bro gave me a long long talk/lecture on how we should be saving money cos we're having a not-so-serious financial crisis. i really can't foresee the future though. he said dad is considering retirement, cos the stress from the work is totally taking a toll on his health, both mental and physical. my bro quoted an example, when they were both watching the FA cup final match, dad received a call from a colleague and he ended up not watching 3/4 of the match. and as a background, my dad's job is already those that requires him to go to work 7 days a week, though sundays are usually shorter. and now, he only just got home from work though it's a saturday. at the age of 57, i think that is really quite tough.
what's more with both of my parents' educational level, they can't even earn a lot. with me learning driving and with braces, and with the family's furniture breaking apart one by one, with my bro's hate for public transport, and with both children going to uni in a few months' time, i think things are going to be tough for the next few years, until bro and i start working.
it's not that i dun understand the family's situation. if bro is really going to use his next two months' pay to finance his own expenses for the following few months, i WILL do it as well. i will jolly well tell them the same thing. but, if he's still getting allowance from them, i dun see why i shouldn't though i will still be teaching tuition throughout the few months. i believe more so in fairness, esp in my position at home.
i dun wanna be so selfish, and keep quarrelling at home, but i think i have some principles that i have to follow as well. yes bro, you are right when you said that we should be contributing what we are earning to the family as well, and not just keep those money for our own use. i admit i AM selfish in that sense, and i do want to keep some more money in my own pocket. but you also know that since young, i've been looking up to you as an example. i will do it if you do it. i just dun like the feeling of me firstly being unappreciated at home, and working so hard to get that extra money when you are not doing the same thing. i always think that if i work harder, i should get the extra incentive. i guess i'm just not that wei da.
am i really being selfish? should i change my set of thinking?
i felt so guilty after listening to what he said. especially after spending quite a huge sum of money after shopping. i hate myself for being an impulsive shopper;i hate myself for not being able to resist temptations, and convincing myself so easily; i hate myself for not liking to stay at home, cos otherwise i would be able to save some money; i hate myself for not pushing myself to earn more money and wanting to take breaks to rest.
it's hard convincing myself to do my part for my family when i know i have no say. but i guess even if i dun do it for my family, i should do it for myself, to control myself, to manage my finances properly. i guess i have to change my thinking of "since i'm earning more now, i can also afford to spend more."
but like what i told jun, there's always something pulling me back, and that something only happened cos of what happened right after As. i grew so much more distant from everyone else at home after As, and somehow it affected my attitude towards my family members and my own role at home. and talking about it doesnt make any difference at all. our family just cannot do proper communication.
now, i guess i'm more determined to earn more money. i shall go faithfully for tuition, and i shall try to look for a job in july. anyone any recommendation for a good temp job?
just when i thought i can get a good rest before uni starts. many have told me to take a good break before uni. but in this situation, can i even insist on doing that? i think i will be struck by lightning for being unfilial.
i just realised that, in my family, there's no such thing as following your heart. we just follow our brains. in these few years, though, i think i've changed quite a bit to follow what i really feel, and not just how i think. maybe that's why i'm a loner in isolation.
my bro asked me to reconsider whether i want to take usp, since it involves prob a semester or two overseas. he said we can't afford it.
i hate myself for not being able to get a scholarship.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
my stay in bosch is extended, till 8th june. but i'll be following chin instead. maybe it's a good thing, looking at my situation now.
decided to pon today's nus biz school welcome tea today, cos i couldnt find anyone to go with, and also cos some people reminded me that i didnt have to go since i already accepted the offer. one thing though, usp hasn't replied me. i think i'm rejected by usp. havent received anything from them yet. wonder if there'll be a rejection letter.=X
i think i've been looking at computer screens for too long a time. i keep having those weird headaches that occur at funny places, i feel like i'm frowning too much. and cos of the headaches, my productivity at work is dropping like mad! argh.
zl msged me out of the blue and asked me how he shud improve his grades. i thought he sent the msg to the wrong person, since well, for one, we dun talk much, and we havent talked since years ago. so i just ignored the msg. the next day, i thought, hmm maybe i should encourage him a lil since i already received the msg. so i replied and it turned out that that msg was meant for me! i was like...gosh so paiseh. but yeah, really hope he'll be able to do well. at least he's no longer competing with the rest of the dragon babies.
amazing race meeting today. it was really good! thought the games were much better than we originally planned. hope everything goes smoothly!
rj is damn good! dunno how many golds in two days! oh man. it's times like these when you really feel proud to be a rafflesian. went for hockey finals on thurs, and it just felt so nice to be amongst rafflesians, cheering once again for the teams you love, whether you know anyone in the team. just feel like going back and experiencing match supports all over again, and cheering my heart out for the people playing. awww...
now i dun even know whether i should ask people out on thurs, or whenever i'm free. i will definitely go out if i can survive w/o money. ah well.
money is in the limelight these days. for me at least.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
ego-boosting
here's an email from uncle andrew. dun even really know him that well but yet he wrote to congratulate me. touched...
Good to hear from you, Amelia.
Congratulations again.
There was never any doubt in our minds that
you will be allocated the major(s) you have
elected to pursue given the strong academic
results,diverse involvement in ECA and strong
leadership qualities you possesses.
Success is subjective, but happiness is universal.
Always take a positive view of life. Thrust should
be 1% better in 100 things than 100% better in
1 thing. Develop aggregate strengths rather than stay
narrowly focussed. Let your passion fuel the fire.
This will prepare you to confront the challenges
of the real world and to make a difference.
So, we wish you all the best in your endeavours
and assuring you of our support always.
Cheers
tang
and received a testimonial from jaslyn today.
"Amelia has made herself familiar with the given scope of work, demonstrating a lot of initiative and extraordinary commitment. She has very good intellectual capability and could handle difficult tasks handed to her in a professional manner. She is also highly efficient; she works with speed and completes assignment on time with accuracy.
