ELL.inside ♥

dear me broken up with melvin recently.

we're still friends

and no we wont get back 2gther...

i did love him,

but i cant take the pressure.
his suffocation and paranoia is finally over..

it made me wonder if LOVE in its presumptive definition actually exists.

and now, im telling u no, it DOES NOT... EXIST.

"LOVE"

i swear its so painfully tormenting

yet im always coming back for more.

we all do. why?

and they say its human nature.

its freakin self mutilation.

or at least it shares the psychology behind

does that mean that at least 90% of us are retards?

and the remaining 10% being a higher class of humans who are spared

hmmmm... THEN I ADORE THE COMPLETELY INSANE

MY THEORY IS, the insane-er you are, the more detached and thus the happier you'l b in your own world.

no more sadness, no expectations

no pressure for success or to look good or please other people

ABSOLUTE TRANQUILITY.

all the more, i shall deliberately fall into Love's trap

it drives me crazy

and thats just what i need.

Blogged @ 1:08 PM `

O my... dear blog.. im still so excited aft workin @ sv 2day(heeheee). i dont know why but anyway i hope nobody noticed..
Its rilly stupid la but u cant help wat u cant help can ya????

(btw this picture was taken round May)

Yesterday was pretty exciting (after 7pm) coz my kuya marvin finally arrived.

Day b4, i met soph 4 dinner(at pastamania xP) and icecream(at haagen dazs)..

supposed meet clar n aaron @ blue jazz l8r on but it was raining, and cold, and the wind was blowing of cors i was lazy so we decided 2 chill @ blue urban oasis w/o my honeybuns(clar n aar)... I brought back a heinikin for suzie aft tht(arnd closing time)..i didnt xpect her to drink but she agreed 2 so yea hahahaa...

Blogged @ 2:12 AM `

I need something to do to get my mind off something tht isnt ther...

Current state - excited distress. sweaty palms. increased heart-rate. accumulated adrenalin

Yet my sugar concentrated blood is deprived of insulin- my brain desperately crying out for glucose. Resulting in my lethargic sluggishness and stonified manner as my psychological malfunction escalates.

SOMEBODY HELP ME

Blogged @ 9:28 PM `

LAB SESSIONS
Last monday my sidekick(hanis xD jkjk) and i we did almost the perfect titration. we hit the fade'st shade of pink at end point of our acid-base titration w pheno. indicator. Damn precise- i think i can consider us pro at half-drops n possibly quarter-drops. Its d 1st time we made an effort rilly.... (..to not cheat)LOL

And wednesday- HAP lab on Digestion. As expected i was chosen to donate about 6ml of my spit to study the contents and production of saliva in my grp. Its damn gross but wat to do? And thn as per normal every end of practicals we'd be foolin around...thts how it is.

what i know about meidelin ~ medan princess, likes fish n chips(same as hanis), scared of cats even though she's more fierce than any feline, and 100% HDS (Heavy Duty Shopper). oh yah, and super smart toooo! *yay i hope i get credit for tht if she ever reads this. hehee

Blogged @ 10:19 PM `

Okey its comin to 5... am already done with topic 5 - Fats n Oils. woohoo!
Anyway i decided to pause and take a bath. xP ..but ended up recordin my retarded self rockin to slayer
...ooops yea . lol. HAHA
didnt noe it was gona turn out side ways on comp so yea. n cant rotate it hehe

Btw, my fren Justin did an awesome guitar cover of 'one step closer' recently so i thought u might wanna check it out, i'm sure he'd appreciate a couple more FLA-TER-RAaays wahaaz
JT ROCKS!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LFkJqkvbeo

Blogged @ 4:50 PM `

Our first Official presentation day ~

Shyt, Lets just say it went quite as expected for mehy (But i enjoyed d ending foto shoot) LOL

Dashaini owned it ☻☻☻☻☻x1000 *applauds*
Listen woman, ditch the bloody food sci and join mass comm !!
Other notable speakers :
Kimberly ☻☻☻☻☻
Saleh ☻☻☻☻
Juhanis ☻☻☻

So yea i had lunch with mag today. All of a sudden we're nw pretty gd friends...along with the rest of d gang. Very sweet gal always introducing me to new people. Btw Jupiter cafe food is NOT nice. My salad looked yukky and they use cheap sauce

Blogged @ 12:05 AM `

Just my little keepsake...

