温岚 - 刺猬
最后一抹的微笑 在转身之后 我闭上眼哭了
仅存的一点点骄傲 华丽的外表终于丢掉
很彷徨很孤单 是寂寞或 悲惨 一个人该怎么办
像是刺猬般防范 伪装的勇敢 不轻易让你看穿
我以为可以很坦然 面对分开时不觉得伤感
然而将灯关上 一片无 声黑暗 心痛的大声呼喊
我想我没那么坚强 每个女孩其实一样
渴望着爱情的好 渴望被拥抱
却都害怕爱让人受伤
承认我没那么坚强 不过是一而再的逞强
小心将情绪收藏 比傻瓜还傻
刺猬的坚强全都是假象 哭吧
像是刺猬般防范 伪装的勇敢 不轻易让你看穿
我以为可以很坦然 面对分开时不觉得伤感
然而将灯关上 一片无 声黑暗 心痛的大声呼喊
我想我没那么坚强 每个女孩其实一样
渴望着爱情的好 渴望被拥抱
却都害怕爱让人受伤
承认我没那么坚强 不过是一而再的逞强
小心将情绪收藏 比傻瓜还傻
刺猬的坚强全都是假象
我想我没那么坚强 每个女孩其实一样
渴望着爱情的好 渴望被拥抱
却都害怕爱让人受伤
承认我没那么坚强 不过是一而再的逞强
小心将情绪收藏 比傻瓜还傻
刺猬的坚强全都是假象 哭吧
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
i'm 22.
i wanted to blog on my birthday, but i was so tired that night plus i had to rush quite a lot of work, so had to postponed it till today. dun even know if anyone still reads this lousy blog, but yeah, it's for my own future reading too.=)
anyway, i really think my birthday was very well-spent. woke up early early in the morning to send johnson off at the airport who flew off at 930am so we had to reach there around 8am. my eyes weren't even open fully. but yeah, met kelly at the mrt station and went to the airport together. it's rather hilarious when he came up to shake my hand and wished me happy birthday when i saw him. feels damn weird lar basically. anw, he's like the last person to go off for exchange, but somehow school feels so much emptier without all the black rose freshies.
stayed at the airport and talked to very much a random group of people. 2 year threes with 4 year twos. but yeah, got a lift from a new friend home at least!=) (i seriously love people who stay in the east and have a car!=P)
and so, one hour later, i left home to get to sue jen's place. met ja and cynli for lunch, and totally enjoyed all the convos. i love how we can talk about almost everything under the sun. sue jen joined us after a while and we went to her house to bai nian, chat and play foosball. and they gave me a surprise! no present lar, but there was a cake.=) just a few hours, but i really felt so at ease. a lot has changed, and yet a lot still remained the same.
after that, took a lift from cynli and went down to tanjong pajar to have dinner with my family + aunt cat. and aunt cat not only treated the meal, she also gave me a bday present! she's like the closest auntie we have, and she and her family have always been soooo nice to us. ah well. i wish i will earn enough money in the future to reciprocate the kindness.
and after dinner was supper with yowie! charles and him (despite coming in different cars) waited at my void deck for me and gave me another surprise! a small cake with a candle. and they sang a super loud birthday song too. haha.
and then i came home to touch up on the elevator pitch for my leadership class.-_-
before my birthday was a surprise celebration for vivien and i at mof in bugis! love black rose!=)
and yeah, even till today, there have been people coming up to me and saying happy (belated)birthday. it's times like these when i know i cannot complain for the friends i have. most may not be people whom i can go to when i feel sad and horrible, but you know they'll be there for meals and make you happy when you request for one.
i agree that by not expecting anything, you will never be disappointed and hence getting upset over things that do not seem important to others. i should always remember that the things i value are different from the things others value.
(today i just screwed up a 5% assignment for dynamic pricing. thought we couldnt redo the assignment, but seemed like EVERYBODY redid it. what fairness is there.)
must be happy and cherish whatever i have!
and every year's wishes are more or less the same, and none have ever come true. then again, if wishes can come true, they wouldnt be known as wishes, there's a certain "impossibility" in it such that you have to wish for it. (ok i think nobody will understand this.=X)
and yeah, you disappointed again. i should have just let go earlier. no point hanging on to something that the other party doesnt believe in anymore.
