ANCHORED.

wa

A start of a brand new term, was stoked to see my classmates & my fave girls <3 it was kinda hard to get back to the whole school routine & i was dead tired after school :/ crashed while doing work.

all the good yum-yums i had during the weekend was s sinful that i gained a full kg :( so i'm like 46kg now. Sigh, i can hear te gym calling me now.

enjoyed gossip session with the fave girls && yesh on Tues, i brought them to try out 18chef which moved to Tiong Bahru, omg so far! missed the food there ever since it moved out of Yishun. It was heaven :D even my girls had to agree. I liggit how we're always on a foodie expedition! Sadly Clara couldn't join us though :(

Caught a fever yesterday noon. Seesh, immune system has been failing me this year. Was giving tuition when i started shivering & the weather was baking-hot. Crashed for 3 hours, had dinnz and crapped with George till i fell asleep.

And, viola! i've recovered (; my fastest recovery-speed! George bought me my liang teh this mornz, what a sweetie!

Got my results and assignments back, not that bad for starters (; but was disappointed for DPL because i knew that i could've done better. Mas totally made my day, sh baked banana-nuts muffins for the whole class with an individual note for everyone :') Mas is always so nice & she never fails to make my day!

off to do my 2000 word essay!

xoxo, muah!

p/s : stoked for cous to come back tomorrow!

Pieces to pick up.

i guess that's the issue with me, over-thinking. I tend to think way too ahead that it kills me, wait no, i'm killing myself. When i was younger, i never had that but only as i grew older, started to experience more shit that i started to overthink.

I make weird ridiculous thoughts which will most prolly never happen, scare myself and complicate things. Issues that were so tiny, turned out so big that it got out of hand. They were simple & manageable but stupid me had to screw it all.

This is shooo bad, gotta get rid of it >:(

Just ended our longest phone call ever this year & it'll prolly never be this long again. Sigh, i feel like kicking myself. I appreciate you being so honest, it may hurt sometimes but i wanna hear the truth.

It wasn't those 100% serious kind but those lil randomness of laughter & teasing yet so sentimental. What ifs? Maybe just like you said, you wouldn't wanna change a thing. But i would wanna be able to go through it again. i wish that you & i would be less complicated too. Like what i said, i don't wanna you to care because you feel obliged to do so, i wanna you to do it from your heart. That you genuinely care. Likea sister, god that tore me apart. Gotta admit, that was disappointing but at least you care right?

I think if we got together when we older & more matured, bet things wouldn't turn out this way cause we clearly have the same mindset. " I was afraid to lose you ...." the rest of the words didn't get into my head because i was focusing on the first six words. Fuck the physical heartache.

But i liggit how honest we are with each other. (: maybe staying as Bestfs would be better? Kill me already, i really wanna this to end. Like get an answer to it.

I don't get it, what's so good about you that I have to be head over heels for you when there are guys who are really nice to me & they treat me as if im a gem. I'm just inflicting more pain to myself, silly old me. I've never thought that it was just me who messed up the signs, giving myself hope to hold on when on your part,you did it for a friend. Maybe we should just stay as Bestfs? Its gonna kill me i swear.

I've never felt anymore shittier than today. Never. Maybe one fine day you'll see, maybe.

See the light.

Sup, I've been wasting my noon doing nuts and Gosh, this is bad :(

This hol, I've let myself too loose, not touching anything related to my schoolwork. Guess its time to switch back to Work mode.

NOTE TO SELF : SCHOOL STARTS NEXT WEEK

had a great sleep this morning though I had to wake up at 10.45 to give tuition at 11. Crashed at Pok's the day before & it was shoo good, i swear. Lovin' Pok's fammy :D I've always wanted my parents to be cool like hers. Not saying that I don't appreciate them but i just wished that they were more open & easy to get-along.

Since young, I've always yearned for Fammy time. Not that we don't spend together as a family ( we do that every weekend )but just for once, where everyone is happy. No squabbling, No quarrelings. My parents wouldn't argue microscopic tiny issues. Just peace & fun. Is it so hard?