Amelia is a conscientious and independent person; she is able to perform her work with minimum supervision. She has a very good working attitude and is willing to learn. She is also able to communicate and work with people of all levels. She possesses good organisational skills and coordinates projects well; demonstrating ability in giving clear instructions and leading others."
i mentioned ego-boosting didnt i.
Good to hear from you, Amelia.
Congratulations again.
There was never any doubt in our minds that
you will be allocated the major(s) you have
elected to pursue given the strong academic
results,diverse involvement in ECA and strong
leadership qualities you possesses.
Success is subjective, but happiness is universal.
Always take a positive view of life. Thrust should
be 1% better in 100 things than 100% better in
1 thing. Develop aggregate strengths rather than stay
narrowly focussed. Let your passion fuel the fire.
This will prepare you to confront the challenges
of the real world and to make a difference.
So, we wish you all the best in your endeavours
and assuring you of our support always.
Cheers
tang
and received a testimonial from jaslyn today.
"Amelia has made herself familiar with the given scope of work, demonstrating a lot of initiative and extraordinary commitment. She has very good intellectual capability and could handle difficult tasks handed to her in a professional manner. She is also highly efficient; she works with speed and completes assignment on time with accuracy.
Amelia is a conscientious and independent person; she is able to perform her work with minimum supervision. She has a very good working attitude and is willing to learn. She is also able to communicate and work with people of all levels. She possesses good organisational skills and coordinates projects well; demonstrating ability in giving clear instructions and leading others."
i mentioned ego-boosting didnt i.
Monday, May 21, 2007
五月天!
五月天 - SHE
黄金海岸的岸边我们肩并着肩
洁净的蓝天清澈的水面
吻成一条海平线
看你温柔的双眼弹着吉他的弦
歌词是诺言旋律是依恋
唱出一首五月天
五月的天刚诞生的夏天
我们之间才完成的爱恋
紧握的手里面有好多明天
五月的天梦开始要鲜艳
前方蜿蜒一长串的心愿
我们一天一天慢慢实现
大雨冲走了昨天青春乌云几片
彩虹的旁边有星星几点
迫不及待在眨眼
海风味道变香甜沙滩镶满亮片
你哼着永远我和着不变
合唱一首五月天
海浪拼命欢呼跳跃一遍又一遍
鼓励我们看谁先吻谁的脸
为这五月之恋再添一个逗点
再多的五月天怕也不够我们沉醉
海燕身边来回盘旋扮演着领队
彷佛听见幸福在前面不远
为这五月之恋再添一点信念
往后的五月天和你走到比永远还远
falling in love with this song too...=)
黄金海岸的岸边我们肩并着肩
洁净的蓝天清澈的水面
吻成一条海平线
看你温柔的双眼弹着吉他的弦
歌词是诺言旋律是依恋
唱出一首五月天
五月的天刚诞生的夏天
我们之间才完成的爱恋
紧握的手里面有好多明天
五月的天梦开始要鲜艳
前方蜿蜒一长串的心愿
我们一天一天慢慢实现
大雨冲走了昨天青春乌云几片
彩虹的旁边有星星几点
迫不及待在眨眼
海风味道变香甜沙滩镶满亮片
你哼着永远我和着不变
合唱一首五月天
海浪拼命欢呼跳跃一遍又一遍
鼓励我们看谁先吻谁的脸
为这五月之恋再添一个逗点
再多的五月天怕也不够我们沉醉
海燕身边来回盘旋扮演着领队
彷佛听见幸福在前面不远
为这五月之恋再添一点信念
往后的五月天和你走到比永远还远
falling in love with this song too...=)
the lovely lyrics
would you be there - redwan ali (might not be accurate though.=X)
If I were blue, would you be there for me,
And whisper in my ears instead.
Would you stand by me, let me hold you tight,
And say you love me one more time.
If I'm away, would you still think of me,
And wish that you could call me now.
Would you die for me, would you run with me,
And never look back (all the way)...
Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?
Would you be there to love, to stay with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?
Would you be there..
sometimes you just wish that someone is always by your side, listening to your rants, sharing his or her joys and sorrows with you. there's nothing more blessed than having someone who understands you so damn well, knowing your every thought, your every worry, your next move, and to do the stuff you want to do for you even before you mention anything.
but i guess the world now just doesn't allow it. nothing can revolve around one single person. we just got to learn how to be independent.
but no harm having just that little bit of hope...
If I were blue, would you be there for me,
And whisper in my ears instead.
Would you stand by me, let me hold you tight,
And say you love me one more time.
If I'm away, would you still think of me,
And wish that you could call me now.
Would you die for me, would you run with me,
And never look back (all the way)...
Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?
Would you be there to love, to stay with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?
Would you be there..
sometimes you just wish that someone is always by your side, listening to your rants, sharing his or her joys and sorrows with you. there's nothing more blessed than having someone who understands you so damn well, knowing your every thought, your every worry, your next move, and to do the stuff you want to do for you even before you mention anything.
but i guess the world now just doesn't allow it. nothing can revolve around one single person. we just got to learn how to be independent.
but no harm having just that little bit of hope...