anyway, i really think my birthday was very well-spent. woke up early early in the morning to send johnson off at the airport who flew off at 930am so we had to reach there around 8am. my eyes weren't even open fully. but yeah, met kelly at the mrt station and went to the airport together. it's rather hilarious when he came up to shake my hand and wished me happy birthday when i saw him. feels damn weird lar basically. anw, he's like the last person to go off for exchange, but somehow school feels so much emptier without all the black rose freshies.
stayed at the airport and talked to very much a random group of people. 2 year threes with 4 year twos. but yeah, got a lift from a new friend home at least!=) (i seriously love people who stay in the east and have a car!=P)
and so, one hour later, i left home to get to sue jen's place. met ja and cynli for lunch, and totally enjoyed all the convos. i love how we can talk about almost everything under the sun. sue jen joined us after a while and we went to her house to bai nian, chat and play foosball. and they gave me a surprise! no present lar, but there was a cake.=) just a few hours, but i really felt so at ease. a lot has changed, and yet a lot still remained the same.
after that, took a lift from cynli and went down to tanjong pajar to have dinner with my family + aunt cat. and aunt cat not only treated the meal, she also gave me a bday present! she's like the closest auntie we have, and she and her family have always been soooo nice to us. ah well. i wish i will earn enough money in the future to reciprocate the kindness.
and after dinner was supper with yowie! charles and him (despite coming in different cars) waited at my void deck for me and gave me another surprise! a small cake with a candle. and they sang a super loud birthday song too. haha.
and then i came home to touch up on the elevator pitch for my leadership class.-_-
before my birthday was a surprise celebration for vivien and i at mof in bugis! love black rose!=)
and yeah, even till today, there have been people coming up to me and saying happy (belated)birthday. it's times like these when i know i cannot complain for the friends i have. most may not be people whom i can go to when i feel sad and horrible, but you know they'll be there for meals and make you happy when you request for one.
i agree that by not expecting anything, you will never be disappointed and hence getting upset over things that do not seem important to others. i should always remember that the things i value are different from the things others value.
(today i just screwed up a 5% assignment for dynamic pricing. thought we couldnt redo the assignment, but seemed like EVERYBODY redid it. what fairness is there.)
must be happy and cherish whatever i have!
and every year's wishes are more or less the same, and none have ever come true. then again, if wishes can come true, they wouldnt be known as wishes, there's a certain "impossibility" in it such that you have to wish for it. (ok i think nobody will understand this.=X)
and yeah, you disappointed again. i should have just let go earlier. no point hanging on to something that the other party doesnt believe in anymore.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
getting older
as one grows older, i think the importance of birthdays diminishes. perhaps it's to do with not wanting to accept the fact that we're getting older by the day.
from young, i'd always looked forward to my birthdays, thinking that birthdays are the happiest days of the year. but that's not always true, i realised after 21 years.
this year, i almost forgot that my birthday was coming up. in any case, i wasn't planning to celebrate also. it's the day before school restarts, and 22nd feb is like the most horrible day cos there are just SOOO many things due. i dun understand why lecturers like to make things due on the week RIGHT after cny. argh.
but yeah, age is just a number. birthday is just another day. maybe in a few years time, i wouldn't even remember how old i am. haha ok i'm kidding.
this is a useless post i realised. ah well.
from young, i'd always looked forward to my birthdays, thinking that birthdays are the happiest days of the year. but that's not always true, i realised after 21 years.
this year, i almost forgot that my birthday was coming up. in any case, i wasn't planning to celebrate also. it's the day before school restarts, and 22nd feb is like the most horrible day cos there are just SOOO many things due. i dun understand why lecturers like to make things due on the week RIGHT after cny. argh.
but yeah, age is just a number. birthday is just another day. maybe in a few years time, i wouldn't even remember how old i am. haha ok i'm kidding.
this is a useless post i realised. ah well.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
happy cny and v-day!
happy cny everyone!
and happy v-day to those who have someone to celebrate the day with!
another meaningless v-day for me, but i think getting used to it is a must! and i'm starting to think that, perhaps, it isn't such a bad thing after all.
and maybe cny is meaningless too. i didn't even have any exciting conversations with my cousins/aunties/uncles/nieces/nephews who i see once a year. it's just funny to know that i actually have a total of 25 nieces and nephews already (from my mum's side only). when they're all together, the house becomes so noisy. but it's hilarious the things they do and say.
ah well. cny visiting is kinda over for me, except a visit to my prof's house tmr, which is at the opposite end of singapore from my place. wow. after that, is a whole lot of projects and assignments to complete.
what a good idea nus has for combining recess week with cny break. argh.
