stompaids!

hey! pls go down to support my friends on 2nd nov! they've put in tremendous effort into this project so do show some support yeah?=) i'll be down too.

and go for STARDUST movie as well!=D

与你分享的快乐

分享 - 伍思凯

时间已做了选择
什黱人叫做朋友
偶而碰头 心情却能一点就通
因为我们曾有过
理想类似的生活
太多感受 绝非三言两语能形容

可能有时我们顾虑太多
太多决定 需要我们去选择
担心会犯错
难免会受挫
幸好一路上有你陪我

与你分享的快乐
胜过独自拥有
至今我仍深深感动
好友如同一扇窗
能让视野不同

与你分享的快乐
胜过独自拥有
至今我仍深深感动
好友如同一扇门
让世界(变)开阔

was watching parts of the charity show and hence reminded of this song. dedicated to all my friends who actually do read my blog. if you dun understand, the song's about friendship.=)

been a long time since i posted lyrics here. here's another one.

人间 - 王菲

风雨过后不一定有美好的天空
不是天晴就会有彩虹
所以你 一脸无辜
不代表你懵懂

不是所有感情都会有始有终
孤独尽头不一定惶恐
可生命总免不了 最初的一阵痛

但愿你的眼睛 只看得到笑容
但愿你流下每一滴泪 都让人感动
但愿你以后每一个梦 不会一场空

天上人间 如果真值得歌颂
也是因为有你才会变得闹哄哄
天大地大 世界比你想像中朦胧
我不忍心再欺哄但愿你听得懂

但愿你会懂该何去何从

all classic old songs.

why must all good things come to an end? esp when the end came so soon after the start. how i wish things can go back to the past when all of us still enjoyed each other's company.

jing qu jiang ytd. some results were quite rubbish. like how they have 4 artistes who won the best newcomer award. -_-. might as well give all rite. but it was good being in touch with the cpop music scene again.=)

drove dad to work today. of cos with mum beside. now i understand how irritating it is for someone to KEEP commenting on what to do. "step brake now", "slow down", "be careful ah". guess it's always the case, but still. i did pass my test. my parking SUCKS though. argh can't believe i still can't gauge properly yet. i think it'll take a much longer time for them to allow me to drive alone.=X argh.

i can't believe i dun feel like going online cos of one person. it's really getting on my nerves alr. why can't you be a normal person.

i have to study tmr.

good luck to all those having As! though i doubt they'll actually read this. haha.

pushing the limits

retail therapy is good man.=) and of cos the company too. went shopping at far east with ja jess cynli ytd. spent another dunno-how-much lar. i better start restricting myself. i'm using up all my tuition money alr.=X fridays are nice cos i always spend them with nice people.=D

talking about tuition, my gosh xw said dylan got 66% for math and his mum is not very happy.=X i'm SOO scared they'll fire me next year.=X but i really dun understand, his math when i taught him it has always been fine wat, dunno why he just didnt do well. and he used to be an A student. am i really that horrible a teacher?=X

school was fine for the week. getting a lil boring though, but i realised i can concentrate better during lectures and tutorials. a lil too late huh?=X

i feel like not being a nice person some times. sounds a lil stupid but being nice is good for others around but detrimental to yourself. but no point saying this lar, cos i'll prob nv bring myself to be evil. i can't stand it when people take your niceness for granted and keep exploiting it, without realising it.

oh and mno video is up!=P watched it at least 5 times last night while crapping with raheem and jocelin. but seems good. quality is not too good though, but other than that, i'm so proud of my group!=D

ia meeting later. guess i cant drive again this weekend. and bro is most likely going to ba zhan the car when mum is away. hai. ok shall go type out the agenda of the ia meeting now.

reality vs expectations

gosh i've been slacking for the last two days AGAIN. like i didn't touch ANY work at all. oh my at this rate my studies wont be up to expectations again. i think i just love sacrificing my studies for other things huh. jc like that, seems like it's gonna be the same in uni. AHHH! self-control.