Sunday, May 20, 2007
would you be there
the cha qu of mars and venus "would you be there" is stuck in my head everytime after the show. such a nice song...but i dun have the lyrics.=X
i got into the concurrent degree for honours in biz ad and masters in public policy! i felt so relieved when i saw the website. after such a long wait. i guess i proved to my parents that i could still get what i want with non-so-good results. though scholarships probably won't come my way, i was still glad that at least i've gotten into a supposedly tough programme. shall strive to do well in there, and not disappoint people like i did for As. five years though. seeing all my friends graduating and looking for jobs, i'll probably be still stuck in uni finishing my final year. if i get THAT far.=X and thanks for all the congratulations!=D
for those still waiting, really hope you'll be fine no matter what the results are. and for those who didn't get into what you wanted, i believe there must be a place for you somewhere else. no matter where you go, as long as you put in your 100%, you will always do well.=) and congrats to those who got into what they want!=)
decided to push all my tuition to june. so i'll have relaxing nights these two weeks. but felt a lil bad. because of my own schedule then dylan can't exactly enjoy his hols.=X ah well. like what so many people told me, should relax right before uni starts. it's the last few times we can do so.=) really looking forward to the two trips! but dun have much money to spend i realise! since i'm gonna stop working soon.=X
spent my whole of ytd out. meeting at jun's place in the morning. decided i shouldn't slack anymore and get down to some real work. i mean since i decided to join the team in organizing the camp, which seems to be going well, i should put in my all. felt a little inferior though, cos i have so much less experience in doing stuff like that.=X hopefully everything goes smoothly then. my june and july will be quite exciting i guess, with the trips, uni stuff plus tripod camp.
went with jun, kang and yowie to nus for fass day (you might be wondering what the hell i'm doing there. heh.) sometimes it's good to be with such good friends enjoying good company. and i realised i actually do know the uni quite well now. navigation in there, that is. thanks to bro. haha.
then went with jun and yowie to borders bistro. was wondering if ja was there, and yes she was! she said she normally doesn't work on saturdays. heh. but it was nice having those small little chats! hope i didn't get you into trouble with your manager!=X the mushroom soup was quite nice too.=) jun and yowie said the ambience was good as well. looking forward to wed outing with ja cynli jess pong! but it's also rugby day, which the 26ths need a lot of help with. wondering if i should take leave.=X
watched the fa cup final match at guanghao's house (which was so un-entertaining) followed by supper at chomp chomp with the serangoon people. heh basically josie jun and i were crashers. but it was really quite fun! just randomly chatting with people whom i haven't seen in ages. oh and i forgot to mention that josie drove us around in his mercedes! he's not bad a driver lar, everybody's been suaning him. haha. jun's so lucky lar, live near someone who can drive a car around.=P heh.
in the end, i reached home at 1am, drained and tired. good day.=)
so...decided to stay home the whole day today. sometimes i really dun like staying home on sundays cos that just means i have to end up doing all the household chores. argh.
i wanna watch some nice ou xiang jus! anyone any good recommendations?=P
FINALLY got photos from jun. here are some of them.=D
actually this is not from jun. 405 gathering at clar's place!=)
photos with the stars from phantom of the opera! i think the tall red-shirt guy in the last photo is the phantom. heh.
the buckle alumni plus rng at the glasshouse. we were supposed to meet up with mr tan but he didn't turn up! the greenies...=P
long time ago. haha. softball gathering at bernice's house.
some councillors at ravenscoft. singapore river behind.
25ths at 27ths' council camp! oldies...
jun kang and i at raffles city before their ntu tea sesssion
jun and i at borders last night.=)
no work from june onwards. i do hope that will be a good thing. relax, have fun and really think through everything in life. two months of bumming around...maybe i'll really go find some flexible job. but seeing how much i have to be away for the two months, i dun think it'll be fair to the people at the workplace anw. hai shun qi zi ran ba.
i got into the concurrent degree for honours in biz ad and masters in public policy! i felt so relieved when i saw the website. after such a long wait. i guess i proved to my parents that i could still get what i want with non-so-good results. though scholarships probably won't come my way, i was still glad that at least i've gotten into a supposedly tough programme. shall strive to do well in there, and not disappoint people like i did for As. five years though. seeing all my friends graduating and looking for jobs, i'll probably be still stuck in uni finishing my final year. if i get THAT far.=X and thanks for all the congratulations!=D
for those still waiting, really hope you'll be fine no matter what the results are. and for those who didn't get into what you wanted, i believe there must be a place for you somewhere else. no matter where you go, as long as you put in your 100%, you will always do well.=) and congrats to those who got into what they want!=)
decided to push all my tuition to june. so i'll have relaxing nights these two weeks. but felt a lil bad. because of my own schedule then dylan can't exactly enjoy his hols.=X ah well. like what so many people told me, should relax right before uni starts. it's the last few times we can do so.=) really looking forward to the two trips! but dun have much money to spend i realise! since i'm gonna stop working soon.=X
spent my whole of ytd out. meeting at jun's place in the morning. decided i shouldn't slack anymore and get down to some real work. i mean since i decided to join the team in organizing the camp, which seems to be going well, i should put in my all. felt a little inferior though, cos i have so much less experience in doing stuff like that.=X hopefully everything goes smoothly then. my june and july will be quite exciting i guess, with the trips, uni stuff plus tripod camp.
went with jun, kang and yowie to nus for fass day (you might be wondering what the hell i'm doing there. heh.) sometimes it's good to be with such good friends enjoying good company. and i realised i actually do know the uni quite well now. navigation in there, that is. thanks to bro. haha.
then went with jun and yowie to borders bistro. was wondering if ja was there, and yes she was! she said she normally doesn't work on saturdays. heh. but it was nice having those small little chats! hope i didn't get you into trouble with your manager!=X the mushroom soup was quite nice too.=) jun and yowie said the ambience was good as well. looking forward to wed outing with ja cynli jess pong! but it's also rugby day, which the 26ths need a lot of help with. wondering if i should take leave.=X
watched the fa cup final match at guanghao's house (which was so un-entertaining) followed by supper at chomp chomp with the serangoon people. heh basically josie jun and i were crashers. but it was really quite fun! just randomly chatting with people whom i haven't seen in ages. oh and i forgot to mention that josie drove us around in his mercedes! he's not bad a driver lar, everybody's been suaning him. haha. jun's so lucky lar, live near someone who can drive a car around.=P heh.
in the end, i reached home at 1am, drained and tired. good day.=)
so...decided to stay home the whole day today. sometimes i really dun like staying home on sundays cos that just means i have to end up doing all the household chores. argh.
i wanna watch some nice ou xiang jus! anyone any good recommendations?=P
FINALLY got photos from jun. here are some of them.=D
actually this is not from jun. 405 gathering at clar's place!=)
photos with the stars from phantom of the opera! i think the tall red-shirt guy in the last photo is the phantom. heh.
the buckle alumni plus rng at the glasshouse. we were supposed to meet up with mr tan but he didn't turn up! the greenies...=P
long time ago. haha. softball gathering at bernice's house.
some councillors at ravenscoft. singapore river behind.
