today started really badly.
was supposed to meet fm group to consolidate, discuss then rehearse for our presentation at 12. but cos my part is kinda new to me (i didn't do this part for the report), i had to do research before i did up my slides. decided to wake up earlier to do that before going to school.
but just as i started researching, my dad blasted songs. i closed the door and window and i could still hear very clearly. even after resorting to ear plugs, i could still hear the music very vividly. just when i got really irritated, my mum started listening to her old songs too. so i was SUPER frustrated by then.
in the end, i couldn't tahan and started throwing things around in my room. then i just screamed and cursed a little and then cried. i decided to head to school earlier to do the stuff, and i teared even when i was in the bus cos i felt so horrible. i wonder how many times i've broken down in these few weeks.
i really dunno why i just flared up like that, maybe it's stress or whatever, but yeah, poor mum who got 'scolded' by me.
and haven't been going on msn too. i think i'm so disillusioned about things now that i dun even think keeping in contact via msn helps friendships. how negative can i get rite.
but yeah life goes on. and everything will seem so small just a few weeks later. just as what i heard on the way to school when i was tearing:
天亮了 天亮了
地球又转一圈了
既然我还幸运的活着
当然要全力以赴去快乐
天亮了 天亮了
世界还是好好的
什么痛都是更渺小的
看太阳不是又升起来了
i think lyrics of chinese songs help me a lot especially when i feel down.
anyhow, went with mum to jj lin's concert! (it's free for us anw.=P) i thought the opening few songs were bad, like they didn't warm up the audience at all. then it got better in the middle. but the ending dragged for quite a long time, and half the audience was already gone even before encore (if there was one cos we left earlier too)! really think he's quite pro in his own sense. must support local singers!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
standing on the edge...
i'm really feeling very horrible now.
i dunno if it's the stress that's getting into me or what, suddenly i just feel like exploding.
i suddenly feel like the whole world is going to desert me, to force me to live alone, with no friends, no survival tools. i hate the feeling of loneliness, yet this fear is so overwhelming now.
yet i dun feel like talking to anyone at all, cos i know it's just a psychological thing, and i know i'm just thinking too much. i just feel like escaping, to anywhere at all, to do whatever thing.
i feel so useless.
i feel so disillusioned, about my studies, about family, about friendships, about my existence.
and how could i not notice how insensitive i was to the group. i absolutely hate myself for being so disrespectful. i kept thinking back and putting myself in their shoes, and i totally hate myself for doing that.
you know, i realised i became so much more aggressive after coming to uni. in the sense that i become so much less sensitive to the feelings of people around me. i think i've slowly grown a wall surrounding me, that makes me fail to see certain stuff that happen around me, and indirectly make a lot of people unhappy, and vice versa.
friends, can you pls tell me if i've been rude or disrespectful to you or friends around? cos sometimes, i really dunno. i do admit i'm frank and direct, but i never once meant to hurt the feelings of people around me.
perhaps, i should just live in a world of my own. in that way, i can never hurt anyone.
i dunno if it's the stress that's getting into me or what, suddenly i just feel like exploding.
i suddenly feel like the whole world is going to desert me, to force me to live alone, with no friends, no survival tools. i hate the feeling of loneliness, yet this fear is so overwhelming now.
yet i dun feel like talking to anyone at all, cos i know it's just a psychological thing, and i know i'm just thinking too much. i just feel like escaping, to anywhere at all, to do whatever thing.
i feel so useless.
i feel so disillusioned, about my studies, about family, about friendships, about my existence.
and how could i not notice how insensitive i was to the group. i absolutely hate myself for being so disrespectful. i kept thinking back and putting myself in their shoes, and i totally hate myself for doing that.
you know, i realised i became so much more aggressive after coming to uni. in the sense that i become so much less sensitive to the feelings of people around me. i think i've slowly grown a wall surrounding me, that makes me fail to see certain stuff that happen around me, and indirectly make a lot of people unhappy, and vice versa.
