not meant to be

somehow i'm just hoping that one day, we'll cross each other's path again. but you know that it's not meant to be when both are in the same place on the same day at the same time but yet they dun meet. there's always this hope at the back of my mind that if i walk around more, i'll see the familiar face. but it hasn't paid off.

but seriously, i hate myself for looking back all the time. there's just nothing to look forward to in any case.

last few days of 2007. scary how time flies.

[i just typed one whole entry and my bro switched off the switch and there goes my entry]

anw i wanted to say that it seems like i've lost the ability to work to my fullest ability. the more i work the more i realised that i'm actually not as good as what i have perceived myself to be, prob also not as good as what others perceive me to be. it's like i have lost the motivation, and i can't work to a similar level as in the past when i was house captain in rg and rj and as a councillor in rj. maybe it's the change in environment, maybe i'm already jaded, maybe the people who understood my working style are no longer working with me anymore. maybe there's no one to point out my flaws to me and provide encouragement when i need them anymore(jun!!!). or maybe, it was already my peak in rg and rj.

i've taken up so many commitments for the coming sem, and i still dunno if i'll be able to cope with all of them. i took up some of them knowing that i can't be slack anymore in uni, but i really am uncertain if these commitments will result in me neglecting my studies altogther (high chance i'll do so since i love to prioritise everything else above studies). sometimes it seems like i've lost the ability to judge what is important to me at different stages of my life.

i've been super lucky with my results, but at the rate i'm going, this sem's cap might be the highest i can achieve in my nus life. and whatever shit about me wanting to prove people wrong and show that i can also do well especially after screwing up my As is not going to come true. i KNOW that i have to do well in order not to disappoint, i KNOW that studies is important for me to get a good job in future. i KNOW that i am far too slack if i wanna do well in uni. but even with all the KNOWs, i just can't make myself motivated.

in the past, i was guided more by my brain than my heart. but as i grow older, my heart seems to rule my brain, so much so that no matter how much rational thinking i'm doing, if i dun FEEL like doing something, i won't go do it. it never used to be the case. i used to have more discipline.

procrastination is my main problem right now. thing is, i've been getting too much marketing work, and marketing is SOOO not my forte. i know my working style rather well, well enough to say that if i do something i'm good at, i'll be very efficient. but if it's something that i'm horrible at and dun enjoy, there's always a huge tendency to procrastinate. i know that's not an excuse, cos i HAVE to learn not to limit myself to things that i'm good at only, but there's always a huge internal inertia/resistance which stops me from doing my absolute best.

probably this is the reason why i enjoy working at millenia even though it's boring and i meet all sorts of absolutely rediculous customers all the time. there's no expectations to do well. nobody there knows my (rather elitist) background, and hence there is no pressure to do well. a small mistake is excusable (probably normal) and people won't point at you saying this is not the standard you should have. it is really tiring working shifts all day, but at least it's brainless.

seriously, i'm probably only half as good as what some people in nus perceive me to be. i hate disappointing others, but at this rate, it seems like it's going to be inevitable.

10 'must-dos' for 2008

1. maintain or achieve higher caps for y1 1 sem 2 and yr 2 sem 1
2. use my own hard-earned money to go overseas with friends
3. treat my family members nicer
4. enhance my friendships and make more new friends
5. be more open-minded to challenges and things i have never done before
6. juggle my commitments effectively, making sure not to disappoint others
7. find a boyfriend? (haha! though seems like it's not very possible)
8. have a healthier lifestyle (in terms of eating and exercising)
9. save up and not spend excessively (in view of the lack of a money source from next year onwards)
10. character development (learning to be more confident, independent, determined, etc)

i know some are intangible and hence are impossible to measure, but i shall still put them down to remind myself.

finally, some photos from 25ths gastronomical expedition:


our table at chinatown!

some of us at guanghao's place.

us at midnight kbox!

and before i end off,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEL!

i was telling her i feel so old since she just turned 19 and i'm gonna be 20 in less than 2 months' time. heh.

spending my last 2 days of 2007 at millenia, and with no one to celebrate the start of a new year with. even my parents are overseas, and bro will definitely won't be at home. what a lonely start to the year.=(

