its 10th of December

so many things happened

and yes im officially done with my pre-u course

in other words im already separated with my friends since few weeks ago

i had tried all new experiences with these gang of people

and this part of my life has definitely become a memorable one

first time in my life i had my nights over in school

just to force ourselves to finish our assignments before the due date

(thanks to these guys i have learnt how to do last minute works in a very good way)

hahaha not teasing but i really enjoyed all the moments i had spent with them

having jokes and laughing non-stop while doing our assignments was so much fun

studying together for our finals has made me feel more closer to each other

thanks to them i dont feel so lonely while studying

(as in previously i was stuck in the middle of the night, feeling lonely, trying to finish all the syllabus so that i would not feel regret later in the exam hall)

but this time i got some accompany from them

they chat with me in the middle of the night

and sometimes we give advises to each other

maybe we cannot score, at least we tried 

btw thanks to my considerate dad who are willing to send me to school early in the morning during the exam

(i dun think i was able to drive since i did not sleep for the whole night)

with my dad's companion on my way to exam hall i was less nervous =)

had a penang trip with my friends after our exam ended

that was my first time staying overnights with my frens in foreign place

i was glad that we had one, because i miss them so much right now

the feeling of emptiness strikes its hardest during the night nowadays

the facts that i wont be able to be in the same class with them anymore actually hurts me

i am not sure whether i will be able to meet such unique group of people in my later life anot

i am already used to their jokes and their presence

now i shld get myself ready and move on

maybe it is super hard to suit myself without them but i had to

maybe i am the only among them who cares about the separation

maybe i am more sentimental

BUT PLEASE JUST MOVE ON

i understand that nothing stays forever

but the feeling inside is hard to be controlled

sometimes i wish something special happens

but just let it stay in my dreams

May God lead my way 

and my life.

i realized my last post was during my birthday?!
sorry for ignoring this page for such a long time

its been more than 9 months since my last update

things changed when time flies

its a totally different mood im having right now

yeah things at college gets better

and i choose to live my day happily 

i joined another gang of people

mostly boys but they are fun =)

will try my best to live my day to the fullest

i think it was the tonnes of assignments and assessments makes me unaware of time is running

a question that has been asked a few years ago

but i still cant answer it confidently

interests faded, future remains blurred

im so worried for myself and i cant disappoint my parents too

loads of hopes on my shoulder 

and im doubting on my ability whether i can succeed them in real life

i miss my friends

i really miss them

i have so many untold stories waiting to be spoken out

i really wanted to share it with u all

i have ESL presentation on monday and im in the first group

may God bless me and hope that i can try my best

=D

18

im officially eighteen about few days ago

someone says 18 birthday should be the most memorable one in our life

thanks to God i had a simple ,ordinary yet memorable and meaningful birthday

just go out and have a dinner with my family

but i like the atmosphere

where everyone of us are in joy

it is indeed a nice moment, and i really enjoyed :))

hopefully my family will be able to celebrate each others' birthday in the coming years

love them all to the MAX :-*

i got a really big teddy bear from my classmate on the first day of the month

it is about half of my height

and has become one of my bolster everynight

thank u all:)

really heart-warming for receiving messages from those friends i miss so so much

and im really glad that i have them in my life:D

i love u and i miss u all :))

God please bless my family and i in the future

let us all be blessed with ur love and mercy

thAnk u because of letting me knowing u 

thank U to everyone:)))

mood swing

feel not so right recently 
i feel like dun have motivation to start my day
something empty inside
something missing
and obviously its very important to me
because i've found out that i am not the usual me 
kinda different
and of course, easily get frustrated

well theres some frens told me that
U CAN ALWAYS SHARE UR EMO WITH ME
hrm, im doubting whether u are always free to listen to my words
i dun wan to feel guilty after taking too much of ur time, 
where u shld do something more important for u

no one to talk to
and no one to share my daily life as i always did in previous year
i really miss the old days
anyway not the day in college
everything is too serious
my frens are too "boy-boy girl-girl" ruling
feel so depressed T.T

i hate my current study life
nothing special and fun 
should i use the word SUCK to describe it?
i hope nope
be positive ....damn :'(

recently 
i have been in day dreaming...too often i guess
always dream of sth..tht still have long way to go
and maybe wat i dreamt of..
will never ever come true
i know peole always say
DARE TO DREAM
but i m sorry to say, i dont
its hard for me to accept the fact that it juz a dream
and i will be in much grieve ...with lots and lots of disappointments
well i do dream always, like i said
but i will quickly pop my bubble off and remind myself
stop finding sth to hurt my fragile little heart
maybe in the future, 
i hope i will find my source to be  dare to dream
and not to be a coward
God please guide me...like always
and bless me :'(

what a day

time flies...as always
i have been attending to new school for one month
its tiring to answer question like HOW R U DOIN THERE?
i knw u guys juz being caring to me
well my answer will always be OKOK LA
wat else? its a lie if i tell u im doin very fine and actually im not
its not a habit for me to tell someone im not ok 
first i dun wan them to worry about me,
second its also a long journey to try to explain why im in tht predicament to them
thts y im always OKOK OKOK
im still doubting whether i've choosen the right path for my future
as i duno y, my interest to science, only limited to bio 
for chemistry and physics, its kinda hard for me to get it
i hope it juz the effect for not studying in the past few months
and it will be recovered after a moment
God please!

seriously im missing old days with my secondary school frens
and with my plkn frens.
its was such a wonderful moment when we all play and joke together
in college,i feel like theres no fun
but some of my frens said mayb it juz the beginning
soon tht i will discover the craziness of my new frens
well hope so :(

God please give me wisdom and intelligence
gift me a patient and cheerful heart
so that im not always with my tenseful face

Be positive Ellen. Be positive.....

tomorrow is the day T___T

in less than 12 hrs
i will be in a new school
with new frens and teachers
i donno y
but now i juz hope that i will be staying at home forever
or juz be in the camp with my frens
feels like dun wan to study
i guess this is the result after so PIA for my SPM
phobia to study...
the pressure is rushing up and filling up my soul
maybe next moment  my eyes will be watery

it feels weird and i found no reason why im behaving this way
recently, i dun find myself the same as before
im more hot-tempered..
I DUNNO WHY!!
juz please GOD, help me =(
bless me
and my family too...