fri went shopping for farah and dong's presents. only managed to get farah's though.=X need to find another time to shop for dong's. hai really dunno what to get him. then went back to school for subject pool and farah's bday surprise. i was SOOO dumb can, but this is a little secret between farah and i.=P

headed down to orchard to meet ja and cynli after that. it's always so relaxing with them. can just hang around and won't feel bored. cynli looked at my ic photo and she laughed like mad. my photos are HORRIBLE can.=X anw hung around till 10 plus before i took a bus home. nice and packed day i had.=)

sat was relaxing day. watched 200 pounds beauty with mum. (i know i'm damn lag) it's quite a sad show even though it's a comedy. like the extent to which girls would actually go to to improve how they look, and in the process sacrifice so much more. i suppose looks is not just a superficial thing, but it also affects your confidence as well. i've always been wondering if i would be much more confident if my looks are better. i really dunno. i just can't portray that sort of confidence.

after that went to farah's place to prepare the food for bbq. luckily i was there seriously. farah didn't know what to do with the stuff at all, esp the sotong and the chicken chop. heh. spent quite a long time marinating the stuff, after which dong picked us up to michael's place. bbq itself was ok, but of cos the company was better. sotong was quite badly done=(, but i thought the chicken chop was good.=D some of the guys got dunked into the pool, and it was amusing watching the 'show'. stayed at michael's place till around 2am before cabbing home with farah.

xiong di with amy today. show's quite cool, though it feels like just another hong kong police and gangster show. at least i had discount with my nebo card.=P shopping was great too. i always end up spending a lot when i shop with amy, i have no idea why. bought 2 tops, 1 cardigan, 1 pair of flats. AND i pierced another two earholes on my right ear. was debating whether i shud pierce one or two more, in the end decided on 2. ear was burning after piercing, even now too. parents haven seen yet, wonder if they'll be shocked to see. haha.

jogged with bro just now too. always feels good to exercise esp after not doing so for so long. yowie was quite shocked i actually run at night. night jogging is so much better than day jogging i feel. the atmosphere gives jogging a kind of feel, like you can start thinking about a lot of things, then after the jog a lot of things will be sorted out. but of cos we didn't jog for so long. somehow my stamina feels better with someone accompanying me, maybe cos i dun feel as bored. bro said the pace was too fast, but i thought it was fine. i still had enough strength to chiong up the slope at the end. heh.

i hate myself for thinking so much. it's like i know once i start thinking too much, my expectations rise and disappointment will be great, but i just can't help it. and most of the time, reality falls short of my expectations. then, i know that i deserve the sadness that comes with the disappointment.

when he msged and i was so calm about it, i knew i have fully gotten over it. thanks for at least showing me that i'm not forgotten.

cam-whoring!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FARAH!!=D

really hope you'll enjoy your bday today. only know you for 2 months plus now but as we always say, it feels as if we've known each other for years. heh.


farah! in black and white. i'm addicted to the effects, as you can see in subsequent photos. heh.


farah again! now in sepia.=P


mel! in black and white.=)


mel! in sepia.


and the bday boy on wed.

and mkt presentation is finally over! and that means i dun have any more major projects and tests coming up! (except for mno.=X) means i can sleep more and have more time for other stuff!=D (i can see dong staring at me when i say that. haha!) but it feels so good to be jie tuo. mkt presentation was great, though i think my individual section was shit. didn't answer/ask any questions either. i think my participation marks are going to be quite pathetic. plus my individual assignment seems to be quite horrible too. gosh. but nvm, one good news is our group managed to get A+ for our presentation!=) we were so last-min lar. other groups met up dunno how many times, then our group only met up very few times. but our report might pull us down. nvm we've tried our best for that. heh. i really felt that our presentation is so interesting! pocky as cigars!

after the presentation, it was cam-whoring time. first time wearing formal to school lar. must forgive us.=) and btw i was head of PR. so ironic right. i'm sooo not good at this role. haha.


us holding our cigars after our presentation.=P


mel! 'head of marketing' i think.


jasmine! 'vice-head of marketing'. she knows jun! heh.


us in our posing mode again. and with our 'CEO' in the middle.


with our 'CEO', andrew! (sometimes i still cant get used to calling him that, cos his chinese name keeps popping out. haha.)


val! our head of operations (asia pacific). she said she feels tall, but still not taller than me huh.=P gosh she's going to kill me for this. haha.


us with our tutor, mr dennis kwok.


us again, without germaine.=( but her name is still on the table, we didn't forget her!

and then during ms lecture, ja and i were cam-whoring again.


normal.


err. quite funny rite!=P



with my hp. so shaky omg. black and white!


us again in sepia!

and...