10 days of independence

i can't stand the feeling of being accused. i guess it did lead me to self-reflect a little, and yes i do blame myself for not controlling myself more, but i dun think i did anything wrong. i mean i admit i was doing a hell lot of self-justification, but that's cos i dun agree with what you're saying. though being the usual diplomatic person i am, i will never say that in your face.

sometimes i hate myself for thinking the way i think.

i was seriously stunned. i never imagined myself scoring better than them. it was really like WAH. madness i tell you.

oh and i sorta committed to rag. brent asked me ytd to be his rag welfare vice. sounded quite ok so i agreed. so far my commitments next sem are:

stardust
west end meet
rag
internal affairs
publicity (think my role in here wont be very large)
tuition (dylan's mum wants me to be more committed.=X)

add that to academic stuff, and prob one or two competitions, my life wont be too slack anymore. AND i have a freaking 5-day week! hai. think my parents won't like it that i'm so involved in school life AGAIN.

bro sent parents to the airport this morning and i tagged along. slept at 1am and was woken up at 3.15am. had some she bu de feeling especially since the time period is longer this time round. anw i decided to do my part as a 'working' daughter to give them some money to spend, and that was what i did. gave them $50. not much lar, but it's a token. they keep saying it's a miracle i'm giving them.-_-

it's amazing how my past leadership experiences are making people THINK i am capable even though i havent worked directly with them before.

and i'm kinda pissed. i'm working on all the festive days and here you go complaining about how you're working everyday. HELLO. my christmas eve and christmas were spent rotting and now you wanna take up my new year too. yeah i did get more full day breaks but consecutive full shift is madness i tell you.

i'm slightly more angsty these days. not too good. maybe it's a result of meeting difficult customers. ah well.

tell me how to feel

checked my results in the morning. well, i dunno how to describe. initial feeling was that of upset actually cos i saw more Bs than As. subsequently it turned to relief. i was VERY disappointed with my MS seriously. i thought it was more or less sorta an A module. but i was surprised at an A with mno. another surprise A+ with econs since i thought i screwed up one question. expected b+ with marketing, and an expected b for gps. totals up to a cap of 4.3.

i'm considering s/u-ing my gps, which will bring my cap up to a 4.5, which has a teeny weeny chance of getting into dean's list (though i highly doubt so with the kind of competition we're facing). talked to some seniors about it, and conclusion is i shud s/u since they dun think i'm gonna get something lower than that in future. still thinking about it. but i think i'm more swayed towards s/u-ing it.

people around me didnt seem to have done very well. hopefully everyone's fine.=X

parents going off for a 10-day holiday at guangzhou and hk. so left with bro and i at home. it has been SUPER long since our whole family has gone on a holiday together. last time was bangkok in j1 i think. parents have been holidaying quite often these two years. shuang lor. i can only wait till after next sem.=X

and well, the impact was very much less than what i expected. maybe cos the feeling was not that of a like, but rather one of admiration. i think too many times, i just fool myself. and maybe i just place too much focus on it. nvm the wait shall just continue. heh.

i think talking to raheem is pure entertainment. HAHA!

我不是个稻草人

稻草人

主唱：林志颖
词：邬裕康 曲：陈国华

我的双脚陷进爱中
等了已好久好久
你的手从指间经过
只能碰却不能握

心里好多话对你说
你却看着我沉默
这样的相爱那儿有错
连云也难说服我

我不是个稻草人
不能动不能说
已把爱紧紧绑心中
我不是个稻草人
没人爱没人懂
再难再疯我要结果

我不是个稻草人
看天亮看日落
就等你给我一双手
我不是个稻草人
不做梦不还手
别用泪水逼我放手

就算全界都笑我
爱个人谁敢说错
就算全世界都怪我
我只要你跟我走

damn old song, but i still love it nevertheless. i think not many people will probably know this song. and i like lin zhi ying too!=P

2 days of 10 hrs shift almost killed me. and somemore during this festive season when everyone else was having fun. ah well. at least i had peiying's company. she was still confiding in me last night. quite emo.=X

results out damn soon. shall talk about it tmr.=X

learning to learn

just thought i should blog after ytd's VERY interesting day! though i think it was the most packed day so far in the holiday, it's also one when i finally got to meet up with so many friends and have fun and do nonsensical and enjoyable stuff together.