25ths at 27ths' council camp! oldies...
jun kang and i at raffles city before their ntu tea sesssion
jun and i at borders last night.=)
no work from june onwards. i do hope that will be a good thing. relax, have fun and really think through everything in life. two months of bumming around...maybe i'll really go find some flexible job. but seeing how much i have to be away for the two months, i dun think it'll be fair to the people at the workplace anw. hai shun qi zi ran ba.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
nostalgia
just thought my blog is getting a little too boring with all the text, so decided to add some photos. i'm still waiting for photos from jun! haven't been taking my own photos ever since i wore braces.=X heh.
tiki and kiki.
them again...
buddy hongyi and i!
27ths invest was ytd. i felt so old there.=X but other than that, i felt really quite sad that all of us lead such different lives from our juniors. going back to school just makes me want to return to school as a student once again. how i wish all my frens were in school at the same time, together with classmates playing some games. been a long time since we've done that. hai...
at least i did manage to see my buddies and grandbuddies! heard david was so sad he cried a lot during final night. aww... no matter what buddies! remember to treasure the rest of the time in jc. it's really going to be very different 6 mths on from now. jiayou for As! i have faith in both of you.=D
just tightened my braces. now there are two rubber bands pulling my top teeth to the left, and my bottom teeth to the right. the pain of not being able to eat well again... then again, i've been eating damn a lot. so it's prob a good thing that my braces were tightened. and saw xinqin there again! so fated huh.=P live so near each other plus we always bump into each other. haha.
been so "volatile" these days. hai. and it's quite confirmed that i'll leave bosch at the end of the may. anyone any job to recommend? haha. but i'm still deciding if i shud find another job, or start resting for uni. i shud start shopping for farewell gifts soon.
finally someone uploaded yuan dian onto youtube. dun have to worry about not being able to watch it! i can finally go for tuition in peace.=P
children's clothes, storybooks, black paper, soft pastels!!! please help if you can!
tiki and kiki.
them again...
buddy hongyi and i!
27ths invest was ytd. i felt so old there.=X but other than that, i felt really quite sad that all of us lead such different lives from our juniors. going back to school just makes me want to return to school as a student once again. how i wish all my frens were in school at the same time, together with classmates playing some games. been a long time since we've done that. hai...
at least i did manage to see my buddies and grandbuddies! heard david was so sad he cried a lot during final night. aww... no matter what buddies! remember to treasure the rest of the time in jc. it's really going to be very different 6 mths on from now. jiayou for As! i have faith in both of you.=D
just tightened my braces. now there are two rubber bands pulling my top teeth to the left, and my bottom teeth to the right. the pain of not being able to eat well again... then again, i've been eating damn a lot. so it's prob a good thing that my braces were tightened. and saw xinqin there again! so fated huh.=P live so near each other plus we always bump into each other. haha.
been so "volatile" these days. hai. and it's quite confirmed that i'll leave bosch at the end of the may. anyone any job to recommend? haha. but i'm still deciding if i shud find another job, or start resting for uni. i shud start shopping for farewell gifts soon.
finally someone uploaded yuan dian onto youtube. dun have to worry about not being able to watch it! i can finally go for tuition in peace.=P
children's clothes, storybooks, black paper, soft pastels!!! please help if you can!
Monday, May 14, 2007
memories and the past
please do not read on if you are in a good mood.
i wonder if it takes a quarrel just to know what the other party is thinking about.
one doesn't talk to me.
one simply thinks i'm damn materialistic and doesn't know how to think for myself.
the once-closest to me is no longer someone i would confide in.
i really dunno what will happen if i truly flare up.
it was a small matter that triggered. but it was enough, for me to lock myself up in my room, to break out in tears, to take everything unbreakable that i could reach for and slam them onto the floor, to knock the back of my head continuously on the wall, to think of escaping...
but there was still the sane side of me telling me that i shouldn't continue. i felt just like a helpless kid, feeling like running away from it all but knowing that i can't do it.
bro came in to apologise, ruffling my hair, asking me not to cry. i told him it wasn't entirely his fault, and he wanted me to talk to him. but how could i? to tell him that i think there is no longer a home for me to be in? that actually most of my unhappiness comes when i'm in the house? everyone has their own set of problems and psychological barriers that they can't get over. and i dun think i should burden him with mine, and make him feel worse than he is now. cos after all, i was never in his position.
i know. we, having our fate in our own hands, should learn to change things to make things better. but i can't, i simply can't. we should adapt to our circumstances, and be contented. which is why i'm not talking about this to anyone on the phone, cos i nv want to waste anyone's time talking about my own problems. i always believe that i should solve my own problems, though sometimes i dun, but at least i dun burden anyone else.
but strangely enough, i would be more than happy if a friend comes and talk to me about his/her problems.
what a mother's day for me. but at least, after the quarrel, bro ended up trying to make me happy the whole day.
i finally understand what people mean by choking on the cigarette smoke. today, after talking to wj who was smoking in front of me, i totally felt so...awful. the feeling of not being able to breathe properly, and having a whole lung-ful of the smoke. i didn't think it'd be that bad, cos after all, i used to be a passive smoker. but now i finally realised how bad it can get. ah well. i'm never gonna go for "fresh air" with him anymore.