friends, can you pls tell me if i've been rude or disrespectful to you or friends around? cos sometimes, i really dunno. i do admit i'm frank and direct, but i never once meant to hurt the feelings of people around me.
perhaps, i should just live in a world of my own. in that way, i can never hurt anyone.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
努力就等于成绩吗？
这几天也许太忙了，觉得有点忽略身边的朋友。cherry已经不止一次约我出去，但我还是拒绝了。很多朋友在学校碰见了，也无法好好聊聊。 总觉得我渐渐变得像个宅女，好凄惨啊！
昨天赶报告赶到凌晨五点, 睡了一个多小时就起床去上课,这是什么生活吗? 好在我的project团员都蛮幽默的，总可以在忙碌之中找点欢笑，这可能是我现在唯一的推动力吧。
我只希望这些日子的努力不会白费，接下来还有几个reports和presentations得赶，总要拼出成绩才行，不然我真的可能就这样崩溃。
大家都要加油哦! 再过几个星期我们就自由了!=D
昨天赶报告赶到凌晨五点, 睡了一个多小时就起床去上课,这是什么生活吗? 好在我的project团员都蛮幽默的，总可以在忙碌之中找点欢笑，这可能是我现在唯一的推动力吧。
我只希望这些日子的努力不会白费，接下来还有几个reports和presentations得赶，总要拼出成绩才行，不然我真的可能就这样崩溃。
大家都要加油哦! 再过几个星期我们就自由了!=D
Thursday, March 19, 2009
when...
when you're supposedly watching a show on tv but yet not aware that your mother has walked past the tv to sit beside you.
when you can stare at a person talking but yet dun even hear what he/she is talking about.
when you can sleep for 7 hours and yet still feel lethargic when you wake up.
when you feel so irritated at anything and anyone that comes along.
when you can lose your wallet and only realise it 3 hours later when someone finds it.
when you feel as though you have tried your best but the results that come out of everything seem to prove otherwise.
when you feel totally like shit when your dentist tells you, "sorry gotta wait another 2 more months before your braces can be removed cos i'm going to study"
when you feel as though time is accelerating and not at constant speed.
when there are times that you feel like giving up but yet you are still accountable for your whole group and have to drink red bull to carry on.
when you just totally forgot the birthdays of your close friends even though you keep reminding yourself to wish.
when you just feel like crying whenever you are alone, and just before you sleep.
then you know you are really drained.
thanks to all those who have shown concern. your every little action, no matter how small, matters a lot to me, whether i show appreciation or not.
thanks also to bro who waited for me to come home so that i didn't have to eat dinner alone, and thanks for staying in school to study to wait for me so that he can drive me home too.
sometimes i do hate the world for leaving me in isolation. but i do realise how lucky i have been too. it's just that luck comes in places that i dun need it for, but when it is sorely needed, it's never there for me.
when you can stare at a person talking but yet dun even hear what he/she is talking about.
when you can sleep for 7 hours and yet still feel lethargic when you wake up.
when you feel so irritated at anything and anyone that comes along.
when you can lose your wallet and only realise it 3 hours later when someone finds it.
when you feel as though you have tried your best but the results that come out of everything seem to prove otherwise.
when you feel totally like shit when your dentist tells you, "sorry gotta wait another 2 more months before your braces can be removed cos i'm going to study"
when you feel as though time is accelerating and not at constant speed.
when there are times that you feel like giving up but yet you are still accountable for your whole group and have to drink red bull to carry on.
when you just totally forgot the birthdays of your close friends even though you keep reminding yourself to wish.
when you just feel like crying whenever you are alone, and just before you sleep.
then you know you are really drained.
thanks to all those who have shown concern. your every little action, no matter how small, matters a lot to me, whether i show appreciation or not.
thanks also to bro who waited for me to come home so that i didn't have to eat dinner alone, and thanks for staying in school to study to wait for me so that he can drive me home too.