--------------------------------------------------------

I snipped off part of my right eyelashes accidentally while trimming my fringe yesterday! dammit! ...Damn damn damn....

Blogged @ 1:29 PM `

Be reporting for work later at Haagen Dazs... My enthusiasm - 60% of my previous workday -whilst the remaining lackadaisical-ity's towards the standing about in a "swimming cap" and no breaks.
I lovE the management! coz its like made up of mainly girls.. Come to think of it i'v been surrounded by gals for the most part of this yr...=) But just so you know, it doesnt make me a freakin lesbo.

Anyway, speaking of companionship we all agree that sch may not be the most undesireable daily destination thx to its social asset- more specifically the existing population of our opp-sex. Its fun to flirt!(face it)...

However, as a female member of the Food Sci n Nutrition Society i can honestly say that lookin forward to sch for that particular reason is definitely ruled out!!

. Exhibit A8A1

. Fashion preference -

NIL

. Choice of hairdo -

NIL

. Feminal attributes -

. NIL

. Learning interest -

. DREADFULLY

. AFFECTED

Blogged @ 9:06 AM `

Hammy @ home :)

.
.
.
SUNDAY - 06.07.08

watching tv early in the morning

Playing dota - its in his blood...

Homework with Grandpa!

Chillin with uncle Jason

I bought hams a new shirt on sat at Bugis St w benjy(benjamin t).

Then l8r i met benben(benjamin p) at TM for coffee and talk-talk...

In case ure wondering~ i dun have a thing for "Benjamins"...Its just coincidental my buddies share the same name... haha But its funny coz i do get quite mixed up while smsing despite the nicks...

Blogged @ 6:59 AM `

Hambaobao

Hello! i had lot of fun today with Clare again.. we learnt tennis together from Ben(free of charge tenny coach)... I have only one comment to make- clare u suck!! hahaha ok me too laa... but still fun laa...

Anyway, i wanna introduce u to somebody today... hehe.. His name is hamburger..his chinese name is hambaobao... i adopted him yesterday..so cute right..

Ssigh...i cant stand myself..- i cant b more fickle. seriously! i purposely left him at coffeebean the same night! coz i decided to leave any memory of d terrible terrible past behind.. but then i missed hammy so much d today i went back there aft tennis to get him back... luckily nobody threw him away. I grew so attached to hammy aft i got him.. so yea it was more like i left my baby behind, not rilly the memories... If theres one other thing abt me, wen i get too attached to something i tend to literally stick to it..

But Clarissa was SO fuckin mean today la...!! she kept punchin hammy today at tm!..to relief her frustration!! wtf?! I had to protect him with all my might.. some of his hair even came out sia...

Then on the way home she kept pinching and flicking his nose..she even threatened to slice of his head! i mean, what did he ever do to u sia clare bear(see!, ure even related..heartless woman..)

But in the end i didnt fight back.. cant blame her coz she was like damn frustrated over some bf issue.. i just cursed her (..tht her pubic hair wont stop growing n growing, and tht her tits wud start 2 grow hair..whaahaha lets see how she's doing aft 1 week. hehe) ben, u too ah....dont think u can get away from abusing Hammy even tho it wasnt so obvious.. u r more dangerous...curse u to become fat ahh...

lol. omg i'm so evil iv been cursing and cursing nowadays.. hopefully i dont kena all my own curse sia....

Anw clare forgot to call andrew aft our game and he came all the way to tp to find her wen we're gone(tsk tsk). Dont worry clare, as long as u nv hurt his feelings on purpose and u know ur mistake and u apologize and u sayang him later on, i'm sure andrew 'll b happy again one..

we all make mistakes and we learn from em.. =)

But still ure under probation coz of wat u did... u MUSt keep at least 10metres away from hammy from now on.

