i hate today.

today is seriously not my day.

when my to-do list is longer than the queue at any singapore pools store, and technology decides to fail, you know the day is F*CKING screwed up.

i'm sorry i dun mean to be vulgar, but i am really F*CKING irritated and angry and there are no better words to express my negative emotions.

and in the midst of the irritation and anger, someone just had to be sarcastic and COMPLETELY ruin my composure. my floor is now drowned in items that have been thrown around as venting outlet.

lastly, a word of caution to others and myself: next time when you open a file from a attachment and make changes to it, pls remember to click "Save As" instead of "Save" before you close the file. this will save you A LOT A LOT of time and effort from redoing all the changes you've made to the file.

so yeah you can guess what happened. i tried SOOO many ways to retrieve the file but failed totally. plus i think my comp is now screwed up after the 1001 operations that i ran in a bid to revive the stupid ghost file. time to stop relying so much on technology cos it can fail you. argh.

没那么简单

nice song. can seriously relate to the lyrics. ah well.

黄小琥 - 没那么简单
作词:姚若龙 作曲:萧煌奇

没那麽简单 就能找到 聊得来的伴
尤其是在 看过了那麽多的背叛
总是不安 只好强悍
谁谋杀了我的浪漫

没那麽简单 就能去爱 别的全不看
变得实际 也许好也许坏各一半
不爱孤单 一久也习惯
不用担心谁 也不用被谁管

感觉快乐就忙东忙西
感觉累了就放空自己
别人说的话 随便听一听
自己作决定
不想拥有太多情绪
一杯红酒配电影
在周末晚上 关上了手机
舒服窝在沙发里

相爱没有那麽容易 每个人有他的脾气
过了爱作梦的年纪 轰轰烈烈不如平静
幸福没有那麽容易 才会特别让人著迷
什麽都不懂的年纪曾经最掏心
所以最开心 曾经

想念最伤心 但却最动心 的记忆

i need to exercise!

my brother just bought a treadmill for $2000 and i just bought a exercise bicycle (mainly for my dad's 60th birthday, but i also bought it for my own usage=P) for $750! happy about it, but a lot of money!

we're turning my house into a gym. hopefully we get to exercise much more with the two equipment at home.=)

projects, projects and more projects. so much to do, so little time. and all the heavy projects are due at almost the same time. good luck to all of us for the next month!

oh oh and i've been applying for internship positions the last few days. i realised i've been damn dumb:
1) i've been sending lousy cover letters with "in addition" in two consecutive sentences.
2) i forgot to change the name of the department in more than one cover letter.
3) i didn't write about how good the companies were
4) the portal asked to convert our file into pdf, i uploaded it in the word format

damn stupid. no wonder so few companies are calling. shall seriously hope some of these companies miss the mistakes. but i think that's unlikely. oh and anyway, i got rejected by 3 companies already: gia, shell, and as of last night, standard chartered, which i passed all the logical reasoning, verbal reasoning and numerical reasoning tests, only to fail the candidate disposition test (which was essentially a personality test).

i need to be more patient and careful in sending out my applications seriously. argh.

sucky service.

i seriously want to complain about kbox. charles and i went to k this afternoon. we reached at 2.30pm, and took up the $8 nett package. so one would expect to sing till at least 5.30pm (since they usually give you 3 hrs). BUT they said we're supposed to stop at 5pm. obviously 2 1/2 hours is not enough for us to finish our super long playlist, but anyhow we just stretched it as much as we can.

so we left 2 songs after the 'last song'. when i went to redeem my points, i asked the person, "不是3小时吗？” she replied, "我们是看有没有人的。还有看有没有bookings"

i got slightly irritated already. "可是你们的房间都是空的", i commented. she replied, "因为等一下还有bookings 的".