i just can't stop myself from thinking. it's been so long ago, but yet, everything we've done is still fresh in my mind. it's like, the memories are kept somewhere, but it doesn't take much for me to think back on those times. when i walk past familiar places, when i scroll through those smses, when i think about how life was like then. sometimes i wish things were like in the past, but i know it will never be the same anymore. it can't be.
it was you who brought me through the hard times. but it was also you who left me lost in the jungle.
i wonder if it takes a quarrel just to know what the other party is thinking about.
one doesn't talk to me.
one simply thinks i'm damn materialistic and doesn't know how to think for myself.
the once-closest to me is no longer someone i would confide in.
i really dunno what will happen if i truly flare up.
it was a small matter that triggered. but it was enough, for me to lock myself up in my room, to break out in tears, to take everything unbreakable that i could reach for and slam them onto the floor, to knock the back of my head continuously on the wall, to think of escaping...
but there was still the sane side of me telling me that i shouldn't continue. i felt just like a helpless kid, feeling like running away from it all but knowing that i can't do it.
bro came in to apologise, ruffling my hair, asking me not to cry. i told him it wasn't entirely his fault, and he wanted me to talk to him. but how could i? to tell him that i think there is no longer a home for me to be in? that actually most of my unhappiness comes when i'm in the house? everyone has their own set of problems and psychological barriers that they can't get over. and i dun think i should burden him with mine, and make him feel worse than he is now. cos after all, i was never in his position.
i know. we, having our fate in our own hands, should learn to change things to make things better. but i can't, i simply can't. we should adapt to our circumstances, and be contented. which is why i'm not talking about this to anyone on the phone, cos i nv want to waste anyone's time talking about my own problems. i always believe that i should solve my own problems, though sometimes i dun, but at least i dun burden anyone else.
but strangely enough, i would be more than happy if a friend comes and talk to me about his/her problems.
what a mother's day for me. but at least, after the quarrel, bro ended up trying to make me happy the whole day.
i finally understand what people mean by choking on the cigarette smoke. today, after talking to wj who was smoking in front of me, i totally felt so...awful. the feeling of not being able to breathe properly, and having a whole lung-ful of the smoke. i didn't think it'd be that bad, cos after all, i used to be a passive smoker. but now i finally realised how bad it can get. ah well. i'm never gonna go for "fresh air" with him anymore.
i just can't stop myself from thinking. it's been so long ago, but yet, everything we've done is still fresh in my mind. it's like, the memories are kept somewhere, but it doesn't take much for me to think back on those times. when i walk past familiar places, when i scroll through those smses, when i think about how life was like then. sometimes i wish things were like in the past, but i know it will never be the same anymore. it can't be.
it was you who brought me through the hard times. but it was also you who left me lost in the jungle.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
weird.
i dunno what the hell is wrong with my stomach. get gastric for no good reason. when i've eaten a lot, then i'll get gastric. then i'll end up eating more. argh. need to go get proper gastric medicine.
and yuan dian has started showing. irritating part is it's at 7pm. ARGH. so everyday gotta rush home to watch. not bad i must say.=)
i shall sleep away the pain.
and yuan dian has started showing. irritating part is it's at 7pm. ARGH. so everyday gotta rush home to watch. not bad i must say.=)
i shall sleep away the pain.
Friday, May 11, 2007
pissed.
i think life these days have been a routine but more exciting.
maybe because my parents were in vietnam, get away from all that nagging when i come home.
and maybe because i get more time for myself, to walk slowly in the rain, to think about things as i walked to work, as i travel on the buses, and as i watch some dramas.
i was super impressed by this bus driver. seriously. there's always this visually-handicapped person who will board the bus at a certain stop, and alight two stops later. everytime he gets onto the bus, the bus driver will get out of his seat, and help him to a seat before he goes back to drive. today, he even gave him an umbrella as it was raining when he alighted. i was really quite touched. and you can see like whenever elderly people get onto the bus, he will wait for them to sit down first before driving off. and if someone stands to alight while the bus is still moving, he will drive more carefully. really appreciate the people who take pride in their work, seriously. i think not many are like that, esp in the service industry.
just thought i should find a place to compliment this driver for taking those extra efforts to look into the mirror every now and then to make sure everyone is fine on his bus.
anw mum and dad came back from vietnam, and they bought back so many dri-fit shirts. omg. it's really quite cheap lar, but i dun really wear them very often these days.=X ah well.
i have no idea what's wrong with me now. i can't even bring myself to say a "thank you" to them. it's like, i'm so used to being rude and heck-care towards them that i can't even act emotional in front of them. i just can't bring myself to. it's so obvious the change in two of us when all i do is to say sarcastic stuff to them, and all bro does is to make them happy. used to be the opposite. sometimes i'm changing so much even i am scared of myself. i want so much to return to the past when i still do sweet stuff and be nice to them. nowadays, i just think, what's the point of being nice. i'm going to end up the most miserable by giving in to them all the time.
i think it's the effect of not saying anything in 19 years and suddenly everything just exploded. hai.
only thing that is probably making me proud is my driving. my instructor even went to tell alvin that i'm a good driver.=) and he commended me for being so good even though i only took a few lessons. heh. although i think when i panic, nothing good will come out of it. and my instructor scolded a security guard for cycling without looking out for cars (and i almost knocked into him) and the guard actually scolded him back! haha ended up i was listening to him complain about night cyclists who dun have lights.
i have no idea why i have such a strong reaction when bro was complaining about the govt. i think he's too anti-govt for his own good. seriously, i can't stand it when people complain without thinking about the rationale behind the policies. yes some stuff are too expensive (for him it's the coe prices and the fact that he just got summoned) in s'pore, but that's how s'pore has been developing. sometimes he really gets on my nerves simply cos he doesn't see beyond the surface of things, only concerned about the immediate feelings. i was most pissed when he said, "if i'm in govt, first thing i'm going to cut is the transport costs and destroy ns, then everyone will be happy and thank me for it." OMG how naive is that. i just told him, "then you go be govt lar." he thinks he's that good, but i can't stand people like that. no wonder his temper is so horrible, cos he doesn't consider the other pov. he's lucky jy hasnt seen the angry and TOTALLY unreasonable side of him. totally different person in front of her and us lar. can't stand it sometimes. and everyone thinks he's an angel and i'm a devil.