and happy v-day to those who have someone to celebrate the day with!
another meaningless v-day for me, but i think getting used to it is a must! and i'm starting to think that, perhaps, it isn't such a bad thing after all.
and maybe cny is meaningless too. i didn't even have any exciting conversations with my cousins/aunties/uncles/nieces/nephews who i see once a year. it's just funny to know that i actually have a total of 25 nieces and nephews already (from my mum's side only). when they're all together, the house becomes so noisy. but it's hilarious the things they do and say.
ah well. cny visiting is kinda over for me, except a visit to my prof's house tmr, which is at the opposite end of singapore from my place. wow. after that, is a whole lot of projects and assignments to complete.
what a good idea nus has for combining recess week with cny break. argh.
Friday, February 12, 2010
ultimate tear-inducing song
五月天 - 突然好想你
词/曲：阿信
最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚 绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息
想念如果会有声音
不愿那是悲伤的哭泣
事到如今 终於让自已属於我自已
只剩眼泪还骗不过自己
突然好想你 你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你 突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛
我们像一首最美丽的歌曲
变成两部悲伤的电影
为什麽你 带我走过最难忘的旅行
然後留下最痛的纪念品
我们那麽甜 那麽美 那麽相信
那麽疯 那麽热烈的曾经
为何我们 还是要奔向各自的幸福
和遗憾中老去
突然好想你 你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你 突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛
最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚 绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息
最怕此生已经决心自己过 没有你
却又突然 听到你的消息
i dunno how many times i've posted this song on my blog, but i got to say it must be one of the most tear-inducing songs i've ever heard. you just have to imagine what the lyrics is trying to say, and its really hard not to tear. at least the tears weren't for anyone this time.
词/曲：阿信
最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚 绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息
想念如果会有声音
不愿那是悲伤的哭泣
事到如今 终於让自已属於我自已
只剩眼泪还骗不过自己
突然好想你 你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你 突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛
我们像一首最美丽的歌曲
变成两部悲伤的电影
为什麽你 带我走过最难忘的旅行
然後留下最痛的纪念品
我们那麽甜 那麽美 那麽相信
那麽疯 那麽热烈的曾经
为何我们 还是要奔向各自的幸福
和遗憾中老去
突然好想你 你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你 突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛
最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚 绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息
最怕此生已经决心自己过 没有你
却又突然 听到你的消息
i dunno how many times i've posted this song on my blog, but i got to say it must be one of the most tear-inducing songs i've ever heard. you just have to imagine what the lyrics is trying to say, and its really hard not to tear. at least the tears weren't for anyone this time.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
reflections
i was doing some reflections, while reading the "how of happiness", and i realised that, although jc was a tough period of time, it was also the time when i was the happiest.
the times the 25ths stood in front of the crowd cheering for our school. the times when 6h played squash against the stairway, played floorball, frisbee, basketball, handball and thrashed the other classes. the times when 6h will laugh at ourselves for getting the worst average amongst the so6 classes. the times when i stood in front of BB and attempted to rah-rah them. the times when i went down for inter-house competitions and saw my house members fighting so hard to win. the times when 6h petitioned to get our gp tutor sacked. the council camp days. the softball training days. the times when we gossiped hell lot while studying for A levels. the times when i was busy smsing during class and knew NUTS about what was going on in class. the times we played bridge/spades at the 6th or 7th level to avoid getting caught. the times we spent at j8 after trainings, lessons, whatever. the times when jun and i would indulge in many many sessions of encouraging each other and stopping the tears for the other.
and of cos, good things always come to an end. there are mistakes i've made, there are friendships i'm dying to repair, but at the end of it, i think these are the things that really made me grow up and saw the best and worst sides of people.
and as i came into uni, my priorities changed. it wasn't about fun and happiness anymore. it wasn't even about character development anymore. it was about damage control, controlling the damage i've caused by having too much fun in jc. A levels was a disaster, and anyone who knows me well enough knows that it's probably one of the few things that had caused the worst hurt in me. it was irreparable, and the only thing i could do was to make sure i do well in uni.
but of cos, there are limited things i can repair, and honestly, i've been really unsuccessful. i wouldn't say i have tried my best, but sometimes, i wonder if all these things happen for a reason at all. i've always believed that things happen for good reasons, but this belief has been challenged ever since a levels. it even made me question if the parental relationship is conditional based on grades. i wouldn't deny the parental love that i've received over the last 22 years, especially the last year. but i just dun agree with the methods that were used.