sometimes i do hate the world for leaving me in isolation. but i do realise how lucky i have been too. it's just that luck comes in places that i dun need it for, but when it is sorely needed, it's never there for me.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
just for laughs
some super hilarious exam answers, not by me of cos. my apb group were totally amusing ourselves with the ridiculous answers when we were having project meeting in the library today.
some stress-relievers in the midst of the total craziness.
have been HELL busy these days, editing bizcomm report, preparing computing presentation, going for pmm interviews, doing apb report and researching for fm. i was so tired today that i almost fell asleep while interviewing a company for pmm.
and i had to rely on red bull just now to keep me awake so that i could finish editing bizcomm report. i hope i can sleep later man.
and bizcomm discussion last night was quite a nightmare. firstly, i hate online discussions. secondly, we couldn't agree on a lot of things and ended up arguing most of the time. thirdly, there were just too many things to do.
but i'm glad my project groupmates are all sane. like i enjoy their company when i'm doing all the various projects. somehow i'm glad that i really got to know a lot more people this semester.
it's a nightmare tmr. bizcomm report due, letter writing test, gek presentation, pmm project meeting. *claps*
some stress-relievers in the midst of the total craziness.
have been HELL busy these days, editing bizcomm report, preparing computing presentation, going for pmm interviews, doing apb report and researching for fm. i was so tired today that i almost fell asleep while interviewing a company for pmm.
and i had to rely on red bull just now to keep me awake so that i could finish editing bizcomm report. i hope i can sleep later man.
and bizcomm discussion last night was quite a nightmare. firstly, i hate online discussions. secondly, we couldn't agree on a lot of things and ended up arguing most of the time. thirdly, there were just too many things to do.
but i'm glad my project groupmates are all sane. like i enjoy their company when i'm doing all the various projects. somehow i'm glad that i really got to know a lot more people this semester.
it's a nightmare tmr. bizcomm report due, letter writing test, gek presentation, pmm project meeting. *claps*
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
some fb quiz
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
my god, it's actually quite accurate.
my god, it's actually quite accurate.
Friday, March 13, 2009
yet another horrible grade
sigh another really screwed up module.
went to lecture this morning then the lecturer announced that our website grade is up on ivle. went to check and realised that we got 77.75. mind you, the highest is 101.5, lowest 67, mean 85, 25th percentile 80.75. so...essentially we could actually only be in the 10th percentile.
i really got a shock. i really thought we did well. and yes, it takes up 30% of our grade. and as much as i dun want to s/u the module, it's really not within my control now.
i felt so much like banging my head on the wall. after pmm was screwed up, now comes computing. so should i just expect my cap to drop exponentially?
sigh all the promises of me doing well in uni dun seem to be coming true anymore. and i really hate myself for it.
and yes i think the stress is getting to me. i was really being quite direct about bizcomm report, and i feel quite bad for it. think my attitude towards people these days have been getting worse. sigh.
i dun understand why i'm breaking from all the workload. it never used to be this bad.
and i really feel like killing myself for STILL having a lack of motivation. i just can't concentrate and do my stuff properly it seems.
went to lecture this morning then the lecturer announced that our website grade is up on ivle. went to check and realised that we got 77.75. mind you, the highest is 101.5, lowest 67, mean 85, 25th percentile 80.75. so...essentially we could actually only be in the 10th percentile.
i really got a shock. i really thought we did well. and yes, it takes up 30% of our grade. and as much as i dun want to s/u the module, it's really not within my control now.
i felt so much like banging my head on the wall. after pmm was screwed up, now comes computing. so should i just expect my cap to drop exponentially?
sigh all the promises of me doing well in uni dun seem to be coming true anymore. and i really hate myself for it.
and yes i think the stress is getting to me. i was really being quite direct about bizcomm report, and i feel quite bad for it. think my attitude towards people these days have been getting worse. sigh.