haha seems so les rite. gosh. but so funny! love you ja!=P

charity concert ytd was not bad! the bands are all quite good, so i quite enjoyed myself. long time since i've watched a concert or anything close to that. after that went for dinner cum supper at east coast with dong and farah. (poor mel, wonder what time she had her dinner.=X) reached home at 12, watched one episode of huan huan ai, and couldn't tahan and went to sleep. was woken up by a phone call from joseph, the mega niche person cos i emailed him last night to ask abt quotation for printing stompaids t-shirt. efficient huh. he said he knows me that's why he didn't mark up the price. haha somehow i feel my time at bosch wasn't wasted. at least i got some contacts from there!=)

ok these few days will be quite fun. except for subject pool later cos have to go back to school SPECIALLY for subject pool.=X looking forward to the bbq tmr! my gosh. so cool. and of cos without the worries of projects and tests, i'm quite free! anyone free to go out?=P

contentment

i think i always need reminders to tell me how much i already have. thanks ja once again, just that there's always a tendency to fall into such emo times once in a while, and the whole cycle will repeat itself.

i guess i'm quite a lucky person, in some aspects, but yet i think i'm a greedy person too. seems like i'm not pleased with what i have currently most of the time. or maybe because i dun usually get what i really want. i'm never quite contented with what i want, i wonder if that's a good or a bad thing. good in a sense i'll always try to improve my current state, bad in a sense i'll never be happy.

i guess it's not that i dun understand myself well, it's just that i always doubt my own abilities, underestimating myself, rejecting to do tasks just because someone else can do it better than i can and i dun want people around me to laugh at me because of that. excuses you may say, but it's truly what i think. i never really undertake tasks that i know in my heart someone else can do better than i can. (isn't that self-doubt?)

ah well. no matter what, i should still learn to be contented. that should make me happier? or maybe it's just another reassurance to myself. hai.

had a video call with jun ytd or the day before. it was SOOOOO good to be able to see her and to hear her voice once again! oh man. though it was a rather short convo, i was instantly made happier. the power of friendship!=)

i find myself being such an evil person sometimes, to the point that i really can't stand myself.

the past week have been quite wasted. with no tuition, i seem to be super free everyday. people prob want to kill me when they see me being so slack the whole time. cant even recall what i did the whole of last week.=X

ooh i drove for the first time! it was so great! drove all the way to tampines ikea where i practised my driving last time. it was so fun chionging at 90km/h and seeing mum holding on to the side of the car. heh. my parking is still....ok i shan't say. heh.

oh and i got 87.6 for ms. i guess i really shud have gotten a lil higher grade, but i shall be contented.=)

dong sent me home ytd, and on the way we passed by alexandra to get the avocado shake. bought 4 cups to bring home. really heavenly.=P

and...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DONG!

surprised him at the dining room today. first bday surprise after school started. so fun. reminded me a lil of the jc days. heh. well, really hope he enjoyed the day.

then marketing meeting. after tmr i'll be free of presentations for this sem! we almost got a heart attack when we knew we have to submit a written report. cos almost all the groups met or are meeting at least once every week, but our group seems to be so free. efficiency? i really dunno. was quite impressed by the presentation slides and the amount of work andrew's taking for the project. he seems to be doing everything himself. and he managed to find so much info it's scary cos i really couldnt find any info! ah well. some people are just zai. dean's list in bioengine leh. though he said it's the easiest course in engine to get into dean's list, but ah well. took a bus home with him just now and we were just thinking back on those pri sch and jc days. so cool. like at this time of your life, you seldom actually look back.

how i wish time would fast forward to after mkt tmr. i hate presentations. but i gotta learn to love it cos you cant escape from it in biz!=X

thanks to ja again, i'm watching huan huan ai. and sleeping at 4am, 3.30am these kind of timings. nvm i'm gonna finish watching it soon! and pls hope that i wont start watching another one.=X

stupid blogger dun allow me to post photos. another time ba. back to mkt. argh.

the cup is half-empty

dun read on if you're in a good mood.

i'm in one of those emo mode again, thinking of so many things, things that cannot be answered, cannot be solved. sometimes i wonder how people can be happy, cos at any point of time, you just have something about yourself, others or even things that you want to change. maybe i've been unhappy cos of this - there are just too many changes that i want to make, but will never set out to change.

during ytd's gps, one interesting point came out. in a utopian society, will people be happy? will people want to make changes to their lives?