perhaps, such a change in my family also led me to stand up for myself more than i did in the past. now, i dun have to ask for permission for things that i did. i started to dye/rebond/perm my hair, pierced two more ear holes, bought more expensive clothes, etc. these were things i was afraid to do in the past, cos i would be scolded. i feel more freedom at least.
it's just that when i look back at my uni days now, my memory is filled with things that i was "forced" to do, that even though i do not mind doing, i am not 100% enjoying them. there are no similar passion anymore, or maybe no one to share the passion. which is why i miss council days, when most people did things with a genuine passion and not really that of boosting their resumes (or so i hope!).
and more importantly, there's no one who truly understand the things you do the way you do them. explanations become such a chore. finding someone to talk is not as easy as making some expression and the other party will understand. wanting to hang out is not as easy as simply studying together then going for dinner after that. getting rid of emotions is not as easy as picking up my phone and smsing you, or you.
perhaps, this is part of growing up, and gradually entering into the cruel realities. the things that matter the most to me seem to be getting further from me, and i seem to have accepted the fact, to get accustomed to the life that i dun really fancy, but one in which i'm more familiar with.
the times the 25ths stood in front of the crowd cheering for our school. the times when 6h played squash against the stairway, played floorball, frisbee, basketball, handball and thrashed the other classes. the times when 6h will laugh at ourselves for getting the worst average amongst the so6 classes. the times when i stood in front of BB and attempted to rah-rah them. the times when i went down for inter-house competitions and saw my house members fighting so hard to win. the times when 6h petitioned to get our gp tutor sacked. the council camp days. the softball training days. the times when we gossiped hell lot while studying for A levels. the times when i was busy smsing during class and knew NUTS about what was going on in class. the times we played bridge/spades at the 6th or 7th level to avoid getting caught. the times we spent at j8 after trainings, lessons, whatever. the times when jun and i would indulge in many many sessions of encouraging each other and stopping the tears for the other.
and of cos, good things always come to an end. there are mistakes i've made, there are friendships i'm dying to repair, but at the end of it, i think these are the things that really made me grow up and saw the best and worst sides of people.
and as i came into uni, my priorities changed. it wasn't about fun and happiness anymore. it wasn't even about character development anymore. it was about damage control, controlling the damage i've caused by having too much fun in jc. A levels was a disaster, and anyone who knows me well enough knows that it's probably one of the few things that had caused the worst hurt in me. it was irreparable, and the only thing i could do was to make sure i do well in uni.
but of cos, there are limited things i can repair, and honestly, i've been really unsuccessful. i wouldn't say i have tried my best, but sometimes, i wonder if all these things happen for a reason at all. i've always believed that things happen for good reasons, but this belief has been challenged ever since a levels. it even made me question if the parental relationship is conditional based on grades. i wouldn't deny the parental love that i've received over the last 22 years, especially the last year. but i just dun agree with the methods that were used.
perhaps, such a change in my family also led me to stand up for myself more than i did in the past. now, i dun have to ask for permission for things that i did. i started to dye/rebond/perm my hair, pierced two more ear holes, bought more expensive clothes, etc. these were things i was afraid to do in the past, cos i would be scolded. i feel more freedom at least.
it's just that when i look back at my uni days now, my memory is filled with things that i was "forced" to do, that even though i do not mind doing, i am not 100% enjoying them. there are no similar passion anymore, or maybe no one to share the passion. which is why i miss council days, when most people did things with a genuine passion and not really that of boosting their resumes (or so i hope!).
and more importantly, there's no one who truly understand the things you do the way you do them. explanations become such a chore. finding someone to talk is not as easy as making some expression and the other party will understand. wanting to hang out is not as easy as simply studying together then going for dinner after that. getting rid of emotions is not as easy as picking up my phone and smsing you, or you.
perhaps, this is part of growing up, and gradually entering into the cruel realities. the things that matter the most to me seem to be getting further from me, and i seem to have accepted the fact, to get accustomed to the life that i dun really fancy, but one in which i'm more familiar with.
Friday, February 5, 2010
ridiculous complaint
was at a hotel today to celebrate my mum's birthday, but some ridiculous comments spoiled my lunch.
we were eating happily when a waiter came up to me and whispered into my ear, "some guests complained that your dress is too short."