started off with stardust meeting in nus. meeting for me wasn't very productive cos basically the few of us were just splitting work. but well i guess my workload just hasn't come.

then went to chinatown to meet 25ths for gastronomical expedition, aka food trail. went chinatown hawker centre, maxwell, prinsep. but of cos the rest went a lot more places than these. (dunno why the teasings still havent stopped after so long. not that i'm bothered by it, but dun people get tired of it?) really think it's such a good idea. food does bond people. heh. though i'm not exactly close to the 25ths, the company was good. was actually considering skipping it and going home first after the meeting, but decided against it. good decision it turned out to be.

left halfway to get to toa payoh to meet 6h people. as usual when i reached, only two people were there. anyhow, we got to boon's place, started bbqing for a while, then it started raining. so anti-climatic. but the guys continued bbq-ing, while the girls went to slice the turkey. rain stopped, so the girls went out again. talked to quite a few classmates whom i haven seen for SOOO long. was sort of reminiscing our 6h days. how i wish every of my tutorial class now is like 6h. that would be quite perfect. gender divide was once again a major problem, but i think you just need to get used to it.

yongneng and i left at around 1030pm to get to guanghao's new house. yn said he had to show face since he hasnt been down for most outings. his house was really quite beautiful. then they were skyping with josie when we reached. shortly after, they decided to leave for kbox at chinatown (reminded some of us of the midnight kbox session after which we walked 3 hrs from chinatown to potong pasir in the middle of the night). so we reached there at around 12 midnight and sang all the way till about 4am when they closed. IT WAS SO EX! but i REALLY enjoyed it. you know how i can never have confidence about my singing cos i'm tonedeaf. then i'll be so self-conscious. dun even know what key the songs were in, then wesley kept saying how he must change key etc etc. i felt so stupid, especially for someone who listens to quite a lot of chinese songs. but it was so fun cos at least the songs that i wanted to sing, chork will most likely know how to sing as well! not a loner again.=P always loved kboxing, but not like my singing is any good.

cabbed home with cedric after that. reached at 4.30am and was so tired i just collapsed in bed. and i actually had to work in the morning.=X but what a wonderful day i had!

i sometimes wish i really have the time this holidays to rest and recharge, to do fun stuff instead of working. like everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves. so many people asked me why i want to work. though it's true i wanna earn some money for overseas trips next year, at the same time i really want to have some time for myself to do those things that i enjoy, no matter how others might think my activities are so wuliao and all. like everytime after work, i'll be kept playing game with my bro, after which i'll be so tired and hence have no time to do any stuff at all. i didn't exactly meet up with anyone to have a nice good chat, like time is just passing by meaninglessly. i so envy people who went overseas cos i really want to, though it means burning a big hole in my pocket. like how buddy and jun went to italy, and jun and josie are going scotland soon. like every moment is spent meaningfully. i shall wait for after next sem, but i believe it'll be a long wait, with a lot of obstacles in between.

results out in 2 days' time. not worried now, just possessing some sort of anticipation, first time taking exams in uni. wonder how my results will turn out. whether i'll screw up or meet my expectations. ah well. i'll know soon.

and i was just thinking about how people from not-so-good education level actually grow up a lot faster mentally than people from better education level. like how peiying, the person working in starhub, has grown up. one day, she asked me to guess her age. she told me she has worked in starhub for 3 years, so going by the normal age of graduation, i guessed she should be around 24. but turns out she's only 21! only two years older than me. then she said, she started working earlier to finance her smoking habit. last time even skipping lessons to work.

and looking at myself, i was ashamed. i worked only to earn some money for myself, and to make my parents not nag. but have i truly grown up from the working experiences? i highly doubt so. i definitely learnt a lot, but it just feels so different from peiying's experiences. i still feel so sheltered, like i wouldn't survive if i dun have the people around me. maybe life is about such reliance on others around you, but as we grow older, we'll definitely have to learn to be independent, to start not relying on others. and by reliance, i dun simply mean physically reliant, but more so emotionally. eventually, we'll just feel that we're fighting the battle alone. not easy, but i think we all got to learn.

two full-shift days up ahead. festive season leh. hai nvm JIAYOU! (i think i'll die of boredom.=( )

content vs ambition

been getting some free stuff these days.

