should a child be judged by results?

it's psle release today. not that it's my business, but i dun understand why it's my parents' business.

they watched the news at 9.30 and 10pm just to listen to the news about the psle release, and i really dun understand why.

are results really that important? maybe in this world of meritocracy, it is indeed important. but is a child's worth defined by the number of As that he or she gets? is it fair to judge a person by the certificate one has?

i guess perhaps one by-product of s'pore's (successful?) system is its very well-defined social strata. it might or might not be a good thing, but the problem with it is that, every parents wants their kids to be successful, in no other way than by academic results. so if you're smart, but totally lack in EQ, your parents still think you're good?

it's hard to achieve the best of both worlds. and even though i've been through an environment where all the elite resides, i can't say i fully agree with such a system for the kids. stress may be an inherent part of studying, but it shouldn't come at the expense of character development of the kids.

take me for example. even though i have the prestigious sec sch and jc in my track record, i'm still competing on the same level as many other poly students in uni, and some of them are doing even better than me now. and i'm totally talentless. i can't do anything else other than perhaps maybe doing slightly better in my exams. but how far can that bring me?

and competing with the best of the best may not be a good thing also. i've changed a lot from pri to sec school, and i highly suspect it's because of the inferiority complex that i developed in sec sch. in sec sch, even though i may have gotten all those awards or whatsoever, i never once felt any better than any other student in the school. one is because of my inability to speak good english, and another is my inability to speak well.

i simply dun understand why parents put so much emphasis on the academic achievements of their kids. and so what if i got 273 for psle and 9A1s for Os? my AABB at As was enough to make my life change, and end up being a horrible victim of this educational system.

is it really that important to enter the higher social class, or the so-called elite group in s'pore? i really have no idea. perhaps this is just part of the process to let the nation be known and seen faster in the global stage.

two down!

it's amazing i spent almost two weeks at home doing nothing but studying. watching webcasts, doing tutorials. and in the end, i could only do half the math paper today.

ah well, at least it's over. and good thing scm's over too. didn't finish both the papers ytd and today but somehow i dun really bother too much also. time to rest for a few days and then start studying for risk and insurance and off to KL! only for 3 days though. better than nothing!=)

and i haven stayed at home for such a long period of time before, though i wonder if it's a good thing. actually i kinda look forward to coming home now. i used to wish i can stay out the entire day, coming home only at night. but now, my view is slowly changing. i feel so much closer to my mum, prob because she's jobless and staying at home now. and she's practically becoming my "chaufeur" too. well well blame myself for being so useless to get a licence but still dun dare to drive out.

i'm just afraid i'm becoming too reliant. but being reliant on my family is supposed to be a good thing rite? i used to be taught how to be independent, and not to rely on others to do things for you. but i think it has also made my character really isolated from others.

but i guess it's good that my family relations are getting slightly better, with my mum lar of cos. just that even if i want to talk to my dad now, it doesn't mean he wants to talk to me. i guess my entire family is just horrible at expressing our thoughts. i was reminded of the time when i kept quarrelling with my mum. at least that doesn't happen now. and since my dad doesnt talk to my bro and i, there are also no more conflicts between us and him. somehow or rather, this makes me feel slightly happier to stay at home.

perhaps perhaps, there's just nothing worthy to go out for.

i wish i can tell you everything once again.

another 25% completed!

sadly, this is my only photo taken in school this sem. but anyhow, here's the group photo of my biz policy project group with our prof!

a great group indeed! who says all exchange students are useless, at least my group's exchange students do their work despite all their travelling! and i must say they also contributed a lot to our group work.

and just completed my part of the editing for the scm project report. took me 7 hours to finish it. but i'm glad it's done. off it goes and i can resume my mugging!

have been studying math for the ENTIRE week. watching webcasts, doing tutorials. still too many question marks, but at least i'm putting in hard work. one week to study for one sem's worth of work. tough, but ah well, at least it's MATH! hopefully it pays off!

can only hope the results we get will reflect the hard work we've put in for this sem.

back to my daily dose of variety show/ou xiang jus!

i wish.

to be honest, i've actually kinda lost a lot of trust and confidence in people around me.

it's not that i've been betrayed or anything, i just sometimes think that as one gets older, the number of people you can actually trust and confide in gradually gets smaller, to a really pathetic number.