i dun understand why i'm breaking from all the workload. it never used to be this bad.
and i really feel like killing myself for STILL having a lack of motivation. i just can't concentrate and do my stuff properly it seems.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
craziness
i'm going mad with a severe project overload.
just look at the crazy timeline below (week 8 onwards):
9th March:
APB presentation
19th March:
Bizcomm letter writing test (10%)
Submission of Bizcomm final report (20%)
Intro to computing presentation (10%)
20th March:
PMM contract and negotiation (10%)
23rd March:
Submission of APB final report (20%)
27th March:
PMM presentation (40%)
30th March:
FM presentation (30%)
2nd April:
Bizcomm presentation (15%)
Intro to computing presentation (15%)
13th April:
APB presentation (20%)
FM final quiz (40%)
17th April:
PMM final quiz (30%)
24th April:
Bizcomm exam (40%)
Submission of FM report (30%)
27th April:
Intro to computing exam (40%)
7th May:
APB exam (40%)
the above doesn't even include all the project meetings before the presentations/submission of final reports. sigh... i even had to pon apb lecture today so that i can come home earlier to finish up my project stuff.
too many things to do with too little time.
monday was the epitome of madness. joce and i were in school from 9am to 8pm. and yes it was totally intensive, except for the half hour lunch break. the rest of the time was either lessons or project meetings. so intensive until we almost went nuts during apb project meeting.
good thing i went ktv with charles ytd. everyone else pangseh-ed, but we were both feeling so stressed that we decided to heck and just go and scream our lungs out. two of us sang from 815pm to like 1115pm, then on the way back, we decided to ask cedric out for supper since he stays so near me. and so when i got home, it was already 130am. good thing charles drove man.
and parents came back from guangzhou last night! my god time flew so fast. 6 days just ZOOMED...
yet another of my close friend got attached. wow. i shall just be a spinster huh.
just look at the crazy timeline below (week 8 onwards):
9th March:
APB presentation
19th March:
Bizcomm letter writing test (10%)
Submission of Bizcomm final report (20%)
Intro to computing presentation (10%)
20th March:
PMM contract and negotiation (10%)
23rd March:
Submission of APB final report (20%)
27th March:
PMM presentation (40%)
30th March:
FM presentation (30%)
2nd April:
Bizcomm presentation (15%)
Intro to computing presentation (15%)
13th April:
APB presentation (20%)
FM final quiz (40%)
17th April:
PMM final quiz (30%)
24th April:
Bizcomm exam (40%)
Submission of FM report (30%)
27th April:
Intro to computing exam (40%)
7th May:
APB exam (40%)
the above doesn't even include all the project meetings before the presentations/submission of final reports. sigh... i even had to pon apb lecture today so that i can come home earlier to finish up my project stuff.
too many things to do with too little time.
monday was the epitome of madness. joce and i were in school from 9am to 8pm. and yes it was totally intensive, except for the half hour lunch break. the rest of the time was either lessons or project meetings. so intensive until we almost went nuts during apb project meeting.
good thing i went ktv with charles ytd. everyone else pangseh-ed, but we were both feeling so stressed that we decided to heck and just go and scream our lungs out. two of us sang from 815pm to like 1115pm, then on the way back, we decided to ask cedric out for supper since he stays so near me. and so when i got home, it was already 130am. good thing charles drove man.
and parents came back from guangzhou last night! my god time flew so fast. 6 days just ZOOMED...