GOOD-night to u!

So yea, anyway i was also so embarrased this mornin coz i had to borrow shoes from (ian's fren)Ben's mom. Haha... for PIPC lab practical... Accidentally wore slippers to sch.. we cant go in w/o slippers and goggles... n none of the ppl i know othr thn my classmates were in sch n i remembered ben lives just across the road.. lol lucky...her shoes were a bit big for me so i looked pretty silly.heehee.. but thx a lot ben..! =P

Blogged @ 10:29 PM `

not a girl, not yet a woman ^^

I guess knowin the truth's (hopefully it is...i cant tell whats real anymore) made things easier for me...or has it? lol
This experience's made me realise how weak i am.. but then i'm stronger everyday(evn w/o the damn gym)... i see how stubborn and mean i can be sometimes but i can only progress and become a better person... i rilly learnt a lot... like now i know what its like to truly love someone.. and the sacrifices youre willing to take for the happiness of just tht one special person.. then i know what its like to have your heart torn apart....shredded n then blended into shake...

On the other hand i guess i have a better understanding of what i need in a man in future...
Most of all, i'm confident my maturity 's taken a notch up another level (i'm not joking)..
i'm so polytechnic now...

Blogged @ 9:18 AM `

thank you i love you!!

I just realised i hardly take ANY photos with zixin... We shud start taking fotos! seriously.... we wont stay young and pretty forever u know...

Anyways.. Iv had so much support the past 2 days from friends especially zixin and clare bear... the 2 most effective Modern Women Power Motivators cum Super Critics

Zixin, thanks for all your advice and ya many many PosSibly workable ideas which are silly sometimes but funny n cute... to help me about certain issues... its so comforting to have you around......but im so sorry it had to be you to hav had all the experience to understand my situation n be able to help me through it... thx breakfast at yakun and the taxi ride.. d uncle was so fulla crapshit but damn funny la... "wo jia taxi, bu shi ferrari leh!" hahaha... Will treat u to good dinner soon

Clare, thanks for visiting me... straightening me out at home.. smelling my stench coz i didnt bathe tht night..(aft tht i bathe as per normal!).. and the oreo iceblend... I enjoyed dinner at blue jazz even tho i wasnt invited until last min.. it was expensive and i didnt have enuf to drink..

But so FUN tht night i loved it! just LETITGO ....

buuurrrrrpp..

I cant b more blessed to have my gaurdian angels around me especially during my darkest hours...

mag and everyone who'r probly concerned bout how i'm doing..,

yitian(thx for making me laugh a lot),

amelia(thx for letting me peep under ur skirt) ,

kaiting(thx for ordering screwdriver- it made me laugh too)

and matthew(thx for letting me scream at your face),

HK90 (thx for providing me extra 15bucks to add to my expensive dinner with the 4A-ers)..

and hong ping(thx for listening to me aaalll morning and the $4.20 too..nice rite d icecream...)

And BEN! almost forgot u.. haha jk.. thx for sharing a couple of chapters from your history of ben-in-demand... yes i believe u r superman... and thx for the detailed insight... i'l take it as u told me the truth but lied. haha

Thank u sooo much Mommy and papa, for the T-shirts.. Yes u still got taste...but No comments on d hoodie... wanna save d embarrasment...

(ian wouldv nagged at me by now for makin you waste money... i asked only for 1 tho)

and Jason... thx for calling me irritating and dumb....

may u accidentally mess with the wrong woman in future. *evil laugh*

Sorry i make it seem like an award speech.... i just feel like i need to thank everybody whos made my hardest days so easy ...

I wont deny the fact tht i havent fully recovered.... but time heals...
and mag dont worry, i still believe in god
even tho i dont go to church... I know he loves me and i love him too... =) heeheee....

Blogged @ 6:21 PM `

prince charming who...?