I wished for Mumsy-Daughter Days where my mum & I would just head to town, do some shopping, do pedis, have high-tea, go for facials and all. Too classy? Fine, a baking day with her would be equally as good. We'll just camp in our kitchen & bake tons of yummy goodies.

The whole fammy can catch a movie at home, with freshly home-popped popcorn. A game night? Guess my parents don't have plans in mind. I would wanna do that with my kids someday in the future. We'll put everything aside and enjoy the day together. I'll never want any of my kids to feel unwanted or to be neglected.

I used to request for these activities but they would turn me down flatly with reasons like Housework not done, Work to do, Waste of money. I don't get it why Adults tend to occupy themselves & stress themselves with work work work. I mean, we live each day once so would it kill to just push everything aside for a day & enjoy the moment? Maybe I'm not a working adult yet and i may not understand why but come on, at least try?

Well, moving on. George & I crashed at Pok's place and it was really really fun (: Did Ivan's card while she did her friend's. We were good souls who helped G with his essay & watched tons of show with her Sis too. Oh god, i love their fammy. G crashed at 5 because that blur fella forgot that he had a workshop to attend in the morning. Had H2H with pok & it was really a good one. Once again, I've learnt something. I know how I can be so open to her even though i know her comments might be hurtful but they are the truth. Its so awesome to know how close we've been over the years (;

Guess i gotta end here & do some serious shit.

xoxo.



Wake up call.

there are so many things spinning in my mind right now. Was it God's call for me to stumble upon your blog. It was all too oblivious to me. I had no clue that you cared this much. I had no idea how complicated your world was. Your thoughts especially, so twisted. Did i neglect you, or did i assume that you were fine on your own? I've never been so worried for you, in fact I presumed that you were matured. I didn't know that you were going through so much shit & that you needed support. On the outside, you were so fine but actually inside, you were crumbling. I really want you to be happy and fine. I guess i took you for granted all these years. I always thought that you don't give a shit about me but hey, I was wrong.

It occurred to me, if i was living up to my responsibilites and expectations to guide you through. Guess, maybe i failed. I wasn't there to protect you, help you, guide you. That's prolly one of my biggest regrets now.

Same environment, same exposure but the outcome?

This time round, i'm not gonna ditch you. I really wanna help because i love you and its my duty to be there for you. Was this all God's planning, to show how important you are?

Another incident to show how much i can rely on you. Yes, you may not be the first i approach but when it comes to extremes, i need you. You prolly didn't think I would approach you with such issues. I wasn't looking for an answer from you but i needed assurance from you, your voice soothes me & keeps me calm. I was glad I took the risk because once again, i learnt something. You always keep me in line, to refrain me from straying, refrain me from thinking too much. I was glad we had that talk too, at least i knew your thoughts & the reason behind your actions. But we both know how much we actually care.

Maybe she's right, i'm unknowingly trying to change you. I don't wanna you to be his shadow because its just not you. I would wanna like you for who you truly are and not someone i have in mind. I think i'm fucking selfish. Its obvious that i've made a big mess and it might be time to draw the line. We're both gonna get hurt and you might prolly hate my guts but its for your own good.

ROSE THORNS.

Oh how i love my primary school friends <3

We need to have more of such gatherings && spend quality time together. Tell me people, how many of you still actually keep in contact with them till now? I honestly feel that this is pretty cool like after godzillion years we're still close and hell yeah we do cool shit together!

TELL ME WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT TECHNOLOGY?!

i'm currently skyping George and we're otp with Pok (: teehee love our mini form of communication! What would i do without people like them. Such qtpies <3 Funny how two of them used to be complete strangers and now we're all tight, oh me likeee (;

Lovin how Skype is so easily accessible & it makes life way easier for everyone don't you guys think so? Tons of fun with skype!

Gonna give tuition for the rest of the week :( TELL ME ABOUT IT, ARGH dread getting myself out of bed. :( okay what i'm posting makes no sense because i'm just typing anything that comes into my mind.

Anyways, gonna meet Pok later to go to town! (: gonna change her slippers and have dinnz before having supper with her & George (: crashing at her place, so stoked.

Gotta stop procastinating & start on the essay soon! Sucks to actually have to do work when i'm in the partying mood :D

off to hit the sacks! xoxo, babies.



TONGUE TIED.