yet another of my close friend got attached. wow. i shall just be a spinster huh.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
空心
我不知道为何我突然有这么多的感触， 但我就是有种莫名的孤单涌上心头。
我好想找人倾诉，但朋友忙的忙，谈恋爱的也许睬都不会睬， 有自己烦恼的也是一大漂， 我哪敢去找这些人听我这些无理的烦恼， 或跟着我瞎逛。
有时候我真希望一些朋友会真的主动慰问。 可能我对朋友的期许很高吧， 或也许我对我的友情付出得不够多。 我不知道。
总觉得我好像一个“发笑”的机器。 明明心里彻底的不高兴， 但还要装作若无其事， 装作很勇敢。但机器终究是机器， 总有一天引擎坏了， 就算是再好的工程师，也不可能把原来的自己找回来。
我真的需要变得乐观点。
我讨厌下雨天。刚才突然停电，所有东西顿时停止，真好像世界末日的来临。 也许这场雨真的能形容我现在的心情吧。
心里的空洞，又何时能填补？
我好想找人倾诉，但朋友忙的忙，谈恋爱的也许睬都不会睬， 有自己烦恼的也是一大漂， 我哪敢去找这些人听我这些无理的烦恼， 或跟着我瞎逛。
有时候我真希望一些朋友会真的主动慰问。 可能我对朋友的期许很高吧， 或也许我对我的友情付出得不够多。 我不知道。
总觉得我好像一个“发笑”的机器。 明明心里彻底的不高兴， 但还要装作若无其事， 装作很勇敢。但机器终究是机器， 总有一天引擎坏了， 就算是再好的工程师，也不可能把原来的自己找回来。
我真的需要变得乐观点。
我讨厌下雨天。刚才突然停电，所有东西顿时停止，真好像世界末日的来临。 也许这场雨真的能形容我现在的心情吧。
心里的空洞，又何时能填补？
stunned...
ytd was a rather depressing day.
mum and dad left for guangzhou early in the morning. didn't even get to say goodbye. so for one week, my bro and i are on our own. too bad i won't be allowed to drive the car.
then comes the really depressing thing. my group was actually looking forward to playing the pmm purchasing game. but we screwed it up so much that i really couldn't believe it when we did that. it was a cumulation of two mistakes. somehow i regret not being careful about our decisions. we started the game off very well, and yes it was only at the last 20% of the game that we totally went crazy.
joce and i were in a stunned mode for a really long time after the game. were supposed to have bizcomm meeting after the lesson, but we were just so stunned that we couldn't do much. vincent and xuhan basically just did the work.=X then joce's bf came to surprise her AGAIN with loads of fattening (but damn nice) food. ate until damn full lar. but yeah wasn't enough to kill off our frustrations. then the two guys had to keep asking us to relax. sigh.
bad thing was joce smsed me after that and told me she got such a shock that she was running a fever! oh gosh. i think my body too immuned to all sorts of rubbish and shocks. ah well. lets hope this mistake will propel us to do better for the other aspects of pmm and of cos other modules as well.
after that was black rose dinner! attendance was kinda sad. the usual few - sherlyn, hsien, luther, daryk, johnson, dennis and i. but we ate at mof! love the food there man. you know it's always so therapeutic to be with them. though i can sense some sort of distance already, but being with them just makes me forget a lot of bad stuff and just listen to them talk rubbish, suan sherlyn, talk about work and mid-terms, whatever.
bad thing was, i was having such a horrible bout of gastric during the entire dinner that i didn't even talk much for the bulk of the time at mof. i dun usually take medicine for gastric - just slowly let it diminish. but i couldn't stand it last night. and even after taking medicine, it didn't go away until much later in the night. and the thing was, the gastric came AFTER i finished my bowl of udon.-_-. sigh.
i think my stomach is too immuned to me eating at 6+, latest 7+, and so when my dinner comes after that, it will start taking revenge on me. so sad huh.
oh and i had such a weird dream just now. i can remember vividly what happened lar. it felt so damn real. lets just say it involved black rose and my bizcomm group.
this weekend will be projects time again. and hopefully some mugging can be done.
mum and dad left for guangzhou early in the morning. didn't even get to say goodbye. so for one week, my bro and i are on our own. too bad i won't be allowed to drive the car.