Even if he were genuine in his words and deeds, its only a testament of the most infamous act of undeniable INFATUATION(..usually in men..almost as severe as Lust). --Period of this unholy affection varies with every individual, dependin on one's spiritual impurity, and occurs as often as the common cold. It leads to psychosis or usually depression, often hatching detestable ideas such self-abuse, suicide or murder in more critical cases of 'Confesions-goNe-wRong'. Best part is, only the infected places that burden on its victims..Unless both share the infection.--

AS for me, i choose to be ignorant of my own ideas. Maybe i'm infatuated myself.. All i can say for myself is that I hope it lasts forever. =) heeheeeee i lov my swtheart i rilly do

Blogged @ 3:17 PM `

ever distanced;

Dear blog(hehe), Ian sent me to sch and back today even tho he slept so little last night. (ian's an ns fireman)
Was my idea at 1st but later changed my mind coz i rreaaally didnt want to bother my baby panda. Those darkened eyes look so exhausted from hon's overnights at d station, sLackin his ass off. LOL poor baby...(quite exaggerated.. he's still very cute)
Like nonetheless he waited this mornin under my block, and with breakfast for none other =) .of course. Is that not.. sOoo Absolutely thoughtful. and SWEET. Hey Ian!,,
Mwahh!

now now now....
Anyway, ate(cheche) Ghaye's headin abroad to work in Dubai this April 7th. Tht's Jason's B'day!.
Dont know yet what her anual homecomin arrangements will b like but till then, U WILL BE MISSED. especially by Arlou AwWww (i'm in much aww these days... + and -vely)

Blogged @ 7:22 PM `

ian;

Dear blog, i met this boy 5 days ago, and he's kinda mine now.
Of course its too soon!.. And, i dont think i need Somebody hounding at me with Somebody's extrasensory perception/ESP. Yes Clarissa, i'm picturing your damn face.

omg i was just joking i swear. =P

I still find it odd- this whole thing. I havent(yet) planned on getin another bf since my recent break up. (altho..I Had this impossible crush from sch. XP It helps to hav one. assures me of my sexuality. heehee).
But Baby's so kind and he actually cares for me.. AWww..
They say sleazebags are pros at charming the ladies..but he's chaste
And everythin feels fine the moment he holds my hand!
Already givin it a shot so ima bear with the tattles and shit.
He cant be that barbarious can he?

Blogged @ 10:45 PM `

say whhot...?

i CAnt sleep, and its not work tht's keepin me up

ITS ALL ABOUT DANNY NORIEGA TONIGHT!

he's gay , BuT HECK He's HHOT.

And he sings..

Aand he's dark...

and he's OuH sO sexy...

and i'm sso iN LOVe With him lyk OMG!

I'd Lyk TotaLLY Gouge my eyes out, if to Not SEE him means I could Touch HIM!!aahyyy!!..Just imagine::..Lyk His amazing gorgeous BREATHTAKING LipS..against my skin..aahhhh!!*takes a breather*JUST IMAGINE!!::hE leans forward and lyk gently rests on top of me. His knees slip in between my legs.....*further imagination*(progressive thinkin as in I.S.):: ...his skin feels like egyptian silk.

He examines my body.Smiles,and softly caress my hair. Thenn...HE GRIPS AND DRAG MY HANDS HARD ACROSS THE COTTON COVERS PAST MY CHEST!.lyk OMG DANNY!! He grins.

I snarl(not meant to snd kinky), but it aint from the slight burn! Only a more Extreme sensation caused by the sudden intensity of that moment!

A dazed pause**.I feel the heat raging through my veins

DAN Looks into my eyes and immediately i am lost in his. Locked in tht position, he whisPERs lyk a tune. so Close i feel his tongue brush across my upper lip, and his breath in sync with mine ..

.says DaNNY: "I love you Michelle"

GOOOSEBUMPSSS!!

HAHHAHAHAHOOOHOOO,,,,

....

damn, My conscience be redeemed!