from dylan's mum after my very first lesson after his exams:
- 6 donuts
- 1 packet of pungol nasi lemak
- 4 fried chicken wings

farah is back from australia! nice meeting up and chatting!=)
- one box of chocolates
- one bottle of sweets

i'm actually quite close to peiying, the starhub person at millenia walk. she has so far treated me to 3 donuts, while not earning much. so funny, everyday we just stay in the shop and complain about how boring it is.

i think you'd prob think i'm some money-faced individual. heh. whatever lar. just wrote the above to indicate the niceness of some of the people i've been meeting.=)

been coming across some weird customers, and some that i really got quite angry with. but i shan't write it here.

and having quite a fulfilling week.
mon: tuition
tue: met farah after work
wed: met farah before work=P
thu: supposed to meet buddy but grandbuddy and him cant make it last min.=X hope he's having a great time at italy! might meet jun there!=)
fri: tuition (supposed to have west end meet meeting at smu, but couldnt make it. hope it'll be fine working with this group of people.)
sat: stardust meeting, council outing, 6h outing (madness, but good thing i dun have to work)

and back to work on sunday. FULL shift from 11 am to 9pm on 24th, 25th, 30th, 31st dec. hai tragic case. festive season still have to work. HOPE the pay will be doubled.=P

so funny how the other four keep complaining about daniel. HAHA.

i was just wondering if it's better to be contented or to be more ambitious. people keep saying we should zhi zu, being happy with whatever we have. but yet, from young, we're told that we must strive to excel in everything that we do. there's always this contradicting voice. just take for eg my A level results. i can be contented with my results, yet there was this voice in me telling me how i shouldn't be and must actually work even harder to prove people wrong. so which direction should i go?

there are times i just wanna give up fighting for the best that i can achieve, like getting a concurrent degree in nus. but yet, i know i can't give up cos it'll give me a better resume. long term vs short term view? maybe the solution is to do something that i'm interested in, but that's just so vague. interest doesnt mean it'll sustain, and without this sustained interest, we'll be considered fickle-minded. so just what is the best thing to do? to fight, or to choose a simpler short-term route that makes me happy but everyone else unhappy?

i guess it does depend on the kind of situations i face. but it always isnt an easy decision. especially with the stressful education system in singapore, choosing the 'happier' way would mean giving up our 'future'.

at times, i'd find people who are ambitious very irritating, like they'll just keep fighting, and they are all perfectionists. i dunno if i feel this way because i am envious of them, or it's simply because i dun think they should behave like this. like how you'll always envy people whom you're not, then this envy sometimes turn into dislike simply cos you can't be like them, and hence psychologically pulling yourself away from such character.

sometimes i can't stand myself for thinking and saying that i dun bother much with academic stuff, but yet i'm actually secretly thinking about how i should try to score well.

i feel slightly over-brainwashed.

lousy timetable

argh cant stand my cough. and it's bad when you have to attend to customers the whole morning with a bad throat with no rest for the throat at all. and today was SOO messy cos the shop itself was closed, and we didnt have sufficient stock outside the shop, so we ran out of a lot of things, even the plastic bags.=X then a lot of problematic customers etc. daniel had to come down two times today lar, the first time buying donuts for me from the shop next to ours, which i didn't have time to eat until suyi took over. gosh.

sometimes you wish you have more customers during the weekdays to keep you occupied, but you also dun want customers to KEEP coming until you get absolutely no rest. ah well.

and yowie's parents actually came down to redeem as well. saw the name and the address, then i was quite shocked. heh.

after that went for dinner as a whole family. been a SUPER long time since the 4 of us have been out together having a meal or shopping around. super nan de. went for whampoa to have steamboat then the shop hasnt opened.=X

ytd was 3rd stardust meeting. not many turned up, but some good discussions there. then went home to get ready for malcolm's wedding dinner (whom i dun even rmb how he looks like prior to the dinner. can't blame me lar, i'm just a substitute for my dad to accompany my mum.) saw my ex-colleague there who was one of malcolm's ns buddies. he didnt even recognise me! only saw my mum.=X dinner itself was not bad, just that we were sitting at a table whom we dunno anyone at all, so we just talked to ourselves throughout.

and i got a damn lousy timetable for next sem! my gosh. without my ss/gem/breath, i already have a 5-day week. damn stupid. hopefully we can rearrange such that we can have at least a day's rest. if not it's madness.