I'M SURE SOMEONE WOULD BOOK A ROOM AT 5PM AND ONLY SING TILL 7PM. WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO KID?

seriously, these people think customers are all idiots. you think by giving promotions, people will keep coming back? seriously, the way kbox is treating their customers, i'm quite sure they are going to lose a lot of customers to other karaoke operators. the timings used to be a 5-hr session, then they cut it down to 3 hours, and cut people off when they don't want to leave the room. then now they say we only have 2 1/2 hours, cos there are other bookings. yeah right.

yeah you may have the newest songs, but your top priority dun seem to be the customers. you think you're the monopoly in this market? far from it seriously. dun you know that by increasing customer satisfaction, you can have higher customer loyalty too? by coming up with all these stupid stunts, chasing people away when obviously the entire place is empty, is not going to help with your reputation and customer retention.

i'm quite a regular at kbox, but the place is seriously pissing me off already. there's never once when we can sing till we're really satisfied. and 2 1/2 hours is seriously ridiculous. and they never realised their drinks are OVERLY sweet. they trying to cause diabetes ah.-_-

while other places are dying to increase service and customer loyalty, kbox is going the opposite way. one day, you're going to have to close down your outlets one by one, and you prob won't even understand why.

luckily the company was good, if not this would have seriously spoiled my day. charles and i had a really great chat after the kbox session, emo-ing about stuff and confiding in each other. glad we met up amidst the craziness in school, cos it's stuff like these that are keeping me sane.

school week is over, but there are still SOOOO many project meetings. 3 coming up for the next two days, when supposedly thurs and fri are my free days. sigh...

原来。。。

我一直认为批评对我来说，是我进步的主要动力。但今天我发现，我没有那么伟大，我没有想象中坚强。我虽然没有很多知心朋友，但我总觉得我的人际关系应该算是不错的。那可是大错特错。无意间得罪的人，其实很多。我不是要让每个人喜欢我，但我是需要别人肯定的。

22岁了，连一点成就也没有。亲情，感情，友情，“事业”，交出来的，也不过白纸几张。

可是我还是对我未来一点憧憬也没有。我的眼前就好像一片空白，没有光，没有景色。我只知道人是要往前走的，可是我真的不知道我要走到哪里。我连基本的存在感都没有，又凭什么知道我人生的目标呢？

可笑的是，我心中总是有着一种“害怕”。我不知道它的由来，我只知道它已缠了我好久好久。我什么都怕，也许就是因为这样，我好像都在原地踏步。

我已经不知道自己是谁了。我不喜欢现在的自己，不喜欢这种莫名的害怕，不喜欢在众人的期待中生活。信心？我根本都不认识。

如果时光可以倒流，我也许根本都不应该来到这世界。我的生活不算苦，但如果连我自己都讨厌我自己，生存又有什么意义？

仿佛就像个竹子，外壳是硬的，还可以拿来晒衣服，但内心空虚的很。

criticisms vs encouragement

for a person who's constantly plagued with confidence issues, it's advisable not to keep criticising him/her for the mistakes they commit. encouragement would do a better job because at least it doesn't crush the already low level of confidence the individual has on himself/herself.

and the low-confidence individual will retaliate in the form of silent anger, which sometimes is even scarier than outright anger. this is a defensive action, because the individual has constructed an invisible fence around himself/herself so as not to appear hurt by the comments that he/she receives.

sometimes, what he/she wants is just encouragement, just saying things like, "you didn't do well in these aspects, but you did well in other aspects." it sounds really hypocritical here, but seriously, for a person in desperate need of some confidence boost, this is really the type of encouragement you should give.

one reason i haven't been driving (contrary to the many other reasons that i've told others) is that i'm afraid of being scolded again when i make a wrong judgment or when i step on the accelerator instead of the brakes. i just dun want to end up being the laughing stock of the family whenever similar situations occur.

yes i've made mistakes in the past, but can't you move on and stop bringing those stuff up? it's not only making me feel lousy about myself, it's stopping me from driving altogether. and it's not like i made severe mistakes. i haven't brought any harm to the car at least. and when you were learning, you hated someone beside you telling you what to do, and to scream everytime you made a mistake, so why do the same thing to me? it's not like i didn't notice the mistakes that i've made.