so be it, i'm beyond caring.
you know how's life is like when my parents came home from vietnam, and scolded me for being at home when i shud be working (i took half-day to rest), when they scolded me for not sweeping and mopping the floor, for not recording the shows they asked us to, all these while being SOOOO DAMN nice to bro. they are all shared responsibilities for goodness sake! they NEVER fail to scold me for not doing anything, but give excuses for bro whenever he doesn't do anything. even talking about it makes me pissed. even when i was arguing with him about the govt thing, my mum asked me to shut up, cos she doesnt want him to flare up.
SERIOUSLY, LET HIM GROW UP. STOP BEING SO PROTECTIVE OF HIM.
then mum will be upset whenever i talk about her showing favourism. and always cite examples like, me being fetched to school/work everyday, they paying for my lunch, etc. they just think i'm some materialistic person. ask them when they have shown me some real concern. i mean like yes i know they DO care for me, but it's irritating when they never understood what i really want. it's so tragic when i just sit at the dinner table and keep quiet. i dun care if i'm the loner at home now. i really dun, cos nobody else cares.
talk about me spending money when bro spent over $50 on petrol alone going all round s'pore when my parents were away. my mum just doesn't bear to scold him.
AHHHHHHH!!!!
i hate the feeling of not being appreciated, and being taken granted for.
____________________________________________________________________________
i shall cool down.
i wanted to walk alone, slowly in the rain while walking to work, in the end jackson came with an umbrella asking if i want to share. in the end couldnt have a relaxing walk. but yeah talked quite a bit as well.
then went for lunch and talked to the two new interns. one from nus first year and the other ntu biz final year. one is a smoker who asked me if i wanted to smoke with him. he seriously reminds me of SOMEONE. the over-friendly and thinks he's cool kind. but actually he's quite nice lar, just can't stand his style at times. the ntu one is a lot more matured. he's those kind you'll find him more and more handsome as time passes. HAHA. but yeah he talks a lot more sense, and humorous in the right way. i think he'll be a high-flyer next time. too bad he's taken. heh. both are attached lar actually.
but yeah work has been better cos of them i think. the small chats and the sweets. more matured topics as well.
FINALLY it's the weekend!!! much much anticipated weekend. ora tmr (actually i dun really feel like going. damn lazy), and meeting on sunday, and prob lunch on sunday too. i seriously just feel like lazing around at home.
nus still haven sent me anything. my parents are bugging me to go to the ntu tea session, saying that i shud have a backup if i really didnt get into nus at all. sometimes, i think their worries are uncalled for.
i dun wanna stop working at bosch.....though i wish i have more leave. can't even find time to go out! ja cynli and my schedules like totally clash. hai...
27th council invest on wed. time FLIES...
wanna post pics, but still waiting for jun to upload.=X
and appeal for art materials, children storybooks and clothes! do your part for the khao lak trip!=)
maybe because my parents were in vietnam, get away from all that nagging when i come home.
and maybe because i get more time for myself, to walk slowly in the rain, to think about things as i walked to work, as i travel on the buses, and as i watch some dramas.
i was super impressed by this bus driver. seriously. there's always this visually-handicapped person who will board the bus at a certain stop, and alight two stops later. everytime he gets onto the bus, the bus driver will get out of his seat, and help him to a seat before he goes back to drive. today, he even gave him an umbrella as it was raining when he alighted. i was really quite touched. and you can see like whenever elderly people get onto the bus, he will wait for them to sit down first before driving off. and if someone stands to alight while the bus is still moving, he will drive more carefully. really appreciate the people who take pride in their work, seriously. i think not many are like that, esp in the service industry.
just thought i should find a place to compliment this driver for taking those extra efforts to look into the mirror every now and then to make sure everyone is fine on his bus.
anw mum and dad came back from vietnam, and they bought back so many dri-fit shirts. omg. it's really quite cheap lar, but i dun really wear them very often these days.=X ah well.
i have no idea what's wrong with me now. i can't even bring myself to say a "thank you" to them. it's like, i'm so used to being rude and heck-care towards them that i can't even act emotional in front of them. i just can't bring myself to. it's so obvious the change in two of us when all i do is to say sarcastic stuff to them, and all bro does is to make them happy. used to be the opposite. sometimes i'm changing so much even i am scared of myself. i want so much to return to the past when i still do sweet stuff and be nice to them. nowadays, i just think, what's the point of being nice. i'm going to end up the most miserable by giving in to them all the time.
i think it's the effect of not saying anything in 19 years and suddenly everything just exploded. hai.
only thing that is probably making me proud is my driving. my instructor even went to tell alvin that i'm a good driver.=) and he commended me for being so good even though i only took a few lessons. heh. although i think when i panic, nothing good will come out of it. and my instructor scolded a security guard for cycling without looking out for cars (and i almost knocked into him) and the guard actually scolded him back! haha ended up i was listening to him complain about night cyclists who dun have lights.
i have no idea why i have such a strong reaction when bro was complaining about the govt. i think he's too anti-govt for his own good. seriously, i can't stand it when people complain without thinking about the rationale behind the policies. yes some stuff are too expensive (for him it's the coe prices and the fact that he just got summoned) in s'pore, but that's how s'pore has been developing. sometimes he really gets on my nerves simply cos he doesn't see beyond the surface of things, only concerned about the immediate feelings. i was most pissed when he said, "if i'm in govt, first thing i'm going to cut is the transport costs and destroy ns, then everyone will be happy and thank me for it." OMG how naive is that. i just told him, "then you go be govt lar." he thinks he's that good, but i can't stand people like that. no wonder his temper is so horrible, cos he doesn't consider the other pov. he's lucky jy hasnt seen the angry and TOTALLY unreasonable side of him. totally different person in front of her and us lar. can't stand it sometimes. and everyone thinks he's an angel and i'm a devil.