ok maybe i shud go sleep and get ready for tmr's battle with the customers.

art of stoning

been a long time since i fell sick. somehow the only recollection of the times that i fell sick last year was in april (i wonder why rite). maybe it was good that kbox was cancelled cos i prob wouldnt be able to go in any case. my throat is bad now, plus i had a fever that shot up to 38.5degC at 2am. when i measured my temperature at 10pm, it was 37degC. so within 4 hrs, it just shot up. i have no idea why. but good thing it went down when i woke up in the morning. but still had body aches.=X

and so...i began working on monday. cherylene and i didnt get to work together in millenia walk. she went over to thomson plaza instead.=( but the people i met (yuqin and suyi) are very nice people.=) talked quite a lot to yuqin cos she listens and watches a lot of chinese stuff too. heh. job itself is rather boring, but not as bad as i expected. and just get scoldings lor. SOO many people said they want to write to forum to complain. so i think we're kinda immuned to it already. if anyone's free, just drop by millenia walk starhub k! i'll be there most days from 4-9pm, including weekends. HAHA!

oh oh and i saw alvin ng (huang jun xiong) before i started work on monday! oh man he's VERY good-looking! he looks better real-life than on tv actually. i actually kept turning and looking at him and i think he saw me doing that cos there was no other person walking around us.=X oops. but i was amazed cos i havent exactly found any s'porean actor good-looking. heh.

tuition's starting next week too. oh man. like it when i have that extra cash on me, at least i dun have to keep going to the atm! but means i'm gonna be busy! and i have to shop for sec 2 assessment books.=X

ok i'm kinda running out of stuff to say. jun said maybe we can go taiwan in june when she comes back to s'pore! oh man. really looking forward to that. hope it comes true!=) i think i also need to get out of s'pore, even if it's just a few days.

and i wish i could stop coughing...

my last day of freedom

here's one of the only photos we took on friday. the rest are photos of ja cynli and jess acting cute. haha.

cynli and i!=)

went for bizad bowling on saturday evening. there were so many changes initially, then raheem and i thought both of us had to bowl for 4 people cos farah and dong couldnt make it. we were soo relieved when both said they'll turn up. heh. and we were not bad k! i havent bowled in more than a year i believe. for the first game we were SECOND lar. out of 16 teams i think. with an average of 105.8 if i'm not wrong. my personal score was 111. then 2nd game all of us experienced a severe drop in standard, with a <100 average. so well, needless to say, we didn't maintain our second. but yeah, we did have quite a lot of fun.=D


the team with bowling bowls.=)


farah and i. she was flying to australia the very night lar.


then the team with michael.

boring day at home on a rainy sunday. what a wasted 'last day of freedom'. but ah well. at least i could spend some time at home, save some money, do some household chores, etc.

while cleaning their cage, i took some photos of the two rabbits at home.






cute right?

sometimes i wish the silence between the two of us is not so obvious. then i wouldn't be made to think of the unhappy stuff and relive those times everytime there's the awkward silence. cant you see the effort that i've put in to prove you wrong? even though the results aren't out yet. i'd like to believe that everything happens for a reason, but the reason for whatever that is happening now is so dumb.

i guess it can be a good thing, with the minimal quarrels. but things will never be the same anymore. dun you find it tragic that things have come to such a stage? the more formal the relationship is, the more it hurts me. i'll never forget how there was never the need to watch my words, but everything's just different now.

i dunno if it's my fault. i dunno if there's a need to mend things. but for now, i guess the status quo shan't be challenged.

and for another matter, is it also my fault? i dun think the unending questions will ever be answered.

then, while watching tv today, i was just thinking about whether the fact that i watch chinese shows instead of the more common english shows especially in the environments that i've been in have anything to do with the kind of friends i have and ability to connect with some people. sometimes i feel i'm in my own world because i can't relate with people with regards to entertainment. then somehow it leads to my own inferiority complex that being 'cheena' is not well-received, like i keep having this thought that people despise me for being 'cheena' and how my nick is always in hanyu pinyin. and sometimes i rather hide this side of me.