then comes the really depressing thing. my group was actually looking forward to playing the pmm purchasing game. but we screwed it up so much that i really couldn't believe it when we did that. it was a cumulation of two mistakes. somehow i regret not being careful about our decisions. we started the game off very well, and yes it was only at the last 20% of the game that we totally went crazy.
joce and i were in a stunned mode for a really long time after the game. were supposed to have bizcomm meeting after the lesson, but we were just so stunned that we couldn't do much. vincent and xuhan basically just did the work.=X then joce's bf came to surprise her AGAIN with loads of fattening (but damn nice) food. ate until damn full lar. but yeah wasn't enough to kill off our frustrations. then the two guys had to keep asking us to relax. sigh.
bad thing was joce smsed me after that and told me she got such a shock that she was running a fever! oh gosh. i think my body too immuned to all sorts of rubbish and shocks. ah well. lets hope this mistake will propel us to do better for the other aspects of pmm and of cos other modules as well.
after that was black rose dinner! attendance was kinda sad. the usual few - sherlyn, hsien, luther, daryk, johnson, dennis and i. but we ate at mof! love the food there man. you know it's always so therapeutic to be with them. though i can sense some sort of distance already, but being with them just makes me forget a lot of bad stuff and just listen to them talk rubbish, suan sherlyn, talk about work and mid-terms, whatever.
bad thing was, i was having such a horrible bout of gastric during the entire dinner that i didn't even talk much for the bulk of the time at mof. i dun usually take medicine for gastric - just slowly let it diminish. but i couldn't stand it last night. and even after taking medicine, it didn't go away until much later in the night. and the thing was, the gastric came AFTER i finished my bowl of udon.-_-. sigh.
i think my stomach is too immuned to me eating at 6+, latest 7+, and so when my dinner comes after that, it will start taking revenge on me. so sad huh.
oh and i had such a weird dream just now. i can remember vividly what happened lar. it felt so damn real. lets just say it involved black rose and my bizcomm group.
this weekend will be projects time again. and hopefully some mugging can be done.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
i love animals
today, i was touched by two animals.
one was a cat that followed me close to 100m. think it was the food that i was holding in my hands that was attracting him/her. but i felt so sad cos she just totally ran towards me when she saw me. she probably hadnt eaten for days but the food i have totally wasn't suitable for her consumption!
and then i saw on tv this dog that had his front legs amputated cos a car ran over them. he was sent to taiwan's equivalent of spca and they wanted to just kill him but they didn't cos he was showing strong signs of his will to live. and so he is already learning how to walk with only two hind legs. it's saddening just to see how he struggled to move and kept having to lean on the trainer.
it's amazing how animals survive in a human-dominated world. humans decide what to do to animals, humans decide what animals to eat, humans decide to look at which animals at a zoo.
i love animals for being so real, and the natural cuteness they possess. i wish humans are THAT simple.
i remember how i teared when i saw elephants performing.
gosh i'm coughing like mad again.
jiayou b2! be strong!=)
one was a cat that followed me close to 100m. think it was the food that i was holding in my hands that was attracting him/her. but i felt so sad cos she just totally ran towards me when she saw me. she probably hadnt eaten for days but the food i have totally wasn't suitable for her consumption!
and then i saw on tv this dog that had his front legs amputated cos a car ran over them. he was sent to taiwan's equivalent of spca and they wanted to just kill him but they didn't cos he was showing strong signs of his will to live. and so he is already learning how to walk with only two hind legs. it's saddening just to see how he struggled to move and kept having to lean on the trainer.
it's amazing how animals survive in a human-dominated world. humans decide what to do to animals, humans decide what animals to eat, humans decide to look at which animals at a zoo.
i love animals for being so real, and the natural cuteness they possess. i wish humans are THAT simple.
i remember how i teared when i saw elephants performing.
gosh i'm coughing like mad again.
jiayou b2! be strong!=)
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
no one
i'd wanted to find someone to rant to online, but i simply can't find anyone. then decided to divert my attention to my variety shows instead.
