Giving birth to Violet was the hardest, most physically painful thing I have ever done. I definitely can understand the appeal of the epidural. It is agony to work through those contractions. Especially when you've been having them since watching LOST on Tuesday night. The worst part for me was the transition from 8 to 10 centimeters I do not dilate quickly, so it seemed like an eternity. Luckily I had the most wonderful doula. If it were not for her, there is no way I would have made it through without any pain medication. She just helped me to stay as calm as possible and to think of each contraction as the only one. I would highly recommend her to anyone who wants to have a natural birth. And even though he doesn't think so, having Jared there with me is my greatest strength. He calms me down and I knew he believed in me. I love him so so much. I love holding his hand and have him to hold onto during contractions. I love hearing his soothing voice as I get ready to push. I just love him.
Violet was turned and not hitting the cervix as she should, causing me not to efface completely. This, apparently, is what was making it last so long. Just moving into a new position made me want to scream, but we finally found one that got her straightened out and after that it moved quickly. Some things I remember saying during transition are:
get it out, get it out! I can't do this! I am going to die. This is hell! what was I thinking??!! I am sure I said many other crazy things and made lots of weird sounds but I can't really remember. I am sure Jared found it a bit amusing hearing me yell like that. I would have liked to hear it myself.
Once it came to pushing and getting this 9 lb baby out, I felt my second wind coming. The pushing was strangely a relief- and the "ring of fire" (which is real for sure) was for me a blessing- meaning it was over. And to see little Violet for the first time was amazing. She was her own little self- already so distinct and unique from her siblings. She did not cry- but after examining her they just decided she was not a crier. (we will see about that). Perfectly plump and healthy from her chubby cheeks to her long toes. Her skin is as smooth as cream and her hair a light blonde. She is perfection for sure.
What I learned most from this experience is that women are inherently strong. Women have been doing this since the beginning of time- we were meant to do it. I remember hearing a doctor say that most women can't handle the pain of birth and even before last night I thought to myself, "does he think women were just created, or that the epidural was invented when Adam and Eve were bearing children?" I am not one to say how and when women should give birth. I think that each woman knows what is best for herself. I just know this was the right choice for me and not only has made me stronger, but made me love this little one even more. Now Violet and I are relaxing in the hospital, I am just soaking her in- every smell and sound and whimper she makes. I love these first few weeks after birth, they are pure bliss. (without sleep, of course).
Thanks for all your sweet comments and congratulations. I love you all!!