i dunno if i'm being overly-sensitive again. but yeah, it can be so tragic that the shows and songs i enjoy aren't watched or even heard of by the people around me. and i dun watch the shows that others watch. sometimes i just dun like how the chinese culture in s'pore is so diluted and overpowered by english as the main medium of communication. i do understand the importance of english, especially being one whose english standard is probably only around average. but going by how the people around me are so detached from their mother tongue, i can only say there will be limited place for chinese in future. maybe the preferred channels in s'pore are still the chinese channels, but i dunno how long this trend will last.

i never really regretted growing up in a family who watch chinese shows most of the time. even though both my parents are english educated and chinese illiterate, the language we speak at home is still mainly mandarin, and of cos with a mix of english and hokkien. i guess it does put me in a very isolated world at times, but it has never stopped me from watching more chinese shows and never pushed me to start accepting a more westernised culture. sometimes i do wonder why i just can't be more open to new stuff, but i guess there are also some values that i've picked up from being 'cheena' and i'll always stick to these values. to me, the shows and songs that i've been watching and listening from young shaped me to be who i am today, and i'll probably never change my lifestyle, at least in the near future.

pissed

i've been posting so many entries these days. too free lar.

anw i'm DAMN pissed now. there's this crazy guy who called me. obviously you'll pick up the first call. it went like this:

he: "hello may i speak to ah chew (cant really figure out what he said, but i think he was just making up a name)?"

me: "sorry wrong number"

he: "oh wrong number ah. then what's your name?"

me (being DAMN stupid): "oh amelia"

he: "amelia? can i be friends with you?"

i immediately hung up after that. for the whole bus journey, i was busy rejecting his calls. he left more than 20 missed calls on my hp lar.

then he gave up and msged me instead.

"hai hw r u. cn we frend to u"

WHAT THE HELL lar. i was considering switching off my phone but i was afraid my parents will call. so i just keep rejecting calls. i seriously despise such people lar. can't you lead a proper lifestyle with friends who will befriend you willingly.

sometimes i wonder why there are always such weird people around. firstly one on msn, then now phone.

today has been a good day until the calls started coming in. and today's such a popular day for meeting up lar. amy called for class outing at timbre, dong asked to have sort of a last drinking session with andy before he flies at timbre as well, then zonglin called to ask if we want to go out for supper. but of cos the day was spent with ja jess cynli.=)

always fun around them. laughed like mad can. how i wish everyday of my holidays can be spent in such a manner.

but these days i want to have fun but i dun feel like going out. wth rite. like i said, after every exams, i'll sink into this mode that will make me think a lot. then loneliness sinks in, and the whole vicious cycle repeats. not helping that certain things that are happening just make me feel super disillusioned. hai.

photo entry

6H!

the girls!

the whole class!

our 'cliqueless clique'

whole class during prom!

part of the class during the last class outing.

sorry ja missing you! but i like this photo. heh.

ahsayuni!

i dunno why i dun have the photos during orientation.=X

one of our og outing.

another og outing!

some of us plus weizhao at hong kong!

ethel and i after shopping at hk!

z'og!

the og after some game.

since my co-ogl wasnt in that photo, just thought this would do.=P

buckle/buckle-buckley!

a few of us buckleans at our attempted reunion.

bb comm with mr lai and his daughter.

the championship trophy!

the 5 house capts!

council!

tagz! my campaigning group.=)

ccad 25ths and 26ths.

one of the many council gatherings.

EXCO!

jun and charles at ccal camp!

buddies!

cedric, my study partner during As!

jun and kang!

jun and kang again!

jun!

25ths after prom.=)

softball!

softball team.=)

4 of us.

others

the small group who celebrated my 18th birthday!

cherry!

group of us at khao lak!

my khao lak class!=)

freeedom!!

it feels quite good to be free of mugging, wu you wu lv just watch my shows and relax.

but i have no idea why everytime after exams i'll be in a more depressed mode. maybe it's the fact that i'll start to think about more stuff. ah well.

oh and i'm continuing tuition with dylan. mrs tan said need more commitment though, i guess there's always a price to pay for earning more money. no choice lar, if i wanna go overseas next time, i'll need to save more money. and hopefully cos i'm working this hols, i can save even more money, firstly by not going out and secondly by earning. the happiest people are my parents ba.

mno..can only blame myself for not examining the answers that was sent to me? but i guess i wont do THAT badly lar. HOPEFULLY.