i was so angry, so angry that i was cursing and swearing (of cos silently) in front of my laptop. i hate inequality, but what can i do about it?
sometimes i wish i am more vocal about my emotions. i just swallow everything. one day i'm just gonna explode.
and yes, how i wish i can turn back the clock.
you make me tear again.
how i wish not all of my close friends are attached. i can even count the number of times i went out with them on one hand this year. and i'm saying the total of everyone.
i was so angry, so angry that i was cursing and swearing (of cos silently) in front of my laptop. i hate inequality, but what can i do about it?
sometimes i wish i am more vocal about my emotions. i just swallow everything. one day i'm just gonna explode.
and yes, how i wish i can turn back the clock.
you make me tear again.
how i wish not all of my close friends are attached. i can even count the number of times i went out with them on one hand this year. and i'm saying the total of everyone.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
getting old
i was utterly shocked when i heard about the stabbing incident in ntu ytd. it's so sad that one would resort to hurting others and subsequently killing himself. i guess he must have his own problems that nobody knew about, and perhaps it's because nobody knew about them that he finds it hard to vent. whatever the reasons, i do hope his family and friends get over the incident soon and move on with life.
i never expected an incident like this would occur in singapore unis (not that this was the first time it's happening - just saw the newspaper on similar incidents), i mean after seeing the news on the two virgenia tech incidents, i just never thought it would happen here. it's stress, perhaps. but i certainly do hope that people find better ways to solve their problems rather than taking such ugly ways out.
ah well. on to another topic, i was expecting to remove my braces today, but well, my right side experienced this open bite situation again, and hence, i left disappointed once again.
on the way home, i was on 63 (which has a lot of elderly because it goes past chinatown and circuit road area) when i saw this old man fall backwards when the bus driver braked. there was a bit of commotion cos he really couldnt keep his balance and he was on clutches. luckily he fell on someone else so he didn't hit his head. but for a while, he was totally in a daze until the driver pulled him up and helped him to alight.
somehow it made me think about getting old. singapore is well-known for its trend towards an ageing population. i can't imagine getting old actually, losing your balance easily, walking with a walking stick, going to the doctor every other day and having needles poked into you during every visit, not being able to communicate with the younger generation, being stubborn, walking so slowly that the people behind get so impatient, etc etc.
when my paternal grandmother was still around (she was the only grandparent that i ever saw, my grandfathers passed away before i was born, and my maternal grandmother passed away months after i was born), i remember how her eyes lighted up everytime we visited her at her house. but we could only stare and smile at her because the only language she knew was hainanese, and we totally have no idea how to speak the dialect. she would always walk up slowly to us, shove a $50 note into our hands and walk away.
i still remember how she passed away. getting a stroke at home, was sent to hospital, and then passed away a few days after that during the wee hours, without any of her children or grandchildren beside her.
sometimes i wish i'd spent more time with her and learnt how to speak hainanese, so at least i knew how she felt when she was still alive. we have so many things to learn from the elderly, really.
and then i was wondering what will singapore be like 50 years later when the elderly will all be educated. will we be as tech-savvy as we are now? will we still follow the technology trends? will globalisation change singapore so much that our kids will all be working overseas and not living with us?
we never know. we all dun even know if we will live till then. so i guess we should all really treasure being young and free and healthy.
i never expected an incident like this would occur in singapore unis (not that this was the first time it's happening - just saw the newspaper on similar incidents), i mean after seeing the news on the two virgenia tech incidents, i just never thought it would happen here. it's stress, perhaps. but i certainly do hope that people find better ways to solve their problems rather than taking such ugly ways out.
ah well. on to another topic, i was expecting to remove my braces today, but well, my right side experienced this open bite situation again, and hence, i left disappointed once again.