so be it, i'm beyond caring.
you know how's life is like when my parents came home from vietnam, and scolded me for being at home when i shud be working (i took half-day to rest), when they scolded me for not sweeping and mopping the floor, for not recording the shows they asked us to, all these while being SOOOO DAMN nice to bro. they are all shared responsibilities for goodness sake! they NEVER fail to scold me for not doing anything, but give excuses for bro whenever he doesn't do anything. even talking about it makes me pissed. even when i was arguing with him about the govt thing, my mum asked me to shut up, cos she doesnt want him to flare up.
SERIOUSLY, LET HIM GROW UP. STOP BEING SO PROTECTIVE OF HIM.
then mum will be upset whenever i talk about her showing favourism. and always cite examples like, me being fetched to school/work everyday, they paying for my lunch, etc. they just think i'm some materialistic person. ask them when they have shown me some real concern. i mean like yes i know they DO care for me, but it's irritating when they never understood what i really want. it's so tragic when i just sit at the dinner table and keep quiet. i dun care if i'm the loner at home now. i really dun, cos nobody else cares.
talk about me spending money when bro spent over $50 on petrol alone going all round s'pore when my parents were away. my mum just doesn't bear to scold him.
AHHHHHHH!!!!
i hate the feeling of not being appreciated, and being taken granted for.
____________________________________________________________________________
i shall cool down.
i wanted to walk alone, slowly in the rain while walking to work, in the end jackson came with an umbrella asking if i want to share. in the end couldnt have a relaxing walk. but yeah talked quite a bit as well.
then went for lunch and talked to the two new interns. one from nus first year and the other ntu biz final year. one is a smoker who asked me if i wanted to smoke with him. he seriously reminds me of SOMEONE. the over-friendly and thinks he's cool kind. but actually he's quite nice lar, just can't stand his style at times. the ntu one is a lot more matured. he's those kind you'll find him more and more handsome as time passes. HAHA. but yeah he talks a lot more sense, and humorous in the right way. i think he'll be a high-flyer next time. too bad he's taken. heh. both are attached lar actually.
but yeah work has been better cos of them i think. the small chats and the sweets. more matured topics as well.
FINALLY it's the weekend!!! much much anticipated weekend. ora tmr (actually i dun really feel like going. damn lazy), and meeting on sunday, and prob lunch on sunday too. i seriously just feel like lazing around at home.
nus still haven sent me anything. my parents are bugging me to go to the ntu tea session, saying that i shud have a backup if i really didnt get into nus at all. sometimes, i think their worries are uncalled for.
i dun wanna stop working at bosch.....though i wish i have more leave. can't even find time to go out! ja cynli and my schedules like totally clash. hai...
27th council invest on wed. time FLIES...
wanna post pics, but still waiting for jun to upload.=X
and appeal for art materials, children storybooks and clothes! do your part for the khao lak trip!=)
Sunday, May 6, 2007
the long wait...
i'm getting a LITTLE worried over nus admission. seems like everyone knows where they're going etc, but i'm still not in the know of things. it's like i'll look forward to checking the mailbox everyday waiting for letters from them. received another letter for ntu biz tea session though. wonder if i shud pon again. HAHA!
tuition after 2 weeks on fri. i really dunno what to do with dylan sometimes. so noisy and rebellious, and i just can't control him sometimes. i mean yes he does treat me like a fren at times telling me certain stuff, but he's just getting on my nerves. argh nvm. i shall tolerate. do hope he scores well at the end of the day though.
khao lak trip briefing on sat afternoon. oh man simply listening to the briefing makes me feel so sad. i guess it'd be quite a good experience. just that 4 of us (jun zihua shiyun and i) are so old in the group! most of them are actually only secondary school level.=X oldies! heh. i'm just prob not looking forward to the hygiene part.=X
talking about hygiene omg. i was on the bus today, then this old lady kept spitting out her phlegm onto the floor of the bus! damn gross. and she threw some sweet wrapper onto the floor also. omg. you can see the seats surrounding her were all empty after a while.=X
anw anyone have children's storybooks for donation to the khao lak kids? i gave all of mine away LONG time ago. and they dun seem to need clothes as much as they need storybooks.=X
camp discussion was quite good i suppose. didn't know anything at first, but at least could still come up with some suggestions etc. it's too bad jun and i won't be around the the camp, cos would really want to see the whole camp through. but i guess we're learning something else somewhere else in the world. sat around at jun's tv room the whole night till about 2am to discuss, then went upstairs to sleep. just plonked on her bed and slept lar!
next day met up with kang for lunch with jun. been quite a long time we met considering we work so near each other. but it was good.=) just sitting around and chatting. nice coffee too.=D
FINALLY met cherry and her bro today after SOOO long. and w/o jr too. haha. anw just walked around orchard. and it was soooo funny. cos i was shopping for mother's day present at body shop. then garry was around cos cherry went to the toilet. ended up the person said, "ask your mum's future son-in-law buy lar" referring to garry. i was like OMG and burst out laughing. HAHA. really quite funny. but yeah he was quite nice. paid for part of my dinner cos i ate more and shud have paid more, in the end he split the money equally. then gave me some tau sar thing also. haha.
didn't get to talk much to cherry though, but it was good. just meeting up, albeit talking nonsense. and he was complaining so much abt jr in front of cherry. heh.
ok better go sleep since have to wake up early tmr to get to work. omg i'm so tired i think i'll die at work. ah well.
still waiting for a reply....