now, i rather be alone at times. i've gotten really tired of maintaining that smile, or that sense of awareness around people. i wish to go crazy, not in that clubbing sense, but rather just go somewhere where i can just let loose and be myself, my lousy self instead of acting to be someone who comes from an elite school. and there are not many people whom i feel at ease with that i'm willing to be myself around.

not that i'm not alone anyway.

maybe after a while, when i stop confiding in people, i'll start to think that friends are no longer a necessity, but rather a luxury.

it might be a good thing actually. at least it teaches me to treasure the luxury that i enjoy, no matter how limited that may be.

you know sometimes i wish that i've never gone through most of my student life meeting so many people and getting close to different people at different times. at least there won't be the sharp contrast as compared to the present.

there are just too many "what ifs" in this world. and my head is always thinking about all the different "what ifs" that could make a difference in my life.

i wish i can just let nature take its own course, instead of trying to control the outcome of everything that comes.

i wish i was never this rational. i wish i follow my heart more than i follow my brain. i wish i never cared about what people think about me.

a true case of "internal" conflict huh...

bye bye biz pol & corpfin!

biz pol presentation is finally over. it must be the project with the most effort we've put into amongst all the projects we did this sem. then again, it's all worth it. i can't be sure we scored well, but i'm sure we did our best to conceptualise all the stuff we heard and read into a succinct 15-page strategic analysis.

it was also one of the best presentations i ever had. i knew exactly what i was talking about, mainly because i wrote the same stuff in the report as well, and i didn't even refer to my cue cards except at the start! a big step forward for me.=) and i'm pretty sure our analysis is one of the best in my class. haha.

and i must say our prof is good. if not for his drilling during our consultation with him, we probably would have started in the wrong direction in our analysis. during q&a, he was also the only person asking us questions. and i think the class got real bored after a while, cos he was spending too much time extracting information out of us. but at the end of it, he said he wanted to drill us cos he's focussing his research studies on vertical integration, so he's stricter in that sense. but he said we did well!=)

as you can tell, i'm really relieved biz pol is over, and that concludes my second and last presentation of this sem. two modules down, three more to go! next up is scm hw and scm report, which i havent started at all. and the dreadful exams.....

and i think my stomach and intestines are going on strike these days. have been having diarrhoea and nausea and urge to puke these few days. i think i totally just destroyed my own stomach in jc.

hard work that paid off..

just to let those interested know what i've been doing for my prof the last few months, here's the article with the figure that we calculated:

http://a1preview.asia1.com.sg:90/vgn-ext-templating/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=96064ff93f1c4210VgnVCM100000430a0a0aRCRD&vgnextchannel=719967c086322110VgnVCM100000bd0a0a0aRCRD

it's basically this sentence: He said: 'A study done by the National University of Singapore this year found that averaged over a four-year period, the productivity of SQA winners...was 35 per cent higher than that of their industry counterparts.'

haha dun look down on this figure k, we spent close to two weeks (i think) coming up with it. =D quite cool to be able to contribute to something of national importance huh.=P

and this is not all. we're still working on other things that may be published also, i wouldn't really know lar. but at least i know the hard work is paid off!=)

back to mugging for corp fin. i'm REALLY worried. i really hope i can do well for this 40%, at least must try to get an A-!

我爱他

我爱他 - 丁当

他的情况留在某一节车厢
地下铁里的风比回忆还重
整座城市一直等着我
有一段感情还在漂泊

对他唯一遗憾是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪都停不下来
若那一刻重来我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏都不肯醒来

我爱他跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心深深伤过却不会忘
我和他不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂最终的荒唐

如果还有遗憾又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了就能好了吗
曾经依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪

我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
逃不开爱越深越互相伤害
越深的依赖越多的空白
该怎么去爱

我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏都不肯醒来

我爱他跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心深深伤过却不会忘
我和他不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂最终的荒唐

如果还有遗憾是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪都停不下来
若那一刻重来我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

the opening song to <<下一站，幸福>>. really love this song. always so touched everytime i hear this song play during the show. and i'm addicted to the show. the storyline is actually quite cliched and i've already watched similar shows over and over again, but i guess 我可能比较喜欢走悲情路线.