WTF @@##!#$%^^@@!@#$$
i didn't go find out who, and didn't say anything, but i was so damn angry inside.
seriously, even if my skirt was THAT short, is it YOUR business?!??! who are you to COMPLAIN that my dress is short??!?!? i dun see the point of COMPLAINING to a waiter.
and... i'm wearing a pair of shorts inside. if you are blind, then i feel SO sorry for you. would i be crazy to wear a dress that exposes my butt?! wtf. and even if i was, i'm the one who's degrading myself, YOU dun have to complain.
i'm DAMMMMN pissed off. i have never gotten complained before in my ENTIRE life. and what kind of stupid comment is that. you teaching me how to be decent?! seriously a joke man.
stupid comment that spoiled my entire day. i seriously dun understand people who like to mind other people's business. i didn't do anything wrong, and i dun see a reason to be sorry about it. i seldom get angry over such stuff cos i think people usually complain for a reason, but i just dun see any reason behind this. if you say you are CONCERNED over my short dress, FINE. but if you want to COMPLAIN about it, then i will NEVER understand your point of view.
we were eating happily when a waiter came up to me and whispered into my ear, "some guests complained that your dress is too short."
WTF @@##!#$%^^@@!@#$$
i didn't go find out who, and didn't say anything, but i was so damn angry inside.
seriously, even if my skirt was THAT short, is it YOUR business?!??! who are you to COMPLAIN that my dress is short??!?!? i dun see the point of COMPLAINING to a waiter.
and... i'm wearing a pair of shorts inside. if you are blind, then i feel SO sorry for you. would i be crazy to wear a dress that exposes my butt?! wtf. and even if i was, i'm the one who's degrading myself, YOU dun have to complain.
i'm DAMMMMN pissed off. i have never gotten complained before in my ENTIRE life. and what kind of stupid comment is that. you teaching me how to be decent?! seriously a joke man.
stupid comment that spoiled my entire day. i seriously dun understand people who like to mind other people's business. i didn't do anything wrong, and i dun see a reason to be sorry about it. i seldom get angry over such stuff cos i think people usually complain for a reason, but i just dun see any reason behind this. if you say you are CONCERNED over my short dress, FINE. but if you want to COMPLAIN about it, then i will NEVER understand your point of view.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
reflected best self
i'm not someone who likes to ask people for favour. pride, ego, acting strong, whatever.
but for one of my modules, i had to get at least 10 people to write 3 stories of me at my best. i was excited over it, cos well i never had to go thru that ever since council, and i really think self-discovery is very fun.
i know it might be hard for most of my friends, considering they have their own school work and other commitments too, but somehow, the response that i got was really encouraging.
not all replied of cos (some i sent to email accounts that they dun check=X), but i actually got more than 10 in the end, which means close to 3/4 of the people i sent to actually replied, higher than i initially expected.
i was pleasantly surprised. and some of the things that they wrote, i didn't even think it'd be one of the top three things that i did with them. i guess people do observe the things that you've done and remember them.
the intention behind this exercise is to let people know their strengths and build on these strengths rather than the conventional working on their weaknesses. working on strengths is supposed to give them even more motivation to do better, because you're approaching improvement from the positive side of people, which they tend to prefer.
also builds confidence of cos, which i need i suppose. heh.
but anyhow, just wanted to reiterate that i seriously appreciate all my friends' efforts to write 3 stories for me, no matter how short the stories may be. really taught me to cherish the friendships that i have and try to make a difference in their lives too!=)
but for one of my modules, i had to get at least 10 people to write 3 stories of me at my best. i was excited over it, cos well i never had to go thru that ever since council, and i really think self-discovery is very fun.
i know it might be hard for most of my friends, considering they have their own school work and other commitments too, but somehow, the response that i got was really encouraging.
not all replied of cos (some i sent to email accounts that they dun check=X), but i actually got more than 10 in the end, which means close to 3/4 of the people i sent to actually replied, higher than i initially expected.
i was pleasantly surprised. and some of the things that they wrote, i didn't even think it'd be one of the top three things that i did with them. i guess people do observe the things that you've done and remember them.
the intention behind this exercise is to let people know their strengths and build on these strengths rather than the conventional working on their weaknesses. working on strengths is supposed to give them even more motivation to do better, because you're approaching improvement from the positive side of people, which they tend to prefer.
also builds confidence of cos, which i need i suppose. heh.
but anyhow, just wanted to reiterate that i seriously appreciate all my friends' efforts to write 3 stories for me, no matter how short the stories may be. really taught me to cherish the friendships that i have and try to make a difference in their lives too!=)
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