tuition after 2 weeks on fri. i really dunno what to do with dylan sometimes. so noisy and rebellious, and i just can't control him sometimes. i mean yes he does treat me like a fren at times telling me certain stuff, but he's just getting on my nerves. argh nvm. i shall tolerate. do hope he scores well at the end of the day though.
khao lak trip briefing on sat afternoon. oh man simply listening to the briefing makes me feel so sad. i guess it'd be quite a good experience. just that 4 of us (jun zihua shiyun and i) are so old in the group! most of them are actually only secondary school level.=X oldies! heh. i'm just prob not looking forward to the hygiene part.=X
talking about hygiene omg. i was on the bus today, then this old lady kept spitting out her phlegm onto the floor of the bus! damn gross. and she threw some sweet wrapper onto the floor also. omg. you can see the seats surrounding her were all empty after a while.=X
anw anyone have children's storybooks for donation to the khao lak kids? i gave all of mine away LONG time ago. and they dun seem to need clothes as much as they need storybooks.=X
camp discussion was quite good i suppose. didn't know anything at first, but at least could still come up with some suggestions etc. it's too bad jun and i won't be around the the camp, cos would really want to see the whole camp through. but i guess we're learning something else somewhere else in the world. sat around at jun's tv room the whole night till about 2am to discuss, then went upstairs to sleep. just plonked on her bed and slept lar!
next day met up with kang for lunch with jun. been quite a long time we met considering we work so near each other. but it was good.=) just sitting around and chatting. nice coffee too.=D
FINALLY met cherry and her bro today after SOOO long. and w/o jr too. haha. anw just walked around orchard. and it was soooo funny. cos i was shopping for mother's day present at body shop. then garry was around cos cherry went to the toilet. ended up the person said, "ask your mum's future son-in-law buy lar" referring to garry. i was like OMG and burst out laughing. HAHA. really quite funny. but yeah he was quite nice. paid for part of my dinner cos i ate more and shud have paid more, in the end he split the money equally. then gave me some tau sar thing also. haha.
didn't get to talk much to cherry though, but it was good. just meeting up, albeit talking nonsense. and he was complaining so much abt jr in front of cherry. heh.
ok better go sleep since have to wake up early tmr to get to work. omg i'm so tired i think i'll die at work. ah well.
still waiting for a reply....
Thursday, May 3, 2007
haha i think this is my first time blogging with my own laptop.=)
this week have been rather exciting i must say. though started with sunday which i stayed home the whole day cos of my illness. it's really quite irritating when i just dun feel like eating anything at all. ah well. dun think i'm fully recovered yet, but heck. i can't do anything if i dun continue with my life.
class dinner on monday night. attendance was actually not bad! and food at bistro was really good too. thanks ja for that recommendation! oh man. i think i ate my 3 days' worth of food. haha. and busy catching up/gossiping too. haha! but yeah really felt quite relaxed. but after that, when we simply didn't know what to do, we were just roaming around deciding where to go. some conflicts here and there, but ah well, it's typical 6h. hah.
cancelled tuition on tues cos felt too unwell, and had to prepare for pp interview the next day. but ended up watching 6 hrs worth of show. but i actually did prepare k. interview was quite relaxing, contrary to what i thought. or maybe it was cos i was the first person, or cos they were late for the interview. haha and they didn't test me very tough stuff, just had to tell my life story. haha. but regretted not saying some stuff.=X ah well. good thing both my interviews went smoothly, so i was really quite happy and relieved. getting in for both will be another matter, but i guess at least the interviews weren't torturous. haha.
driving today was exciting, firstly cos it's night driving and i actually made a lot of mistakes, and also because my instructor challenged a driver today. haha this lady horned at me at the traffic junction, then i got so kan cheong my engine stalled. so my instructor was so angry when she drove past, he kept horning at her. haha! exciting huh. and the lady actually horned back too. woah. and my instructor kept emphasizing that alvin is a bad driver. HAHA.
my parents are going to vietnam tmr. have to go to work on my own tmr and for the whole of next week.=( ah well. bro will be out the whole time when my parents are not in. lonely at home lar. anyone free to go out on sunday night and tuesday night? heh.=P
this week have been rather exciting i must say. though started with sunday which i stayed home the whole day cos of my illness. it's really quite irritating when i just dun feel like eating anything at all. ah well. dun think i'm fully recovered yet, but heck. i can't do anything if i dun continue with my life.
class dinner on monday night. attendance was actually not bad! and food at bistro was really good too. thanks ja for that recommendation! oh man. i think i ate my 3 days' worth of food. haha. and busy catching up/gossiping too. haha! but yeah really felt quite relaxed. but after that, when we simply didn't know what to do, we were just roaming around deciding where to go. some conflicts here and there, but ah well, it's typical 6h. hah.
cancelled tuition on tues cos felt too unwell, and had to prepare for pp interview the next day. but ended up watching 6 hrs worth of show. but i actually did prepare k. interview was quite relaxing, contrary to what i thought. or maybe it was cos i was the first person, or cos they were late for the interview. haha and they didn't test me very tough stuff, just had to tell my life story. haha. but regretted not saying some stuff.=X ah well. good thing both my interviews went smoothly, so i was really quite happy and relieved. getting in for both will be another matter, but i guess at least the interviews weren't torturous. haha.
driving today was exciting, firstly cos it's night driving and i actually made a lot of mistakes, and also because my instructor challenged a driver today. haha this lady horned at me at the traffic junction, then i got so kan cheong my engine stalled. so my instructor was so angry when she drove past, he kept horning at her. haha! exciting huh. and the lady actually horned back too. woah. and my instructor kept emphasizing that alvin is a bad driver. HAHA.
my parents are going to vietnam tmr. have to go to work on my own tmr and for the whole of next week.=( ah well. bro will be out the whole time when my parents are not in. lonely at home lar. anyone free to go out on sunday night and tuesday night? heh.=P
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