my answer was that, even in a utopian society, the only way to find out whether the people will be happier is to challenge the status quo and force people to come out of their comfort zones. if everyone is happy with how things are, there will never be progress or improvements to their lives.

while saying this, i feel so guilty cos very often, i'm the one who doesnt want to challenge status quo. i think i'm too into the phrase - let nature take its course - so much so that i dun do anything to my life cos i want things to shun qi zi ran. i dunno if it's a good or a bad thing. i guess time will show, but i am an impatient person, i dun wish to wait that long.

there are just too many things that i want to change about myself. it's disgusting when you understand yourself so well that you're so aware of your own weaknesses. i am not afraid of admitting my shortcomings, but when there are too many, the more you reveal, the more vulnerable you seem. and vulnerability doesnt seem to be a good thing to show at this age.

i feel like a failure many a times, in all aspects of my life. i simply cant find things that i can be proud of. i know i have been talking about this since eons ago, but i just can't get over such a psychological barrier. or inferiority complex one may say. unless somehow my life change so much for the better that it proves myself wrong. i highly doubt so actually.

the more you want something, the more it'll repel away from you. maybe i shud just let go and not think so much. maybe more unexpected things will happen to me. good things i mean.

i tend to predict things too much, so much so that my life is so not interesting cos i already expect everything to happen.

sometimes i feel like being an invisible person, walking around with no one noticing me. i'm quite tired of watching my actions and words. but yet, it's something that i cant change. whenever there are people around, i'll definitely be self-conscious. i'll never allow myself to go crazy. even this is tiring.

but i am someone who needs close friends around me. contradictory huh.

i think the smallest things can make me the happiest. the smallest actions that seem so insignificant can be the most touching. i wonder if that means it's damn hard for me to be happy, cos people tend to miss out these smallest things, the small things that may seem so unimportant, they are somehow important to me.

and it's really hard to find someone who understands you well, especially when i find difficulties expressing myself well.

too little time

22/25. not bad for first ME test, though i suppose it's expected of someone who has taken econs in jc before. told bro i got 22 and he said not bad. finally a compliment from him rite. gosh and to think i only started studying one day before the test itself. i'm so lucky. but i really want to know which 3 qns are the ones that i got them wrong.

gps presentation finally over. dunno why i was so nervous abt it. bro told me that i was too monotonous and told me stuff abt how i should present during biz presentations.=X hai ah well. i'm glad it's over.

and last day of tuition today, at least for the year. dylan's mum has been SOOOO nice to me. i think around one week ago, she offered me a small bottle of grape juice that cost $3.50. the next lesson she asked me if i had dinner, and offered me a curry puff. the next lesson i only went for 1 hr 40 mins and she gave me the full $60. today she bought me dinner and a bottle of chilli. omg. where else can you find such nice 'employer' man. i feel a lil guilty though. i always want to pay her back but she always refused to accept.

slept at 3.30am this morning cos of gps presentation. i wonder what time i'll sleep later cos of marketing presentation info to research on. never-ending project work to do.

and i'm screwing up my meal times. during gps my stomach was growling it was so paiseh.=X

glad i have nice and amusing uni friends. they nv fail to brighten up my busy days.=)

waiting for another session with ja jess cynli. i need to be amused by them.=P

and glad i talked to jun too.=D

the enchanted mirror

i've never been so busy in a long long time. for the last few days, i've been sleeping at super EARLY timings between 2 to 4am, been having super irregular meals cos all my stuff are back-to-back, and i've been walking at ultra high speed almost everywhere. but good thing is that things are going well. seemingly at least.

mno group finished my filming, started on publicity stuff for ia, mid-terms are over. only stuff are all the presentations that we have barely started. argh cant stand presentations and really cant wait for them to be over.

tmr is my 10th consecutive day in school. cool huh.=) i love nus biz so much. HAHA!=P

and i felt so guily cos i fell asleep while searching for stardust info, and in the end farah slept at 4am doing some of the stuff. we spent the whole afternoon doing up the board. farah mel and i were so tired that we really went crazy. we were laughing like mad outside the bizad club room lar. then brent was kind enough to send karmen and i to clementi to get the stuff for the board and back to school. in the end we couldnt even finish putting up the stuff onto the board cos we didnt have enough black paper.=X

and today was my 'freest' day already. other than ia, i didnt have anything else on. and we even skipped mkt lecture. haha. i foresee we'll skip quite a few more in future.=x tmr will be ME, subject pool, GPS lecture plus tutorial in which bro and i will be presenting, and tuition or ia stuff. another rush-here-there day. ah well.

