and so, US was great fun! i guess i wasn't such a good travel companion, but i never once regretted spending all my savings on that trip. it's not always that i could travel to such a faraway place given my family finances. absolutely love the shopping there! i dun think i have bought anything other than my work shoes after i came back from US cos everything seems so "bo hua" here! told myself that if i can afford it, i'd probably want to travel there once every few years!
it's probably unfair to summarise my 3-week US trip in a paragraph, but oh well.
came back to sg, slacked for a good few weeks, had my commencement, and then started work!
commencement was overated i guess. i still dun feel the same kind of attachment that i felt when i was in rj, and so never truly enjoyed myself or even felt a tinge of sadness that i'm leaving the uni.
and my bro and i bought a shetland sheepdog and i bombed my first few months of salary on her too. but she's such a dear. one can never describe the feeling of having a dog wagging her tail and getting hyperactive everytime she sees you, especially after i wake up or come back home from work. i'll definitely stop to play with her everytime. she's such a great addition to the family, cos i dun think i've ever been loved and treasured this much by anyone else in the world. it's like, her whole world revolves around waiting to see me, and just waiting for me to play with her. she actually reminds me that i do have my worth in this world.
and of cos, work has started. the first 3 weeks have just been training, and so i haven't felt the full blow of the workplace horrors yet. for now, i love the company, i love my fellow analysts, even though at times i dun think i can fit in that well, and i love how things seem so well paved out for us. i guess i still need to put in a lot of effort to manage my career, to make sure i get ahead and be sufficiently proactive. doesn't seem easy at all, but i do hope i will throw away all my irrational fears and start on a clean slate in my workplace.
i dun like the fact that i'm simply going thru the whole motion in my life just for the sake of it. maybe it's true everyone needs a purpose in life. i haven't found mine, and am probably not in a rush to find it. but i feel so superficial and shallow in front of everyone else in my company. i dun have a story to tell about myself, i dun have significant life experiences to take pride in, and i dun have the drive to push me forward. i dun think my family has been a great help in this as well, if anything, they seem to be more of a de-motivator for me. but maybe i should be thankful too. i'm a confused individual.
and i've always craved for people to understand me better than i do, it's sad when my colleagues describe me as "friendly", "cheerful", etc when i'm probably not even half of that. perhaps i'm just so two-faced about my portrayal to others that i'm closing myself up. it's probably not easy to be such an introvert in such a situation, but i guess, maybe it's still good to continue with the act and not revert to my reserved and introverted self, cos i know these characteristics won't get me anywhere.
i just hope i'll be happier.