or being anxious, but delighting in walking each day with You.

Thanks for wanting to carry every single thing for me. I love You. Here is Your new song.

You tell me not to worry about tomorrow,
You say You know exactly what I need
Yet there are times I find myself wondering
If things will work out eventually

But once again when I settle down at Your feet
You come with the same message
As though afraid that I'd never see
How great Your love is for me

I'm defensive - I ask if You think I am anxious, if I don't trust You
No, all You wanted was to reassure me
That You know all Your plans for me
That Your ways are higher than mine
That You love me with an everlasting love
And You'll prepare the way for me.

My Father will meet all my needs

The Last Christian

When I think about all the suffering and injustice and pain that goes on in our world today, I wonder why it's taking God so long to take us home.

How must it pain Him, to hear the prayers of His people that cannot yet be answered, to hear the cries of those longing for relief, to stay silently by the side if those He loves as they cry in their sleep.

What is He thinking as He watches and waits?

He is thinking of you, the last Christian.

You, whose name has been entered into the Book of Life, but has yet to hear the name of your Saviour.

You, whose heart has been longing to see the Maker you have yet come to know.

You, whose ears have not known music till you hear your Lord calling you to Him.

It is for you that God has put the world on hold.

He is waiting for you.

When you finally unlock the door to your heart, together with a crack of thunder, the trumpet of His victory will sound, and He will come, His face, ablaze with flashes of lightning; and the saints who have been laboring, praying and hoping will be standing at those pearly gates, a smile of recognition lighting their faces as they recognize you, last Christian, the sibling they have been waiting for.

This is how much He loves you, last Christian.

Now, let us hurry to bring the gospel to you.