and however good or experienced a driver is, he or she will always make mistakes. you dun expect someone who's still learning to be an ideal driver. yes you can point out my mistakes, but pls, for goodness sake, move on and let me have the confidence of driving after the experience. people need time to learn, and if one's confidence is always being crushed, what makes you think the person will have the confidence to drive again?

after so long, i've finally made myself drive again, so please let me drive till i learn how to drive on my own, then at least i will not be laughed at.

when i have the means, i will seriously want to buy my own car and drive myself around. then i dun have to be subjected to all the criticisms and laughter at my driving.

and i hate it when people do not practise what they preach. seriously, if i can only be at the receiving end of all blames, and you're ALWAYS right, i really dunno how long i can stay quiet about all these.

so ironic that i've been feeling seriously shitty about stuff that has been going on these days since i've just done an assignment on "improving happiness level". maybe the 'h' word just doesn't work for me.

just got rejected by the only call and interview i got from my internship applications. back to more intensive submission of resumes and cover letters.

IA mid-term tmr evening, leadership peer evaluation due on sunday noon, wow, absolutely no break even during weekends. what a life. what an e-learning. e-torture maybe.

the week.

this week's rather busy, but i'm glad the (school) week is over. haven't been doing a lot of school work, but yeah at least i'm getting by rather smoothly.

had a IA presentation on monday morning. that was crazy. we didn't have any sense of urgency until sunday night, when we met at 7pm then chionged in school all the way till 11pm, and we weren't even 100% done. had to go home and come up with more stuff after that. didn't help that we are supposed to be the first group to present and it was a 9am class. so we decided to meet 8am in school. =X this was despite having two meetings before this meeting in school on sunday evening (which was 元宵 btw).

the first meeting was at a starbucks in town and we went there just to learn that everyone in the group didn't understand the entire article at all. the second meeting was at joce's place. we discussed and after two of our group members left, the other four of us decided to take a rest and started k-ing using joce's karaoke system. in the end, we sang till 3am. it was crazy, but i have to say i really enjoyed myself! of cos i warned them about my tone-deafness, but it was all good fun. kind of a stress reliever lar.

the rest of the lessons weren't too bad. as usual, i didn't read most of the readings we were supposed to. but luckily still managed to get by.

and my parents got a new desktop after my bro's 5 year-old desktop died on them. it's quite cool actually. it's just a monitor that has almost everything inbuilt (i think that's the new style of desktops?) and wireless mouse and keyboard. looks cool, and the speakers are great also. think my dad loves it now. and i benefitted from their purchase too! they could top up a little to get a canon printer, and i told them i'll buy the printer from them! (haven't paid them actually, wait for them to get from me. haha.) so now, i finally have a printer in my room. last time only my bro's room has a printer, and he's really anal about the usage, so now at least i dun need to go to his room everytime i need to print.

it's funny how even my parents are so obsessed with technology and can't seem to live without a computer already.

and i'm happy today cos i drove home today from school without much hiccups! had some judgment issues, but yeah it was generally ok i think. this is despite not driving for more than a year already. my bro has been forcing me to drive ever since the sem started, and today i finally got to do it. wasn't as bad as i expected. i should really drive more often to get the hang of it. and when i finally can drive the car without anyone beside me, i think that's great. i would one day want to buy my own car and drive it around anw.

oh and i applied for several internship positions. it's seriously a pain man. but anw shell rejected my internship application even before i reached interview stage. hmmm maybe i wasn't serious enough when i filled in the form, but ah well. i applied for 5-6, and only one got back to me so far, and it's gia. going for the interview on friday morning. i kinda dun expect anything much out of it, but at least it's a good interview practice session. hope it doesn't scare me too much!

seriously hope i can find a good internship, but i think i'm not proactive enough. maybe i'm still hoping that chances will come by themselves. how naive can i get. i'm also rather indecisive about the nature of job i want to go into. i still applied for positions in banks even though i've told myself and others i won't want to work in a bank. ah well. now, i should just explore my options and see what all these effort will bring me to.