ANYway, TOUGH LUcK. He's a DIVA

Blogged @ 2:56 AM `

that's about it;

Dear diary, today i saw a boy, and i wondered if he noticed me. He took my breath away.

L.o.l. JokiNn

Onlt thing great abot today(yesterday) is finally gettin my lip pierced.. THO I FREAKED OUt at d Freeakin sight of d FREAKIN Thick, PAin INflicting, Penetrating tool. (popular amongt sadistic activities)

Yet...it didnt hurt half a much as an ant bite. xP

Ye i'v meddled with mt face a no. of times b4; so its sorta made me realise tht despite my Rahter considerable 'ego'....i'm still a pussy.

zzzz watever.

Anyway, i gotta think of a way to psych Paps in2 letting me keep the fad. I mean ...i'm a realist n i noe d immediate impressonof 'decorated' bodies(tattoos..etc etc). So ThaT's why, Its Now or Nver; i gotta doit while nobody cares (..othr thn d family..) But i think tis'l b mylast laaaaaaarggh.. its killing my super conservatve Paps; w every new asset i nab.

P.S...... F***K U JUSTIN FOR INTERUPTIN MEEEY

Blogged @ 5:08 AM `

statue;

l.o.l. obviously, i'm stil kinda enthusiastic about ths blog thingy so yea, i decided to update my profile.
Thats when i came across this "random question" section which i found preetty interesting.
"Your people want to make a statue in your honor. What will it be made out of and what victory will it commemorate?"
It made me think and in the end i couldn fit my answer in the lil boxed space. Thats y i decided to post it. :D

My statue Will be of a lady figure(..tht's me)

She would b carved outta calcium(CO) rocks, bulky; dull.

And zinc-metalplates that would reflect sunlight into its viewers' eyes; feeding on their attention for as long as it lasts..

Drilled into her chest, outta sight, a heartshaped box made of pure gold; Her initials engraved on it..

As she is exposed and weathered over the years, her 'body' disintegrates, just as i am dying in real life and of the most conspicuous causes.

D unsightly decay disgusts its audiences.

Ridiculous. Slowly, She is unwanted and then forgotten.

Until completely consumed, she dies; the golden piece falls to the ground and its all that's left.

Thats when u realise that deep within her frail body was a heart tht unlocks with the names of all who mattered in her life.

Unveiling her innocence that was once overpowered by self pity, self-hatred, and the thirst for attention; Thus the judgements she succumbed.

Blogged @ 10:57 AM `

untitled

Hurray a new blog. Re-influenced by some interesting blogs of my various cohorts, namely Justin-(applauds). Only difference is i'm no emo shitter..

I'd say i'm positively emotional. In other words, i'm a sob in denial(..wont elaborate)...many of us are.

....anyway,
I had another one of my mom-vs-i disputes over some snack issue last night, based on parental favouritism, followed by an hour long lecture from Paps. wud !so have opted for d kneeling if i had the choice

Now everyone's gone to bed sour including Jason coz mom also brought up our smoking problem

not mine la ;P

I'm definitely quiting, soon, only question is when. (hopefully by the end of stress week(ass. wk))...I Dont wanna bother talkin to jason bout it, he bloody yelled at me for eating one of his donuts. And they think we're allies.

why must i be cursed with such horrible horrible ynger brother....

....

Ah well, sun rises in a few more hours and, everythin'l b back 2 normal...

....

P.S. (this parts been editied cuz i kinda had my msg come out wrongly..) so anyway, more importantly, i rilly hope Titi's alright.. She's just got this persistant pain. But i'm super positive everthins gonna be ALlright trust me Tiz.

fact that I try to be more active wen i'm with her in attempt to spread my disease...she infects me with her own humour instead. Cool Dude'ess.. Then again i guess we're jus naturally crazy upon interaction.. so yea =)

Crazy bitch, cya in sch tmr!!

I hope Doreen's okey too...

I Promise a get well soon prayer just for u guys tonight
will someone remind me l8r!

Blogged @ 12:14 AM `