i'm SOOO free lar, can't stand it. [jun! usually at these times we'll always meet up! go east coast, go shopping, whatever.=X] k lar tmr with ja jess cynli! will be damn fun i guess.=) sat bizad bowling plus shopping with farah i think. heh.

boring post lar. just thought i shud update since i'm sooo free. one month of freedom. dunno whether i'm looking forward to it. but it's going to be 2008 soon! damn fast. i like the feeling when a new year starts. like things can start anew. new hope, new activities, new thoughts. with new year, cny, birthday everything to look forward to. which means i'm gonna be older, and gonna go over the teen years. hai. why am i letting my youth go to waste.

and what the hell am i thinking about. sometimes i wanna kill myself for letting my thoughts run wild.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JA!!!=D

haha! i think i posted this before.

she's gonna kill me for this lar.

hahah ok i like this photo. jess and cynli were saying how stupid she looks. HAHA!

fly away

one more paper down. four down, ONE more to go. ONE more day! oh man. can't wait! just that seems like nobody's free after our paper tmr.=X gotta kill some time before i meet buddy at j8 lar. hai. shall see how tmr. and my thursday's free too. i dunno why i just dun like it when my schedule's not packed before i start working next monday. hahha. i shall try looking for people to go out with.=) or i could stay at home and finish watching all my downloaded variety shows and drama serials. heh.

marketing totally sucked. mcq was ok. then i tried doing the open ended and i was stunned. lack of detailed mugging i thought. but i came back to check thru the answers and realised there weren't many things i could have gotten correct even if with more detailed mugging, so i'm feeling much better. then i thought, maybe the paper's not too bad after all. i'm just hoping that i won't get such a bad grade. but simply means that my aim of getting 4 As for my core modules is more or less unattainable.

our juniors' prom is today. oh man. how time flies. this year has been especially fast it seems. few months of work life, learning driving, then overseas cip, then trip to hk and guangzhou, then uni started. now that our very first sem is almost over, i cant believe that it has already been one year since we were done with As. i so long for that kind of life with 6h when we just crapped and played so many games together, whether it's squash at the staircase, or table tennis outside council room, or risk, or floorball, or ultimate frisbee, or basketball, everything was like so enjoyable. nvm i screwed up my As, cos i really did enjoy myself in jc. had my share of painful memories of cos, but i guess i can choose not to write them here.

ok i should stop giving myself excuses to rest and go mug mno instead, especially after the horrible mkting paper.=X

while mugging beside my rabbits for the past few weeks, i've taken a few photos while i'm all stressed up and need some stress reliever.=P

tiki and kiki in their cage.

kiki all alone. at least they have the whole balcony k.

and my cheat sheet for mno. cool huh. was telling farah maybe i can send it to guiness world record to compete for the most number of words in an A4 paper. HAHA!

捕梦人

曲名：捕梦人
歌手：潘裕文
专辑：昨天 今天 明天

轻轻唱 边梦边唱
闭上眼 一路摇摇晃晃
没有人 知道答案
路很长 循着光到前方

勇气的重量
穿过树影落在我手掌
紧紧握着 不能放

半边月亮挂着重重的梦想
捕梦的人 指着天空想越爬越高
累了躺在堆满星星的城堡
过了就好

逆着风 跌跌撞撞
泪和汗 痕迹印在肩膀
静静的 辨认星光
灰的云 却挡住了光亮

勇气的重量
穿过树影落在我手掌
紧紧握着 不能放

半边月亮挂着重重的梦想
捕梦的人 指着天空想越爬越高
累了躺在堆满星星的城堡
过了就好

啦啦啦啦啦啦
捕梦人织的网 悬在蓝天上
啦啦啦啦啦啦
捕梦人的愿望 好远却又好灿烂

半边月亮挂着重重的梦想
捕梦的人 指着天空想越爬越高
累了躺在堆满星星的城堡
过了就好 醒来继续微笑

just thought the song is quite motivational. and i'm falling in love with pan yu wen's voice. heh.

i started mugging marketing at 4pm today, cos of dou niu yao bu yao and gong zhu xiao mei and of cos mno. sooo 6 chapters of info cramped in my head in 6 hrs. madness i tell you. my head is exploding soon. and everything i scanned thru only. i doubt i'll score well for mkt and mno. sigh.