on the way home, i was on 63 (which has a lot of elderly because it goes past chinatown and circuit road area) when i saw this old man fall backwards when the bus driver braked. there was a bit of commotion cos he really couldnt keep his balance and he was on clutches. luckily he fell on someone else so he didn't hit his head. but for a while, he was totally in a daze until the driver pulled him up and helped him to alight.
somehow it made me think about getting old. singapore is well-known for its trend towards an ageing population. i can't imagine getting old actually, losing your balance easily, walking with a walking stick, going to the doctor every other day and having needles poked into you during every visit, not being able to communicate with the younger generation, being stubborn, walking so slowly that the people behind get so impatient, etc etc.
when my paternal grandmother was still around (she was the only grandparent that i ever saw, my grandfathers passed away before i was born, and my maternal grandmother passed away months after i was born), i remember how her eyes lighted up everytime we visited her at her house. but we could only stare and smile at her because the only language she knew was hainanese, and we totally have no idea how to speak the dialect. she would always walk up slowly to us, shove a $50 note into our hands and walk away.
i still remember how she passed away. getting a stroke at home, was sent to hospital, and then passed away a few days after that during the wee hours, without any of her children or grandchildren beside her.
sometimes i wish i'd spent more time with her and learnt how to speak hainanese, so at least i knew how she felt when she was still alive. we have so many things to learn from the elderly, really.
and then i was wondering what will singapore be like 50 years later when the elderly will all be educated. will we be as tech-savvy as we are now? will we still follow the technology trends? will globalisation change singapore so much that our kids will all be working overseas and not living with us?
we never know. we all dun even know if we will live till then. so i guess we should all really treasure being young and free and healthy.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
北极圈
F.I.R 北极圈
今天 寂寞感觉忽然又出现
浮现 过去梦中的画面
哭泣 因为不想伪装悲伤那一面
当你 头也不回离开北极圈
有谁能为我 捡起了伤痛 洒向了海中(天空) 能重新再来过
我不要听借口 我只想一人走掉
把泪留在街角 我不过希望你会听到
爱情化作 一片片冰雪单调
不用你多说 我现在通通都了
我不要求什么 我只想不被打扰
把爱留在街角 就当你永远不会看到
记忆化作 极光出现那一秒
我开始微笑 以后会努力过得 很好
was reminded of what sherlyn told me a few days ago. something like, "the love that you don't get now, God knows, so he'll add on to the love till you find the true one."
dun get me wrong, i'm not upset or anything. just thinking about the statement. i think i've grown an immunity to things that happen to me.
but somehow i wonder, how come so many of my aunties and uncles still remain single till now? how do they ever survive everything on their own? have they ever experienced going into relationships?
ah well, i guess i'll never know.
i'm upset that you dun even bother.
when did "happy" escape from my life?
it's easy to make me smile and laugh, but it's not easy to make me happy.
今天 寂寞感觉忽然又出现
浮现 过去梦中的画面
哭泣 因为不想伪装悲伤那一面
当你 头也不回离开北极圈
有谁能为我 捡起了伤痛 洒向了海中(天空) 能重新再来过
我不要听借口 我只想一人走掉
把泪留在街角 我不过希望你会听到
爱情化作 一片片冰雪单调
不用你多说 我现在通通都了
我不要求什么 我只想不被打扰
把爱留在街角 就当你永远不会看到
记忆化作 极光出现那一秒
我开始微笑 以后会努力过得 很好
was reminded of what sherlyn told me a few days ago. something like, "the love that you don't get now, God knows, so he'll add on to the love till you find the true one."
dun get me wrong, i'm not upset or anything. just thinking about the statement. i think i've grown an immunity to things that happen to me.
but somehow i wonder, how come so many of my aunties and uncles still remain single till now? how do they ever survive everything on their own? have they ever experienced going into relationships?
ah well, i guess i'll never know.
i'm upset that you dun even bother.
when did "happy" escape from my life?
it's easy to make me smile and laugh, but it's not easy to make me happy.
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