some photos from my mno filming.

me in the toilet after changing and putting on make-up, which obviously cant be seen here. we spent 1 hr in the toilet and zhen hui was left waiting alone in the tunnel. poor thing.

all the girls: val, jocelin, sun shuang and christine in our costumes in the tunnel.

us again with zhen hui this time. used timer for this shot. not bad huh.=)

it's so weird seeing myself on video once again. i think no one will ever get used to seeing themselves on videos, maybe except celebrities themselves. heh.

hope tmr gps presentation will be fine.=X

and i haven even researched on my mkt topic yet. goodness.

crazy day

it's amazing how busy i was the last few days with so few commitments.

and i started studying the day before my tests for BOTH my mid-terms. luckily both are not content-intensive, if not i'd have died mugging. both went fine i guess. i prob wont score very well, but i guess good enough for someone who started studying only a day before.

doesn't help that people from rj seem to be expected to do better. not like it's not a natural assumption, just that it might be hard living up to expectations.

plus i think my parents still want me to get a scholarship.-.-

went back to school on my free day ytd to mug. the journey there was a totally unhappy one. i think it's the first time i actually teared in a bus. like uncontrollably. i kept telling myself to stop, but the more i thought about it, the more tears i have.

i really regret saying something i shouldnt have. prob things would have been better. way better. and i can save myself some misery.

not like i can take back my words now. i just hope that the worst wouldn't happen.

argh. today was a crazily busy day. didn't even have time to sit down and have a proper meal. went for ms mid term, then for ia meeting, then rushed for tuition, ended at 10pm and went to orchard for pool with jr, cherry and jackson who came at 1155. had my lunch + dinner + supper at macs, then cabbed home with cherry and jr.

filming tmr, dental +tuition+ia board decor stuff+filming on mon. i think i'll have more time when dylan's exams end. but that would mean an end to my income too.=( but i think i need to concentrate on my studies. i have one presentation next week and two presentations on the following week. gosh i hate presentations.=X

at least when all my presentations end two weeks from now, i can really start focussing on my academic stuff. for now i shall try to keep up with my work plus my projects plus ia stuff. oh and maybe publicity stuff too.

the cucumbers are to my liking

was meddling with my phone camera, and here are some photos that i took of my two rabbits.


tiki and kiki, normal shot.


tiki and kiki in the foreground, in black and white.


tiki, with everything normal.


tiki, in black and white.


tiki, in serpia.


tiki, in negative.


tiki, in black and white again, now with a frame with another rabbit. haha!

it was good talking to jun on msn even if it was just for a little while. quite bad that i can't dl skype, nor do i have a webcam. ah well. really wish you're having a great time now.=)

if you find the title of my post weird, that's cos i just watched the rj orientation z'kardia video. HAHA! just felt a sudden urge to watch the video, and how i malued myself in there. for at least a few months after the video was shown, people kept laughing at me about cucumbers. heh. gosh i quite miss those times.

and i miss playing sports with 6h.=( i dun even get any chance to exercise after As. so sad lar. and not like my uni friends play a lot of sports.

just went night jogging with bro though. the feeling was quite nice. my weekly jogging routine only lasted 1 month, then i just slacked till today. good to sweat it out sometimes.=)

and after 1 1/2 days of researching and discussions, bro and i finally finished our individual gps essay. 2000-word essay complete with footnotes and references. omg. bro and i specially went to starbucks at raffles city ytd to do the assignment. i finished 3/4 of the essay then. was quite proud of myself. heh. and i finished my one-pager also! though that's nothing much to be proud of cos the one-pager is damn simple. heh.

i shall finish my marketing individual assignment tmr and start studying for mid-terms. omg. can you believe i haven even started studying for my econs and management science?! gosh.

mum asked me if i wanted to drive to tuition today, but i was too hum to try.=X regretted it cos the traffic was so clear! hai.

one week of recess week just came and is now gone. why is time passing so fast that we seem to be in a perpetual rush against time?

and how shud i improve my self-discipline? you know i really wonder how my self-control seemed to have disappeared after jc. before jc i could at least make myself sit down and finish my work before i start slacking or watching tv. from jc onwards, entertainment seems to be always above my studies. maybe jc was the start to my 'downfall'.

not helping that facebook is taking up a substantial amount of time as well. haha.