blame it on my procrastination.

i dunno how i'm gonna squeeze mno content into my head tmr. someone should invent something that can enlarge a human's brain space. hai...

lost memories

是非题 - 范玮琪

每段故事都有一篇剧情
每段爱情都像动人旋律
一颗真心却只向着你前进
也许爱越单纯越着迷

你是窗外另外一片风景
在你眼里我是什么关系
你的呼吸藏在我的爱情里
何时能诚实面对自己

我们从不开口那个言语
那一句我爱你
永远像少了勇气
别人都说 我和你之间的关系
没有人相信只有关心

我们从不正视那个问题
那一些是非题
总让人伤透脑筋
我会期待 爱情盛开那一个黎明
一定会有美丽的爱情

was listening to this song and some memories just flood back. guess some stuff are just hard to forget. but remembering doesnt mean not getting over it i guess. prob just a longing for something that has never happened before.

guess i should start looking to the future more than living in the past.=)

and the whole dragonboat incident just made me think about how vulnerable life can be. they nv got a chance to say goodbye to their loved ones. no mental preparation at all. and they're all youths who have soo much passion. too often we're so blinded by the paper chase that people forget what is called passion. i'm guilty for that definitely. it's nv easy esp in singapore to insist on pursuing something by the name of passion.

then again, i think i nv had any real passion in any case.

did i say i'm gonna work in daniel's company after my exams? a bit sian lar, cos it's customer service so confirm gotta get scolded the whole time. but not easy to find a one-month job, so i guess it'll be a good experience also. money's not bad too. but i'll be soooo lonely.

and means no overseas trip.=( nvm i shall look forward to next year when jun comes back! we haven decided where to go but we want to go overseas together!=) and i still wanna go taiwan. HAHA!

and my parents decided to buy a new tv for their room. so our total tally of tvs in our house is 6. of cos i benefitted from it also. my mini tv got upgraded to a 21 inch one too. haha. i really wonder why we need 6 tvs for 4 persons. i think my dad's obsessed with electrical appliances. have i ever said i have 5 phones in all? for the residential line. basically each room has one except for my parents', which has two. hahah and yes my house is a 6 room executive flat but is only one-storey. you wonder why i need so many phones and tvs rite. i'm wondering too. and we're definitely nowhere near rich.

i swear marketing and mno are driving me crazy. there's SOOO much inertia within myself to not study can you believe it. and the papers are in 2 and 3 days' time. i wonder if i'm mad.

back to mno! argh.

break from mugging

jun emailed this photo to me and said that she likes this photo a lot.=) gosh cant believe it's only been 2 1/2 months after you left and it feels like it's a long time!

and jun, if you're reading this, i'll reply your email VERY soon. two papers in a day is a killer man.

my brain was almost fried today. firstly, econs. i sat there, stared at the questions, cursed a little, and started making sure i dun panic. the questions are sooo long, and 5 marks require you to write workings that take up 1 1/2 foolscap. wth lar. the workings are so tedious that i REFUSED to check my workings after that cos i wouldnt be able to finish checking all of them in any case.

then wait for 6 hrs gps. write until fingers ache man. 3 essays in 2 hrs. first one, 5 pages. then 4 pages, then 3 pages. damn good. and i had the most stuff to talk abt for the last essay.-.- ah well. but i'm damn glad gps is over. it's exhausting studying for it man. cos it's not something i'm confident in, plus i did so badly for my term paper, plus we're competing against people who write essays all the time. and before this module, i knew NOTHING about politics in s'pore. actually the module is good in a sense i really do learn a lot more abt politics. but bad in a sense i'm horrible at writing such essays! ah well.

GPS IS OVER! that's what is most important right now.=) cos it's the module i'm most worried abt, though i always had the choice to s/u shud things go wrong.

oh management science was ok lar, except for one qn. decision tree analysis. i still dunno if i'm right or wrong. according to what ja and i analysed, my answer shud be accepted. but according t0 what most people's answers are, mine is damn off. so.....if i get an A, means my answer is right. if i get a B, i know what happened. haha cos i'm quite certain my other answers are right.=X

so i'm left with mkting and mno. TWO more. but both siao modules cos they're SOOO content intensive.

hai nvm. i'm more than halfway through!=)